danimani Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 This is my first time ever posting to a thread like this, but I need to vent and also hear from others. Here's the situation- My husband is always accusing me of looking at other men. I love my husband dearly. He's a hunk and, for the most part- a sweetheart, I have no desire for anybody else and I tell him so. But it never fails that when we're out and about together or with the kids (3 beautiful boys), he gets angry and asks me why I was looking at guys. I could've just been glancing in that direction or actually looking at the person, but he feels that I'm wrong and it always causes a problem. Today it happened again and I just feel fed up! I feel like I'm losing my mind. I'm generally an outgoing person, but to avoid getting into an argument with him about this when we're together I'll hold my head down or make an obvious effort to look at him all the time. It's ridiculous. I tell him how silly this is, but he's so upset that he won't listen to reason. Is it me or is my husband jealous? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted September 7, 2007 Share Posted September 7, 2007 Looking is not the root cause. Talk to him and find out why he feels insecure! Does he feel unattractive? Do you turn down his advances alot? This isnt normal male behavior, so you need to find out the why! Link to post Share on other sites
MakeLoveNoWar Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 I can understand your husband, Cobra_X30 - what is normal male behavior? I didn't understand from you, if you do look at other mens? you can love your man, but still wanting more, it is really OK, or it is a case where you actually don't look at others, but your husband still think you do, so, tell you the truth, I think he is paranoid, But, if deep inside of you, you want to look at others, beleive me your husband "feel" that, Interesting topic, can you update? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 8, 2007 Share Posted September 8, 2007 Is this a new thing, or has he always made a point of telling you not to look at other men? And I wasn't clear from your post...are you looking at (ogling) other men you find attractive? If you are ogling, then I can see your husband's point - very few people like to see their partner checking out other people. It makes them feel threatened and jealous. If you aren't ogling, then you do need to talk to your H about it. Why does he think you're interested in other men? Does he look at women on the street? Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby NoBrains Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Is it something that has just started or have you been facing this from day one ? If this is something new, then there has prolly been something in your behaviour that made him think that. Do you ogle or do you flirt at all (and maybe he caught you at it but dint say anything, and now he's become suspicious or unhappy about it ?). There is also a remote possibility that he has got something going on, which makes him over-sensitive to anything you might do. Don't read too much into that, but it is a possibility. On the other hand, if it's always been like this, it means he's just one of them over-possessive husbands who doesn't like his wife to look at anyone else cause he's also, possibly, insecure ... Just my two bits .. Bobby Link to post Share on other sites
ninga317 Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 it sounds like he's insecure, for whatever reason, only you or him know...for instance if there has been infidelity on either side, or money troubles where he doesn't feel like he's doing his part or whatever. it could be a number of reasons. also it's very much a control tactic and it will eventually eat away at your own self esteem. it sounds like you are already changing your own personality to make sure that you don't rock the boat with him, and somebody changing who they are for another person is never a good idea. you need to have a talk with him and tell him that it is really starting to effect you and the way you deal with other people. pretty soon you're not want to go anywhere with him for fear that you will be accused of doing something that you are not doing. my boyfriend and i have been together for a long time and we always comment together on how somebody else looks...whether it be an attractive man or woman. there is nothing wrong with appreciating good looks of either sex. it doesn't mean that we want them (that is not how we are) it means that we are secure with ourselves and eachother. Link to post Share on other sites
SoHotZanzibar Posted September 29, 2007 Share Posted September 29, 2007 Looking is not the root cause. Talk to him and find out why he feels insecure! Does he feel unattractive? Do you turn down his advances alot? This isnt normal male behavior, so you need to find out the why! What is normal male behavior? Are you an expert in human behavior? One thing we don't know is HOW she is looking at these guys. We only get one side of the story here Link to post Share on other sites
ohmy3 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 sounds to me he the "ISSUE", as after read her post she sounds somewhat scared! I pray this stops for you, it needs to be worked on by HIM ASAP, this is very unhealthy behavior , if he's thats upset over it so easy that you just happen to make eye contact w/ other humans men or women, that you hang your head down to not MAKE him upset ? Sounds like he needs therapy ASAP. Yes I am assuming your not being a pig, I just don't read that in you words, I Read Fear, I don't read it in the way if you were Angry as you can't look like you were getting your JOLLIES OFF not @ all. There is fear in your words and you being extremely WORRIED of how to not upset him, sounds imposs., like he has serious Trust ISSUES and needs help ASAP, if you go to church a pastor can be a good start........ GOOD LUCK. Yes I am speaking of some exp. in my past and feel it is URGENT to get this addressed ASAP. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahBeth04 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 Your husband is jealous and it is unacceptable behavior, IMO. You can not possibly stare at your husband the ENTIRE time you two are out. It does not matter if you do look at other men, I am almost positive he does not stare at you the whole time, and he probably glances at other women. It is human nature. You need to some how put a stop to this behavior before it escalates. Jealousy is never a good thing in a realtionship. Link to post Share on other sites
SarahBeth04 Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 sounds to me he the "ISSUE", as after read her post she sounds somewhat scared! I pray this stops for you, it needs to be worked on by HIM ASAP, this is very unhealthy behavior , if he's thats upset over it so easy that you just happen to make eye contact w/ other humans men or women, that you hang your head down to not MAKE him upset ? Sounds like he needs therapy ASAP. Yes I am assuming your not being a pig, I just don't read that in you words, I Read Fear, I don't read it in the way if you were Angry as you can't look like you were getting your JOLLIES OFF not @ all. There is fear in your words and you being extremely WORRIED of how to not upset him, sounds imposs., like he has serious Trust ISSUES and needs help ASAP, if you go to church a pastor can be a good start........ GOOD LUCK. Yes I am speaking of some exp. in my past and feel it is URGENT to get this addressed ASAP. I agree! She does sound scared. Good advice! Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted October 4, 2007 Share Posted October 4, 2007 From a males point of view, I must admit I have had this happen to me. Well where I have noticed at least. There was this one time I can remember where this real built guy was walking down the street with his shirt off and an ex girl friend of mine practically broke her neck to look at him. I told her to take a picture it will last longer and she flipped! Did I deserve that response? Not sure maybe I did, but it sure made me feel bad. Of course my male ego wouldn't just let it go and needless to say it ended up being an argument over whether or not she did it. I just could not get over the fact that over the short time we were together I always made it a point at not staring at some girl's great azz in front of her and not gawking and she could not even give it the same effort. It was an insecurity on my part, that much I will own up to. He had the body I always wanted, I should have just ran him over;). If your husband is making it a point to always watch you to see if you are looking then I would say it is most likely an insecurity. Especially if you are looking at everyone... kids, old people, dogs, women... and he only says something when a man crosses your path. How do you stop it? I don't know, it depends on him being receptive to your complaint on this issue. It may take you refusing to go any where with him to accomplish anything, but I doubt that will do anything either. Like the other poster said you may want to talk to him and see what insecurity may lie within. Goodluck! Thomas Link to post Share on other sites
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