Bijou Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 My partner and I have a long distance relationship...but have been fortunate to have seen each other on a monthly basis since our relationship began. Before the cheating incident we had a wonderful healthy relationship...however we both have baggage...Long story short she reverted to her old ways she once told me about before we met...she cheated. With all the trust in the world before this happened...I don't know how to trust her again...It's sad because before that we already had the presure or weight of ourr long distance relationship...now pandora's box... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 You, on your own, can't rebuild trust. SHE has to rebuild it with you by being trustworthy. If she has a history of cheating...well...I'm sorry. Odds aren't good that she will refrain from cheating again...and again. There's something within her that causes her to do it. It's not about you, it's about her. Has she explained the circumstances of the cheating? Has she told you how she feels and thinks about what she did...is she remorseful, understands how her betrayal makes you feel, understands that you do not trust her? Does she even believe she can remain faithful in a relationship, or does she admit it could happen again? Is she willing to go to a therapist to figure out what causes her to cheat in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
lovelorcet Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 This may sound a bit blunt... 1. She has a history of cheating 2. You guys are in a LDR 3. Regaining trust takes ALOT of time and ALOT of effort from both people In a situation like this I think you are going to be more likely to invent cold fusion in your bathtub then to truly be able to rebuild trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bijou Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 Hi... thank you... it's funny because i know i need to walk away. it's love her or love myself more... you know with my life's journey i have exsperienced many obsticles good bad and ugly and take relief in those exsperiences that i made it im a stronger person and i know for a fact that in the end making the decision to leave will not only be for the best but also knowing ill make it through the pain... but right now it's so damn hard... how do i leave? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bijou Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 Hi... believe it or not... she has huge trust issues from a past relationship... but we all have baggage if you will...she acted on hers... we have and do talk in depth about what happen how it can or will be the demise of our relationship because of the questions and distrust now on my part blah blah her family is even involved she called her sister and than her mother found out i feel even though she we are willing to work and understand the situation patience will run thin and she may find reason again... that's what i explained to her now because of her behavior there are so many different elemnets how do people stay together for fifty years and go through what ever and make it how is that possible... my gut my heat tells me i need to leave but how? . Link to post Share on other sites
tinke Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 ouch! there is so much involved here...past hx of cheating that you are aware of, present cheating, LDR.... i can only tell you of my own experience qith one particular LT..LDR...... he would leave and immediately be with another, another form of cheating, in my eyes. NEVER, EVER did i note any remorse, apologies, etc. he seemed to always have reasons to blame me for his actions. we would resume, thought things are going fine..and again..he would leave. if things were unsuitable for him, his answer was to leave to another. the rollercoster ride of push and pull was painstaking. the most valuable lesson i have learned and will carry this onto the future is this: NEVER will i trust a cheater again!!! if they had the disrespect to do it once, what would stop them in the future...there will be another reason, and they can easily justify their actions. they are selfish in their needs,etc. it may be much easier for some to seek gratification from another attention-giving subject, rather than discuss their concerns with you. i will always believe..once a cheater..always a cheater! it is something in their personalities, not to do directly with you. perhaps, a low ability for commitment, loyalty. do listen to your gut feeling..it is telling you to beware. (smart gut!) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 I don't know how she can fix this, it being a LDR makes it much harder. Unless she's willing to move to be with you, show you she's worthy of another chance, it'll be REALLY HARD to trust her with the distance between you two. It hurts and you love her, but is she worth that pain? IS she worth another chance? That is what you need to decide. Has she done anything different since you found out she cheated? Has she attempted to go to counselling to fix her issues that led her to cheat in the first place? Link to post Share on other sites
justfine Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Long distance relationships are B.S. There is no need to communicate with your cheating GF. Just go forward with your life as if you were single and should you meed someone you're interested in, pursue it. If you expect your significant other to be faithful to you in a LDR, you're being unrealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
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