Cheating - why did you do it?

[elijahBailey]

whew.... finally I'm starting to hear from some people who do not cheat. I was gettin' a little disilllusioned here.

 

I'm tempted to cheat all the time, but I like to think I'm not an idiot resisting the urge when half the society is doing it.

 

Anyone thinks we tend to hear more people cheating here in LS because LS is a relationship support forum?

[helena abadi]

i cheated once, and felt soooo bad i swore i would never do it again. i did it because my relationship was broken, and instead of dealing with it assertively, i did it subversively by going to a third party.

 

in the next relationship, i promised myself i would be a model of good behaviour and guess what, my partner cheated on me not once, not twice, but who knows how many times. and it wasn't because he wasn't getting really good sex or enough of it. go figure. i think biology has a lot to do with it. men are programmed to get out there and perpetuate the species. it's the primal urge.

[glittergurl]

i think biology has a lot to do with it. men are programmed to get out there and perpetuate the species. it's the primal urge.

 

That's bull****

[Spectre]

girls cheat cuz theyre wh*res, guys do it cuz theyre a-holes, pretty simple really, theres no excuses for it, its just about not being able to keep it in your pants/keep your legs closed and panties on

[lilmoma1973]

I have never cheated on anybody nor would i ever !! I can't see why anyone could do it to someone that you love dating or married.. It's wrong either way ... I understand that you may not be getting what you want from the relationship so you are looking for something you are lacking but after all said and done you end up hurting someone in the end is it worth it !!! I have been cheated on and it is the most awful feeling you can ever endure and i can't see how i would ever make someone go through that .. Personally it is plain cruel and heartless..The grass isn't greener on the other side !! That is my thought on cheating !!

[Cecelius]

[color=indigo][/color]

 

When I am asked the question, why do people cheat, I have two answers:

a) It's a signal that that things in a relationship need drastic action.

b) Chemistry. I have no other explanation for my infedelity. I didn't set out to "get intimate" with my b/f's best friend but it happened. Even now, I don't want it to happen again, but there is alittle voice inside my head saying "oh yes you do!" Hopefully it's all out of my system. I know all of you will be saying - there's something wrong in my relationship with my b/f but I can honestly say there is nothing wrong, I am blissfully happy with my man and I intend it to stay that way.

 

This doesn't really take into account the possibility of being emotionally needy and/or shallow -- most of the people I know who have cheated, and I myself, were young and in some way emotionally weak. Anyone over 25 who still cheats is the very definition of high maintenence in my opinion.

 

If it's just 1 or 2 above, then cheating is not a bad thing at all since it's either a failure of the relationship or powerlessness in the hands of another man.... You willing to confess to being that weak?

[helena abadi]

i agree, it is the worst feeling ever. nothing, apart from physical and verbal abuse, hurts a supposedly committed relationship more. to find out you have been cheated on is the most gut-wrenching experience. unfortunately the one who cheated is so emotionally removed from the relationship, they often don't realise the pain they have caused, don't want to, and may never. all i can say is to those who have been cheated on - don't be passive, speak about your pain, show your hurt, let the cheater know in very clear terms how much damage they have done.

[SueBee3490]

i can say is to those who have been cheated on - don't be passive, speak about your pain, show your hurt, let the cheater know in very clear terms how much damage they have done.

 

Amen to that helena!

 

I also don't believe the cheater really understands the pain they've caused. My husband (who cheated on me during dating) seems to think the pain he caused me because he continuously cheated on me while dating is equivalent to the pain he felt when I said to him at the beginning of our long distance relationship that I "would consider moving" to his home state instead of him moving to mine. That was within the first months of our relationship when I said that. I was giddy and high on finding a new guy and probably said some things that I really didn't think all the way through (I will admit to the fact I shouldn't have said I would consider moving). I realized after considering my 3 kids that I couldn't move at the present time but that didn't mean I wouldn't be open to it in the future.

 

He is using that as an excuse. I'm sure deep down he can't possibly believe what he is saying - but at times I don't know what to think about him.

 

SueBee

[basscatcher]

I am offended and resent some of the comments on this thread reguarding the one who cheated.

 

Unless you have specifically been in the cheaters shoes you cannot possibly comprehend that person position or how they feel. NOT every cheater is cold hearted, disconnected, selfish.

