bernie.maxwell Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 I know I violated my GF's privacy by checking her e-mail, but I found this message she sent to her ex-boyfriend:I had a very strange dream about you last night. I want you to know that I think about you all the time. I think about you every day. The history is a problem. She cheated on him with me, and later broke up with him. We've since moved across the country. I've always felt like she was less committed to the relationship, and now it seems like my fears are being realized. I've tried to ask if there was anything wrong, and said I understood if, after a move, somebody was reevaluating their life. She said she was stressed with her new job and school, but said she loved me and wants to be with me. Then I found the message. I don't know if I want to confront her, or just see how it plays out. I don't know if it will hurt more to stop looking at the e-mails, not knowing what they're saying to each other, or to keep looking only to discover she wants to be with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey McG Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 So she cheated on him with you? Sorry if it sounds like I'm being an ass, but if that's the case then she's capable of doing the same to you. You've got a pretty bad email there. I think that you should lose this woman as she's already betrayed you by writing these things to this other guy. Confront her and dump her! It'll hurt in the short term but you'll be better off in the long term Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 She's a big fat cheater like many women Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Oh No, My ex sent me email after email like this for months. After he dumped me for the person he was seeing while with me (an ex). I did not respond to it too much and really I saw it as an attempt to boost his ego. He was one I have learned that has to have many irons in the fire and is keen on making sure to have back up plans and many doors ajar. Too bad for him to use all that energy at the expense of what could be more. Oh well. Dude, you made a mistake by becoming involved with someone who was involved with someone else. This is an unstable foundation. It sounds like she goes from one relationship to another and has to have the affections/attention from as many sources as possible. It is an issue and unfortunately an issue that some never grow out of. Perhaps you should confront her about this and lay it down. Although, I fear she might twist things and eventually revert to this base behavior later when things get ...stressed, boring or whatever. It is good to recognize patterns with people and know what to walk away from. Try to refrain from stealing a person away from another. It rarely works out. It did not for my ex, but then again, I am sure he has 4-5 others in his rotation. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 My recommendations. Sit back and relax on the situation. Keep tabs on her email, dont directly confront her. You cant force her to do the right thing... and if you do she will resent you and you wont be able to trust her in the future. Pull back emotionally, she should notice that. Tell her that you just dont feel like she is 100% with you. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 This is typical of someone who broke up with a lover for another. She thought the grass was greener on the other side until she got there. Now in reflection she is missing her ex. Her saying "I think about you all the time" and "I think about you everyday" tells me, as a woman, that she still has love for him. She knows she has blown it with him forever and knocked herself off that pedestal by cheating with you. She has put that out there to see if he still has feelings for her. My guest is that he doesn't. Should you trust her? I don't know. Maybe she just had to let him know how she feels but knows there's no more chance for them. Perhaps she has learned from that mistake and will not make the same error in her relationship with you. She may be a bit depressed because if she went from her relationship with her ex directly in to one with you she didn't have a chance to mourn that relationship and is doing so now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bernie.maxwell Posted September 7, 2007 Author Share Posted September 7, 2007 Things have been weird for a while, now. We don't have anything resembling a physical relationship right now, and, the last time I saw her, she didn't want to kiss me. In the past, I've ignored the advice of friends and family and put my trust in her, and now it looks like I'm reaping the rewards. I think I'll play it by ear for a bit longer, but thanks for all of the help. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Sorry but if she cheated on you with him she had no business getting e-mails from him. She should have blocked him and maintained N/C. But it sounds like from what you said she's not even in the relationship. Maybe it's not a good idea to put that much trust in her until you figure this out. Link to post Share on other sites
Curious139 Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 She may also be suffering from guilt as well as the realisation that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It depends upon a persons moral code but someone who knows cheating is wrong - but does it - sets up a real guilt trip for the second relationship. Aside from that, she cheated once - she will probably do it again. Once that ethical door is opened......... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Things have been weird for a while, now. We don't have anything resembling a physical relationship right now, and, the last time I saw her, she didn't want to kiss me. In the past, I've ignored the advice of friends and family and put my trust in her, and now it looks like I'm reaping the rewards. I think I'll play it by ear for a bit longer, but thanks for all of the help. You can't just ignore this issue, and I'm not even talking about the email she sent him. The woman doesn't want to KISS you! There's something very, very wrong in this relationship. When a woman falls out of love, or there are emotional issues in the relationship, the sex is the first thing to go. It's a symptom of a deeper problem. You need to talk to her about that. She may not want to tell you what's wrong, but the fact that you have no physical relationship and she won't even kiss you is plenty of reason to start a discussion. Even if she says there is no problem, tell her it is a problem FOR YOU that she's not interested in being intimate with you. Link to post Share on other sites
justfine Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Like another poster wrote, just pull away from her emotionally. This relationship is toast. Think about the kind of girl you really want to date and don't hesitate on making a move should someone you're interested in crosses your path. Don't chase; it's a losing strategy. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedSarah Posted September 10, 2007 Share Posted September 10, 2007 I know I violated my GF's privacy by checking her e-mail, but I found this message she sent to her ex-boyfriend:I had a very strange dream about you last night. I want you to know that I think about you all the time. I think about you every day. The history is a problem. She cheated on him with me, and later broke up with him. We've since moved across the country. I've always felt like she was less committed to the relationship, and now it seems like my fears are being realized. I've tried to ask if there was anything wrong, and said I understood if, after a move, somebody was reevaluating their life. She said she was stressed with her new job and school, but said she loved me and wants to be with me. Then I found the message. I don't know if I want to confront her, or just see how it plays out. I don't know if it will hurt more to stop looking at the e-mails, not knowing what they're saying to each other, or to keep looking only to discover she wants to be with him again. Looks like she is still hooked on her ex, your just there to please her, comfort her, give her the needs she desires. I think you should get out of this relationship. Once she cheated she will again. Before you know it she might just leave back to her ex. I think you will be better off without her. You saw what you saw, now I think you should just tell her its over, leave and never talk to her again. If she wants her ex back then I guess she just wants to be in a unhappy relationship with him. You need a better girl who is not hooked on an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 ...She cheated on him with me, and later broke up with him. .... Uh... what goes around comes around or something like that. If you are into a lot of drama, pain and suffering stay with this women. Otherwise bail. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted September 11, 2007 Share Posted September 11, 2007 Once a cheater always a cheater. So many idioms for infidelity... gotta have some truth to them eh? Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 Once a cheater always a cheater. no, not always true. but in this particular case, i do think this girl is up to something bad. and even if not, she's over you. Link to post Share on other sites
NatoPMT Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 if you have no break between relationships you have no time to come to terms with your mistakes, to learn from it, to introspectively examine what you want, so you are much more likely to get locked into cycles of behaviour repetition. you have to talk to her. you have to communicate. if you sit on this and somehow the issue gets left behind, you are then left with someone you are then on very different emotional paths from, the distance between you wont get cemeted properly if you dont get through it the 'right' way. You are setting future patterns by how you behave now. how is it ever going to be a stable, comfortable relationship if you can only deal with huge holes by ignoring them? the problems you have between you are either caused or compounded by her not confronting her feelings and youre doing the exact same. dont mimic her bad behaviour. do right by yourself Link to post Share on other sites
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