lost, and confuzed

[heartoutside]

2 or 3 weeks ago I was fine, until I called my ex to ask her to get her remaining things out of my place. I never thought I would really talk to her again after that. After that call several things have happened that have my totally confused and I don't know how to react.

 

1:sends me a text asking if we can talk.

2:calls me that same night late, to talk, we talk about stuff, but not us. She ends the conversation by saying ok, i'll talk to you later. And I ask is there anything else you want to talk about, she doesn't reply but asks is there anything you want to talk about, and I say no, and she hangs up.

3:The next morning I get an MSN message saying that she has added me as her message'n buddie, even though she never uses it and knows I use it all the time to talk to my brother in south america.

4: Responds to my text about seeing each other at a store meeting, saying she felt awk and thought I was mad at her.

5: Several days later, sends me a text asking if I've seen her student ID (she's been moved out of my apartment for the most part for 2 months and asks now)

6: ON a saturday night, sends a text asking how are plant is doing

7: A few nights later, sends me a text with a winking smilie face while sitting next to her roommate, the first time I know of that she's talked to me with someone else in the room. We talk back and forth.

8: Adds my childhood best friends' wife to her facebook page, even though they both have been on facebook for the past year, and only talked when I took my ex on vacation with them.

9: Several days later, in a reply to my asking how are you doing, she texts back with her new school schedule, telling me she has class on tuesday, weds and sometimes on friday. I don't reply to this text.

10: While on vacation (and she knew I was on vacation) she sends a text asking if I still have her college planner saved to my computer desktop (this also has her new schedule in it). I'm on vacation and I have no clue, so again I don't reply. She doesn't follow up with that......

11: The night i get back from my vacation, I get a late night text at 11:30 at night asking me if i know where the USB cable is for her camera I bought her way back when. I don't reply until the next morning telling her I will look later (i was busy). Then last night I get another text asking me if I had a chance to look for it? I don't reply until later that night because I was out, and i tell her no, I don't think I have it. No reply back.

 

 

I'm just lost. I know I love her (and that has been tested these past few months trust me) and I know I have to focus on myself, and I'm trying and I'm doing it..my freelance work has picked up, I'm hanging out with friends 10x's more then before. But the texts shes been sending, taking her time to move out, not moving out when the lease was up, just all these things that keep pile'n up. It would be one thing if she said she needed a break or broke up with me, moved out, took her space and that was that. But the fact that she some how keeps getting back into my life (on her own) asking me odd things, sending me a school schedule. These things aren't normal and I don't want to read into them.....

 

I've decided that I need to do NC again. It's just how I feel right now, unless I feel otherwise. I'm kind of just venting, but I wouldn't mind any opinions, suggestions, advice or support....anything.....

[niceguy27]

I did the same thing. Went NC for a while, then when I thought it was time to do a little something like call her and see if she wanted to go out, I did and was kind of blown off. I got a little angry and this time around, NC/LC is a little easier.

I just take it one step at a time man.

 

You know her better than anyone else. I believe that if you guys really do love each other you just have to tell yourself you can move on, but leave a spot open for her for when she does come back.

[birdie]

Hi heart,

 

sorry to hear it is so trying for you at the moment. do you know what you want from her? do you want her to come back to you? I know you love her but do you actually want her back?

[heartoutside]

The thing is, from the get go, I've been the one to give the space, to do NC, she always contacted me. It hasn't been until recently (after 2 months) that I felt I could maybe send out the occasional text (no calling). I guess I read too much into her sending me a text saying hi with a wink...sad i guess.

 

And it's kind of hard to judge if I would want her back with out actually sitting down with her and talking with her or something. But as it stands, I know how I feel about her, this much I know. There were times in the past few months where I totally questioned us or her or even thinking about getting back together with her. But I look back on what she and I had and it was perfect. We never fought (except for the occasional stupid fight), and we just got along so well. That's the worse part about this whole thing. I could understand if we fought, or if I hurt her, or if something wasn't right, but there wasn't anything wrong. My question is why wouldn't I want her back? Or at least allow the possiblity?

 

I do know she needs help. My counsler has said so, and most people I talk to say so too. Her past is just too messed up for her to think clearly. I suppose I would hope that if she came back she would have to get help, I would actually probably only consider getting back together if she agreed to talk to someone..........

 

I'm just lost as to why she can't stop contacting me. About 2 months ago, just before I left for south america, she sent me a text (twice) saying that she would have to talk to me until her stuff was out my apartment and her mail was getting fwd to her, two things she took her time doing. Now both are done, and she still talks to me....go figure....even after saying she could never be cool with me again for hiding my trip to south america from her (which I didn't do) she still contacts me. Time and time again, she has made a point in saying she's pushing me away, and then a week later.....she comes back in a sense.... ugh

[heartoutside]

So while standing at line at the store, I get a text. I thought it was my buddie asking me to get something for the game, but it was my ex. She says, "I'm reading my Abnormal Psych book and jewish men have higher rate of depression. Interesting huh?" That was it.....Again, I thought I wouldn't be hearing from her for a few days or a week after I sent her a text telling her I couldn't find her USB cable for her camera. And I surely didn't expect a text like this, so random and reaching.....

