How Do You Get Over Having an Absent Family?

[uniqueone]

 

So do you think I should apply for a position as a mod?

 

 

-I- think you should!

[Trialbyfire]

Your not the kind of person to be controlled! But, you are the kind of person that is smart and see's reason! Shoot, if you didnt have anything intelligent to say, I wouldnt bother telling you this!

 

So, yes I will point it out to you occaisionally when you give someone the rougher edge of your tongue. I would expect you to do no less for me.

 

So do you think I should apply for a position as a mod?

You would be correct with that.

 

Why? I have no need to control you. If I don't agree with the content of your posts, I will debate it but I could care less about approach.

 

That would be your choice. I moderate on another site but don't really enjoy it but couldn't keep turning them down. I'll do another few months of it and then quit.

[uniqueone]

I've not only moderated a site but have run an entire forum. Gets old after awhile.

[Trialbyfire]

And probably a valid one. There are people that I know not to share personal information with because they use it against the person.

 

Who said anything about a grudge being held?

I give up. Unless I see anything that inspires me to post, I'm out.

[sb129]

Gee Sb, you really seem to want to take an argumentative stance here when I've not said anything in my last post to bring this about. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall too. I'd rather just let this last post of yours go because it's not leading to anything productive. Sorry to have "roped" you in, Sb.

 

My posts ceased to be productive the minute you read them and thought I was having a go at you, rather than actually processing what I meant.

Please, in future, if you ask someone for their opinion, and are unhappy with their response, just accept it as a difference of opinion.

 

?? You think I am being argumentative? Um.. did you actually read my last post? You are the one taking the "everyone else is wrong" stance.

YOU approached me. I am not the one asking for opinions here.

 

You feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall? Why? Because I won't pander to you? You DID bring this about, because you asked people for their opinions, them flamed them for it!

 

Your hypocrisy is quite something else uniqueone. You assume things about others, yet don't accept others assuming things about you.

You ask for advice, argue it to the death, and refuse to accept people are only trying to help.

Take it or leave it, don't throw it back in their face.

 

You go ahead and wallow in self pity if you want UO. I will still be here for you if you decide wallowing isn't that much fun.

 

Being invited to comment on a thread and then being accused of being argumentative just because I didn't back up the inviter isn't much fun to be honest.

 

I'm out.

[uniqueone]

I give up. Unless I see anything that inspires me to post, I'm out.

 

Because you can't answer that?

 

Sometimes when people say things and someone asks them a question to back it up, they end up backing away, because they don't really have anything to support their comment.

 

But that's cool because I think things would just continue to be an argument with you and I'd like to get back to the basis of the thread instead of what it's turned into.

[uniqueone]

My posts ceased to be productive the minute you read them and thought I was having a go at you, rather than actually processing what I meant.

Please, in future, if you ask someone for their opinion, and are unhappy with their response, just accept it as a difference of opinion.

 

?? You think I am being argumentative? Um.. did you actually read my last post? You are the one taking the "everyone else is wrong" stance.

YOU approached me. I am not the one asking for opinions here.

 

You feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall? Why? Because I won't pander to you? You DID bring this about, because you asked people for their opinions, them flamed them for it!

 

Your hypocrisy is quite something else uniqueone. You assume things about others, yet don't accept others assuming things about you.

You ask for advice, argue it to the death, and refuse to accept people are only trying to help.

Take it or leave it, don't throw it back in their face.

 

You go ahead and wallow in self pity if you want UO. I will still be here for you if you decide wallowing isn't that much fun.

 

Being invited to comment on a thread and then being accused of being argumentative just because I didn't back up the inviter isn't much fun to be honest.

 

I'm out.

 

I don't get why you keep responding this way. I didn't flame anyone here and I don't like that accusation. I'm not going to continue this with you because you keep wanting to argue more.

[Trialbyfire]

Because you can't answer that?

 

Sometimes when people say things and someone asks them a question to back it up, they end up backing away, because they don't really have anything to support their comment.

 

But that's cool because I think things would just continue to be an argument with you and I'd like to get back to the basis of the thread instead of what it's turned into.

Case in point...

 

I gave up because it's useless trying to get through to someone who continuously sees offense in every comment. It's an exercise in futility. Good luck in your wallowing...

[sb129]

I don't get why you keep responding this way. I didn't flame anyone here and I don't like that accusation. I'm not going to continue this with you because you keep wanting to argue more.

 

 

You don't have to. As I said, I am out.

