How Do You Get Over Having an Absent Family?

[Kasan]

You've made me feel bad about starting threads on here now. I won't start any anymore.

 

Why would you stop starting threads? One of the features that I admire about this website is the diversity of the posters who share their opinions.

 

Do I always agree with them? Absolutely not! But whether I agree with them or not, their opinions make me think.

 

Why is your voice any less important than theirs? If you don't like what a posters says you can choose to ignore them.

 

Everyone handles what life dishes out to them differently from the next person. What one person lives with on a daily basis can bring another person to their knees. It's the human experience.

 

If we all agreed what a boring world we would live in!

[sb129]

You've made me feel bad about starting threads on here now. I won't start any anymore.

That wasn't my intention.

 

But you protest so much that we don't know anything about you, when in actual fact, we know a little bit.

 

 

 

I don't know who you mean by "we". I've found most of the people here on LS very kind and helpful. There was only a few of you who are acting like this. Everyone else has been great and I really appreciate them being here for me.

You are acting like you are being victimised on here which is NOT the case.

 

You really don't get the posts do you? They are meant to be CONSTRUCTIVE, not nasty.

 

 

My life isn't that bad....you don't know half my life. I told you one small little portion of it. This is just silly. You don't know what I've experienced or what it's like to be me. You don't know what genes I inherited or what I've dealt with all my life. I'm not saying that it can't be dealt to a degree but you really don't know that it's not the same as somebody else. I'm not mad at you for it. I know there's a lot of ignorance out there on this subject. People tend to think that everyone is just like them and has the same facilities that they do. And people tend to think that people who say that they aren't just like them, are just making excuses.

 

No, I don't know. Just as you don't know how it is to be me.

However, I have had a few tough times, and can hear echoes of them in some of your posts. I thought you might appreciate advice from someone who has been thru tough times and come out the other side.

 

You can still apply advice without knowing all the minute details.

 

We are not all given the same things. People don't expect a person in a wheelchair to get up and run a race. Maybe that person CAN run a race someday but it's going to be very, very difficult. That's the part you need to understand.

 

I do.

But you will never run the race at all without encouragement, and encouragement comes in many different guises.

 

You seem to think i have turned on you Uniqueone, which is not the case.

I don't think you should stop starting threads either. But you do need to prepared for constructive criticism.

You should be mature enough to deal with that, and not see it all as an attack. Please remember that in any future responses I (and others) may have on your threads.

 

Failing that, you could always go down to the bottom of your garden and eat worms.

[uniqueone]

You've made me feel bad about starting threads on here now. I won't start any anymore.

 

Why would you stop starting threads? One of the features that I admire about this website is the diversity of the posters who share their opinions.

 

Do I always agree with them? Absolutely not! But whether I agree with them or not, their opinions make me think.

 

Why is your voice any less important than theirs? If you don't like what a posters says you can choose to ignore them.

 

Everyone handles what life dishes out to them differently from the next person. What one person lives with on a daily basis can bring another person to their knees. It's the human experience.

 

If we all agreed what a boring world we would live in!

 

Yeah, you're right. It just made me feel bad because I've been starting a lot of threads and that comment made me feel like I've worn out my welcome here.

[sb129]

Nobody wears out their welcome here UO.

 

You missed my point.

[uniqueone]

 

You really don't get the posts do you? They are meant to be CONSTRUCTIVE, not nasty.

 

I think most people here are constructive but not all.

 

But you will never run the race at all without encouragement, and encouragement comes in many different guises.

 

I like encouragement from people who are nice and compassionate and really listen. I don't like "encouragement" from people who assume or people who think they know about me or what I've dealt with. And I don't like "encouragement" from people who think that anyone not like them just isn't trying hard enough and/or wants to play the victim.

 

And believe me, I do run the race. I've had people ask me how I could deal with the things I've dealt with and still keep going. Sometimes I don't know.

 

[Trialbyfire]

Why not communicate effectively, instead of telling people they assume things based on what you've written? They obviously draw conclusions and in many of your threads, many of the conclusions drawn by multiple members, tend to be the same. The only commonality is you, once again.

[uniqueone]

Why not communicate effectively, instead of telling people they assume things based on what you've written? They obviously draw conclusions and in many of your threads, many of the conclusions drawn by multiple members, tend to be the same. The only commonality is you, once again.

 

 

LOL.....you're right, TBF......you are just so right.

 

[sb129]

I don't like "encouragement" from people who think that anyone not like them just isn't trying hard enough and/or wants to play the victim.

 

This is "assuming" things about these people. Where has anyone said that you should be like them? Or that you aren't trying hard enough?

I certainly haven't said that. By telling you about myself I wasn't saying you should be like me. I was just letting you know that I know what its like to go through a tough time, and that it is possible to get through it. It was trying to be encouraging.

