How Do You Get Over Having an Absent Family?

[Trialbyfire]

No...I just feel really drained after your posts..

 

You remind me of someone I know who has to have her way and she won't let anything go until she has her way...and people finally just give in and do whatever just to get her off their back. That's this woman that I know. It's just draining.

 

TBF, I'm not letting you have your way ok? I'm just not going to play anymore at all. No more play-mate. Bye-bye. Don't expect anymore replies from me. Go to bed....find a hobby....do SOMETHING!

Do you need to control?

[sb129]

you made the statement that not everyone with depression becomes manic depressive/bipolar.

 

Actually, this statement is correct.

 

I also know that manic depression= bipolar, it is you that keeps interchanging using the terms and confusing everyone by going off on wierd tangents.

 

 

And being a health professional (nurse) has NOTHING to do with understanding mental illness. OMG, there are so many health professionals who are not in the field of mental health who have no real understanding of it. Being a health professional adds no weight to it, I'm afraid.

So you are saying that YOU are a big expert in the field of mental health, even though you have absolutely no formal training whatsoever in the field, and don't work in it at all? :rolleyes:

 

I think most people would disagree with you there UO. why are you so competitive? Do you want me to grovel at your vast knowledge (none of which you seem to be that keen to quote, you just make obscure references, which wouldn't cut it in the academic world of research I am familiar with.

 

I am not a nurse, I am a dentist. I am NOT an expert in the field of mental health, however psychology is an enormous part of my job, and I have worked in a mental health unit. I have to be aware of most forms of mental health issues and their treatments as I encounter them all the time.

 

I don't treat them, I certainly don't diagnose them, but I object to you claiming to be the big expert, when in reality you are an amateur, and an average one at that.

 

 

And THAT'S your evidence that temperament can change??? I hate to tell you but that's not valid data. You "FEEL" better now. So to you...that means that your temperament changed? You need to study "temperament" more to get a better understanding of its meaning.

Actually, its MORE than enough "evidence" for me. I am not fixated on finding all sorts of wierd and wonderful research that I can use to justify why my behaviour is "normal", and why i don't have to change it.

 

I have no interest in studying temperament because i am happy with myself.

 

 

Guess you haven't reached the stage I'm at with my knowledge of this subject.

:lmao::lmao:

 

Right back at you kiddo.

 

 

You remind me of someone I know who has to have her way and she won't let anything go until she has her way...and people finally just give in and do whatever just to get her off their back. That's this woman that I know. It's just draining.

:lmao::lmao::lmao: Is her screenname UniqueOne????

 

 

This thread is comedy.... if I didn't feel so much pity for you UO.

[Cobra_X30]

You guys are still fighting??? Over what? What do Y'all expect to gain here?

 

I dont want to ruin your hopes... but there isnt a prize.

[Trialbyfire]

You guys are still fighting??? Over what? What do Y'all expect to gain here?

 

I dont want to ruin your hopes... but there isnt a prize.

Are you her knight in shining armour? Someone who will assauge her need for attention through self-pity?

[sb129]

This thread HAS gotten out of hand,and is dangerously close to becoming insulting.

 

Uniqueone asked for my opinion, didn't like what she heard even though it was supposed to be constructive, not mean or nasty.

 

I am sorry its got to this, but the way the thread has gone emphasises to me that UO is very unhappy. Scoring points means nothing to me... UO has since tried to insult my past experiences and even my job- water off a ducks back.

 

In my humble non-expert opinion, anyone that needs constant reassurance, blames others for everything that has happened to them, looks down on others for having different opinions to them, refuses to accept any responsibility for their behaviour, and constantly tries to look for reasons to justify it instead, is very unhappy.

 

I used to be that person, which is why I thought that my input my be valid.

Obviously UO disagrees, which to me suggests she may not be ready to take control of her happiness, but I could be wrong.

 

For me, the prize would be Uniqueone realising that she can control her happiness, and accepting herself a bit more.

[lovelorcet]

In my humble non-expert opinion, anyone that needs constant reassurance, blames others for everything that has happened to them, looks down on others for having different opinions to them, refuses to accept any responsibility for their behaviour, and constantly tries to look for reasons to justify it instead, is very unhappy.

 

I think that is the OP just does not get it. It is like talking to a wall and it explains a lot of her unhappiness.

[Cobra_X30]

Are you her knight in shining armour? Someone who will assauge her need for attention through self-pity?

 

... That was a low blow friend! I suppose you meant that as a rhetorical question.

 

Are you seriously so hell bent on bieng right you dont care if you hurt someone?

[Trialbyfire]

... That was a low blow friend! I suppose you meant that as a rhetorical question.

 

Are you seriously so hell bent on bieng right you dont care if you hurt someone?

I'm hell bent on getting her to look at her own behavioural patterns. If you keep poring on the sympathy, she will always make excuses and find new ways to justify her own actions and interactions. She's no little kid. It's high time to grow up and take charge of her life. Every little thing offends her. She will be hurt for life.

 

Why does she only have fairweather friends? Why does her entire family reject her needs? Why can't she get a date? Why are there a number of members, including yourself in another thread, objecting to her behaviour?

 

There's only one commonality Cobra. 65 threads later in 2.5 months and she's no further along.

[Cobra_X30]

I'm hell bent on getting her to look at her own behavioural patterns. If you keep poring on the sympathy, she will always make excuses and find new ways to justify her own actions and interactions. She's no little kid. It's high time to grow up and take charge of her life. Every little thing offends her. She will be hurt for life.

 

Why does she only have fairweather friends? Why does her entire family reject her needs? Why are there a number of members, including yourself in another thread, objecting to her behaviour?

