wc5061 Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 My girlfriend of 9.5 months broke up with me about two weeks ago. We broke up about a month ago, but got back together for a couple of weeks and then she broke up with me again. We were really happy together and then all of a sudden she just broke up with me. A month before we broke up, we both thought that our relationship would last at the very least for another year. Her rationale for breaking up is that I made her feel too secure and she didn't want to be so dependent on my to feel happy and secure. She also wants to try and balance her life better and incorporate her friends into her life. Also, part of it is because I had some control issues and was selfish about letting her spend time with her friends. Part of the problem was that I had jealous tendencies and she wasn't very open about her social life; or at least not as open as I wanted her to be. That just made me feel as if she was hiding something. I realized that I had this control issue, so now I'm seeing a counselor to try and resolve it. Other than that I've always tried to be there for her, care, respect and love her; she reciprocated. We both agreed that there were no real issues within the relationship itself, but the problems lied with the individuals. We both have internal issues that we need to workout ourselves. After we broke up the second time around, I fought to get her back. I sent her two or three long emails about why she was making a mistake etc. We broke up on a Tuesday, and I eventually tried to go NC with her on Friday. It lasted until Sunday night, where I sent her an email telling her that I was going to give her the space she wants. Come Monday she calls me and tells me that she wants a quick hug from me. She said that she thought it was a bad idea, but she proceeded to do it anyway. We've been in somewhat frequent contact the past week, an occasional call. We agreed to lunch today and she told me that she still loved me but just didn't want to be in a relationship with me right now. She also agreed that indeed our relationship did have the makings for something special. My desire is to have her back now, but I know that getting her back now would probably fix the short-term hurt I'm feeling now, but would hinder the long-term chances of being with her. The problem I have is the fact that she's recently made friends with a group of guys and she hangs with them all the time. She hangs at their apartment fairly often and works with most of them. The paranoia in me thinks that she's bound to end up dating one of them soon. I don't really think that they're her type, but I don't know them well enough to make that judgment. So, I kinda feel pressed for time to get her back, which is why I'm hesitant to go NC. I have a plan to try and get her back. When we were dating, I was giving her Chinese lessons. She really wants to learn Chinese and I'm her only access to it. So, we've made an agreement that I'd teach her Chinese once a week. I want to try and make her realize that she's missing out on something special. Sorry for the long post, I tried to be as brief as possible. Basically, I just need some advice on how to proceed. Thanks in advance! If there's something you'd want to know, then go ahead and ask it and i'll try my best to answer it. Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpio13c Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Hey wc5061, How old are you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wc5061 Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 Oh right, that's another thing. She's 17 and I'm 19. I completely realize that there's plenty of time to rekindle things at a later date, but I may not even be in the same state as her starting next school year. Link to post Share on other sites
Scorpio13c Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 Calm down Buddy! It's o.k. to feel the way you do! Don't sweat it, Give her some space, yes that means NC, O.k.? Link to post Share on other sites
Author wc5061 Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 Well, i'm just worried about the fact that she's been hanging around with a bunch of guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Ssheena Posted September 9, 2007 Share Posted September 9, 2007 You can't do anything about who she hangs or what she does. You two are broken up. If she is only 17, she is for sure going to start going out with someone else soon. It sounds like you really need to examine why you are so insecure and have the control issues. Address those now. If you don't step away from her, you are going to risk pissing her off and then she will hate you. I can just see you quizing her about her guy friends during the "supposed" Chinese lesson and her getting ticked off at you for harassing her and telling you to F* off. I don't think you should give her Chinese lessons unless you are absolutely clear why you are doing it. Right now, you are clear and it's the wrong reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wc5061 Posted September 9, 2007 Author Share Posted September 9, 2007 Yeah, i've talked to a counselor about my issues. Part of me thinks that NC may work, but at the same time she's the kinda person that can shrug things off fairly easily. Link to post Share on other sites
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