Women who reconciled with men who were sex/love addicted and sought

[V6TransAM]

I'm a 31 yr old male.

 

Was in a 4 yr relationship with a beautiful girl.

 

I played aorund online, not physical, but had profiles on dating sites and talke dot women there or on yahoo.

 

GF caught me 3 times playing around. I did deny, lie and try to turn it around on her.

 

Until this last time(3). I finally realized what I did and the hurt it was causing. It was actually her who helped me to realize it and we talked about what I could do etc. I have been beating myself to death over it and have actually cried, if u knew me, you prolly wouldnt believe that.

 

I have read quite a few books on internet fidelity and sex/love addiction and the cause of it all.

 

I participate on 2 online forums about such topics.

 

I attend SLAA meetings 2 times a week, I dont quite buy into everything 12 step related for various reasons, but I do feel I belong and being able to talk and around other people in the same situation is a godsend I will admit.

 

I also have an appointment set up with a counselor about a week from now. I need someon who I can talk to unbiased about everything.

 

She did break up with me. We talk on a limited basis, mostly on Skype unfortuneately.

 

I just want to hear from other ladies or men who were in similiar situations. Was it repairable? Either LTR or marriage? Does me seeking help and admitting it help as well?

 

I want to be the person she fell in love with. I want to get back to the person that I was as I do not much like what I have become.

 

I got involved with the thinking of getting her back, I've come to realize it was much more than that and the only way I would get ehre was to bring the "real" me back and not the facade of lies my life had become.

 

thanks

[JamesM]

V6, sad to say but your relationship with the ex may be over. She may never be able to trust you again. But that is not the reason you should be trying to "heal." It should be about you. If it is so that you can get her back, then I am afraid that eventually you will return to the online addiction.

 

Do you want her back? Did you develop your "addiction" during your relationship or before? If it was before, then you have a lot of work to do before you get with any woman. If it was while you were with her, then being with her may not be as healthy for you as you think. Why would you have dating profiles if she was so wonderful? I can understand viewing porn on line, but when you look for dates, it becomes more of a relationship issue, too. It is either because you do not "know" how to relate to women, or you cannot commit to one woman, or it is because you had a tough time relating to her. This can happen.

 

My sugestion is to get yourself "fixed" first (no, not that way:D...although that would certainly help). THEN begin thinking about relationships with women. Your goal should not be focused on some future point where you will be happy with a girl again. Your goal should be fixed on you being the man you were...or should be.

[V6TransAM]

Myself is my goal James.

 

I did go into for half the wrong reasons, but I do see now that ultimately is was me making the dumb decisions and justifying it to myself.

 

I am disgusted at myself for how I was acting and relieved at the same time knowing I am trying to get back to the person I used to be and adress some part of that every single day.

 

That is what I am working on now.

 

Something I never thought I would say lol is that a lot of people go: "why did u do this?" or "If she was so beautiful why did u?" . I didnt think of it like that at all. It wasnt about her. It was nothing to do with her.

 

It was about me and that "fix" or whatever I needed.

 

I knew in a roundabout way that it hurt her, I never said " #@$@$@ her" this will hurt her. It was about myself and being selfish.

[V6TransAM]

I would truly love to hear some input from guys/girls who have been here.