Is stealing someone else's husband ok?

April 3, 2003

What i do not understand is that when i posted my first pb(cheating on my bf) everyone,except a few (whom i appreciate) threw stones at me.Then,when i posted my second pb,(my bf was with someone else when we met and i kinda stole him from her and i was feeling bad),people started saying things like " don't u know that u do not go with people who are already involved "or one even called me something like "enraged dog".

So,is stealong someone elses husband ok?Someone tell me.

Editor's note: This thread was originally posted as a reply to I don't feel guilty.

April 3, 2003

As I read your post carefully, it seems like you have gotten consistent information and advice on this forum.

I am deeply saddened and horrified that people find it necessary to receive moral education on an Internet forum rather than from their family of origin.

Yes, it is wrong to "steal" someone's husband, boyfriend, etc. and it is wrong to violate a committment to one's own partner by cheating on them. That you cannot figure this out on your own...that it is not within you to figure out the right and wrong of it...that you cannot tell that taking someone who belongs to another or betraying the one you're with is wrong....this is mortifying to me.

I tremble in my pants that someone has to ask these questions and my fingers are very heavy on my keyboard and I type this reply.

April 3, 2003

as far as i see, there're plenty of people out there who just don't have categories right & wrong in their minds! they simply don't think about it. so why the trembling, Tony?... haven't you gotten used to it?

-yes

April 3, 2003

Originally posted by yes
as far as i see, there're plenty of people out there who just don't have categories right & wrong in their minds! they simply don't think about it. so why the trembling, Tony?... haven't you gotten used to it?

-yes

NO...I will never get used to the fact that so many people don't know right from wrong. They can't figure out that it is wrong to steal the partners of others...they can't understand why it's not OK to kill their neighbor....they see nothing wrong with stealing clothes from a department store, etc., etc.

NO, I haven't gotten used to it and I never will. The day I get used to it is the day that I, too, will have decided it's OK to do all those things.

I tremble that the world is going in the direction it is. I'm glad I spent some time on the planet when it was not necessary to worry about going outside and breathing anthrax or taking an air flight without worrying if it was going to be flown into a tall building.

Stop the world....I want to get off!!!

April 3, 2003

Infidelity happens all the time. Has anyone considered that these people have changed, grown, matured via life experiences?

Perhaps the original author was offering hope to those who are currently going thru a similar situation - trying to say; [color=darkred]"Don't Give Up - the hurt will stop and things will work out"[/color]

And perhaps those people who may be considering an affair or may feel similarly to the original poster may read your replies and think twice about the decisions they make.

April 3, 2003

I agree with you that the worl is a terrible plce to be in right now.

I do not want to get off this place but i wish it could be better.

I beleive God is punishing us for our terrible deeds!

April 3, 2003

"The day I get used to it is the day that I, too, will have decided it's OK to do all those things."

Why?! Aren't there things you wouldn't do to others, but you know & are used to the fact that others may do to you?

e.g.:

You're the one who always says - don't expect others to do what they said or promised to do. But, you yourself, don't you keep your word?...

-yes

August 5, 2003

I think its okay. Sometimes destiny decides who you fall in love with. My question is... what are the chances of succeeding in stealing. I am trying to steal someone else's husband...and am in a dilemma, cuz I don't know if I will be succesful

August 5, 2003

So,is stealong someone elses husband ok?Someone tell me

Do you even have to ask?!? NO!!!

August 5, 2003

How did my post get in this thread? I posted that in response to another thread.

-----------------------------------------

I think Tony was being truthfully facetious in his response.

----------------------------------------

No, you can't always choose who you love - but you choose what to do about it, and when.

-----------------------------------------

Stealing is wrong. Period. Full Stop.

-----------------------------------------

If the guy loves you, wait until he is divorced and free to begin a new relationship.

August 12, 2003

I am somewhat amused by the fact that one can "steal" anyone.

I mean if someone can be "stolen," that indicates that they have little will of their own. I mean, if I found that I could "steal" anyone I probably wouldn't have much respect for that person. Or, more likely (since I laugh at the idea of someone being so easily persuaded by any new offer of attention) I would be concerned that my "stealing" was actually an indication that the person was so unhappy in their relationship that I was simply an easy excuse to leave.

