messed up bad with my bf husband now what?

[PoshPrincess]

The therapy sounds good but yet again all I'd have to talk about is me. ")

 

That's the idea CG! You need to talk about yourself. Often when we get ourselves into these complicated Rs there is an underlying reason why. What we have to find out is WHY we felt the need for this kind of excitement? WHY we feel the need to have affairs at all......

 

Best of luck with your BF. It must be very difficult. I think you need to be prepared for every eventuality.

[comicgirl]

So BF and I had breakfast. She came over and picked me up. We ate and she is closing on her house tomorrow and wanted me to come over and check out all the packing she has done. We get there and MM is there. She tells me "Oh yeah, it's raining and so he can't work on the roof he was doing". I about died. I came in said hi politely and we talked about 9/11 cause he was watching the coverage on tv. then he said that he remembers how much he wanted to come home to his W and their little girl at the time. My chest was starting to constrict. I told Rachel I needed to go home and do some stuff at the house. On the way home, she tells me she hopes he got up to take a shower cause they were going to do it when she dropped me off. He was going to take one earlier but "L is here, when is she leaving?" How crappy do I feel knowing they are doing it right this minute? I am going to try and stay busy. He lasts only about 5 minutes anyway:) This is sick. I need to not see them at all I guess. Cause I never know when he'll be there. I just keeping telling myself what an a**hole he is. And how he hates me now anyway. I get the feeling like he hates seeing me too. I guess I lured him into it right and now it's my fault his pants came unzipped.:mad:

[whichwayisup]

The therapy sounds good but yet again all I'd have to talk about is me.

 

That is what therapy is all about. Fixing yourself, talking about yourself. Learning and understanding about you and growing.

[brownsugah]

You're sleeping with your best friends husband. Wow. If I were your best friend I can't lie I'd beat the living crap out of you if I ever found out. You better watch out cause you are treading on dangerous ground indeed.

[stillafool]

This is sick. I need to not see them at all I guess. Cause I never know when he'll be there.

 

No, you need to stop seeing them because you are not their friend. You are being deceitful even calling this woman your BF. You don't love her! You want her husband. You are probably very jealous of her and in your mind constantly comparing yourself to her.

 

I just keeping telling myself what an a**hole he is. And how he hates me now anyway. I get the feeling like he hates seeing me too. I guess I lured him into it right and now it's my fault his pants came unzipped.:mad:

 

What an a**hole he is??????? What about you? Yes he does probably hate you and definitely doesn't want you coming around his home anymore. You remind him of something he did that was very dirty. No it isn't your fault he couldn't control his zipper but it is your fault to continue to deceive your friend. You will not go unscathed by this.

[simplegirl]

This is all too common. My BF slept with my xH and I was asleep in the other room. I found out about 6-8 months later because he confessed. I can't really remember why he confessed but he did. I would really try to end the friendship somehow and move in different directions. I analyzed everything she did after the night they slept together (looking cute to just come to the house?) and felt even more betrayed because I didn't think she felt guilty at all.

[CAT100]

^ Omg thats awfuL! Do you have any relationship with her now? What did she say to you when you found out? Was she really not remorseful?

[mourningMM]

that if your husband knows and accepts the A.

 

and

 

she openly talking about their sexual relationship, while he is avoiding you

 

maybe she knows.

 

and instead of all cheating on or with eachother you all might just do better

 

as a group?

 

Maybe everyone would stay sober and be happy with life.

 

Well, if that fantasy doesn't work, you might consider reviewing your vows.

[simplegirl]

When I confronted her about it (months later) she knew I knew so she had this elaborate story lined up about how he raped her and she was so scared of him. Now come on, if she was so scared why did she keep coming to my house for months afterward and hanging out, spending the weekend with us, even riding in the car alone with him to the store and stuff. That doesn't sound like someone who was scared. We didn't talk for about 4 years after that then we ran into each other and started talking. She was married with a baby. We all became really good friends then when I got my D she was playing both sides of the fence. Playing us against each other, putting herself in the middle. I just quite talking to her altogether. There was a lot of other stuff in between but that is the just of it. She still talks to my ex H sometimes. Last I heard her husband had moved in with an OW but it didn't work out so they were trying to work on their M.

[comicgirl]

You know, MourningMM, that a few weeks ago, I joked to the W about having a 3way and she said something to MM. He thought she was serious and I think was all for it. But I have no desire to see her nude.

 

Also, I went to pick up my kids at their school the other day. I saw MMs daughter with my kids and I had some herbs to give to the W. MM was there to get his daughter and as I walked up I saw that he was talking to a woman who he and I had fought about several times as i thought she was hitting on him. And it was gross to see her asking him for help with her baseball swing. He was all about trying to be helpful. I was so pissed even though I knew I couldn't say anything about it. I tried to be casual and told him (after being ignored by MM and this chick for about 2 minutes) that I had this stuff for his W. Then I said goodbye. So, I am over at their house this morning helping the W move stuff into their new house. She tells me that MM said I seemed pissed when I saw him talking to this other chick. That I just flung the herbs at him and left. I told her that i thought this chick had designs on MM and to watch out. She actually laughed and said she knew MM would never cheat. NEVER!!!! Ugh. I think he was trying to see if I would get jealous and say something but I haven't said a word to him about anything except Hi and Bye. What a dick!

