My mind is closing in on me, i feel angry inside... !?

[Mydish1]

I dont know whats becoming of me, but as of late I feel my mind is becoming more closed off. I've been working at this new job and they're training me there, unfortunate as it is I have to play the apprentice role, and when there's downtime i usually stare into my computer screen or look at the wall. My old and current friends, we usually wind up doing the same thing so I've gotten pretty mellow about whether or not we hang out...and most often now I let them decide where to go and what to do.

 

I'm still somewhat new at the company, a few days ago they had a small social beer/pizza thing...everybody was invited but they knew everybody, and me going in to grab a beer was kind of like crashing a party (I honestly felt like the party crasher but i didnt care). Everyone was in their own little niche (they've been working at the company for over a year), and i was the loner there sipping my beer. After I had some beer, i felt more comfortable socializing with the people there.

 

Aside from work, i havent been meeting anyone new. And old acquaintances that probably do want to catch up, i dont want to. Im usually too tired to do anything afterwork, so i just wind up going home. I've also been looking into buying a condo, my mom is paying for the down payment (since i dont have enough saved up)...there are conflicts of interest..either I'll like the apartment and she'll hate it and vice versa, it's her money, we usually dont come to an agreement and we start arguing. Honestly I could care less about the condo, and would rather live on rent...but she's the one that insists on buying a condo. since she's the one with the cash, she's calling the shots, so why the f*ck do i need to bother negotiating with her? I can hold my own on rent.

 

A month ago I was a completely different guy, proactive, initiator, socializer, enthusiastic...i dont know what's happening to me/my mind but I feel like it's out of my control... I feel like im growing anti-social, and I also feel like I've lost my sense of self.

Right now I feel angry inside, primarily about what? I dont know. But I dont know how to release my anger or who to target it on...usually i would forget about it easily, but this time i dont think i can or will.

What am i supposed to do?

[beautifulearth83]

You don't need to look for somebody or something to target it on.

 

We all have our times where we're stressed or not social. It sounds to me like you may be at a bridge in your life. You're at a new job but it doesn't feel much more exciting than the last, you have the opportunity to get a condo, but you're afraid that it might tie you down more. Those are just ideas. You know the most about your situation.

 

Do something you enjoy that you haven't done in a long time. Maybe something constructive, a hobby. Have fun and enjoy the results. It'll help put things into perspective and strengthen your will power.

 

Hope this helps,

BE

[JCD]

Instead of renting a place, put that rent towards your condo. I think maybe you're growing older and leaving behind things from past and looking towards uncertain future. I think it'll get better once you settle in your new style.

[Mydish1]

You guys are onto something...I might be a little uncertain about my future right now...this whole 'settling down' thing is coming at me so early in my life, I'm still in my early 20's...maybe I just need some time to clear my thoughts.

 

Everyone my age (and even older), are living life as if they are going through it day by day, either partying, finishing college, or jumping from job to job in a short time frame, traveling. Not that I haven't done any of those, I have done all of that. But the thing is they're living life freely without pressures or worry about their future, and they will cont' to do so for years to come and in a sense you could say they're enjoying it.

 

My new job, likely I'll be staying there for a few years to come and see what happens, which might not be the prettiest sight. And the condo...what if i met someone and decided to get married one day, have kids? the Condo I choose to buy now may not be ideal in the future, such as raising a family...and neighborhoods change rapidly in a decade or two. I know I could try selling it down the line, but is it worth the headache?

 

the condo and my job are commitments that I'm going to have to be responsible for. Although it seems my life is coming together and settling down, I'm not 100% sure I want that right now. I mean I could wind up moving to another state or even country...who knows, that's how life is!

 

My friends and colleagues are in the stage of making ends meet...in a sense I do miss and envy that. But on another note I also know they yearn for stability and a good job. It's like I want what I cant have and dont want what I can have...this is all confusing!..maybe I just need a gf to give my purpose in life more meaning...I know in the end im doing this for my own good, but it might mean more if i had it someone to share it with.

[beautifulearth83]

You guys are onto something...I might be a little uncertain about my future right now...this whole 'settling down' thing is coming at me so early in my life, I'm still in my early 20's...maybe I just need some time to clear my thoughts.

 

Everyone my age (and even older), are living life as if they are going through it day by day, either partying, finishing college, or jumping from job to job in a short time frame, traveling. Not that I haven't done any of those, I have done all of that. But the thing is they're living life freely without pressures or worry about their future, and they will cont' to do so for years to come and in a sense you could say they're enjoying it.

 

My new job, likely I'll be staying there for a few years to come and see what happens, which might not be the prettiest sight. And the condo...what if i met someone and decided to get married one day, have kids? the Condo I choose to buy now may not be ideal in the future, such as raising a family...and neighborhoods change rapidly in a decade or two. I know I could try selling it down the line, but is it worth the headache?

 

the condo and my job are commitments that I'm going to have to be responsible for. Although it seems my life is coming together and settling down, I'm not 100% sure I want that right now. I mean I could wind up moving to another state or even country...who knows, that's how life is!

 

My friends and colleagues are in the stage of making ends meet...in a sense I do miss and envy that. But on another note I also know they yearn for stability and a good job. It's like I want what I cant have and dont want what I can have...this is all confusing!..maybe I just need a gf to give my purpose in life more meaning...I know in the end im doing this for my own good, but it might mean more if i had it someone to share it with.

 

A good thing about this is that it seems like you're trying to look at it honestly and from different perspectives.

 

It seems like you're worrying a lot about how much the simple changes in your life are going to affect you years ahead. It seems like you like to play it safe. Sometimes that could be a good thing, but sometimes it doesn't allow change, fun and growth.

 

So why not take a chance? Try something different, change up the routine. Buying a condo and leaving it up to those external things don't guarantee a wife and/or your ideal lifestyle. It's you and your experiences that do.

 

Hope this helps

[daZed&confUsed005]

try to do something productive man..like for example i go to the gym to blow of steam and stress..it helps me cope with alot of things..hopefully it will do the same for you..and also try to have the weekends to go out and do random things..things you haven't done or experienced yet