 

It sounds to me like those of you bashing all cheaters have never ever experienced total loss of self and purpose in life. When you can't even bring your eyes up off the ground becasue youv'e been beaten down so bad you think you are nothing but a pile of shyte and no none could ever love you or want you.. You have never been stripped down mentally, emotionally and physically by someone where you cant even think straight.

*To back up getting into that kind of situation: A lot of women and some men have so much faith and hope things will get better that they stay in those unhealthy relationships and sometimes the degradation takes such a toll on the person that they lose themselves, they can't think or make decisions out of fear or being situations they cant get out of without help (like I was.)

If I didn't have my son I probably would have committed suicide!! When my co-worker/friend came into my life it started out very very slowly and he gave me purpose. It was wrong of him to manipulate me into an affair-he conditioned me to the point I let my guard down and already I was a complete basketcase. Feeling someone actually caring about me was like a drug or being totally intoxicated to the point you cant think straight.

 

I think it is really unfair to bash the cheater. I was cheated on first but I also cheated if you read my earlier post in this thread.. The person who was cheated on hurts and the person who did the cheating hurts.

 

Get your head out of your a$$'s and put yourself in other people's shoes. Not every cheater is heartless. Some are; some aren't so stop generalizing every cheater is a heartless, cold, selfish person ....

 

I have been cheated on several times as well as I have been a cheater too. I am not a bad mother either. If it wasnt for me my son would be into drugs, drinking and probably having sex by now.

My son is laid-back, polite, prefers to be home and not running around. He has good morals and values because I INSTILLED THEM INTO HIM.

 

So the comment that women who cheat are bad mothers I resent that also.. Every adult who has met my son wants to adopt him from me and I wont give up my precious blessing..

 

I can't beleive how some of you start making hard core judgements about other people as I have read in this post. We are human and we all make mistakes in our lives. NO one is perfect. You without sin can cast the first stone!!!

 

Ya just what I thought no one has the right to throw a stone at someone else because WE ALL HAVE WRONGED PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES.

 

Sorry I needed to chew some A$$. I rarely feel offended but THIS thread gave people the opportunity to open up and be vulnerable.

 

When a dog is down why keep beating him/her?? Vengance?? Don't attack everyone else for the pain you suffered we didn't hurt you we hurt the person WE cheated on and WE hurt OURSELVES too.

[Confusedxx]

Ive chaeted... it was along time ago.

I guess i did it beacause i was bored with my relationship, and i was too selfish to end it. I felt awful after i did it. ALmost as bad as i do now ( my new bouyfrined has just cheated on me). after i did it i realised what i was going to loose.... id never do it again.

[SueBee3490]

It sounds to me like those of you bashing all cheaters have never ever experienced total loss of self and purpose in life. When you can't even bring your eyes up off the ground becasue youv'e been beaten down so bad you think you are nothing but a pile of shyte and no none could ever love you or want you.. You have never been stripped down mentally, emotionally and physically by someone where you cant even think straight.

 

You know I felt exactly as you describe here when I found out my husband cheated on me the whole time we dated. I guess you are describing yourself when you found out you were cheated on. I lost my sense of self and purpose in life. You say your son saved you from suicide. Well my 3 kids saved me from suicide. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be here. When I found out he lied, cheated, deceived and betrayed me, I thought about suicide. My whole life was ruined. I was married to someone I didn't even know. The man I thought I knew, didn't exist. Yes he stripped me down mentally, emotionally and physcially with his cheating. I guess since I was so beaten down, I should have been looking for a man to make everything better. Well I knew that dragging some other poor soul into this mess of a relationship would also hurt that "outsider". Is that fair? In my book it isn't. But my reason for not cheating is because I -was in love. I would never put someone I love through this kind of heartache not to mention putting his health at risk with all the diseases out there. You know that is pretty unselfish. I was thinking about my boyfriend and what pain he would be in if I cheated - I didn't think about myself.

 

Our situation was that I was busy telling family, coworkers, friends about this great guy I found only to find out he was out telling women on the internet he was unhappy and even some that he didn't have a girlfriend. I was busy making all kinds of cookies, cakes, brownies, etc. for him to take home to his 2 kids because he cried their mom didn't cook or bake and he was out screwing everything that would talk to him on the internet - that's pretty cold-hearted. He would tell me constantly how happy he is to have found me and I'm one in a million. When I would question if he wanted to date others or possibly "break up" because we were a long-distance relationship - he would practically beg me to stay - that sounds disconnected don't you think? At the very least it was deceitful.

