Men do it to themselves

[Woggle]

I really do try to help men out and tell them how to find happiness with or without their wives but it seems to fall on deaf ears. Time and time again I hear men on here blaming themselves for their wives cheating and everything else their wife inflicts on them. They seem ready to neuter themselves and hand over their balls on silver platter to their wives just because she says she is not happy or wants out. These men seem like great guys who would shoot themselves if it would make their wives happy yet their wives still complain about everything. Maybe this is a sign that they are better off without their wives and they should look forward to the single life but no they exhaust themselves trying to please unpleasable women and cause themselves a world of pain. I am tired of trying to carry the water for these men when they don't seem to want to take any steps to better their lives. This doesn't make women right for the crap some of them pull but if men refuse to grow some balls and take charge of their lives they deserve everything they get.

[justfine]

You know what man?

 

 

I totally freakin' agree. I, too, was beating myself up just a few weeks back taking blame for the failure of my marriage. I kept telling myself, if only I had done this differentely, blah, blah, blah.

 

Truth is it's my stbx' fault. She's the one that cheated, not me. Screw her, I've moved on.

 

And you what's cool? Her family and my family and many others belong to the same huge circle of friends. They know about her infidelity w/o a doubt because I have proof. When I'll told her about her bank statement I found with a motel charge, she went dead silent. Busted! I only told my mom and she told my aunt and you know the word gets around. She's totally embarrassed and feeling shame big time. Now, lots of people are talkin' about her adultery and they don't dig it. She's totally embarrased and feelin' shame. Cool with me.

 

Props. to you Woggle.

[Gunny376]

Props to ya Woggle!

 

I don't know if its so much about men and women ~ as it is about stepping up to the plate and taking RESPONSIBILITY for one's life!

 

I can't make someone resepct me, but you can bet your sweet azz that I'm not going to be dis-respected!

 

I don't lie, cheat, nor do I lay a hand upon another! I don't do these things to others ~ I won't have them done unto me!

 

I have a personal code that I live by, which in part encompasses "Do unto others, the way you would have others do unto you!" AND "Just do the right thing! It was written upon your heart the day you were born ~ JUST DO THE RIGHT THING!"

 

Plus HONOR ~ I keep my Honor ~ clean!

 

Integrity

 

I roll with Mr. "R" He keeps me REAL!

 

Good thread Woggle! Good Thread!

[Woggle]

I aghree that this can apply to a woman as well but so many men these days seem willing to cut off their balls and hand them over on a silver platter. I try to encourage these men and when I see them willing to take charge of their lives I am there cheering them on every inch of the way but men determined to keep torturing themselves over a woman that treats them like garbage are losing sympathy from me. No matter how sense you try and talk into them they think they if they neuter themselves even more they will fix their marital problems but it doesn't work that way.

[a4a]

I aghree that this can apply to a woman as well but so many men these days seem willing to cut off their balls and hand them over on a silver platter. I try to encourage these men and when I see them willing to take charge of their lives I am there cheering them on every inch of the way but men determined to keep torturing themselves over a woman that treats them like garbage are losing sympathy from me. No matter how sense you try and talk into them they think they if they neuter themselves even more they will fix their marital problems but it doesn't work that way.

 

Interesting that you are working so hard to try to empower men to a point where it is taking a toll on you in a personal way........... perhaps your mother felt the same passion to try to give other women power too?

 

Oddly enough you are following her path in your own way.

In many ways you are a mirror image. When you see that and recognize that; you might be able to let go of this eternal infinite struggle with her.

 

Why not just worry about Woggle and his marriage?

[Woggle]

This is not taking a toll on me in a personal way at all. My life is great but I do feel a need to share my knowledge with others. I am thinking about writing a book.

[Gunny376]

a4a+Woggle+Gunny376 what a trio we would make!

[a4a]

This is not taking a toll on me in a personal way at all. My life is great but I do feel a need to share my knowledge with others. I am thinking about writing a book.

 

You said you felt like you were carrying the water for other men...... that sounds like you feel responsible for them.

 

I am tired of trying to carry the water for these men

 

Likely you will just write a book about how to fear women and keep them at arms length - unless of course they are clones of your own wife.

 

Keep in mind that only 5,000 women like your own exist on this planet.

 

There are going to be a lot of lonely guys with only 5,000 potential partners to choose from.

 

When the honeymoon phase is over - what kinda book are you planning on writing?

[a4a]

a4a+Woggle+Gunny376 what a trio we would make!

 

Well Gunny you and I could get the job done...... while Woggle sits back and writes about it!

[Woggle]

It will not be just about fearing women. Me carryin g the water means that I try to encourage men to grow balls but it never happens. They just continue to do what causes them pain and I am tired of trying to help people that don't want to be helped. After I write the book I am concentrating on opening up my own nightclub.

[Gunny376]

Well Gunny you and I could get the job done...... while Woggle sits back and writes about it!

 

It'd be interesting ~ that's for damn sure!

 

You, me, and Woggle? With Lady Jane in the back in a VW Van on a road trip across America. Now that would be interesting!

 

AND Fun!

[Bobby NoBrains]

Maybe it has to do with the sense of loss of so much time invested and effort and emotions invested. Men generally are brought up with a sense of "You have to win" and the fact of having made a bad choice or w/e is not easily acceptable. Maybe it's the ego of it all, that you've been an idiot and made a mistake, so you go bend over backwards to try to make it into "not a mistake" which prolly won't work, but wth ..