 

There's only one commonality Cobra. 65 threads later in 2.5 months and she's no further along.

 

Well, Im a complicated animal! You already know that.

 

But more to the point, sometimes poeple wont listen until they are ready, or unless the idea is put to them in a certain way! These things dont happen overnight. We grow emotionally just as we do physically... everyone at different speeds! Oh, and there is a difference between sypmathy and empathy!

 

Do you seriously want my thoughts on OP?

[Trialbyfire]

Well, Im a complicated animal! You already know that.

 

But more to the point, sometimes poeple wont listen until they are ready, or unless the idea is put to them in a certain way! These things dont happen overnight. We grow emotionally just as we do physically... everyone at different speeds! Oh, and there is a difference between sypmathy and empathy!

 

Do you seriously want my thoughts on OP?

Regardless if they listen or not, they hear it or read it. Sometimes, they absorb some of it and it comes out at another time as if it were their idea. Seen it happen on LS a lot.

 

Go for it. Give your synopsis. You know mine. She has NPD.

[Cobra_X30]

Regardless if they listen or not, they hear it or read it. Sometimes, they absorb some of it and it comes out at another time as if it were their idea. Seen it happen on LS a lot.

 

Go for it. Give your synopsis. You know mine. She has NPD.

 

NPDers lack the ability to empathize or relate to others... I have not seen that yet.

 

Also... the vast majority of them are men!

[uniqueone]

I'm hell bent on getting her to look at her own behavioural patterns. If you keep poring on the sympathy, she will always make excuses and find new ways to justify her own actions and interactions. She's no little kid. It's high time to grow up and take charge of her life. Every little thing offends her. She will be hurt for life.

 

What I find disturbing abuot you is that there have been numerous times that I've talked about the things I've done that have moved me ahead in life and how I kept going despite things that happened to me and yet you keep picking on the comments I make that are negative. Never ONCE have you picked up on a comment that I made that was positive. This shows me a pattern--that you are only looking for the negative.

 

I have not said woe is me but you are determined to say that I am doing that.

 

 

Why does she only have fairweather friends? Why does her entire family reject her needs? Why can't she get a date? Why are there a number of members, including yourself in another thread, objecting to her behaviour?

 

If I told you about these "friends", you would say that I'm glad to be rid of them (at least that's what others have told me). They were all messes of people--very, VERY messed up.

 

My family....they're not there for each OTHER either. It's not just me they're not there for. That leaves me out of being the commonality, doesn't it?

 

I get plenty of dates. I'm not interested in a lot of them. I can give you all their names if you'd like.

 

There are plenty of posters who weren't objecting to my behavior. You keep seeing the glass half empty, TBF. That's not a good trait.

 

There's only one commonality Cobra. 65 threads later in 2.5 months and she's no further along.

 

It's getting really creepy that you're counting my threads and following my posts. It's obsessive, TBF.

[Trialbyfire]

NPDers lack the ability to empathize or relate to others... I have not seen that yet.

 

Also... the vast majority of them are men!

NPDers can relate to others, if it's part of their personal experiences. It's an opportunity to talk about themselves. I don't see her spending much time in other people's threads, trying to help them. This is a self-fueling community where everyone should be giving and taking.

 

There are NPDers of either gender. It's like saying you can't get AIDs with unprotected sex, because statistically, the percentage of people who contract AIDs, is so small...

 

Here's an excerpt from wikipedia, about an NPDer:

 

At least five of the following are necessary for a diagnosis (as with many DSM diagnoses, they must form a pervasive pattern; for example, a person who shows these criteria only in one or two relationships or situations would not properly be diagnosed with NPD):

 

1. has a grandiose sense of self-importance
   
2. is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
   
3. believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by other special people
   
4. requires excessive admiration
   
5. strong sense of entitlement
   
6. takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
   
7. lacks empathy
   
8. is often envious or believes others are envious of him or her
   
9. arrogant affect.
   

Your point about empathy is not necessarily applicable. You only need five out the nine to fit the criteria.

[Cobra_X30]

NPDers can relate to others, if it's part of their personal experiences. It's an opportunity to talk about themselves. I don't see her spending much time in other people's threads, trying to help them. This is a self-fueling community where everyone should be giving and taking.

 

There are NPDers of either gender. It's like saying you can't get AIDs with unprotected sex, because statistically, the percentage of people who contract AIDs, is so small...

 

Here's an excerpt from wikipedia, about an NPDer:

 

Your point about empathy is not necessarily applicable. You only need five out the nine to fit the criteria.

 

Whoah. I fit 5 out of 9! That cant be good!

[Trialbyfire]

Whoah. I fit 5 out of 9! That cant be good!

Do you? Do tell...

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

UniqueOne, I have something to say based on what I've seen on the forums, and from my personal experience regarding posting "issue" threads.

 

 

On this thread, I'll say that at least on the first page, most people were trying to help you. Also, Sb129 offered some great advice and opinions. She is trying to support you, but you're taking her advice in a negative way.

 

I think you get a bit too reactive. Perhaps you don't mean to be rude, but it appears as such, when you don't acknowledge the fact that they're trying to help. I understand that having problems and being under stress makes one reactive...but too much of it will alienate you from those who are genuinely trying to help.

 

Posting a thread about one's personal issues on a public forum, is guaranteed to bring forth all kinds of responses. Nobody has lived your situation for you, so people can only offer advice according to their own perception of the issue. And people have different perceptions and different personalities.

 

You'll get all kinds of advice. It's upto you to decide which of those suggestions you want to take. Learn to take the good advice, while not being too affected by the rest.

 

So, you want to go back to discussing the real issue (not having a supportive family)?

[Cobra_X30]

Do you? Do tell...

 

Um... not here not now!