 

As you took offense at those who bashed the cheater - don't bash us non-cheaters who say we wouldn't cheat as I'm one who wouldn't.

 

SueBee

[basscatcher]

....... Yes he stripped me down mentally, emotionally and physcially with his cheating........

I was stripped down because no matter what I did I wasnt good enough and he always took his family and friends over his son and myself. He verybally degraded me. I didn't deserve that.

You know I felt exactly as you describe here when I found out my husband cheated on me the whole time we dated. I guess you are describing yourself when you found out you were cheated on. I lost my sense of self and purpose in life.

 

This was a time when I was so low because of his treatment of me that it made me vulnerable to the affair. NOT because I found out he cheated on me. I didn't have confirmation of his infidelitys until 2 1/2 years ago. We have been divorced for 8 years.

I guess since I was so beaten down, I should have been looking for a man to make everything better......

 

I did not go looking for a man. I was confiding in a someone whom I thought was my friend. We worked together for over 1 1/2 years before anything transpired. I do not condone my actions but I do understand why I fell into affair.

 

But my reason for not cheating is because I -was in love..../QUOTE]

 

At one time I loved my husband too. But how can you love a person who treats you worse then his dog or enemy? I went to counceling because I didn't know what to do anymore and I couldn't live the way I was. My husband didn't go to counceling.

 

Our situation was that I was busy telling family, coworkers, friends about this great guy I found...... I was busy making all kinds of cookies, cakes, brownies, etc..../Quote}

 

I too did these things. I did them to hide what was really going on behind closed doors.

 

 

He would tell me constantly how happy he is to have found me and I'm one in a million.

 

I heard this also. the whole 11 1/2 years.

 

 

As you took offense at those who bashed the cheater - don't bash us non-cheaters who say we wouldn't cheat as I'm one who wouldn't.

SueBee

 

I took offense to the selection of words catagorizing all person's who cheat as being cold hearted and mean etc. Not everyone cheats out of selfishness even though its a self gratifying act.

.

I did not cheat for revenge or for my own selfish gratification. I got emotionally caught up in the situation because I was getting attention from this guy that was caring, kind, loving, he was concerned about me and listened to me, He helped me build up my courage again, my strength and my self esteem. It took him over a year 5-6 days a week for 8-12 hours a day working on my self esteem and image. He took advantage of my vulnerablity during that time. I didn't understand it until I was in intensive counceling. I learned really fast in a 4 year period.

 

I was still young, very nieve about a lot of stuff. Lived a a very rural secluded area. No TV unless you had cable or sat. dish. Only one radio station in the area that you could pick up. The whole town is conditioned and reputed for infidelity.. There was/is no support system for married couples in that town. Most everyone cheats on everyone..

 

I have been cheated on and I have been the cheater. I have sat on both sides of the fence so I can fairly say that unless you have been on both sides of the fence be cautious about your opinions of other people.

 

If you must speak about your position speak only about your situation. Don't include the entire population. People will take offense to it.

[SueBee3490]

QUOTE=padameckla]

 

This was a time when I was so low because of his treatment of me that it made me vulnerable to the affair. NOT because I found out he cheated on me. I didn't have confirmation of his infidelitys until 2 1/2 years ago. We have been divorced for 8 years.

 

That's where my h and yours differ. See mine treated me as though I was the only woman in the world for him. He told me he was happy to have found me, he loved me, he didn't want anyone else, etc., etc. When I mentioned maybe we should break off because it was a long distance relationship and it does take it's toll on you, he would beg me to stay. So actually if he had been an a** to me, maybe I could have at least prepared myself for the brick wall that hit me when I found out he had been cheating. My h was a good actor - he had me fooled. I really trusted and believed him. I'm an idiot for even trusting the guy.

 

At one time I loved my husband too. But how can you love a person who treats you worse then his dog or enemy? I went to counceling because I didn't know what to do anymore and I couldn't live the way I was. My husband didn't go to counceling.

