BestAdvisor1 Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 So, what's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Matty gave us an update, it's your turn now. I hope it's much more possitive than Matty's. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Treatment Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 My wife and I are doing well. We are still doing MC and I have been going to IC as well. The other woman did approach us one more time but a letter from our lawyer seems to have stopped that. We are both working hard at not working so hard. We realized that the important things got away from us because we were spending too much time and energy on our careers. We are planning a vacation this winter that will include a lengthy time sailing. My wife has asked many questions which I have answered as truthfully as possible. I've realized through this that I had simply blacked out much of what I had thought and done. I did not want to face it. I certainly did not want to tell my wife the details she has asked. I have spent too much time wishing I could role back the clock and redo the past. But I have told her the truth and so far she has absorbed my admissions and forgiven me. Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder if one day I will come home and she will be gone but she has been unswerving so I am still hopeful that my work to re-prove myself to her is successful. If I never see the other woman again it will be too soon. I regret every word I ever spoke to her and every line I wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Hey T, I'm glad to hear things are going well! And, have tons of fun on that sailing trip. Going away will definately bring you two closer, and come back with a breath of fresh air. Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I've realized through this that I had simply blacked out much of what I had thought and done. Are you implying that you did more with her than what you've told us? Did you at one point, wanted to be with her more than friends? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Treatment Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 No the "through this" I was referring to was everything including LS. Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder if one day I will come home and she will be gone but she has been unswerving so I am still hopeful that my work to re-prove myself to her is successful. I don't understand why you're having these negative thoughts. It seems that she has forgiven you, plus, you did cross the line, but only slightly. I think your story is one of the very very few on or off this board that will make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 It just made my heart feel good when T said he hadn't had sexual relations with the OW. I know some of you will say an EA is just as bad, and you are right, it's just that the whole sex thing is just as unbearable. To me anyway. My H's A wasn't and EA, but it still hurt like h*ell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Treatment Posted October 26, 2007 Author Share Posted October 26, 2007 I don't understand why you're having these negative thoughts. It seems that she has forgiven you, plus, you did cross the line, but only slightly. I think your story is one of the very very few on or off this board that will make it. It was the deception. My wife has serious issues with lying and liars. She trusted me completely and I lied. It was not a slight cross of the line in my eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 That's how it was with me, about lying and liars. I detest liars and to know the only person I trusted most in this world (besides my kids) was a deceitful liar? It was devestating! It took a LONG LONG time for H to get anywhere with me where trust is concerned. I would disect every word he said for a long time because of that. That's just an awful place to be. Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirltoronto Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Hello -- here is my situation, and I'm writing because I'm not sure if anyone has been in a similar one who could offer some advice: I met a wonderful man while in University, we dated for 2 years, I broke up with him since my parents were divorcing at the time and I couldn't commit to a long term relationship. He was devastated. 5 years ago I contacted him by email, and about 4 months ago we started realizing that we wanted to get back together again, and have talked of marriage. He is married (5 years) to a severely depressed woman who doesn't want to try to get better (anti-depressants only, no therapy), and may or may not finish her PhD, after which she intends to do nothing to support herself. He wants her to finish the degree within 2 years at which point he feels he could leave (she wouldn't be able to blame him for not completing it etc.) This friend also lives 3 provinces away but has a lot of travel flexibility in his job and could spend a lot of the year in Toronto or in his home in Quebec (4.5 hours away). My marriage has been very disillusioning from the start and emotionally abusive. After being married for 10 years my husband (whom I've known since hight school) told me I "had been of no value to him". We've seen a therapist quite a few times but now I just feel very bitter and apathetic, and have stopped any intimate relationship with him since the summer. He seems fine with that and thinks I'm going through a "mid-life crisis." I don't think he really believes I will leave him. Financially I have no reason to stay either, but we have 3 young children. So both my friend and I are unhappily married, want to be together, and I'm not sure how realistic I am being. He told me that he never loved anyone since I broke up with him 22 years ago, and feels that we are destined to be together. I believe him, and I feel the same. How long, though, should I wait before he tells his wife? I don't want to spend the last (God-willing) 40 years of my life with my husband who has treated me very badly, and I want to marry my old friend as soon as possible. He feels the same but wants me to wait the 2 years for his wife to finish her PhD (which he is helping her with). Is this a reasonable request? We see each other about once a month and it is absolutely wonderful. Like coming home. Am I being realistic in believing that he will leave? What about if his wife has a huge mental breakdown? Thanks for any advice you can provide. This is kind of a unique situation. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 You should start your own thread. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Definately start your own thread, that way you get the replies that you need...To put your story onto someone else's thread isn't fair to them...I will reply, but will wait until you make your own thread. Link to post Share on other sites
goodgirltoronto Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 thanks I've just tried to do that under "OW/MM" -- hope it works -- new to this forum Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 If I never see the other woman again it will be too soon. I regret every word I ever spoke to her and every line I wrote. Did she physically attacked your wife? What happened? Is your wife doing okay now? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 He legally can't talk about details of the attack on his wife... Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 17, 2007 Share Posted November 17, 2007 He legally can't talk about details of the attack on his wife... He can if the case is not longer pending. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 He can if the case is not longer pending. Maybe he doesn't want to as that stuff is private and should stay between him and his wife. She was the one who was attacked... Link to post Share on other sites
BestAdvisor1 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Treatment, how are things going? Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 Treatment, how about an update? Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted January 5, 2008 Share Posted January 5, 2008 Treatment, how are you and your W doing? Link to post Share on other sites
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