I am very upset!

[notsograceful05]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half. I just turned twenty, he is still nineteen. We love each other very much and will be getting married (although there is nothing official, simply an agreement that it is something we both want) after college. However, there is an area that I have been developing a problem with and I don't think I can stand it anymore.

 

He has a close female friend, they have been friends for about a year. They used to work together before college and now all three of us have started at the same college. My first problem with this girl is that she used to like him, she even told him "Be sure to let me know when you're single." Plus she messaged me and told me that "He's amazing. you're so lucky!" Ok fine, a crush I can handle. Actually several girls that he worked with had crushes on him, no big deal. But now they are close friends and it is killing me. He has had many many female friends, and I haven't had a problem with any of them. It doesn't bother me, I trust him. However, I have had a couple male friends and he doesn't like any of them. But when I mention that I have problems with this ONE girl, he gets upset.

 

For example, one night I was hanging out in his room. It was a little after midnight and he sent me back to my room because he was so exhausted. Well I noticed he didn't text me good night before I went to bed so I figured he fell asleep before he could. When we got together the next today he said "Yeah, I went up to her room and hung out with her til about two am." That upset me. He shooed me away because he was tired but he wasn't too tired to go chill out with her in her room for two more hours. He brings her up in conversations all the time, he will reply to all of her stuff online and talk to her but if I email him or send him something he ignores it. When I ask about it he's like, "You'll be alright. No big deal." It may not be the biggest deal, but it still hurts me. A couple nights ago he didn't get off work until about two am. He had been talking all day about how tired he was and couldn't wait to go to bed. Turns out after he got home he went up to her room and hung out for another hour or so and had his first beer! I was pissed. Last night, he and I were going to do something important. She messaged him online and asked what he was doing. He said "nothing," so she asked if he wanted to come up to her room. He said "No I'm doing something with my girlfriend" and she goes "Grrr fine. Well you're coming out with me tonight. Right?" And he said "No I've got stuff to do." So she just says "Fine. Bye." When I got quiet he just said "God why are you getting upset about this?" I am glad that he turned her down. I would not have liked it if he had gone out partying with her, especially with just her and he's not a partying person! I suppose I have more of a problem with her than anything else. She is rude, she uses people, she sleeps around a lot and she isn't faithful in her own relationships. She really seems like she thinks she owns him. When we see her in public he's giving her hugs and it's like all of a sudden I don't exist. And I would hang out with the two of them but I can't! When I'm doing something and I get done, I can't get ahold of him because he's hanging out with her and won't answer my calls or texts when he is with her! He only hangs out with her if it's like two am and I'm in bed or if I'm busy. But I try to talk to him about this and he gets upset. He just says "You don't have to like her but I don't want to lose this friendship." He is constantly making little jokes about how he slept with her or how she's great in bed and then swears up and down he's just teasing me. But he knows it upsets me. I keep thinking about it and I can't get it out of my head. I have never had this kind of fear about his friendship with another girl. But something in my heart and my gut feels that this is wrong. I know he wouldn't cheat on me. But it feels like he is much more attracted to her emotionally than to me. I'm so afraid that he's falling for her and that I'll lose him. Like he would rather spend time with her than me. And that kills me inside. I don't nag him at all, but when I try to talk about it he doesn't seem to care that I'm upset. Someone please give me some input. I'm tired of feeling so alone about this!

[Calibabe2007]

My advice - Dump this loser!!!

[norajane]

But something in my heart and my gut feels that this is wrong.

 

TRUST your gut instinct.

 

I know he wouldn't cheat on me.

 

No, you don't KNOW that. You believe it, but you don't KNOW what he might do in the future.

 

I don't nag him at all, but when I try to talk about it he doesn't seem to care that I'm upset.

 

And this is why you should break up with him. If he cared about you the way you care about him, he would be more concerned that his behavior with this other girl is upsetting you.

 

Break up with him now before he does cheat on you.