Personally, I don't know of anyone who has either stolen someone else's partner, or been stolen. Once a personal friend was cheated on by her husband and they eventually divorced. At first, all of her mutual friends backed her up in unfettered support and disgust at his actions. But, as public dramas usually play out, it came to be understood that he felt overshadowed by her life and was unsatisfied with their sex life (he had to beg to get sex and at most had sex 4-5 a year, and even then she didn't enjoy it). I consider the new woman in his life as an understandable and "easy" way to have ended an unhappy relationship.

NOTE: If you are serious about this person, then I suggest waiting until he breaks up on his own before starting a relationship. Then at least you will have less concern that he will cheat on you, since you will have avoided setting the precident. If, on the other hand, you just want to have fun without respect to his commitment to another (and without his respecting that as well) I would personally be grossed out. (I mean, how would you feel if that happened to you?) At least have the decency to be open and honest about what you are doing.

Cheating my not be honorable, but it beats cheating AND lying about it. Ugh.

August 12, 2003

NO! IT'S NOT OKAY!!!!!

August 29, 2003

I wouldnt say its ok, but these things do happen and you cant just turn your feelings off.

i was once involved with a guy who had been with his girl for 3 years and they were engaged, me and him were seeing each other for about a year in that time, and until something happened to me, i never even worried about whether it was 'ok' or not, i wanted him and i was gonna fight to get him, i was determined....plus, theres was something appealing about a guy who was taken, it was a bit of a challenge.

anyway , eventually, i waited too long, he always told me he was going to break up with her for me, and a YEAR later, i decided it wasnt really worth all the heartache, so i stopped seeing him... i didnt even think about how his girlfriend wouldve felt if she found out about us... UNTIL

about a year later, i was in a relaitonship with a new guy, and my feelings for him were very strong, and , yep u guessed it, he was cheating on me, pretty much the whole time we were together, and suddenly, i thought, this is what it feels like to be on the other end. i was shattered. since that day, i wont even LOOK at another girls man, and i wont EVER cheat on anyone.

you have to put yourself in their shoes, its not just you and him involved in this, there's other people as well.

have some consideration.

karma.

August 29, 2003

Now, perhaps I'm a little tired...BUT

That anyone thinks it is possible to STEAL anyone away from someone else, when the couple in question have a GOOD, SOLID relationship, is CRAP of the highest order.

If I love someone, and they love me, and we both are happy and cherish each other's feelings and love, how the heck is it possible for someone to come along and steal either myself or her.

HOW?

Usually, when couples fail due to someone "stealing" away one of the partners, that coupledom has failed because someone has merely found the Achilles Heel of the relationship in question, and put extra "weight" on a structure which was not "up to code" in the start.

WEAK relationships are WEAK today, tomorrow, and always.

A solid relationship, is a rare and precious animal.

Come to think of it, solid relationships should probably be on the endangered species list, given society's attitudes today.

But, as Canadian comedian Rick Mercer states...

"But that's just my opinion, I could be wrong."

Curt

August 29, 2003

As a married woman, I find it quite disturbing that there are people out there asking permission to hit on other women's husbands. Is there really any part of you that can possibly think its okay to intentionally start a relationship with a married man? If the guy didn't tell you he was married before you fell in love with him, then he's just a scumbag and not worth your time anyway.

I agree that you can't help feeling a certain way about certain people. Just like you can't help being physically attracted to perfect strangers who just happen to tip your fancy. The thing that separates us from the animals is that we have restraint. We know that its wrong to jump the fence and pick apples from your neighbors tree!!!

I think what you want here is someone to say...sure...if you love him go for it. You want someone to say that only prudes are victims of morality. This just isn't true.

Cut the idea of being with the married guy loose. ONCE A CHEATER...ALWAYS A CHEATER!!

Who's to say he's not going to turn around and do the same thing to you as soon as the newness wears off?

August 29, 2003

I mean if someone can be "stolen," that indicates that they have little will of their own.

