Brother n' law insensitive? or am I overreacting?

[November-Rain]

Hello all,

 

Here goes my dilema....Brother n' law announced to my husband and I that he will have his newborn christened in about one month. Being that we are a close family...or so we thought, naturally we assumed he and his wife would choose either us or another family member to do the christening. No big deal! on whom he would choose. However, Brother n' law chose a couple we completely did not expect. I say brother n' law because his wife was purposley not their to tell us , because we assume she knew the news would hurt our feelings and possibly create a wedge between us.

 

This couple they chose has had a lot of drama in thier lives including many incidents of infidelity as well as alcohol problems. They happen to be parents of brother n' laws wife's- sisters boyfriend. Thats how far removed they are from being exactly family or close in any way. It really shouldn't be any of our business except that he has spoken about them on many occasion in a non-positive light. By the way this couple is really not fond of my husband or I. They seem to be always in competition or trying to show off their latest purchases which are usually big ticket items.

 

My husband has been sort of a father figure to his younger brother. Their father died an alcoholic 4 years ago, and even before then their father never had a relationship with either of them. My husband has been the one who has always been their for him. My brother n' law relies on my husbands input on important decisions quite a bit. My husband and I have always welcomed he and is wife and children with open arms and genuinely love and care for them.

 

My husband and I realize it is not in our place to say anything, but we are very hurt in the way he delivered his announcement. he made us feel as though we did not matter to them as much as they have mattered to us. He tried to justify on why they chose the other couple, mind you we did not inquire on why they chose this couple, but he did say to us that this couple visits them, loves thier children, and would be a good example and influence on their lives. We have been all of that and more... as well as other members of the family have been too.

 

We feel insulted and betrayed. We have tried to make sense on why his brother would be so insensitive towards us. this is not the first time he has treated us in such a way. When he got married we traveled and sacraficed to be their for him at his wedding in another country. He left us to fend for ourselves in a foreign country we really didn't know much about, but he did make sure to arrange hotel and vehicles for his wifes side of the family and for some of his friends who made the trip as well, but not for us. We let it go because we thought it would not be good to hold a grudge, but now that this happened I wonder if he and his wife hold some sort of resentment towards us or are they just plain cruel!

 

Now, are we over-reacting? Or are these people trying to tell us something?

 

I would appreciate any input. Thank you.

[quankanne]

as harsh as this sounds, you are reading more into the relationship that your BiL does, and because of it, you've got unrealistic expectations. There's nothing that says you must be the favored ones, even though you've made sure that he never lacked for your love and attention ... people will go with whom they feel the most comfortable with. For y'all it's a no-brainer to be the kid's godparents, but for him, it's a no-brainer to choose someone else ... for whatever reasons. He may identify more closely with these folks, he might feel that it's better to have someone not related, he might want to keep the peace in the marriage by agreeing with his wife's choice, the reasons are endless.

 

when it comes down to it, he's made his decision and that's something you need to make peace with for the kid's sake.

[lovelorcet]

So there is a christening and a wedding at issue here. Both of these things should be all about your BIL and how him and his wife see fit to do things.

 

Not to sounds mean but in your post all you talk about is yourself and how you want things.

 

Are you only being caring for this BIL and his family to collect some kind of brownie points? Maybe there is a completely different view to all this which does not have anything to do with you. Maybe they are trying to reach out and become closer with this other pair?

 

You should be caring for them because that is what you want to do not because you expect something from them.