Am I controlling

[Arizona100]

hey there

 

I have a quick question. Am I controlling? Let me explain....

 

Yesterday bf went to see his dad, as he left I said (we had something planned, something goofie, not important at all may I say) "ok well go have fun with your dad and we can do that later, no problem". The guy blew up on me, like I was telling him what to do.

I couldn't take it, said I was upset about the way he addressed me (people were around). His Answer? Seems like I am controlling, that he doesn't need my permission to do stuff and he had noticed that about me. uh? wtf? I meant it when I said have fun! I was being polite.

Am I jealous? Yeah, I can be. Do I show it? No. Now I am wondering if I somewhat pass the vibe that I can be jealous although I do stuff on my own and want him to do stuff on his own (I do NOT want to worry about my guy when he goes out! That's not me, I don't want to be someone suspicious!).

 

So? I mean I could be and not realizing .. it's all about working on our selves right..

[whichwayisup]

"ok well go have fun with your dad and we can do that later, no problem".

I think if you had said, "have fun with your dad, call me tomorrow!" the reaction you got from him wouldn't have happened. The "we can do that later, no problem" implies that he thought you were abit miffed at him for going out with his dad, instead of sticking to his plans with you. He may have thought you were being passive aggressive with him or trying to make him feel guilty. To say that as someone is walking out the door, kind of can be taken a certain way...

Or, maybe it's something from his childhood, maybe his mom said stuff like that to him and it just set him off. Or an exgirlfriend. I dunno!

 

I have to ask though, what was your tone when you talked to him? HOW did it come out? Because he could have felt abit of a jealously energy coming from you...

 

He shouldn't have gotten pissed at you with others around though, would have been better if he had spoken to you alone.

[Arizona100]

I see what you mean now. I REALLY meant it as "have fun" (family is important to me). I will change my phrasing.

Yes, his ex was controlling (my tone was a "reassuring" tone).

Thanks

[whichwayisup]

Then tell him you meant exactly what you said here...And, that you are not his ex, so he needs to try his best NOT to react to you like you are his ex.

[Arizona100]

Totally. I think he has to work on himself and stop freaking out each time I say something that resembles what his ex used to say. I will work on realizing what kind of message I might be passing in our conversations as well. We all have a past but I don't want to be carrying somebody else's sack of bricks...