Spoonandfork22 Posted September 3, 2007 Share Posted September 3, 2007 im looking for my girls on this post!! Squeak and Tink!!! i want some power posting = ) everyone knows my story...my bf had a previous lady friend who i was friends with long story short she tried to break us up on more then one occasion her and i stopped our friendship as did he and her they still work together but for hte past 6 or so months things have been fine....phew...now to the point! over the weekend her and i somehow got into a phone conversation, turns out she was near my home and she invited me to hang out for a little since i could pretty much walk there. remember, her and i used to be friends so this at the time wasnt wierd for me. we ended up hanging out for a few hours and it was a BLAST! took both of us back to the time where we WERE good friends and it really was nice to see her again. heres the problem: i didnt tell my bf we hung out!! we have this mutual agreement that HE shouldnt be hanigng out with her, but now i feel as if ive CHEATED on him almost! i feel terrible, and i hate not telling him but i dont want him to think im being hypocritical, it really was a super random occurance and i dont plan on it happening ever again. but i know i am doing the double edged sword thing....i can do it, he cant. but i guess i dont trust him wtih her...still. i have no idea what to do. i havent said anything yet and i think my window is closing b.c. im sure they will talk at work and then he will be DUMBFOUNDED and i dont want him to be upset with me for not saying anything, but i think im trying to keep the peace as well as not make it a big deal. how do i approach this/deal with this? did i do something wrong? shoud i tell him? i need input ASAP b.c. i really feel guilty about it. HELP!! Link to post Share on other sites
VirtualInsanity Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 First off not everyone knows your story. Secondly if your allowed to see her & he can't, that's controlling. I'm not going to tell u what to do however if your relationship is based on trust & honesty why break that? but i guess i dont trust him wtih her...still. Are we insecure on his trust to you? Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 i'm not sure i'm the tinke you're hoping for...but, here it goes..... being you were aware of her cattiness in the past, you took a risk by meeting with her now. yes, i'm sure the girl talk, etc. lured you, but..do you trust her now? was she truly excited to include you, OR...checking in on the current status of your relationship? unfortunately, once that trust is violated (if she truly was a friend VS an aquaintance), it takes much effort and time to repair, if at all. then again, maybe the invite was purely innocent. but, if she attempted in the past to cause havoc, beware! just be cautious. now..your relationship is with HIM, remember? don't allow yourself to let that meeting override your honesty with him. secure your positioning with him, and you won't have to worry of her intentions. (if any). she may pose a threat to you, BUT...he is responsible to be loyal to you....likewise for you. so, why not just tell him what happened as you wrote here. you got caught up in the moment, etc. cheating? no, that is different from a girl's night out. just keep in mind..your loyalty should be to him.......... just talk to him, Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spoonandfork22 Posted September 4, 2007 Author Share Posted September 4, 2007 tinke yes i was talking about you!!!! i was feeling so guilty that i ended up calling him and telling him what had happened. he just said 'cool' and that was it. not a sarcastic cool, not an overly excited cool, just a cool. so i guess that means its fine? i just felt so much better that i told him...i really did feel bad about it...and i dont want him to think that im over everything, i dont think i can just get over everthing that happeend, even if her and i were ok that night with one another. and Tinke, we actually didnt talk about my relationship at all. i didnt tell her anything and she didnt ask. we just talked about some mutual friends, our jobs, what weve been up to. she has a new bf, i guess thats the house i met her at, it was her new bf's. i think i felt so guilty b.c i knew she was someone i shouldnt have hung out with, but again, i needed some closure, i needed to know where she stood on that entire issue. unfortunately we both have (or had rather) mutual friends who seem to talk a lot of smack to the both of us, leaving us thinking were talking smack abut one another, which i dont at all. i could care less, i care about my relationship, not her. so i feel good that i talked to him..and yes tinke ur right, my relationship is with him and i value honesty over anything else, so im glad i just manned up and told him. Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted September 4, 2007 Share Posted September 4, 2007 Hoo Rah!!! Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 Hi spoonandfork! It's good you told him, I don't think that is so much of a problem now. I would be more concerned that you may be giving your bf conflicting signals that you think she is okay now.... Also, even though it may have felt good to have had that "old time connection" with her, I would seriously advise that be the last time, once someone burns you and play games, you should mark that person in your mind as always having the potential to do it again. Don't let her back in again! Just keep a cordial distance. Link to post Share on other sites
squeak Posted September 5, 2007 Share Posted September 5, 2007 Also, it seems fishy to me she is coming around you being friendly now your BF has cut her out.....don't let yourself be played SAF. She sounds like a real "charmer", the kind that'll knife your back just when you let your guard down. Don't let her charm her way back in with you, she is trashy people-she betrayed you many times--don't foreget that. Maybe you can see why your Bf was suckered in by her too-the playing nice game will only last so long--STAY AWAY FROM HER !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spoonandfork22 Posted September 5, 2007 Author Share Posted September 5, 2007 hey squeak i just saw ur post.. yea i know what you mean. the night i hung out wtih her i felt great, the next day i felt sick and guilty, and i had to tell him b.c. i knew i shouldnt have been hanging out with her. and he didnt seem to mind, although today he brought her up when we were out, something that happened at work and how she in the end it became a large problem b.c. she had very bad judgement or something along those lines....basically he was just telling me the story b.c. it was relevent to something we had been talking about. on one hand i felt good b.c. he brought her up without being shady about it (like he has done in the past, which had led me to question him) but on the other hand, like you said, i dont want him to be thinking its alll good now with all of us. its one thing to talk at work, outside of work, no. no phone calls, none of that business. im over that they talk at work, thats fine, as long as its not about OUR relationship. but, haha, as my life would have it.....im again stuck in another situation where i dont know if its worth a confrontation or if im thinking way too much into things? i believe he knows the same boundaries still apply but i kind of want to tell him so he knows for sure. at the same time, im kinda sick of mommying him and being insecure. christ i feel like one day im going to be walking down the aisle and thinking if hes thinking of her. (that was a joke of course but you get my point...i think about this crap way too much) help. AGAIN! lol Link to post Share on other sites
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