Dating an recovering Heroin addict?

[dkny27]

A friend of mine just came home from rehab. He was in for using Heroin. I think he had been using for at least 2 years. He was living with his girlfriend and son at the time, so I never really saw him. He's only been home for a week and has been sober for 45 days. We hung out at my house with some friends a few nights ago and it was good to see him. He sent me an e-mail asking me if I wanted to spend more time with him and see where it might go. I would like too...but he just started his recovery. I am concerned about relapses. He goes to NA meeting all the time, has a sponser and all that, but do you think he's able to be in a relationship? Any advice would be helpful.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

i think they usually tell people in recovery that they should wait some amount of time before they get themselves involved with someone else. i could be wrong, but i have been told that that is the case.

 

i think you should be thinking more about yourself and if YOU are ready for a relationship that may involve his predisposed issue, including, but not limited to, a relapse if he has one, which you already know is not a far-off possibility.

 

i am not calling him a lost cause, but quitting anything is not easy, and you should be prepared, if you decide to date him, for the problems that may arise because they become YOUR problems then too.

 

tread carefully. please let us know how this goes.

[dkny27]

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate any advice on the subject. I thought they told them to wait a little while too.

 

I decided to give it a try. My friends that know him as well as I do are all for it, but they said just to be careful. He's pretty serious about staying clean, which is awesome. He just got his 60 day keychain. So we are taking it one day at a time. I have discussed all my concerns with him and everything looks good right now. Hopfully it will stay that way.

[whichwayisup]

TAKE IT SLOW and shield your heart. He also may not be able to handle anything serious right now, so keep that in mind.

 

One thing to think about is, asking him (if you do think about having sex with him at some point in the future) to take a blood test for STD's. Who knows if he shared needles or had unprotected sex during those 2 years of doing drugs...So, you need to just be aware..

 

I hope it works, just don't be devastated if he slips...

 

BE a positive influence on him and make sure he isn't in contact with any of his friends who he did drugs with in the past.

[dkny27]

so everything was going great till he took a saboxin (can't spell) last night from his ex. I don't really know what that does but he admitted he took one a few weeks ago and promised me the night before he wouldn't do it again, and then took one last night when he dropped his son off. He tried to lie to me when I noticed he was acting a little strange, but then told me the truth that he had taken one, and broken his promise to me. He said he felt really really bad and kept telling me he was sorry. He went to a meeting today, which makes me feel a little bit better but now I feel like I can't trust him, and I am always going to worry that when he drops off or picks up his son then he will just take her meds.

[polywog]

That's tough. I dated a recently sober heroin addict several years ago. When we started our relationship, I was not aware that he'd only been sober for a few weeks, and was not attending NA meetings. He was not my stereotype of a junkie; he was a smart well-educated Jewish boy who's family worked at Harvard, so I was shocked when he admitted it to me about a month into our relationship.

 

At my request, he attended NA meetings but soon stopped. He then began acting erratic and stopped calling or seeing me out of the blue, making excuses that he was busy working on his writing and grad school applications when I called him on it.

 

I think he either began using again, or struggling with wanting to, or just couldn't handle an intimate relationship because of all the recovery he was attempting. In any case, he withdrew and stopped contact without explaining, and it hurt me like hell.

 

I don't mean to go on about myself, but that's my story, and I would Never get involved again with someone working on early sobriety, even if the intentions are good. I just think there has to be focus on recovering one's self for a while. Relationships really are a distraction when you're in the early stages.

 

Good luck to you, whatever happens.

[dkny27]

Our relationship is great because we have know each other for five years. He actually lives with me now and was doing really good until the holidays. He admitted to me that its hard. I think our relationship help him stay clean because he has someone around all the time. If he was alone, I think he would use again. He went to an NA meeting last night and is going to another one Friday, so hopefully this was just a little slip up and he can go on with staying sober. I think the holidays are tough for people, but I guess taking the suboxin was better than going out and shooting up?

[blind_otter]

Well I know in AA they tell you to wait a year before starting a relationship. As a recovering addict I can tell you that being in a relationship can sometimes make it really ahrd to stay sober. You have a disagreement, or go through a bad patch and suddenly it becomes really attractive to start using again.

 

Since you've already made the decision to date him, I would just advise that you be careful and guard your heart. Being with an addict is a dangerous game. Another problem with being an addict is that you don't necessarily know how to have a healthy relationship. Many addicts are addicted to relationships as well, and they often don't love themselves enough to truely love another person.

[Mz. Pixie]

Please make sure that he has a STD check before you have sex with him. Especially AIDS and HIV.

[MarilynM]

Hi

 

Getting off opioids is indeed very difficult, both mentally and physically.

 

Suboxone is a form of buprenorphine and is actually a partial opioid blocker. It's not the worst thing he could have done but certainly it is habit forming so you need to try and find out how regularly he is actually taking these. It seems his ex is no good and doesn't care that he is trying to stay clean, by offering him suboxone she is hindering his recovery.

 

Good luck with this, I know from personal experience how hard it is to get off opioids and every time something unsettling happens, the urge to take them again is very strong as they provide a psychological crutch and take the edge of mental pain. Your boyfriend needs to learn new coping mechanisms, which involve confronting his problems without using drugs to block them out.

[Confused9]

I don't really have any advice I just wanted to say good luck. I have 3 people who I am very close with who were once addicted to opiates and it is very very hard. Some forms of Suboxone actually block opiates whereas others do not I think it depends on the form of it (at least that's what I heard from someone???)

