Married to a Drug Addict Who Won't Let Go

[Scata_tat_tat]

Hey All,

 

I have been married to my husband for over 3 years, and we dated for 5 years. He was my highschool sweetheart, he proposed to me when we were 18. Shortly after we were married I became pregnant and that's when I started noticing his strange behavior. I found out that he was addicted to Meth, in fact I found out from his mother who told me that he had been doing drugs even before I was dating him. Imagine my shock, I confronted him about it and made it pretty damn clear that if the drug abuse didn't stop that I would leave him.

He became angry and told me that I wasn't going anywhere with his child. He then started crying and promised that wouldn't do drugs anymore, threatened to kill himself, and begged me to help him. I was disgusted with him, I had never seen anyone act in that sort of manner ever. Over the next few months instead of taking care of myself (as I should have been because I was pregnant) I was taking care of him. The day I went into labor he dissapeared. I found out later that he was arrested, he had tried to drive to the hospital all doped up.

After all that he dissapeared again, he hadn't even seen his son. By that time I had completely washed my hands of him. Almost a year after he left his mom called me and told me that he was in a rehabilitation facility, and that he wanted to come home to me and our son when he got out. I should've said absolutely not but my feelings for him got the better of me I thought he should at least have a chance to raise his son. Bad idea...a few weeks after he came home it was all too clear that he was doing drugs again.

I told him that I was definately going to divorce him. He started acting out, he was threatening to kill himself, then he threatened that his parents would hire a really good lawyer and have my son taken away from me. I was being emotionaly blackmailed into staying trapped into a marriage that I am still trying to leave. Any suggestions on how I can get the hell out this marriage. I don't want my husband to mess up my son's life the way he has mine.

 

Thanks,

 

Scata

[jmargel]

You need to contact an attorney, also call your domestic relations department at your local courthouse (if you are in the US). Get a restraining order against him and try to keep yourself in company with your friends and family.

 

You can't fix him, only he can and he's nowhere near to being ready to do that.

[Mz. Pixie]

You cannot help him, he needs to hit bottom before he will get clean, if he ever hits bottom before he ends up dead.

 

Almost everyone in my family suffers from addiction except me. My brother is a homeless drug addict. He has two children from two different women that he never sees or pays child support on. He may be dead right now for all I know, because I do not talk to him. I cannot help him and keeping him in my life only continually hurt me- seeing him like that.

 

Listen to Jmargel and get out. I doubt very seriously you'll lose custody of your kids to a drug addict.

 

Start documenting his problems now. Write down everything because it may become useful later when you go to court. For instance "Took the kids to school this morning, hubby too wasted on meth" and "Hubby yelled at the kids and I today because he was high and they were making too much noise and he wanted to sleep" Stuff like that. You'd be surprised how far those kinds of things can go in court.

[Melovator]

jmargel and Mz Pixie are both right- see a lawyer, and write everyhing down and start telling everyone (Doctors, priests, teachers, work collegues, hairdresser, childcare etc everyone!) what's happening, don't keep his behaviour a secret- if you do you're protecting him and making it harder for yourself.

 

If you feel physically unsafe you may wish to contact your nearest domestic violence shelter to get some advice about safety plans. He is clearly emotionally abusive (ie threats to kill himself) and you need to protect yourself and your child in case of escalation of his behaviour, especially because he is on meth and that turns people into violent, smelly, f**kheads anyway (at one job I worked in we used to say we'd rather deal with the heroin addicts than the meth heads anytime) .

 

I don't know about your part of the world but down here? him getting residency? Wouldn't happen if you've got all your evidence lined up- you are your child's primary carer and don't have a drug problem. He'd be lucky to get supervised access (ie he can see the child but only in the presence of a third party and never alone). See a lawyer!

[Enema]

I hope your child is ok.

 

A meth addicted father surely would increase the chances of defects 100 fold.

[Scata_tat_tat]

Thank you all for your awesome advise, I have an attorney and I have filed for divorce! Thankfully he is going to sign the papers, he has found some poor girl who he is codependent with so I'm also getting him for adultery. I have never felt so releived in my entire life, me and my son can finally start moving on with our lives without having to worry about his dumb ass. Again guys, Thank you soo much.

[Melovator]

I know people don't often say this about divorce but your situation warrants it: Congratulations on your divorce!

 

Have you got a residency/ custody order though? Just in case he decides the new girl isn't enough and he wants to play with your head some more... don't know about your part of the world, but if you don't have that order the police can't do anything if he takes your son down here.

 

I wish you and your son all the best in establishing a safe, secure, loving and happy life!