 

Reasons: see above and below.

 

 

it's useless trying to get through to someone who continuously sees offense in every comment. It's an exercise in futility.

[uniqueone]

I'm glad we got the arguments gone. I'd like to go back to what my thread was about.

 

My sister has emailed me since then with just silly things such as telling me some warning about such and such product.

It's a superficial type of relationship that is all that is possible and I want real relationships....people you can really count on. I never could really count on them. (or anyone).

 

I see people who can go to other people when they need a shoulder to cry on and I've never had that.

[uniqueone]

Case in point...

 

I gave up because it's useless trying to get through to someone who continuously sees offense in every comment. It's an exercise in futility. Good luck in your wallowing...

 

 

........

[uniqueone]

You don't have to. As I said, I am out.

 

Reasons: see above and below.

 

........

[Cobra_X30]

You would be correct with that.

 

Why? I have no need to control you. If I don't agree with the content of your posts, I will debate it but I could care less about approach.

 

That would be your choice. I moderate on another site but don't really enjoy it but couldn't keep turning them down. I'll do another few months of it and then quit.

 

TBF, If your a friend of mine... and I'm bieng a dick, I expect you to tell me! You think that has to do with control? Approach matters just as much as content! Peace Pipe is a perfect example of that. Some of his posts have zero wrong with the content... but his attitude is palpable!

 

I'm not going to be a mod! Unless you take a mod post too! We could play good cop, bad cop!

[Trialbyfire]

TBF, If your a friend of mine... and I'm bieng a dick, I expect you to tell me! You think that has to do with control? Approach matters just as much as content! Peace Pipe is a perfect example of that. Some of his posts have zero wrong with the content... but his attitude is palpable!

 

I'm not going to be a mod! Unless you take a mod post too! We could play good cop, bad cop!

Yes Cobra, I do feel it's your attempt to control how I choose to address anyone and I'm calling you on it now. Don't do it again.

[Cobra_X30]

-I- think you should!

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence!

 

The reason I originally came to this thread is because I'm not exactly close with my family either. It sucks!

[Cobra_X30]

Yes Cobra, I do feel it's your attempt to control how I choose to address anyone and I'm calling you on it now. Don't do it again.

 

You need to understand that I am pointing something out to you! Take it or leave it. I apologize if I make you feel like this is a control issue. I will be more sensetive to that in the future.

[Kasan]

is that it is very easy to mistake what is written and to take it personally as there isn't a way to moderate our writings with tones that we use in speaking. Something that was meant one way is often mistaken for being harsh and or insulting.

 

I have also noticed that we often don't read all the posts correctly because I took what TBF wrote in response to uniqueone and understood that is who she was responding to and Cobra thought that TBF was referring to him. This prompted a lot of back and forth and possibly some hmmmm awkward hmmmm how do I say this???? hurt feelings?

 

But....I think this is an important thread as a lot of us struggle in our family relationships.

 

Carry on......

[underpants]

This whole thread reminds me of Thankgiving.

 

Unique, there are all kinds of people in the world. Thank goodness.

 

You will run across all types of personalities in life be it family or friends or the occasional jerk that makes you cross the street.

 

The differences in processing and responding are simply different flavors of human existance. All can teach us something.

 

Don't let words on a screen bother you too much. If something strikes a nerve maybe it is a sign to look deeper within...or not.

 

I have some friends and family that I can go to for support here and there. However I do know that if I dwell on my problems too much or depend too heavily on them that it will push them away.

 

I also do appreciate a calling on my b/s every now and again. Keeps me in check or shows me a perspective I may not have considered.

 

I have also distanced myself from some who have sponged support off of me too heavily or with whom have simply crossed too many lines. It is a delicate balance of give and take, most are not equal, and some are temporary. That is just life.

 

Most families are messed up on some level. I remember last summer one of my best friends showed up at my house with a cake in her hand and tears streaming down her face. She had been in an insane argument with her mom and ran away to my house (she is in her 40s). Being emotionally detached from her problem, I just let her vent and laughed with her later about running away with a cake. "The Whining Cake" as we refer to it now.

 

Don't worry I am sure I could write a book about silly family dramas of my own. The thing is at the end of the day. I am responsible for me.

 

Chin up. It only gets worse.

[uniqueone]

Thanks for the vote of confidence!

 

The reason I originally came to this thread is because I'm not exactly close with my family either. It sucks!