 

Any ideas what I should do? Should I reply? Let it be? Suggestions?

[heartoutside]

I don't know WHAT TO DO!?!?! UGH

 

I replied to her text about 6 or so hours later.....being part jewish (not raised, but my dad is) I said, "well it's a good thing i only play a jew on tv." I got an instant reply, of "that's funny!LOL." An hour or so later, I write asking how she likes her classes? again, she instantly replies with they are hard and she might have to drop one. I don't reply at all. Maybe she'll get the idea that I'm not there anymore to support her like I was when we were dating.

 

Then theres facebook. I know, I'm kicking myself for checking, I don't know why I did. But I go on her page and see that she's post her party pics from labor day and there's a picture of her and this "GUY." I also see that he's posted a picture of them at some engagement party they went to the other night. But she looks really uncomfortable, and has her hands in her pockets. BUt he's standing super close and has a smile ear to ear.....

 

What should I do? Am I getting toyed with? All these random texts. I feel like after seeing those pictures that I need to just call her up and tell her that she's either in or out? Is that a bad idea? I mean, it seems like she doesn't want to let go, or maybe she just wants me as a friend. Even though I told her we could never be friends, not for a long time...she even replied to that by saying " Bill (her ex before me) didn't talk to me for 2 years." She's still listed as single on both myspace and facebook (I caved and checked myspace after faceboook, dumb dumb) and it still has her animated pet named after me on her page.

 

I don't know what to do......

 

At the same time, I guess I shouldn't take this other guy too seriously if she's still contacting me and she still hasn't commited to him after 3 months of them hanging out. I guess he may be kidding himself too!? Or he's just a "guy" that she needs to fill the void. The funny thing about the pictures from her party is everyone looked really uncomfortable, at least all of our mutual friends did. And I've heard that from everyone, that the party was very strange. But at the same time, who goes to an engagement party as friends? Or maybe i'm reading into that too much as well!??

 

I want her to call, I've thought about calling her, but I'm trying to figure out a way to tell her via text message (her current perferred method of communication) without being blunt.

 

If i just had some patience. It sucks because I have today off, and I'm kind of sitting here sitting on my hands.......

[madgun68]

Personally, I think that be honest with her is probably the best thing you can do.

 

Being in contact with her right now is killing you. You know it is.. Wondering what she's thinking.. trying to figure out if this or that has any meaning. Most of all, you want her to realise how much she misses you and wants you back.

 

I'd just tell her that being her friend is too much for you right now and you need to be out of contact with her for a while.. then go NC.

 

Reach the point where getting back together is an option, but you're not waiting around for her and then.. maybe then you two can start talking again. Until then, it's just too hard on you.

[heartoutside]

Do I tell her that I still care for her or love her.....or my feelings about her haven't changed? I mean she knows that I don't want to be "friends" so I don't think she's trying to do that, but who the hell knows!? To be honest, this isn't killing me, it sucks, sure...but it's nothing like it was 2 months ago. I just finished reading no more mr nice guy. It really helped me realize that I need to focus on myself and not make any more excuses and not fear fear. Very good book, even if you are in a good relationship, I suggest reading it, could save it if it ever goes off track. I know it would have saved mine.

[heartoutside]

So last night I log onto myspace so I can send a note to all my friends who live in NYC telling them that I'll be coming into town for work and would like to hang out. I notice I have a message, so i check it. It's from my ex, "hi" "what are you up too?!?"

 

I didn't reply, it was kind of late last night, i just logged out quickly. What really messes with me is she posted some pictures from her labor day party on her myspace page, one of the pics is of her and this other guy (all the other pictures are with our friends all people I know). She has to konw I saw the pictures. I won't reply via myspace it just seems so stupid. Also, I don't want her to think that I'm ok with her doing whatever with this guy, and if i reply via myspace then I get the feeling she'll think so. This is the first time she has contacted me 2 days in a row.....both random.

[heartoutside]

So I caved and logged onto myspace, I didn't want to look at her page but I did. She moved this "guy" from number 3 to number 2. He wasn't there last night that's for sure.

 

So what should I do? She contacts me 2 days in a row. I don't reply and the she moves this guy to number 2 on her list. Do I tell her to get out my life, let me be?

[madgun68]

So I caved and logged onto myspace, I didn't want to look at her page but I did. She moved this "guy" from number 3 to number 2. He wasn't there last night that's for sure.

If you didn't want to see it, why did you look at it?

 

So what should I do? She contacts me 2 days in a row. I don't reply and the she moves this guy to number 2 on her list. Do I tell her to get out my life, let me be?

Not sure I'd word it like that, but you definately need to tell her something. I think I'd just say that you still have feelings for her and because of that, you need space from her. Perhaps down the road you two can resume your friendship but that time is not now.

 

If she can't respect your wishes, it would be best to sever ties permanently..