[bish]

My H had been telling me for the past few months that if I wanted to have an A with someone just tell him who it was and to be careful.

 

what? hmmm....i suspect that is because if he gives you the green light for an affair, he won't feel bad when he parts a few legs himself.

 

Either that or he is the biggest wimp in the world and will put up with you screwing other guys just to avoid having to go through a divorce.

 

Its got to be one of those two....nothing else makes any sense.

[comicgirl]

I had told the W a few months back to her face that I was having an affair with her H. I actually waited a minute after telling her to see what would happen. She started laughing! She just knew there would be no way he would do it so I must be joking.

 

Re:my H and the permission to have affairs. We talked yesterday and have decided that in order for our marriage to keep going, we are both going to have affairs. H hasn't done anything. He loves me and doesn't want to get divorced. We have 3 kids and if we are doing outside things, we need to make sure that we protect them from any drama. Keep this stuff to ourselves and do not discuss it in any area that they are because kids are super sleuths. Not sure how I feel about this mutual affair thing. Kinda weird. I never thought H had the balls to actually do it. Guess I was wrong. Now I'm thinking he is already locking his sights on someone else. he mentioned someone yesterday.

[norajane]

Re:my H and the permission to have affairs. We talked yesterday and have decided that in order for our marriage to keep going, we are both going to have affairs.

 

Not sure how I feel about this mutual affair thing. Kinda weird. I never thought H had the balls to actually do it. Guess I was wrong. Now I'm thinking he is already locking his sights on someone else. he mentioned someone yesterday.

 

If you're not sure how you feel about it, then why did you agree to it? What if he has an affair and then you see that you can't stand sharing him with someone else? What if he falls in love with someone else? Did you discuss what you would do if one of you wanted to leave the marriage because you were in love with your affair partner?

 

At the very least, did you agree that you would both use protection to prevent STD's and pregnancy, that you would be honest with your affair partners and make sure they know you are married, agree to stick to single people so you aren't messing in someone else's marriage, and agree not to screw around with someone that you are both friends with?

[Ladyjane14]

Not sure how I feel about this mutual affair thing. Kinda weird. I never thought H had the balls to actually do it. Guess I was wrong. Now I'm thinking he is already locking his sights on someone else. he mentioned someone yesterday.

 

Good for him. I never thought I'd ever see a scenario in which I could root for the OW with alacrity... but here we are.

 

Hopefully whoever that "someone" is will scoop him up, remind him where his "balls" are, and make a MAN out of him.

[whichwayisup]

She started laughing! She just knew there would be no way he would do it so I must be joking.

 

Yeah, she trusts you both.

 

Tell ya what though, when she asks why you're distancing yourself and not seeing them anymore, she'll realize you were telling the truth.

[stillafool]

I had told the W a few months back to her face that I was having an affair with her H. I actually waited a minute after telling her to see what would happen. She started laughing! She just knew there would be no way he would do it so I must be joking.

 

Wow, why didn't you just tell the truth then? Also you said your H agreed to you having affairs as long as you told him who it was.....well did you tell him you had an affair with your BF husband?

 

Re:my H and the permission to have affairs. We talked yesterday and have decided that in order for our marriage to keep going, we are both going to have affairs. H hasn't done anything. He loves me and doesn't want to get divorced. We have 3 kids and if we are doing outside things, we need to make sure that we protect them from any drama. Keep this stuff to ourselves and do not discuss it in any area that they are because kids are super sleuths. Not sure how I feel about this mutual affair thing. Kinda weird. I never thought H had the balls to actually do it. Guess I was wrong. Now I'm thinking he is already locking his sights on someone else. he mentioned someone yesterday.

 

You'd better believe he does!! Just like everyone said he did. Don't be surprised if this woman is single and can see your husband whenever he wants to see her. Like Norajane said, what are you going to do when he falls in love with her? Just like you are obsessed over MM he will become the same way about the OW except he doesn't have to stop seeing her because you already gave him permission to cheat. You will have no argument that will make since once the train starts rolling on that scenario.

 

I think he was trying to see if I would get jealous and say something but I haven't said a word to him about anything except Hi and Bye. What a dick!

 

No he wasn't jealous he was just working on his new love interest. He probably will have an affair with this woman also because any scuzz bucket that would sleep with his wife's so called best friend is subject to do anything.

[stillafool]

By the way, are you going to stop seeing this woman and going over to their house?

[Trimmer]

I had told the W a few months back to her face that I was having an affair with her H. I actually waited a minute after telling her to see what would happen. She started laughing! She just knew there would be no way he would do it so I must be joking.

