Being friends with the boss/office social events

[monkey00]

I started my new job last week so far it's going great and there's some training going on. So far I'm being treated well and feel almost at home since everyone is so friendly being that it's a small-mid sized company.

 

Anyway a couple of days into my new job, my boss had a gallery opening/bid on the company floor. As I was leaving my office I just so happened walked into the gallery and bumped into my boss...he then called me over and introduced me to 2 other people that worked within the company and vice versa. My boss was elaborating on a new business he was planning to start up (as the other 2 left), I was there for a bit to listen and converse before I left the convo to grab a drink. Aside from him, I didnt socialize at all with anyone as I was already out of it from the long day at work. but Im into galleries so I checked out each piece. Again he was by the exit, I just waved and said good night...and perhaps i thought afterwards it might've been rude to leave so early without an explanation.

 

I understand that when they brought me into the company, they expect me to stay long-term. And I do understand what my boss is doing, as he's trying to keep me at arms length (by socializing and taking an interest in me) which the end result is to maintain that atmosphere in his company (which apparently is contagious) and perhaps on my end I will be loyal/hard working to the company which I admit works (as i notice from co-workers)...kind of like a karma thing. One thing I did notice is that he has select targets or people he socializes with...and of course it's always impossible to be everyone's friend, and in his position it would be best not to have favorites (or at least show it).

 

I wonder how crucial these kind of social events are, and perhaps if it plays a bigger role in office politics (if any). My manager and co-workers in my department were actually still in the office working, so i dont think they went - my manager had let me off early and encouraged me to enjoy the gallery opening. According to my employee manual, employees get evaluated 2x a year, and my first evaluation is in January.

 

My friend encouraged me to play the game and perhaps ask co-workers out to lunch and get on their good side...but what i've seen so far, everyone usually gets take out and eats in the office, talk about loyalty. I know things cant be rushed and will have to let time play it out.

 

I've had jobs where I socialize occasionally with supervisors/bosses but nothing like this.

What do you guys think?

[lindya]

I've had jobs where I socialize occasionally with supervisors/bosses but nothing like this.

What do you guys think?

 

I don't really follow. You haven't said anything in the post that suggests employees are under pressure to socialise extensively with colleagues/bosses. The art gallery event seems like a normal, corporate thing that you'd expect to have some sort of conversation with other people at. It's not as though the boss is being inappropriate and inviting you round to his home to share a spliff.

 

The other thing I don't understand is why, as indicated at the end of the post, you're already thinking about office politics and "playing the game." Why not just enjoy settling in to a welcoming new environment and getting to know your new colleagues, rather than dwelling on what the office politics may or may not be? If there are issues, you'll find out soon enough - but at the moment it seems as though it's going well, everyone's being very friendly and you're being treated well.

[uniqueone]

I don't have a good answer for you because I don't play the game....I just work. Sometimes I wish that I played the game but then I realize that it's just not who I am. Know why they say nice guys/girls finish last? Because they do. Nice guys/girls don't play the game.

 

Once you start doing things to get on the "right" people's good side, you start compromising who you are and what you stand for because the priority becomes whom to impress, and soon, that supercedes everything else.

[Heavenly55]

I don't have a good answer for you because I don't play the game....I just work. Sometimes I wish that I played the game but then I realize that it's just not who I am. Know why they say nice guys/girls finish last? Because they do. Nice guys/girls don't play the game.

 

Once you start doing things to get on the "right" people's good side, you start compromising who you are and what you stand for because the priority becomes whom to impress, and soon, that supercedes everything else.

Exactly..I don't either. And trust me to make it at most corporate type envt's you gotta learn to be totally phoney and kiss the hiney of all those "important ones" even if you can't stand them. Me, well it's just not in me. I am quite social, with people I like that is lol but at this job and the one before the only 2 company functions I attended were the christmas party and maybe 1 or 2 other happy hour type get togethers. If this black balls me..oh well. I'm not one of those schmoozing types and hate small talk with people about nothing. Don't get me wrong I'm polite and all but I don't spend my day campaigning around. So I've had both my bosses mention that I am shy..I would like to say "no I'm not shy, it's just that unfortunately I have nothing in common with my coworkers". As far as my boss everything is "the guys". Of course there's his golden boy who is in his office every day to ask him how his day is going, or whispering (I'm sure more like reporting back to him) what everyone is doing so of course he is invited out to all lunches etc, when others aren't. Me, I could care less. I'm the furtherst thing from a camellion and don't plan on becoming one. So to the poster become one of the office camellions and you'll climb your way to the top in no time.