 

As explained above, he didn't treat me bad. The only friction we had in our relationship was the miles between us and who would be moving. Even that was downplayed because I told him that I could wait the 5 yrs or so till we were together. We would just carry on our l-d relationship of which he was FINE with. At one point he was willing to wait as well. Then HE was the one who found a house in MY hometown for sale and wanted to check into it (which is the one we bought). So with all this going on, would you believe your SO would be cheating on you? I sure didn't

 

I too did these things. I did them to hide what was really going on behind closed doors..

 

But when I said how great our relationship was, I meant it. I was head over heels in love with him. I think that is why I am so hurt because he played me for a fool. He knew what he was doing all along - he knew I didn't know and he was willing to use me.

 

I took offense to the selection of words catagorizing all person's who cheat as being cold hearted and mean etc. Not everyone cheats out of selfishness even though its a self gratifying act..

 

Sorry but in my h's case, he is definitely cold hearted, mean, and selfish. I also, like you, went to counselors to try and put myself and my life somewhat back together. My last counselor told me that she couldn't see why I would stay with him. He cheated with one after another with no reason. If he wanted to date around all he had to do was tell me - but of course I know why he didn't, because that would be a sure-fire way to lose me. He told me I was better than all those combined. Sure I was, because I wouldn't treat him the way he was treating me. Some of the women he went with were cheating on bfs and I'm sure he doesn't want to make any kind of commitment to someone he know would cheat! What a hypocrite! He knows I wouldn't put up with it and he SELFISHLY put himself ahead of me and our relationship. YES they do cheat because they are selfish. For him to know how much I loved him and how proud I was to have him in my life, and then to meet other women and blatantly lie about me is COLD-HEARTED.

 

[

He took advantage of my vulnerablity during that time. I didn't understand it until I was in intensive counceling. I learned really fast in a 4 year period..

 

I would never cheat simply because I would feel disgust for the man who is willing to cheat with a married/committed woman. A real turn-off.

 

I have been cheated on and I have been the cheater. I have sat on both sides of the fence so I can fairly say that unless you have been on both sides of the fence be cautious about your opinions of other people. .

 

I do know I would not cheat. I guess I care too much about other people. I know that I wouldn't cheat because of hurting my bf or husband. But more importantly than that, I would hurt myself. I could not live with myself knowing I was sneaking around behind someone's back who has no idea what I'm doing. I sure couldn't face my bf/husband - guilt would be written all over my face. As I explained earlier in this thread, I also wouldn't hurt the other man in this situation. He may also have an unsuspecting wife or girlfriend that would be hurt from this.

 

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

[SueBee3490]

Don't know why my "quoting" didn't work in the reply above - sorry

[basscatcher]

=SueBee3490 I would never cheat simply because I would feel disgust for the man who is willing to cheat with a married/committed woman. A real turn-off.

 

I was so lost I seriously didn't realize what I was doing or what was happening until it was already started. He was also married and had 2 kids then during our short affair they were pg again. That was also mind blowing. I couldn't live like that.

 

I do know I would not cheat. I guess I care too much about other people. I know that I wouldn't cheat because of hurting my bf or husband. But more importantly than that, I would hurt myself. I could not live with myself knowing I was sneaking around behind someone's back who has no idea what I'm doing. I sure couldn't face my bf/husband - guilt would be written all over my face. As I explained earlier in this thread, I also wouldn't hurt the other man in this situation. He may also have an unsuspecting wife or girlfriend that would be hurt from this.

 

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

 

yes our stories are similar yet different. I too do not like to hurt people. I hurt when those I care about are hurting. I am also touched when strangers are hurting and I see it. I get very disturbed by other peoples pain. The only time I honestly would say I ever cheated which I call cheating is when I was married. I do not call cheating on the guys I had dated in High School cheating because there was no commitments between us. WE didn't have the talk or understanding of a commited relationship between us. I was exploring my world and meeting people. I would get asked out to a movie and I would accept. Dating when I was 16 (1985) vs dating in 2005 is very different.

I ended the affair. The guilt tore me up so bad I could barely function. The weight of the guilt and the burden of it is like carry the IDS tower on your back. I had panic attacks, I was depressed, I was all kinds of antidepressants, I was sick all the time, I didn't eat right. I lost weight. I looked sick. I was smoking 3 packs of cigs a day, drinking to get drunk every Friday and Saturday night. Having an affair for me was self destructive...

