Fiance lied about # of sex partners

[lauren1978]

So i found this site by accident, a coworker was on it and I used the same computer in our break room and this site was up. Great place by the way,

 

any way my dilema is my fiance. we've dated six years lived together for five. Had our ups and downs and yes, I have a history of mistrust with him though not for the last few years (no cheating but he has lied to me about talking to his exes on occassion.) We've been engaged for the last 8 months and I feel closer to him than ever now. Well recently we were joking around about sex and I've only slept with 3 guys (him and two others) and I'm almost 30 so I know that is a very low number. Although I have a friend who is married to the first and only guy she had sex with and another whose only been with two guys. My first was a guy I was with for five years and the 2nd was a guy I casually dated that turned into a friends with benefits situation. The third obviously is my fiance.

Anyhow I've always beleived I was number 7 in my guy's sexual experiences. That is what he's always told me. He's told me about the rest of his exes (relationships of six months or more and one girl he slept with that he was friends with benefits with in high school and another girl that he had a huge crush on but only slept with once. I have met 4 of the six. Anyhow I know that 7 is a low number for a guy in his 30's and its not the number that bothers me but this- recently I found out as we were joking aroudn that there is someone else he never mentioned! This girl (it was supposedly in high school) was his sister's best friend and he said it only happened once.

 

he went to prom with this girl (he was out of high school at the time) because she was his sister's best friend and she couldn't get a date. He says he slept with her a few years before this. According to his time line she would have been 14 or 15 years old at the time and he was 19!!

 

Anyhow this girl is still friends with his sister and about two years ago she called him (she had just got divorced) and wanted to talk to him. His friend (who went to high school with him) always described this girl as clingy and psycho and my fiance always agreed and laughed along with him. I know I'd asked if he ever slept with her and he told me no. He says he thought he told me he did. NEVER. I just feel really odd because we've run into her once in awhile and I know they have talked on the phone a few times and I never thought anything of it. I'd always thought he thought of her as his little sister's dorky friend. So when he told me I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach! Just felt very weird. Not so much that his number is higher but I"d been led to believe for the last 6 years that I was #7 and now found out I"m #8. and also that he slept with this girl even though it was a LONG time ago. I am slightly suspicious that maybe it was more recently- like maybe after she got divorced (2 years ago) and he's playing it off that it was many many years ago. Thats a long shot I know but it just seems so strange that he's always sort of made fun of the fact that she used to have a HUGE crush on him and that he'd NEVER date her and yet I find out they had sex. And that he didn't tell me about it until now.

 

 

Someone please put this into perspective for me. is it odd to feel weird that you arent the number you thought you were?

[LakesideDream]

I wouldn't spend any more time or emotion worrying about it, frankly there isn't anything you can do about it. First, single digit numbers for a 30's guy isn't much in this day and age.

 

When I was young (long before I met my now ex wife) I had "lot's" of flings.. it was the 60's. There were two ladies I fell in love with. One my ex knew about, and absolutely hated. I was very over it, thus no problem for me, big problem for the ex. We all lived in the same town and occasional contact was unavoidable. The other was another can of worms.

 

The other, I never heard from, or saw for decades. She just dropped off the edge of the world a couple of years before I married the ex. Truthfully, I also carried a bit of a torch for her, wondering if she really wasn't the "one". Did I tell my now ex about that one. No, I never shared, never discussed. That was my private memory.

 

I never let on to the ex that there was someone I missed having in my life (in any capacity). It really didn't make any difference as I loved my now ex, adored her, moved mountains for her, killed bears bare handed.

 

To me for the total 25 years we were married it was just something in the deep, very deep past. My ex.. well that was a different story. On "D" day I found out from her that she was seeing her High School BF. Further, she had been seeing him for the total time we were married, a quarter century, on and off.

 

If your relationship is strong, what happened a decade earlier won't affect things at all. Your man will love you, for who you are. You should love him for the same reasons. Lot's of things happened to all of us when we were teens, everyone has that "first one" or "favorite memory". I'm sure you do too. Leave the subject alone, as no good can come from beating it to death.

 

Oh... and I now know that the lady I "blew" it with when I was a teen.. grass was greener... NOT. That lady today lives beside a big cool lake.

[Citizen Erased]

I'd be more worried about the statutory rape then him probably forgetting one of the women he slept with.

[FrequentFlyer]

I wouldn't be too hung up on the "number" of partners...whether 3 or 7 or even 37 is too low or too high. When the right person comes along, he or she is number one, because that's who you love/loves you.

 

I have a history of mistrust with him ... (no cheating but he has lied to me about talking to his exes on occasion.)

 

I'd be far more concerned about the half-truths, lies and deceptions that appear to come up. Not good.

 

Just a hunch.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Lauren: " he didn't tell me about it until now. "

 

I know very few guys who can remember *all* the females they slept with (nevermind remembering the exact names of them).

 

I really think it's women who are the ones who put notches in their bedposts -not men.

 

-Rio

[Lizzie60]

This is one thing I would never divulge... LOL (mine would be in the 3 digits )

 

Come on.. don't sweat the small numbers.... oups stuff... Move on... he was a good boy... stop worrying about this.

[lovelorcet]

Maybe he is just not too proud that he slept with this girl when she was so young. I would be more worried about that than the bump from 7 to 8. Unless there are other real reasons for mistrust I would say let this slide and find a way to get over it.

[lauren1978]

So he and I talked more about it and I brought up the fact that she would have been 14 or 15 and he said she wasn't that young (there is a four year age difference between US but in high school it would have seen like a huge thing and she is the same age as me) Anyway he says it would have had to have been later and that she was the third he was with. So she was actually around 16 or 17 at the time. It doesn't bother me so much anymore just the intital shock of finding out that he'd hid something from me for the last six years really bothered me. But I guess now its not such a big deal. Weird that they only had sex once and never dated and yet when she got divorced (3 years ago) she called my boyfriend.

[MrsHellnoFire]

This is one thing I would never divulge... LOL (mine would be in the 3 digits )

 

Come on.. don't sweat the small numbers.... oups stuff... Move on... he was a good boy... stop worrying about this.

 

How do you keep track anymore? And why even bother..

[Lizzie60]

How do you keep track anymore? And why even bother..

 

 

I don't keep track... I stop a long time ago... why bother...exactly.