So were you toying with her, or were you genuinely intending to tell her and then lost your nerve? Once she learns the truth, it will probabaly make it all the more humiliating for her that this happened, and you let her sit there and laugh it off and keep looking the fool without being honest. No matter what you say, she will probably think you were toying with her for your own amusement.

 

Re:my H and the permission to have affairs. We talked yesterday and have decided that in order for our marriage to keep going, we are both going to have affairs. H hasn't done anything. He loves me and doesn't want to get divorced. We have 3 kids and if we are doing outside things, we need to make sure that we protect them from any drama. Keep this stuff to ourselves and do not discuss it in any area that they are because kids are super sleuths. Not sure how I feel about this mutual affair thing. Kinda weird. I never thought H had the balls to actually do it. Guess I was wrong. Now I'm thinking he is already locking his sights on someone else. he mentioned someone yesterday.

Hmmm.... this sounds familiar somehow...

Generally men encourage their wives to have affairs when the men themselves are having one and are no longer sexually interested in the wife.

[comicgirl]

It was my birthday and I told myself that I would turn over a new leaf and be an upright person. So i told her. I meant it and was serious when i said it. she said i wasn't MMs type and was laughing like i was ugly or something. All i can say is I told her. My H knows the whole deal and like I said, doesn't care. Or whatever. I'm at the point now where I'm trying to slowly stop seeing the W or the MM but now I run into them in town all the time. I never used to run into them. Now they are passing me in the street and today the wife let me into traffic in front of her. I saw MM last night when i dropped the daughter off from Girl Scouts and didn't feel any weird pangs. He was playing a video game while the W packed up the house to move and he never acknowleged that I was there so that is a good thing I guess. I just keep telling myself that he can do what he wants and see who he wants. He isn't anything to me now. Except a former screw. Which wasn't that good anyway so what was I getting upset for? My H is just flipping me out with his comments. We'll have to see what happens now. He wants to go to a swinger party next weekend. He said it makes him hot that I did certain things with MM. Whatever!

[Cad Rake]

sounds like you've unleashed the beast

[stillafool]

My H is a good husband, father, provider but I am not in love with him.

 

Well Comicgirl, since you aren't in love with your husband just put the swinger party thing out of your mind. You can start looking for other guys now. But for goodness sake stop going over to your friend's house and giving her daughter a ride. Leave her alone!!!!

[luvmy2ns]

He ragged about his wife who just happens to be your best friend but won't come over while your husband is out of town even though your husband may be fine with it and he's a drunk but you want a piece of him to continue for years.

 

Did I get all that right?

 

That all sounds like a very sick, twisted situation. My best guess is that not one of you will end up with any of you by the time all is said and done.

 

Please tell me that none of you have spawned!

 

...

[comicgirl]

I have been spending a lot of quality time with my husband and family lately. I have not gone over to MM and Ws house in a few days. I went to a bonfire with my kids and out to drinks with a lady who gives me verbal spanks about this whole affair. (Thank God for her!) Now comes the interesting part. The W is calling me 3 or 4 times a day about what I am doing. Am I coming over to hang out with her etc ? I have either not answered the phone or told her I was very busy with my own family. If she has gotten my voicemail she is now calling my H to give him messages to pass along to me. I dropped off some of her baby stuff to her a few days ago and did see MM and he was all about telling me how his ball game went and so on. I said "that's great" and "I have to jet, husbands waiting on me to go out for dinner". The W and MM were just fighting and yelling at each other over how many ice cube trays they own. He asks me if I understand why he's yelling at her and i said "i'm impartial" and as I was leaving they are asking me if I am coming over Sunday(today). I just kept walking and she has called me 2 times today about it. What the hell?

[comicgirl]

The W wanted me to come over yesterday and hang out. I went with the thought (from what she said) that MM would be doing stuff away from the house. So I went and his mother was there making curtains for their new house. Then MM and his dad show up a few minutes later with furniture. He said hi very nicely and asked me how my day was etc. I said Great and turned my attention back to the W. So MM is hanging around in the doorway making comments about some of the stuff the W has put around the house and wanting me to take his side. I just ignored him. I could feel my face getting hot. I went outside to smoke and MMs mom was seemingly upset that i was leaving or something. MM told her i would be right back. After 30 minutes of this I couldn't take anymore. I said I had to leave but then I realized MMs dad parked behind me. I went to where MM and his dad were out back smoking and asked the dad to move his car please. MM says"you're leaving, i thought you were going to hang around?" Then he looks me up and down real slow. So MM moved his dads car and then I realized i forgot my phone on the counter, so I came back a second later. I told him i forgot the phone and he asked me why don't i just move in? I said I had my own house. I said I am never over and I haven't seen the W in days for more than 5 minutes. What is he trying to say???????

[on_my_way_out]

He is playing a big game.

Stand up for yourself and do not return to the situation in any way shape or form.

Stop communication. Move if you must. Do not be played unless you want to be played.