 

If you interpret some of the posts as saying the things quoted above, then you are doing precisely what I do when I read your posts. I interpret them in a certain way. You say thats "assuming" things, and say that its wrong, yet you do the same thing when reading responses to your posts. You interpret them as saying things that they may not be saying.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm of the firm belief that the only person who limits us, is ourselves. Everyone has the capacity to grow as much as they want or as little as they want. The only problem is that people don't want to give up the security of what they know versus the unknown.

[Cobra_X30]

Why not communicate effectively, instead of telling people they assume things based on what you've written? They obviously draw conclusions and in many of your threads, many of the conclusions drawn by multiple members, tend to be the same. The only commonality is you, once again.

 

TBF... I know Ive told you this before but You need to be aware of the difference between bieng blunt and bieng rude! Sometimes in an effort to be that "call'em as I see'em", "straight shooter" type, you lack in sensetivity and foresight!

 

Sometimes, people will object more to your approach than your content.

[Trialbyfire]

TBF... I know Ive told you this before but You need to be aware of the difference between bieng blunt and bieng rude! Sometimes in an effort to be that "call'em as I see'em", "straight shooter" type, you lack in sensetivity and foresight!

 

Sometimes, people will object more to your approach than your content.

Cobra, if I recall correctly, you've got some approach issues too. Seems to me that you've also been taken to task...

 

Everyone has a style.

[sb129]

Well I got roped into this thread because the OP actually PMd me to ask my opinion on some of the posts on here!

 

So I am not going to accept any criticism for giving it!

 

I am sorry if its not what the OP expected from me, but thats life.

[Cobra_X30]

Cobra, if I recall correctly, you've got some approach issues too. Seems to me that you've also been taken to task...

 

Everyone has a style.

 

True, but as you recall I also apologize when I make a mistake! If our positions were switched, I would consider this a good time to take that approach.

 

Are you seriously here to attack or to help?

[uniqueone]

This is "assuming" things about these people. Where has anyone said that you should be like them? Or that you aren't trying hard enough?

I certainly haven't said that. By telling you about myself I wasn't saying you should be like me. I was just letting you know that I know what its like to go through a tough time, and that it is possible to get through it. It was trying to be encouraging.

 

If you interpret some of the posts as saying the things quoted above, then you are doing precisely what I do when I read your posts. I interpret them in a certain way. You say thats "assuming" things, and say that its wrong, yet you do the same thing when reading responses to your posts. You interpret them as saying things that they may not be saying.

 

I'll give an example....you assumed that I must have been bothering my sister all the time with my problems. That is what you told me outside of this thread. That's what I mean by assumptions.

[Cobra_X30]

Well I got roped into this thread because the OP actually PMd me to ask my opinion on some of the posts on here!

 

So I am not going to accept any criticism for giving it!

 

I am sorry if its not what the OP expected from me, but thats life.

 

Are you responding to me?

 

I'm sorry... I cannot comment on whatever you said in a PM that I am not privy to.

 

I would caution you that just because someone asks your opinion, it does not give you instant permission to say whatever you want.

 

That said, I see 99% of your posts on LS are very compassionate and logical, which may be why your opinion was sought in the first place!

[Trialbyfire]

True, but as you recall I also apologize when I make a mistake! If our positions were switched, I would consider this a good time to take that approach.

 

Are you seriously here to attack or to help?

I was here to get someone's mind on the right track of doing what they need to do, to get them out of the garden...

 

When people cycle and can't break out of their rut, you can heap on the sympathy but it will not do any good. It will give them a reason to stay in their pathetic rut. Here's a woman who has the potential to be so much more. I hate to see it go to waste because she's stuck in self-pity.

 

Since you've personally attacked me, who knows what I will do.

[uniqueone]

Well I got roped into this thread because the OP actually PMd me to ask my opinion on some of the posts on here!

 

So I am not going to accept any criticism for giving it!

 

I am sorry if its not what the OP expected from me, but thats life.

 

I don't think you need to feel roped in here and I don't really need your input. The only reason I asked is because you and I had talked about it previously. And it doesn't matter to me what your reply was.....it's not upsetting me. In fact, it's good to know what you REALLY think vs. what I thought you were thinking.

[Cobra_X30]

Since you've personally attacked me, who knows what I will do.

 

????

 

Please explain!

[uniqueone]

When people cycle and can't break out of their rut, you can heap on the sympathy but it will not do any good. It will give them a reason to stay in their pathetic rut. Here's a woman who has the potential to be so much more. I hate to see it go to waste because she's stuck in self-pity.

 

 

What's with this "cycling" business? I'm not in any kind of cycle. It sounds like you're basing my actions on a pre-conceived formula you have of what "cycling" is. Why not just take things as they are? No preconceptions....just take an individual as is.....don't try to peg them into a "type".

 

I'm not trying to stay in a rut. If you'd see me in my day to day life, you'd never know I was in a rut. I've spent times today laughing quite a bit with people. Things made me happy for the moment and I fully let them. However, that doesn't mean I forget what my sister did or other things that have occurred. They're still there. And sometimes they overwhelm me.