 

 

Sorry to hear about that....care to tell me about it? Mine will act all nice and polite and all...always put on the good front....they just wouldn't save you if you were drowning is all.....

[uniqueone]

You need to understand that I am pointing something out to you! Take it or leave it. I apologize if I make you feel like this is a control issue. I will be more sensetive to that in the future.

 

Good for you for being the adult in that interaction!

[uniqueone]

Don't let words on a screen bother you too much. If something strikes a nerve maybe it is a sign to look deeper within...or not.

 

The only thing that strikes a nerve is when someone is feeling badly and there are people who say to anyone who mentions feeling badly "you just want to play the victim."

 

It's true. I mentioned how bad I was feeling and while most posters were very empathetic, there had to be one or two who shouted "You just want to play the victim!"

 

This is all because a person expresses that they feel bad about something?

 

Another thing is when people assume that everyone is just like they are.

 

They're born with an easy going temperment and aren't too emotional. They aren't prone to depression or other similar disorders...at least not in any major way.

 

Now let's take someone else. They're born with a sensitive temperment and are more emotional. They're prone to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, manic depression or any other similar disorders.

 

Add any kind of trauma to both individuals above....for example, an abusive childhood,

 

Are they going to react the same?

 

That's the point i was trying to make in earlier posts.

 

 

 

Most families are messed up on some level. I remember last summer one of my best friends showed up at my house with a cake in her hand and tears streaming down her face. She had been in an insane argument with her mom and ran away to my house (she is in her 40s). Being emotionally detached from her problem, I just let her vent and laughed with her later about running away with a cake. "The Whining Cake" as we refer to it now.

 

 

What if your friend didn't have anyone's house to run to?

[underpants]

What if your friend didn't have anyone's house to run to?

 

Don't get me wrong. I loved that she came to me for support. She cried, we laughed, and ate some of that silly cake.

 

Actually, after posting my response to your thread I tried to call her.

 

The thing is. She is still in the same place...not happy. I will be her friend always. However, it is up to her to find her way. That is all. She also listens to my ramblings and offers me support in my times of off centerness. She is a true friend. (about 12 years now)

 

That being said there was one time when she did want to write me off and I had to step up. She was hurt about someone unrelated and I did not take it seriously enough (I thought (still do) that a certain ex boyfriend was not good enough for her). That was also just shy of 12 years ago. I did not let her run away and made her face it. Now I am her baby's godmother and another sister.

 

I don't know the answers Unique. However, if you need to vent or rant. You are more then welcome to PM me too. If you want to bring a whineing cake...awesome.

 

I think we have all had our hand in the victim jar a time or two.

 

TBF is a strong and wise woman to have come out of the other side. The fact that she chooses to stay here and offer, sometimes razor sharpe, no nonsense advice is a good thing...ultimately. If you don't like her style you are not forced to respond to it.

 

There are a few posters that I find offensive but that is an altogether differnet whineing cake.

 

 

BTW...I cannot bring myself to go to the magical freezer Walmart to prove this light up freezer theater experience. However....you make me feel the need to go. I might try one day this week. Oh, the humanity.

[sb129]

You don't have to adhere to the traits that you are born with....

 

 

 

You CAN go from this...

having a sensitive temperment and are more emotional. They're prone to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, manic depression or any other similar disorders.

to this...

having an easy going temperment and aren't too emotional. They aren't prone to depression or other similar disorders...at least not in any major way.

I am living proof that its possible. Thats what I was trying to tell you, UO.

 

Btw, good posts Unders.

[lovelorcet]

What was the point in starting this thread? You threw out a problem and people gave their comments. It wasn't what you wanted to hear and then you got all defensive.

 

Did you want to hear that your sister was rude or a bad person? and for someone to say poor you?

 

Seriously... what did you expect and what did you want to hear?

[uniqueone]

You CAN go from this...

 

Quote:

having a sensitive temperment and are more emotional. They're prone to depression, anxiety, panic attacks, manic depression or any other similar disorders.

to this...

 

Quote:

having an easy going temperment and aren't too emotional. They aren't prone to depression or other similar disorders...at least not in any major way.

 

I am living proof that its possible. Thats what I was trying to tell you, UO.

 

 

 

You've GOT to be kidding.....someone can go from being bipolar (which I DO NOT have btw) to NOT being bipolar?

 

Temperment....we are born with. It's been proven.

 

You CAN modify your behavior.

 

You CANNOT change your genes....your temperment....or your history.