I would never do it again. I would end my relationship first. (At least move out..) A lesson learned for this chic.

[SueBee3490]

 

The only time I honestly would say I ever cheated which I call cheating is when I was married. I do not call cheating on the guys I had dated in High School cheating because there was no commitments between us. WE didn't have the talk or understanding of a commited relationship between us. I was exploring my world and meeting people. I would get asked out to a movie and I would accept. Dating when I was 16 (1985) vs dating in 2005 is very different.

 

I also think that if there is no commitment between you - then it's fine to date others - just make it plain that you are not committing to this one person. I can honestly say that I'm not sure we ever had "the talk about commitment" but then in some situations, it is known to both parties that you are committed. You explore each other's ideas about dating and how their perceptions are similar to yours. In my case, my bf KNEW that we were committed to each other - there was no doubt about it. He sure acted as though he was p**ssed when he thought I was going out on him (which I wasn't). I told him if he felt he could see other women, why can't I see other men? If he really feels we didn't have a commitment to each other, my dating others shouldn't bother him in the least. That's the problem with our situation - he did know or else he wouldn't have kept it a secret. A sure sign that it is wrong.

 

I put alot of my heart and soul into my relationships that I can't see trying to carry on more than one at a time. Even when I was younger (and I was a teen in the '70's ) I would date one guy at a time. If after a few dates, we could both see we don't have much in common, then I would move on to date someone else. That is just me. I feel that I'm trying to find out as much about the other person as they are about me and I don't have time to try and divide myself between 2, 3, or 4 men. I try to find out all about the ONE man I'm seeing and let him know everything about me. I guess that's just the way I am and i expect the same of the men I date. I've talked to the women my h cheated with and he told so many lies about his life that I don't know how he kept it all straight! I couldn't do that to someone. If I meet a guy, I will be honest. He would tell them he lived in a different state than he lived in, he would tell them the wrong name of his ex-wife, that he didn't have a fiance (which was me), etc. I told him if he planned on some kind of serious relationship with the woman (the one he didn't tell about me), didn't he think eventually his family would ask or "let it slip" to this woman that he was engaged to me at the time he was seeing her? He just said he didn't plan on any kind of serious or long relationship with her. Isn't he every woman's dream? He was not only using me but her as well. They even went out to eat at Carlos O'Kellys and do you know why? Because he knew that any of his 3 brothers (and their families) didn't like Mexican food so he knew he wouldn't run into them there. Another example of a real nice guy. These are just a few reasons that I think my H is cold-hearted and selfish.

[basscatcher]

These are just a few reasons that I think my H is cold-hearted and selfish.

 

I can completely understand your position but I beleive you put up with way more then I would. Even loving the person I wouldn't subject myself to being treated like a doormat.. I respect myself more then to be treated with such disrespect. I have spent many many $$ on counceling and invested many many hours getting back my dignity, self respect, values, morals, and boundries straightened out.. I won't stand for abusive relationships anymore. I will take the walk then to be degraded, humiliated, disrespected, hurt, used, lied too and trampled on anymore. I have limits. I have developed a balance between understanding and tolerating too much BS.

[SueBee3490]

I keep logging in and typing replies to this but when I do, somehow after I get done typing I'm not logged in anymore so I have to log in again and then my reply vanishes. :mad:

 

I'm tired of retyping my answers all the time

 

Padameckla - sorry to overtake this thread but it's nice to talk to someone who agrees with me and isn't making me feel as though I have no reason to be hurt by what my H did.

 

Thanks

[Kengne]

I have never PHYSICALLY cheated on a bf i.e. kissed / touched or had sex w smo else while in a monogamous rel'ship.

 

So in that sense... HELL NO. I'd rather leave the rel'ship then let it get to that point where my physical attraction for another person manifests itself into reality.

 

But emotionally... YUP, I have cheated. Actually, in my last long-term rel'ship of 4 yrs... I had 4 separate emotional affairs with 4 diff ppl

 

Guy 1 ... met him online... we had so much in common... we clicked on levels me & my ex-bf never clicked on... only thing is he lives in the US, and I refuse to do a LDR... so I 'broke it off' w Guy 1 to focus on my bf ... we had NC for over 1 yr & a half.. the feelings faded... I still talk to him even NOW but it is def over & done with...