 

Some signs that he may be using are being itchy, and pinned pupils (very small) that do not change size when in contact with light. I know for me...a clear sign is when they won't call or contact me and missing money.

 

I think it's wonderful that you are willing to give him a chance. Just be careful and prepare yourself for the worst (even if it doesn't happen.) Not saying all addicts can't be trusted but when they arne't ready to commit to a sober life those that love them usually get hurt.

[dkny27]

Please make sure that he has a STD check before you have sex with him. Especially AIDS and HIV.

 

That was the first thing I thought of, we did it together and everything came back negative. Thank you, though. I appreciate it.

[dkny27]

I don't really have any advice I just wanted to say good luck. I have 3 people who I am very close with who were once addicted to opiates and it is very very hard. Some forms of Suboxone actually block opiates whereas others do not I think it depends on the form of it (at least that's what I heard from someone???)

 

Some signs that he may be using are being itchy, and pinned pupils (very small) that do not change size when in contact with light. I know for me...a clear sign is when they won't call or contact me and missing money.

 

I think it's wonderful that you are willing to give him a chance. Just be careful and prepare yourself for the worst (even if it doesn't happen.) Not saying all addicts can't be trusted but when they arne't ready to commit to a sober life those that love them usually get hurt.

 

His eyes were pinned and he was talking funny and he was closing his eyes at dinner a little, so I knew something was up. He told me what the signs were if he was high. Then he was a little itchy later. He tried to lie to me when I asked but I knew something was up. He's just really depressed about some events in his life and the holidays, so I know it must be really hard. His ex didn't know he took one from her sunday, but she was the one who gave it to him the week before. It's really b/c everytime he goes to pick up/drop off his son they are there. So now I am going to be worried he is going to take them from her.

 

2 of my old roomates are herion users. I moved out b/c of them. I know what to look for, for the most part.

[dkny27]

So...you all told me so. This morning I looked at his phone and saw some texts, so I woke him up and he has been using for over a month right under my nose. shooting up while I was not home and I didn't even notice till the 23rd of December. I thought it was funny that he was acting high from taking a suboxin when they are to block the cravings. He lives with me now and his parents won't take him back so I am trying to get him to go to a residential program or detox or something because he can't stay with me anymore either. I can't sit and watch him kill himself. What should I do?

[Mz. Pixie]

That was the first thing I thought of, we did it together and everything came back negative. Thank you, though. I appreciate it.

 

WONDERFUL!

 

I dated a recovering cocaine addict earlier in life. I didn't even have a clue how serious his habit had been. One night we were downtown and there was an abandoned building across the street from the parking garage we were using. As we pulled out he said "I shot up in that building one time" and I was like "With who?" because I was so freaking naive at that age. He said "I don't know-whoever was there"

 

I was certainly glad at that point he'd been tested several times for HIV and AIDS.

[Msblueyes]

WONDERFUL!

 

I dated a recovering cocaine addict earlier in life. I didn't even have a clue how serious his habit had been. One night we were downtown and there was an abandoned building across the street from the parking garage we were using. As we pulled out he said "I shot up in that building one time" and I was like "With who?" because I was so freaking naive at that age. He said "I don't know-whoever was there"

 

I was certainly glad at that point he'd been tested several times for HIV and AIDS.

 

I have to tag on here for a quick minute...I used to post under a different name but I have the boyfriend/addict (crack) of now eight years who went to rehab this past April.

 

Not trying to hijack thread but in relation to dating a herion addict & I don't think there's a difference between what kind of addict you're dating/living with/having a relationship with....

 

Mine left rehab in 90 days...found God in the program (yeah, right.)...and got high right after he got out in a hotel room where I was at a seminar. We used to do this together, years ago. I didn't get high this time, I got disgusted.

 

Yes, I know from my own experiences, there are relapses...sometimes I think that's just an excuse. If you don't want to do your drug of choice, after either almost ruining your life and or relationship, you don't pick up that stem, or that needle or pop that pill.

 

So, this was back in the beginning of August when he came back, of course, to his safe place, ME!

 

I trusted him, intruduced him to my new girlfriends I had made & what does he do? Try everyone of them and tell them he can't wait to leave me....THIS IS AFTER all the years, prison & rehab.

 

What can I tell you now? He moved out in October which totally threw me. I've always been in love with him; I think that is my addiction. He did start working in August & like clockwork made the move that would cost him his job. He got high last Friday and Saturday morning when I picked him up to drive him to work, he went in & said he'd been up partying & wouldn't be any good. I have no idea "what kind of partying" he mentioned but I'm assuming booze...NOT...I took one look at him when I picked him up & knew he'd been on the pipe....so easy to see when you know that look....So, yesterday, he told me they wanted to drug test him & his buddy (from the program, who dropped out & is a crack addict as well....this is the person he moved out to be with instead of me)...Seems to be a Frick & Frac relationship...well, now they both have no job, thankfully live in the same house, neither has a vehicle and the buddy has a warrant for VOP. I can only imagine the two of them looking at each other, knowing that they won't be able to pay rent or eat, if they don't find a job, which in Florida, is almost impossible, especially at this time of the year.

 

My advice, do not get involved with an addict. From what I've experienced, it's not you they love, it's what you can provide for them that they're attached to. They don't love themselves.

 

And there's a difference between someone who's tried things and someone who continues to use things. I'm not worried about the experimenter, it's the user that will bring you down....be very careful!

 

As others have said, Run Fast.