need on a guy friend....tell me what you think

[confused2much]

Need Help on a guy friend....Friends...Just friends....lovers.....tell me what you think....

 

I have been involved in 2 terrible relationships. Close to the end of my last relationship, a guy i dated in high school 13 yrs ago and I must add I was very much in love with, found me. I asked him why did he come looking for me he said believe it or not I really did like you but we where young and went our separate ways. Well now I lived out of town at the time. This is the 3rd time this guy has located me, he even sent money for me to return home because of the realtionship that I was trying to get out of. I spent 2 weeks with this guy going over to his house and I have also went out of town with him on two different job trips. I found myself getting all these old feelings for him again, but I pushed them aside. While on this trip we talked about what we both were looking for which were similar, he started the conversation, also while on this trip we got very envolved which threw me by suprise at how passionate he was with me. The passion that we shared made me rethink all the other realtionships that I had previously had and I discovered a lot. He treats me like a queen when I am around we laugh, joke, have fun and discuss serious things. He tells me all his problems and everything. In the course of those 2 weeks, I stayed 2 weekends with him at this place, with him and his children, I left my children at home because I explained to him that I refuse to bring my children around someone that I am not serious about, well finally he met my children when he came to pick me up for the second trip that we were taking. Then we I took them over to his house where they played with his children, they got along great. In the course of these 2 weeks now going on 3 things were great. We were intimate 2 more times since then but this is something that was not new to us. Things were great I felt like he was interested in me and as soon as I begin to show him that I am interested he backs off, stops calling me period. He said that he had to slow things down because, he didn't want anyone to get hurt and he was not ready yet. so okay I thought, then he asked me to come over we were got intimate once again. then he did not call me again for another 2 weeks. I asked him what were we he said that we were just friends, and that if there was someone else I wanted to see then I could, but I only want to see and be here him. So I made a friend and I was with him the weekend my friend chirpped me and he got jealous. I was trying to make a friend so that I would not think about him or call him too much, but that did not work because all guys that try to talk to me, I dont want to talk to them as anything else but a friend because I feel connected to him and i dont feel the way I feel around anyone else the way I feel around him. Okay, I am now getting confused what the hell just happened first were just friends then we are being intimate and close, and then he does not call, before we were not only being itimate but spending time together as well and now he calls when he wants to be intimate which I am putting a stop to now because I will not be available to just take care of his sexual needs. I try to forget him but I can't I have loved this guy since I first laid eyes on him and I feel that he feels the same way but is trying to avoid his feelings. He stars at me when I am around, he looks me in my eyes, listens to everything I say, because he will come back and surprise me with something that I mentioned before, we do not just have sex, we make love it is so full of passion. I just think that now he backing off but trying to keep me at arms reach but using intimacy to do it. I try to let go and not look forward to seeing him ever but I feel so connected to him like we are just meant to be together but we are going about it the wrong way. He never reaturns any of my calls, text, or emails, and when I just start making myself forget him, he calls and wants to see me. I am really confused what should I do, how do I get him to say what he really wants instead of saying were friends, or no were just friends, but showing me something else. Also if were just friends or plain friends then friends should not engage in sexual activities because that only complicates things right, and if it does why do he want to be just friends but keep me at a distance. If someone calls on his phone while i am around he goes out his way to tell me who its is and why they are calling, if we are just friends I dont need to know all that, that is tmi(too much information).

[Poboy]

sounds like he has commitment issues. people entering and leaving and coming back are never sure of what they want and that you are the person they really want. they come back thinking you are but then realise its not and dissapear.

if he has clearly told you that you are just friends and that you can see different people , then he is definitely taking advantage of the situation and messing with you and getting good sex out of it... what a deal.

 

if you do need a definite answer , sit down and disscuss with him what does he think about this relationship , you and more importantly , what he wants. even if he says that he wants to be with you, you need to be extra careful as he can dissapear again. its your call and judgement of what he does and responds which can tough to read but if you see similar patterns of what happened earlier with this guy , you can be more of less sure the running around in circle will continue.

