bisoubisou Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. My boyfriend was recently chatting online while constantly checking on me to make sure I couldnt see what he was typing. When we eventually went to the bathroom, I checked his chat window and he had typed "Sorry it's hard for me to talk to you right now because she is in the room with me (referring to me)." So I confronted him and he claimed that the girl was just a friend and I was overreacting, like he imagined I would. I felt uneasy so I checked his phone records and found that he had been calling and texting her, several times a day, everyday. And they would even contact each other at weird hours of the day, such as early into the morning (3, 4, 5, 8 am). I confronted him, telling him that I knew that they talked everday, and that I knew he had been deleting the call records and the text messages from his cell phone. He had only been deleting the messages and phone calls coming from her. He claimed he only deleted this information to protect me because I am the jealous type, which is true. He said he wanted to maintain a friendship with her and knew that if I found out, I would think he was cheating. Mind you, he kept this relationship a secret from me with no intention of telling me. I just found out on my own. He says I am overreacting because the woman in question is in her mid 30s, had kids, and is married. We are in our mid 20s. But I also learned that she had propositioned another co-worker for a threesome, which made me question her morals. Please help me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 You are almost describing when my youngest lover got caught by his gf... except for the texting... He doesn't use the Internet...but she caught him with his cell phone... This guy was also calling me at weird hours... knocking at my door late late at night... And yes... he was cheating on her... I bet anything your bf is cheating with this woman. Why would they talk at 3, 4 in the morning... come on! What other proofs do you need? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 6, 2007 Share Posted September 6, 2007 Yes, he is. Even if he hasn't actually inserted his penis into her vagina he has definitely been laying the groundwork to do so, which IMO is bad enough. He says I am overreacting because the woman in question is in her mid 30s, had kids, and is married. Guys will say pretty much anything to throw you off the scent. They will tell you something about them that makes you think that there is no way they could be involved. Some say that OW is 'a lesbian', some say that she is 'ugly' - most use the lame "we are just friends" excuse. Don't be lulled by this false security. All of his 'reasons' for deleting his cell records are excuses. He is hiding this from you, not because he thinks you are too jealous. He is hiding this from you because he knows that what he is doing is wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 He sure enough is. Not only that, he's throwing it in your face with the things he's saying to you. There aren't a lot of reasons for a 35 year old to be "friends" with a 35 yr old married woman with kids unless there's sex involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bisoubisou Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 Thanks for all the advice guys. I recently found that he had also been IMing her behind my back. I really appreciate all the feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Keep your eyes open, and prepare yourself... discovery tends to trickle in. Just gather up what you have, and stash it away. When you finally reach the point where you are convinced, then it will be time to take some action. Lay low, too - because if your bf figures out what you are doing, he and OW will simply go to further lengths to bury their affair. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 years. My boyfriend was recently chatting online while constantly checking on me to make sure I couldnt see what he was typing. When we eventually went to the bathroom, I checked his chat window and he had typed "Sorry it's hard for me to talk to you right now because she is in the room with me (referring to me)." So I confronted him and he claimed that the girl was just a friend and I was overreacting, like he imagined I would. I felt uneasy so I checked his phone records and found that he had been calling and texting her, several times a day, everyday. And they would even contact each other at weird hours of the day, such as early into the morning (3, 4, 5, 8 am). I confronted him, telling him that I knew that they talked everday, and that I knew he had been deleting the call records and the text messages from his cell phone. He had only been deleting the messages and phone calls coming from her. He claimed he only deleted this information to protect me because I am the jealous type, which is true. He said he wanted to maintain a friendship with her and knew that if I found out, I would think he was cheating. Mind you, he kept this relationship a secret from me with no intention of telling me. I just found out on my own. He says I am overreacting because the woman in question is in her mid 30s, had kids, and is married. We are in our mid 20s. But I also learned that she had propositioned another co-worker for a threesome, which made me question her morals. Please help me.... Why is being friends with this girl more important than being with he's girlfriend? I think he said all that stuff to make it sound as though he is not intrested in her but really he is lying. Link to post Share on other sites
popey Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 sorry to say it, but there is no reason for him to not be able to talk to a friend when you are in the room. And I can't think of what innocent motivation he would have to be texting her at all hours of the night. He's doing something wrong and lying to you about it. drop him. Link to post Share on other sites
Chuckles84 Posted September 16, 2007 Share Posted September 16, 2007 If she is just a friend then do you guys ever go do things with her around? If he keeps her on the side and you never see her then I would for sure think something is up. If I were you I would think that same things regardless if you're a jealous type of person. Link to post Share on other sites
Whyme_wtf Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 If you tell him you do not support this type of activity then you got your word out. Draw a line and keep it. All these are typical of something he is doing in secret and will keep it secret. I have been going through something almost exact. Calls at odd hours, hiding the calls, texts and IM's. IMO, say you support him having friends and that you would be willing to meet her and talk to her. I bet he will be floored and it will never happen. He will continue this unless he really loves you and cares about your feelings, but bear in mind that he has these tendencies. I would be prepared to diconnect because I really think that he will not change. Do not let this linger long and just move on even if it is hard. I have been fighting the same thing now for 1 year and wish I had not turned back on the many times I tried to disconnect in mine. Be strong and hold your line. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted September 19, 2007 Share Posted September 19, 2007 I am sorry, but it sounds like he is doing something or about to....cheaters have a way of turning things around on you and making you look like an idiot. They say "he is ugly, she is fat .......I would not touch that with a 10 foot pole" but in reality are tocuhing it alot ! Sadly you may think you know someone but you find out you do not. Hang in there and watch him like a hawk, but prepare youself for the worst pain you have ever felt if it is true..... Link to post Share on other sites
zilverenvlinder Posted September 20, 2007 Share Posted September 20, 2007 When will men learn that we will catch them? Link to post Share on other sites
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