Usually, when couples fail due to someone "stealing" away one of the partners, that coupledom has failed because someone has merely found the Achilles Heel of the relationship in question, and put extra "weight" on a structure which was not "up to code" in the start.

WEAK relationships are WEAK today, tomorrow, and always.

Well, actually not. Most, if not all, relationships do go through bad patches and an outsider, if he or she wants to, can pour on all the strategies and take advantage of someone who is having problems in the relationship. Sometimes when you're in the midst of troubles, the grass does look greener elsewhere. However relationships can be salvaged if both people work on them. So to 'prey' on someone when he or she is in the midst of a difficult relationship is skanky.

And, YES, it is wrong to take somebody else's partner. Besides, remember the saying: If they do it WITH you, they'll do it TO you. I don't agree that weak relationships are weak always, but a lot of cheaters are serial cheaters.

Why is it wrong? Because it causes hurt to someone else. And, yes, you are supposed to care about that.

August 30, 2003

I personally, have no desire to even consider starting a relationship with a married woman, and I don't condone such behavior in any way. I hope that's not what anyone read into what I posted.

I understand what you folks are saying, but the argument is rather circular, IMHO

Usually, if a couple is going through such a bad patch as to make each partner "swayable", just by the interest/tactical wooing of another woman/man, then that points to a major communication problem within that relationship.

The bad patch, if that bad, is smoke...and where there's smoke...

The person being swayed is, of course, is not blameless.

If I were in a marriage, I wouldn't care if Carmen Electra herself (or whomever is the hottie of the day ) came up, jumped naked in my lap, and asked me to do whatever I would want to do with her, I am not going to break that vow.

Whether or not I was happy in my marriage at that very moment in time would be irrelevant. I would still have to take that "mental leap" from thought to action if I broke those vows. If I did act, then there would have been something majorly wrong with my committment to my partner. (Hence, the fire is there, burning already)

The onus is ultimately (not completely, but ULTIMATELY) on the person who has the ring on his/her finger representing the vow s/he took to love his/her partner only, in good times AND BAD.

I hope that the idea of "grass looking greener" is not being considered to almost be an excuse for the wooed party to go ahead with this third party, breaking the vows that s/he had.

Just my $0.02.

Curt

September 5, 2003

I too have fallen totally in love with a married man, and I am in a relationship of five years.

I can not turn my feelings off like a switch, and it is tearing me apart.

I am not happy unless I am at work with the man that I love. He belongs to someone else and flirts with me on a daily basis, and when it gets too hot, sometimes he stops and other times he does not.

What is one to do when you can't get the love and respect that you desperately want and need at home, and the one that can give it to to you is married to someone else.

and you know that if you left the current relationship the one that you are not happy in at home, that you would start another relationship with someone who would treat you like a door mat and abuse you over and over.

At least I live with a b/f that is only emotionally neglecting, at least he does not beat the living crap out of me, and force sex on me.

So if this office romace makes me feel alive, then by all means I am going to keep on with it.

People think that they know it all, and they don't unless you have walked in my shoes, no one has a clue.

Go ahead and judge us who fall in love with other people's b/fs and husbands, but unless you have been there, don't be so hard on us.

September 6, 2003

Sorry...

I've been there (still really in love with a woman who is attached).

Curt

September 6, 2003

No it is not ok to do that and you should really not have to ask this question. I don't understand why people don't think of others anymore or the effects of ones actions on those individuals. If you have to ask these sort of questions then I think you simply need to imagine yourself in the situation of the wife losing her husband and see how you feel about it then.

I'm not having a go at you as you are one of many similar people but I don't understand you lot at all.

September 6, 2003

What is one to do when you can't get the love and respect that you desperately want and need at home, and the one that can give it to to you is married to someone else.
and you know that if you left the current relationship the one that you are not happy in at home, that you would start another relationship with someone who would treat you like a door mat and abuse you over and over.

Hunter, you're first going to have to get out of the mindset that: "a bad relationship is better than none at all." It won't be easy as it seems you will need a lot of work on self-empowerment. It may even require that you work with a professional who can assess your situation (not judge) and give you the proper help you need. It will require that you lower your defenses and be ready to hear all the things you have been unwilling to listen to until now.