 

Maybe it's the fear of being alone again after so long, I mean even if you were at the receiving end of a lot of crap, at least it was "your" crap, or w/e. The sense of having it all together. And when you see that going, the fear of the unknown also makes you a little desperate. I've been going through a bit of this for a while before I took the ste and called my better half on things and decided to break my marriage. I'm still messed about it after taking the decision (two minds, fears, should I play it safe, have I done what's best, etc.) .. There's no easy way unless you're perfect, and hindsight is always 20/20, hehe, but while you're in the middle of a swamp, there's gonna be mud in your shoes. Wth, here's to hindsight, at least *then* I'll know if I did what's best.

 

Just my two bits ..

 

Bobby

[a4a]

It'd be interesting ~ that's for damn sure!

 

You, me, and Woggle? With Lady Jane in the back in a VW Van on a road trip across America. Now that would be interesting!

 

AND Fun!

 

Take note: If I become bored on this trip I will moon other vehicles!

 

- didn't The Chucky Manson gang travel in a VW bus?

[a4a]

It will not be just about fearing women. Me carryin g the water means that I try to encourage men to grow balls but it never happens. They just continue to do what causes them pain and I am tired of trying to help people that don't want to be helped. After I write the book I am concentrating on opening up my own nightclub.

 

Yes Woggle they don't want to hear you..... they don't believe in what you believe in..... kinda like those people that come to your front door to convert you because they themselves have found the light and truth.... but it is their light and truth, it isn't for everyone.

 

Perhaps those door knockers are driven more by the need to validate themselves then to really want to help those behind the doors they knock on?

[Ladyjane14]

Take note: If I become bored on this trip I will moon other vehicles!

 

- didn't The Chucky Manson gang travel in a VW bus?

 

Well, I think we'll need a designated driver then. I can't look at that sober.

And we'll need a financial backer too... in order to make bail.

[Woggle]

I will be in charge of the radio for the entire trip. You will love the music I bring along.

[KittenMoon]

Well how about guys who are just utterly oblivious to the problems in their relationship until something catastrophic happens? I don't condone cheating, but I've also seen infinite examples of guys who just do NOTHING in a relationship on the rocks, despite their partner giving them dozens of chances.

 

I don't feel bad for guys who think "why didn't I do something different"- next time, stfu and DO IT!!!! Take some responsibility and action BEFORE your relationship self destructs, not after. If the woman still cheats, or whatever, obviously she's not worth it.

[Melovator]

It'd be interesting ~ that's for damn sure!

 

You, me, and Woggle? With Lady Jane in the back in a VW Van on a road trip across America. Now that would be interesting!

 

AND Fun!

 

All you need is a camera and that would be a great documentary... I'd pay money to see that!

[Ladyjane14]

On topic... I think people just muddle through as best they can. When they're ready to move on, they do. And until they're really ready, they agonize and work through the grief stages.

 

That said, I just told Psych yesterday... my husband wouldn't have put up with the whole "walkaway wife" deal. He'd have maybe given me a very short window of opportunity to pull my head out of my ass. Then he'd have chucked my sh*t and started sleeping with my friends.

 

To be honest... I'm the same way. He's not going to arbitrarily f*ck with my head and then escape unscathed. We both give as good as we get. And weirdly, knowing it keeps us from crossing the line.

[a4a]

I will be in charge of the radio for the entire trip. You will love the music I bring along.

 

I don't think so biotch!

 

Who died and make you king of the radio..... Not going to happen.

 

I am packing my machete.

 

We will switch of radio control or who ever buys the meal gets control until the next meal. And drive through greasy crap food doesn't count as a meal.

 

Oh - I will also be packing some Brie- just in case it is "needed".

[a4a]

On topic... I think people just muddle through as best they can. When they're ready to move on, they do. And until they're really ready, they agonize and work through the grief stages.

 

That said, I just told Psych yesterday... my husband wouldn't have put up with the whole "walkaway wife" deal. He'd have maybe given me a very short window of opportunity to pull my head out of my ass. Then he'd have chucked my sh*t and started sleeping with my friends.

 

To be honest... I'm the same way. He's not going to arbitrarily f*ck with my head and then escape unscathed. We both give as good as we get. And weirdly, knowing it keeps us from crossing the line.

 

 

Great we got "Miss Dudley DoRight" coming with us! :rolleyes:

[Woggle]

Well how about guys who are just utterly oblivious to the problems in their relationship until something catastrophic happens? I don't condone cheating, but I've also seen infinite examples of guys who just do NOTHING in a relationship on the rocks, despite their partner giving them dozens of chances.

 

I don't feel bad for guys who think "why didn't I do something different"- next time, stfu and DO IT!!!! Take some responsibility and action BEFORE your relationship self destructs, not after. If the woman still cheats, or whatever, obviously she's not worth it.

 

Here we go again blaming the man for the woman's actions. How about a woman taking responsibility for her actions? Really the majority of women are impossible to please and make happy. No matter what a amn does many women will still complain about everything so after a while a man just stops trying. Other women will act like everything is fine until she drops the bomb on a man who had no clue. Many women are just more drama than they are worth.

[Woggle]

I don't think so biotch!

 

Who died and make you king of the radio..... Not going to happen.

 

I am packing my machete.

 

We will switch of radio control or who ever buys the meal gets control until the next meal. And drive through greasy crap food doesn't count as a meal.

 

Oh - I will also be packing some Brie- just in case it is "needed".

 

As long as you don't play any country. No Nickelback, Chris Daughtry or anybody that sounds like them either.

[Ladyjane14]

I will be in charge of the radio for the entire trip. You will love the music I bring along.

 

If it ain't country or REAL rock 'n roll... Gunny and I will have to SING a rousing chorus of Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys between each cut. Just so ya know.

[Gunny376]

GREAT! We've not even gotten on the bus yet!