Wax on, Wax off.

[AngeloWolfe]

Well... it might be best to explain a little bit about myself before asking. I'm nearing the 'big-step' age - 18. I live with a bipolar, very hateful mother and a controlling grandmother. A wonderful setup, but being in this situation has always put me in an odd mindframe.

 

Since I was a boy, I've always had the impression that hatred is not the key to life. That it was truely possible to be nice to everyone and live happily. Therefore, I spent several years of my past without any close friends, and used by anyone who needed me. Never had a backbone, never spoke two hateful words. At 16 years, I met the woman of my dreams. Everything I had ever wanted in someone, and actually had the nerve to ask her out. We were perfect for each other, dated for 6 months and I asked her to marry me. Not long after that, I lost her in a car accident. Took everything in me to move on after that. a year and a half later, I met another wonderful girl. Once again, I thought I had found the one. So... as we approached our year anniversary, I had planned to hand the 'promise ring', afraid I might be going to forward. It just happened that I walked into her cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend.

 

Three months have passed since then... and it took a lot out of me to get over her. But, I've gotten something out of that horrible experience - a backbone. I know what I stand for now. I've always believed in the better of mankind, but also believed that everyone was in the same mindframe. This.. this act she did upon me openned my eyes to see what kind of hatred lurks under every rock. She's caused several problems at school with my friends, my teachers, and in many cases my well-being. Last friday, she called me planning to spit at my open wounds some more. But... it was different this time. I went Marlon Brando on her... I've never spoken to another person that horribly before. I stood up for myself! And since that day... I've been in a sick daze.

 

Standing up for what I believe is right - attacking someone who has sinned so badly to me... am I becoming a bad person? For some reason, I can't get out of the mindframe that I can go at all of this without messing up. That if I mess up, I won't be able to pick up and go forward. But.. I've got to get out of this mindframe. I've got to start sticking up for myself, or the world will eat me alive. I guess.. that's the point I'm getting at. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to improve my self-respect? I want... to be proud of myself, to make decisions that better myself, not my friends and leave me stranded... and I just don't know how.

[JCD]

There is time and place for everything. Going macho when someone is going to stick you with a knife is the thing to do. However, a girl that cheated on you doesn't deserve you getting mad over her. Have self respect and laugh it off. Tell yourself she's his problem not yours anymore. I see lot of young people put up the tough front for no reason but to look macho. It's not needed and a friendlier more laughing attitude is better. 99.9% of time nobody is going to walk over you if you have self respect. You simply say to them that you're not going to do what they ask of you and that's it. No guilt, nothing. You got to act mellow like nothing is going to bother you. Have you seen the movie They Call Me Trinity? Bud Spencer and Terrance Hill movie which is not only funny but shows you that relaxed is the way to go.

[JCD]

Being confident is when you don't fear people. Self respect is when you do not take crap from others when they deal it. To improve self respect you have to mean what you say and you don't back out of it. What she did to you is inexcusable and instead of getting mad at her, you should be happy as she's now his problem. Laugh it off and move on. There will be others that will respect you.