[uniqueone]

Exactly..I don't either. And trust me to make it at most corporate type envt's you gotta learn to be totally phoney and kiss the hiney of all those "important ones" even if you can't stand them. Me, well it's just not in me. I am quite social, with people I like that is lol but at this job and the one before the only 2 company functions I attended were the christmas party and maybe 1 or 2 other happy hour type get togethers. If this black balls me..oh well. I'm not one of those schmoozing types and hate small talk with people about nothing. Don't get me wrong I'm polite and all but I don't spend my day campaigning around. So I've had both my bosses mention that I am shy..I would like to say "no I'm not shy, it's just that unfortunately I have nothing in common with my coworkers". As far as my boss everything is "the guys". Of course there's his golden boy who is in his office every day to ask him how his day is going, or whispering (I'm sure more like reporting back to him) what everyone is doing so of course he is invited out to all lunches etc, when others aren't. Me, I could care less. I'm the furtherst thing from a camellion and don't plan on becoming one. So to the poster become one of the office camellions and you'll climb your way to the top in no time.

 

 

Of course this also depends on if you're a woman or man and if the boss is a woman or a man. Different sets of rules for the different combinations there.

[monkey00]

Don't get me wrong I'm polite and all but I don't spend my day campaigning around. So I've had both my bosses mention that I am shy..I would like to say "no I'm not shy, it's just that unfortunately I have nothing in common with my coworkers".

I've had that happen to be previously at an internship, my response was that I was the "new guy".

 

It's been a week and I see the office atmosphere for what it truly is, I guess my 'new guy' thing wore off. Anyway social events arent really my thing, since most of the people that were there are (much) older than me.

 

My company nor my job is the corporate type. When I posted this I had an impression that the company was some kind of cliche, everybody socialize, one big happy family kind of thing...but I realize it's not. I socialize/network on my own time when I'm in the mood, but for the most part it isn't in me. Since I get evaluated 2x a year, I just wanted to make sure I'm performing the way they expect me to perform early on before I bite the dust and start having regrets a year from now...which was the point of the post.

 

It's been awhile since I've had a long-term job since for a long while I've been temping from place to place where they just dump you on a job without building strong/real relationships with people at work, i guess I was just looking for a refresher...and the thing about that is I think it has made me a bit rigid/cold towards people, it's hard to care anymore.

[Trialbyfire]

Do the cocktail affairs, gallery openings, whatever it takes to advertise for your company. The socially adept will make it to higher levels because it proves to the company that you're capable of getting along and playing nice with others.

[uniqueone]

I've had that happen to be previously at an internship, my response was that I was the "new guy".

 

It's been a week and I see the office atmosphere for what it truly is, I guess my 'new guy' thing wore off. Anyway social events arent really my thing, since most of the people that were there are (much) older than me.

 

My company nor my job is the corporate type. When I posted this I had an impression that the company was some kind of cliche, everybody socialize, one big happy family kind of thing...but I realize it's not. I socialize/network on my own time when I'm in the mood, but for the most part it isn't in me. Since I get evaluated 2x a year, I just wanted to make sure I'm performing the way they expect me to perform early on before I bite the dust and start having regrets a year from now...which was the point of the post.

 

It's been awhile since I've had a long-term job since for a long while I've been temping from place to place where they just dump you on a job without building strong/real relationships with people at work, i guess I was just looking for a refresher...and the thing about that is I think it has made me a bit rigid/cold towards people, it's hard to care anymore.

 

 

Think of those as good things about being a temp though....don't have to play politics and don't have to do forced socializing.

[Heavenly55]

don't have to play politics and don't have to do forced socializing.

Bingo.. that's what I hate about my office env't. I am not a phoney or fake person at all but in order to climb the ladder at my place you have to be. I will be leaving in a few months though anyway so it's no biggie to me. The only forced socialization they will get from me is the christmas party lol

[musikaprinsesa]

Bingo.. that's what I hate about my office env't. I am not a phoney or fake person at all but in order to climb the ladder at my place you have to be. I will be leaving in a few months though anyway so it's no biggie to me. The only forced socialization they will get from me is the christmas party lol

 

hell yeah. Be where you at. don't force yourself and don't be force by anyone

[Magnatolia]

Why see it as 'playing the game'? Have fun, be social and friendly. If there's a work event attend if you can. If it's something social like a workmate suggests going for drinks on the weekend then that is up to you.

 

Be friendly with your colleagues. Stop and chat to the receptionist once in a while even if it's just a few minutes. I do that if I know the receptionist. Sometimes they have a boring job and they would love the attention.

 

Say hello to your workmates, ask about their weekends, etc. And why do you think your boss is 'doing something' when he is friendly. This might come as a surprise but not all managers are uptight. I work in lots of different departments and most managers are at least friendly. Some would even stop by my desk some mornings if I was early and chat to me. That same manager read the paper mid morning and he would bring it out and sit at the small table in our office. One or two staff would join him for their morning tea break. Doesn't mean he was buttering anyone up, he was just a friendly manager by nature.