[confused2much]

Well how do I get him to understand that he needs to open up instead of sending me in circles. I do not understand why he is affraid of commitment, if he would just sit down and tell me then maybe I can understand. I know that he is 8 months divorced, but hey I was 3 months out of my last relationship, but when I left and came home, I left those troubles behind to. he says that he trust me. So 2 weeks go by and just when I start to forget about him, he surfaces again. I can tell that he wants to say something to me, but I can't get him to be real and open up to me. He will say that we're friends but at the same time he kisses me or hugs me with so much passion. He has crossed my path to many times and I really don't want to let him get away this time, I loved him then and I love him now. I feel so connected to him from deep in my heart that it is almost impossible to explain, and something will not let me let go. I am just not sure if he feels the same way because he only says so much, but his actions speaks louder then his words. The way he touches me is as if he is touching a delicate flower. It's like he pulls me in to make sure that his flower has not been touch or damaged then, sets the flower on the table to come back to it weeks later and check it again. Oh I really don't know what to do if i can't get him to open up, whenever he has any type of situation he calls me, to tell him that he can get through it. He's asked me about how do i see my marriage vows and I explained to him that they are something to be honored. He once made a statement using the phrase "If I were his girlfriend" but then quickly changed the subject. We have a strong friendship and I feel that if we did go ahead and put this relationship into a solid one that we would have a relationship built on a solid foundation. i have tried so many times to put him out of my mind and move on but I just can seem to do that because its like he knows that I am about to do that and call. How do I get him to just be real with me. I even asked him be honest are we friends with possiblities, friends with benefits, or just friends. He said we are friends but never would elaborate on friends. How can you be my friend and be jealous about whos callin me, and when i am on the phone say tell that dude that you will be busy for the rest of the night and that he needs to call you tomorrow. He will also say you can talk I will be quite and everytime I answer my cell or make a call he has something to say in the background. Should I stop calling him all together and give him sometime to figure out what he wants or should I continue to text him, email him and call him from time to time. I usually text him to let him know that I am thinking about him and really miss him. But if I go to long without calling like i said he will always call me. Me personally I love him and this he does not know he just knows that I am interested in him. I feel that I was made to be with him, and him with me, but whats a girl suppose to do, when she is in love with someone who just want tell her how he really feels and stop going in circles?

[Yamaha]

I think he likes you but wants to have a FWB thing for now ( maybe forever if he can't commit ). Since you love him it is to hard on you to be jerked around like this so you need to talk to him and tell him what you are wanting out of your relationship. If he can't/won't agree you really don't have a choice but to end it.

[confused2much]

So I guess that I will have to await the next time that I here from him in order to sit and talk to him about the situation that we are in. I have tried this several times but, it is very hard because when i am with him somethings are always left unsaid, I always seem to get tongue tied and twisted up in the moments that we share with each other. It almost seems as if i would rather see him that way then to not see him at all. So tell me how to go about getting him to say what is really on his mind, I know he listens to me that is obvious because he remembers everything that I say to him, because I can see somethings stand out that I mention that he tries to do. I guess I will have to wait on him to call which should be by the end of this week or next week. It around that time, but he always makes it known that he is still not with anyone so that I want i guess think he is seeing someone and that is why he has no time for me. So should I call him again or wait?

[confused2much]

I need a reply asap to the statement above this one. I think I am finally coming to terms that I need to back off, don't know what else to do, back off at lease until he decides to stop going in circles and my emotions on a off like a light switch, but do you think he maybe knows that I will always be here so therefore he can handle his business knowing that I will be here.

[confused2much]

i really some advice here people. It has been exactly 2 weeks since I last heard from my ex of 14 years. I am still having trouble getting this guy off my mind and heart. I feel that I want to let go but something is holding me back from turning loose. My intution is really telling me that there is something there and that this person wants to take it slow, but I think that he is really over doing it a little. I texted him today but he has not returned any of my text, nor does he call. We were intimate when I returned home, the last time we were passionate with each other he stopped me and said i can't do this. I am not sure what that meant if he was not ready, did not want to hurt me , or if he is interested in someone else. Did I move to fast by letting him know that I was interested in getting to know him, I did not mean we start a full realationship, i just wanted to get to know him better. So what should I do? You have to read my other information in order to know what is going on.