Will a long distance relationship work with our history.

[j366755]

There is a long history behind this so it may take a while, sorry

 

I have a friend that i have known since I was about 15. We did kind of like each other but with being young and stuff we never got it together. I hung about with a large group of boys and girls and we are all still friends now, He was the guy that I grew closest too.

 

 

We grew close partly because I knew his family and he felt he could talk to me about some upsetting times for him. I love that about him because he is such a joker and a genuinly nice lad but I know that I am the only one bar his best guy friend that he opens up too about this type of things.

 

 

So we left school and we still all got together at weekends and stuff then one night out there were 4 of us on the dancefloor and as it was at the end the music changed to slow stuff, being 2 girls and 2 guys we paired off and then I dont know how but we were kissing. So we continued to be friends and about 3 times pulled each other. As I was going away to university we never talked about turning it in to anything.

 

 

The spanner in the works was a girl who I was friends with who I had told that I really liked him and had been pulling him, lets just say she was a bit loose, which I had never held against her because we were friends, but she went round to his house and laid it on a plate for him. I havent spoke to her since and know that I never did anything to deserve that.

 

 

About 2 weeks before I left my friend had a house party and I decided that before I went away I wanted to lose my virginity to him. I did and it was great, he was so caring and I have never and will never regret doing it like that.

 

 

So I went away to uni and fell straight into a 2 1/2 year relationship. During that time I saw my friend whenever I went home and we were always close when we were together but never talked on phone or anything like that, but I was completely faithful to my b/f. Then my b/f and i we split up the first time i was home and he was unnattached we got together. We just kissed and it was lovely but then the next night when I went out fully expecting to pull him his very recent ex was there and he ended up getting back with her.

 

 

She subsecuently cheated on him in a very dramatic fashion and the next time I went up we spent all night talking and then I slept with him again. Once again it was perfect and there was no awkwardness or anything. He was coming down to where I live the week after so I sais I would email him instructions where to go.

 

 

I sat on the day/night of him being down yelling Ring Ring at my phone and then he started sending me messages telling me where he was and then saying he wasnt having a very good time then asking what I was doing and then asked if I wanted company. I went and picked him up, he was quite drunk but we sat and chatted and then got in to bed as if to sleep before anything happened. Then he told me how he had always had a soft spot for me and then he said I know this sounds cheesy but will you be my girlfriend. It did sound quite cheesy so I responded by kissing him.

 

In the morning we woke up and made love and chatted, then he asked me if he could stay longer rather than getting the train back that day. Although I really wanted him too iI had to work loads so I told him that he would be by self and It wouldnt be fair or much fun for him. So he went home and sent me a few very sweet text messages that night and the day after saying thanks for looking after me ect. So odviously I think there is something going on between us, then the next time we speak is christmas eve, we were both out at different parts of country, and we were both drunk and he said he would call me the next day.

 

 

He didnt but I left it because odviously family time. But then I sent him a message and he didnt reply as he had gone away to work. He works offshore for 2 weeks of the month and gets no reception there.

 

 

Then a few days later one of my friends phoned me up and was like " I'm sorry I have to tell you this" the girl who I am nolonger friends with had phoned him up on Christmas eve and he had gone round and slept with her, apparently they had been carrying on for a couple of weeks but in the pub earlyer on Christmas eve he had said to everyone(none of us like her) that he wasnt going to go there again.

 

 

So I go up soon after and I see him on a night out but I pull someone else in front of him, this was not maliceful in any way. That night one of my friend had a bit of a go at him saying do you know what you said to her etc? And he said he couldnt remember it

 

 

Soon after I get an email from him via a high school reuniting website saying he lost my email adress how was I ect. So I sent polite but short messages back to him. Then one night at 1 oclock in the morning i get a text message from him saying are you up? he was at a work training think and drunk. We had a text conversation where he said that he ment everything he said but he was to shy to say it to me face to face, then I said we will always be friends nothing will ever change that. The next day I was a bit worryed about him so sent email saying you ok etc. He replyed yes, just a bit drunk, alone and feeling sorry for self, and appoligised for late night one sided heart to heart.

 

 

Till this weekend I hadnt seen him(its been about 4 months) but had been continuing short but lively emails. Then this weekend my 5 friends came down to visit me. On the first night we got together but I cant remember what was said coz drunk. Then we were fine no awkwardness all day then the boys and girls went out seperatly on the saturday. When we arrived home he was dead to the world so nothing happend and they went home the next day. I am considering going up this weekend and know if i do will see him.

 

Should I see if he wants to have a relationship?

 

 

My negative points for this:

1. I 2 1/2 year relationship was long distance at the end and I didnt like being the nagging woman demanding of time, especially as he is away half of thime and of corse wants to have fun when he is back. I wouldnt want to feel like i was keeping him from having fun with his friends.

 

2. In my experience there are some times in a relationship when you dont really like the other person, but you continue and things get better. I think that if a ever started to feel like that for him I would pull back straight away in order to protect friendship, so migh not give relationship full chance.

 

3. Is it just habit pulling him when I see him?

 

 

Sorry that this is so long but all the details are important in the full picture, would appreciate any advice/thoughts on this.

[Tony T]

Pardon my ignorance....but by pulling do you mean screwing, sexual intercourse??? Exactly what is pulling? What country do you live in?

 

I'd love to answer your post if you could shorten it up a bit. It has a lot of facts that I think are irrelevant. But if you don't think so, leave it like it is.

 

No matter what happens, I'll be pulling for you...if that's a nice thing to do in your country!

[Reckless]

I'm pretty certain that J3 is a fellow Brit (British person from the United kindgom) because I understood that 'pulling' is having sex. She also mentioned her boyfriends 'cheesy' request - do Americans say that?

 

Anyway, yes I think you 'pull' each other ((?) I pull, you pull, we pulleth?...) anyway, yes, I think your friend is a F*^k buddy, a stand in. You fall back on each other when you have a free moment in between relationships. I'd say stop pulling and keep him as a friend - if you were meant for each other you wouldn't be going back and forth like a couple of rubber bands.

 

Later.

R

[j366755]

Sorry, yes british. By pulling I mean kissing, nothing more. Dont know how to shorten original?

[j366755]

Thank you for your thoughts reakless but I dont think we "fall back" on each other. When we are in relationships we have always been faithful to the other person but when we see each other and are attached there is always that extra affection in how we look at each other and talk to each other. It isnt just a flippant oh well im free and your free kind of thing. It feels like when one of us has someone theres a vibe thats kind of like appoligetic or regret between us.

[j366755]

Right I am going to visit my old home this weekend and am planning on telling him that I either just want to be friends or want to try at more, any advice on best way to put this?