 

Guy 2... oh gosh... smo I worked with? I think? He was there when my ex & I were going thru a ROUGH TIME... he reminded me of a my ex in ALOT of ways... so naturally I was attracted... dressed up to go to work ... talked to him alot at work... he asked me out ... i declined, bcuz I had a man of course .. and it burnt me to DEATH.. but I felt like I loved my bf so I was gonna stick it out... so I stopped talking to him at work... did not speak with him OUTSIDE of work (I felt that wouldve been TOO dangerous)... and eventually w time it faded...

 

Guy 3... an Internet fling... this time I was prepared (i'd been thru it 2 times already!!)... he had a gf too.. we both knew talking so much & so intimately was not good for our rel'ships... so after 1 week of INTENSE MSN convos *OMG:love: *... we cut it off... we tried to be friends like 1 mth later... the convos were DEAD... ... so boring... i was only doing it for the attn by that point...

 

There was a 4th guy.. SOMEWHERE in there but I can't remember who??? OH YES I DO!...

Sorry!

 

Guy 4 ... yet another Internet fling *damn the internet! - it has been the bane of so many relationships*... he was SO nice.. we clicked so well... attraction was mutual.. and then poof! he disappeared off the site we met on, and I never heard from him again...

 

Now I am NOT proud of these 'emotional encounters' AT ALL... NOT AT ALL!

 

But STRAIGHT UP! -> my bf was not there for me, emotionally or mentally. I just figured that these ppl fulfilled a need for me he was not. And as long as I wasn't SLEEPING with them.. or MESSING AROUND.. it wasn't cheating right?

 

Well it wasn't until after guy 4 that a friend pointed out to me that what I'd done was Emotional Cheating. Boy was I shocked!! And I googled it of course. Seems like sometimes emotional cheating is even WORSE.

 

NOW... moving forward... I would like to say I would not cheat, even emotionally... it's hard, yes.. but if I feel like the person I'm with is not THERE for me.. I will say so, NOW, and address it with them... rather than go online to seek the attention I'm not getting.

 

And when I really am fulfilled in a rel'ship... then I have NO need to go online period.. other than to chat idly to kill time...

 

Thats my story... so you can hate me now too.

 

K.

[basscatcher]

Thats my story... so you can hate me now too.[/b]

 

K.

 

Sorry Kengne--I don't hate anyone... I don't have to agree with everyone's ideals but I chose not to hate... Don't put yourself in that category. If someone hates you then they hate themselves more. You have to love yourself before you can love someone. So I use it the same way with hate..

if you hate yourself you will hate someone else.

 

I do not hate myself...

[Kengne]

Sorry Kengne--I don't hate anyone... I don't have to agree with everyone's ideals but I chose not to hate... Don't put yourself in that category. If someone hates you then they hate themselves more. You have to love yourself before you can love someone. So I use it the same way with hate..

if you hate yourself you will hate someone else.

 

I do not hate myself...

 

Hey gurl!

 

My comment was soooooooooo not directed at you lol. It was meant to be cheeky... remember Puff Daddy's song "You can hate me now.. but I won't stop now.."

 

I didnt read the entire thread, but I got the idea that there was an anti-cheater sentiment on here which I found hilarious... so I was saying that if emotional cheating counts, then yup I'm a 'bad apple'.

 

Just wanted to clarify that!

 

<Hugz>

 

K.

[Mz. Pixie]

Pada-

 

Thanks for the backup in this post this time.

 

To say that people who cheat are bad parents?? That's just beyond offensive to me. My sex life is private- it does not include my children and IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Just like your sex life is not anyone else's business. The NERVE of some people.

 

You know, I was once that person who swore I would never cheat and I would bet you a million dollars I was the least likely person to do so, but you'd be surprised what you'll do when you are broken.

 

I hope those that sit in those glass houses never have anyone near them throwing stone!

[basscatcher]

Pada-

 

Thanks for the backup in this post this time.

 

To say that people who cheat are bad parents?? That's just beyond offensive to me. My sex life is private- it does not include my children and IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Just like your sex life is not anyone else's business. The NERVE of some people.

 

You know, I was once that person who swore I would never cheat and I would bet you a million dollars I was the least likely person to do so, but you'd be surprised what you'll do when you are broken.