 

But a rut? I do quite a bit with my day--more than a lot of people that I know. It's not like I'm lying around with my head under the covers. I do have the potential for more but there are things that hold me back. I don't want to share the details with you because I don't think you're the type of person to understand.

[Trialbyfire]

???? Please explain!

Haha...and you wonder about my approach? Cobra, as expressed before, when you're a mod, you're welcome to try to control my approach.

 

Beyond that, I'll post as I see fit.

[sb129]

 

I would caution you that just because someone asks your opinion, it does not give you instant permission to say whatever you want.

 

That said, I see 99% of your posts on LS are very compassionate and logical, which may be why your opinion was sought in the first place!

 

No, but if you can't give a thoughtful version of your opinion, then you are lying, right? And lying isn't constructive or helpful.

BTW thanks for the compliment.

 

I'll give an example....you assumed that I must have been bothering my sister all the time with my problems. That is what you told me outside of this thread. That's what I mean by assumptions.

 

Ok whatever. I was wrong about that, however, I still think you took that response totally the wrong way. Whether i was right about you bothering your sister was actually not as relevant as you think, as the POINT of my response was to tell you to maybe looks at YOUR behaviour, rather than that of your sisters.

You don't have control your sisters behaviour.

But you DO have control over the way YOU react to your sisters behaviour.

 

I don't think you need to feel roped in here and I don't really need your input. The only reason I asked is because you and I had talked about it previously. And it doesn't matter to me what your reply was.....it's not upsetting me. In fact, it's good to know what you REALLY think vs. what I thought you were thinking.

 

What you assumed I was thinking, you mean?

 

By taking the stance you have against my responses, you are assuming many (incorrect) things about me, I just wanted to tell you that people who live in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones.

 

If you were upset, I would feel bad, as not once have I intended to upset you. I merely asked you to look at the situation from a slightly different viewpoint. I think that you could benefit greatly from stepping back and looking at a few things from a slightly different perspective.

 

If you didn't want different perspectives, why post on a public forum?

 

Good luck UO. I feel like I am banging my head against a wall with you, and you really have so much going for you.

[Trialbyfire]

What's with this "cycling" business? I'm not in any kind of cycle. It sounds like you're basing my actions on a pre-conceived formula you have of what "cycling" is. Why not just take things as they are? No preconceptions....just take an individual as is.....don't try to peg them into a "type".

 

I'm not trying to stay in a rut. If you'd see me in my day to day life, you'd never know I was in a rut. I've spent times today laughing quite a bit with people. Things made me happy for the moment and I fully let them. However, that doesn't mean I forget what my sister did or other things that have occurred. They're still there. And sometimes they overwhelm me.

 

But a rut? I do quite a bit with my day--more than a lot of people that I know. It's not like I'm lying around with my head under the covers. I do have the potential for more but there are things that hold me back. I don't want to share the details with you because I don't think you're the type of person to understand.

That would be your assumption of me...

 

Do you feel it's worthwhile to hold a grudge against your sister or other family members or is it worthwhile to let it go but know that you can't depend on them to provide your needs?

[uniqueone]

 

Ok whatever. I was wrong about that, however, I still think you took that response totally the wrong way. Whether i was right about you bothering your sister was actually not as relevant as you think, as the POINT of my response was to tell you to maybe looks at YOUR behaviour, rather than that of your sisters.

You don't have control your sisters behaviour.

But you DO have control over the way YOU react to your sisters behaviour.

 

 

What you assumed I was thinking, you mean?

 

By taking the stance you have against my responses, you are assuming many (incorrect) things about me, I just wanted to tell you that people who live in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones.

 

If you were upset, I would feel bad, as not once have I intended to upset you. I merely asked you to look at the situation from a slightly different viewpoint. I think that you could benefit greatly from stepping back and looking at a few things from a slightly different perspective.

 

If you didn't want different perspectives, why post on a public forum?

 

Good luck UO. I feel like I am banging my head against a wall with you, and you really have so much going for you.

 

Gee Sb, you really seem to want to take an argumentative stance here when I've not said anything in my last post to bring this about. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall too. I'd rather just let this last post of yours go because it's not leading to anything productive. Sorry to have "roped" you in, Sb.

[uniqueone]

That would be your assumption of me...

 

And probably a valid one. There are people that I know not to share personal information with because they use it against the person.

 

Do you feel it's worthwhile to hold a grudge against your sister or other family members or is it worthwhile to let it go but know that you can't depend on them to provide your needs?

 

Who said anything about a grudge being held?

[Cobra_X30]

Haha...and you wonder about my approach? Cobra, as expressed before, when you're a mod, you're welcome to try to control my approach.

 

Beyond that, I'll post as I see fit.

 

Your not the kind of person to be controlled! But, you are the kind of person that is smart and see's reason! Shoot, if you didnt have anything intelligent to say, I wouldnt bother telling you this!

 

So, yes I will point it out to you occaisionally when you give someone the rougher edge of your tongue. I would expect you to do no less for me.

 

So do you think I should apply for a position as a mod?