Anabel Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 to admit this, but I think I (heterosexual female) am falling in love with my good friend who is a gay man. I can't even believe this is happening to me. He is predominantly gay, but does have feelings for women at times and has been involved with a couple women before. We are very close and do practically everything together. We have this intense relationship and connectiuon with one another. We flirt occassionally when we go out, but we are strictly platonic. I am so very confused. Has anyone ever been in this situation or know of someone who has? Maybe I am just lonely. The last thing I want to sound like is an ego-maniac, but I am very attractive and have never had a lack of interest from the male sex, but, for some reason, I have not been successful in love. I have a very demanding job which keeps me from meeting a lot of people, so I may just be lonely. Since we are so connected and alike, I am worried that I will never find someone that measures up to him. This has been really bothering me and I just don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 It's pretty easy for a woman to fall in love with a gay man. They tend to be more communicative on an emotional level, more empathetic, more thoughtful and generally relate to a woman at a deeper level. You should enjoy this friendship and you may want the challenge of turning him around but I doubt it will work. I see no problem with letting him know of your feelings. I'm sure he'll be glad to talk it out and see what can be arranged, if anything. You're a lot more likely to get the answers you seek in communicating with him. Talk soon and respect his decision on the direction he wants the relationship to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted April 7, 2003 Share Posted April 7, 2003 I know of a man who was exclusively gay for a time, but he is now engaged to a woman and has moved on completely from that period in his life. I think you will never know anything about what will happen with him unless you discuss how you feel. It is quite possible he may feel the same way as you and consider the special bond you two have may be worth making sacrifices to solidify. Just because a person can be labelled gay does not mean he will want to act on those aspects of his feelings for his whole life. Finding a person you truly connect with should transcend such labels. I wish you well. Let us know!. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 8, 2003 Share Posted April 8, 2003 You can't really change your sexual orientation. If you know a guy who 'was' gay and is 'now' straight, it is much more likely that he is bi with a preference for women. However I know for a fact that there are clubs of married gay men whose wives don't know that they get gay sex on the side. Yep, gay men can be the best partners (there are lots of 'Will & Grace's out there). Problem is, unless he's really bi -pro-female, he'd not be a good husband bet. I suppose you could try being roomies with 'friends with benefits' to get your jollies - if you could handle that emotionally. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted April 8, 2003 Share Posted April 8, 2003 [color=indigo] I have two gay male friends with whom I am very close with. One went through a phase where he dated girls, before he could totally admit to himself that he was gay. My other friend is attracted to some girls, but he mainly likes men. Also, my friend's dad recently left his family and announced that he was gay, after 25 years of marriage. From my experience, gay men who live a lie and engage with women will eventually become restless and need to pursue relations with men. It sounds to me like your friend wouldn't mind being involved with women, but ultimately he will always prefer a male and seek that out. You can talk to your friend about your feelings, but I wouldn't get your hopes up about anything long term. Like moimeme said, you can't change your sexual orientation. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
aussiegirl Posted April 19, 2003 Share Posted April 19, 2003 in my view everyone's sexuality is fluid... it just depends how open you are to yourself as to what lengths you will take this. some people feel really strongly attracted to people of just one sex (either opposite or same) everyone else falls somewhere inbetween. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 19, 2003 Share Posted April 19, 2003 Fluid? Please tell me what you mean. The first sentence in your post above seems to contradict your second sentence. Perhaps if you enlighten me on your definition of fluid, I can change this opinion. If you mean sexuality is fluid in general, I would say that just about everything in life is that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Posted April 20, 2003 Board of Directors Share Posted April 20, 2003 Hi aussiegirl, Originally posted by aussiegirl in my view everyone's sexuality is fluid... it just depends how open you are to yourself as to what lengths you will take this. some people feel really strongly attracted to people of just one sex (either opposite or same) everyone else falls somewhere inbetween. Brief discussion on this subject may be found here. It might be an interesting new thread for exclusive conversation though. Feel free to start one. It's slightly off-topic in relation to the original post in this thread. Best wishes, Paul Link to post Share on other sites
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