 

I hope those that sit in those glass houses never have anyone near them throwing stone!

 

MUCH AGREED.... I too use to brag I would never cheat. Ugh I did... It nearly destroyed me. (meaning I almost destroyed myself--the guilt).

 

I have learned my lesson also I wont allow myself to be abused to that extent again. Where I lose myself. . I burnt myself one time I was too stupid to take my hand off the stove.

 

Glass houses break!! Never say never.

 

KENGNE emotional cheating is cheating too -very much agreed.. Any kind of desire for someone other then your partner is cheating. PERIOD.... thats for those who beleive in monogomous relationships.. one on one!!!!!

[SueBee3490]

Pada-

 

To say that people who cheat are bad parents?? That's just beyond offensive to me. My sex life is private- it does not include my children and IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Just like your sex life is not anyone else's business. The NERVE of some people.

 

I'm not the one who said cheaters are bad parents but don't think that cheating doesn't affect others in the family besides yourself and your partner. When I found out my h cheated, I was so hurt that I lashed out at everyone - including my children. I was VERY short with them - biting their heads off for everything. Of course they knew something was going on with me crying all the freaking time and basically being b**chy. I didn't trust him anymore so I didn't trust anyone else and that included them. I remember one time I thought my 18 yr old daughter needed money and I was SURE since I'd been taken advantage of by my h that she would do it too. Because, hey - if I loved him and he used me wouldn't someone else I love use me too? So I hid my checks, my purse, etc. to make sure she didn't steal money. That was just plain wrong - she didn't take the money but I couldn't be sure anymore. I just knew I didn't trust many people. So I take offense to people thinking when they cheat, it only affects them - it doesn't.

 

You know, I was once that person who swore I would never cheat and I would bet you a million dollars I was the least likely person to do so, but you'd be surprised what you'll do when you are broken.

 

I hope those that sit in those glass houses never have anyone near them throwing stone!

 

I would hope I don't cheat but especially after living the hell I've been through with my H cheating, I KNOW that if I loved someone, I wouldn't cheat on them and put them through this torture. Of course, my H cheated of his own free will - it wasn't as though we hit a rough time in our relationship. He never explains the "why" to me so how can I understand it if he doesn't even know? He just says he "doesn't know" why. As Pada said though - her relationship sounds like it soured and she reached out to someone - that QUITE different than what my H and I were living. He could have just said "I don't love you and I don't want to be with you. Good bye". That would have hurt me but I would have gotten over it. The pain of being lead to believe someone loves you (and only you for 2 1/2 yrs) only to find out that you don't mean anything to them hurts beyond anything I've experienced. To marry someone knowing you didn't tell them you cheated on them during dating is downright dirty. I wouldn't have married him had I known - I wouldn't have even DATED him had I known. I talk to my girlfriends about what he did - I don't confide in men - it's too risky on maybe getting a little closer than I want to be so I know not to put myself in that position. I choose not to talk to men about my personal life because of the possibility of cheating.

[Learning Man]

I love my wife but after being married to my high school sweetheart for 13 years I would love that rush of passion and desire that would come from an affair. I have never cheated and probably have too much of a conscience to ever go through with anything except the fantasy. I would imagine that what makes an affair so 'hot' is the newness of it all. With a adulterous relationship I would think you can escape temporarily (cowardly for sure but seemingly a human instinct nontheless) from married lifes constant responsibilities. With marriage you trade passion for security as time goes by. In marriage it becomes easy to take a partner for granted - ex. Why make mad passionate love to you now when I can tomorrow (theoretically)? Both wives and husbands do this to some extent and again I believe it's perfectly normal although not ideal. In a marriage, a successful one at least, you must become a partnership; a team that tackles work, bills, the kids, maintaining a home and the list goes on.... and this takes away alot of the passion between a man and woman and you both must work so damn hard to find that passion with everything that's always going on that that in and of itself, that pressure to make the time for one another, seems to only add to the endless list of other things keeping passion at bay - and it's normal!

An affair is not normal, not right, not good we all know this. And in many cases that's exactly what ignites a passion with many of us. Being wrong, bad, dangerous begins to stoke those fires. We are what we are and ultimately only want to do what we were put on this Earth to do.

 

Not politically correct I know but my opinion anyway.