Stop me before I do something stupid

[Woggle]

I have been on the women's infidelity site all day and I am fuming at women right now. I gave my wife a half hearted goodnight kiss because I couldn't even bare to look at a woman and I am feeling like telling her I want a divorce in the morning. I know if I act on impulse I will calm down and regret it so I am using this board to vent. Sometimes I truly feel that there are no good women and that my wife will eventually turn. It seems that all women hate men and are out to hurt all of us for what some men did to them. Are there are any women out there that truly are capable of loving a man and are able to appreciated a man who treats them right or will my wife just turn on me like so many women do with men? Some of the stuff I hear just makes me want to leave before I get really hurt.

[Trialbyfire]

woggle, I've seen so much kindness on LS heaped on you from female members. You need to consider both the good and the bad in either gender.

[underpants]

You know Woggle,

 

I was having a similiar thought earlier this evening. I see so many posts about infidelity or how somebody is dating their MM or MW. It really sickens me too.

 

I found myself wondering if this is just what everyone does and I am some sort of freak because the thought to cheat does not cross my mind. I have even let go of a few friendships with people who have crossed that line in their relationships. It is simply an element I do not wish to associate with.

 

Then I thought about several couples I know that are happy and who do value each other. So it is possible and this forum in relation to the rest of the population is quite small.

 

Don't take some of the deceptions you see here out on your wife. That would be unfair to her. If anything can you turn that disdain around and use it to be that much more thankful that you do have a faithful woman and acknowlege how much she does mean to you and how much you value your partnership with her? There is no weakness in that.

 

Yes, there are women who don't cheat. There are men who don't cheat also.

 

Let other peoples' bad judgements go.

[johan]

Just smack her. That will help.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Just keep having a great marriage woggle, It isnt easy. These boards is part of the reason I will probably never get married in my lifetime. Because even though I put 100% in a marriage it my fall apart due to some asinine woman who can't be emotionally ready or stable.

 

I dont need it.

 

But if you got something good with your wife, keep it going. Dont let anyone else's mindset drag you down.

[tommyr]

So what is the specific problem with your woman? Don't just blame her for the sins of womankind, otherwise your mistreatment of her (suspicion, half hearted kisses) will become a self fulfilling prophesy.

 

Couldn't you find a better website versus women's infidelity... like maybe a hot p0rn site?

[Citizen Erased]

Stay the hell off of those Boards Woggle. You know you have a problem, they are not helping you AT ALL. From all accounts, your wife is a wonderful person and has never done anything to you to deserve you considering divorce!

 

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that if you are on a womans infidelity board, you will only come across cheating women. They say distasteful, disgusting things about their husbands because they are trying to convince themselves that what they are doing isn't wrong, their husbands deserve it etc etc. Stay away from these idiots Woggle. They do not represent all of the women in the world.

 

Yes, there are women who love their partners without any agenda, without cheating on them, leaving them and taking all of their money etc. I myself am one of them. I have never met a woman in my life who has left her husband in order to take all of his money or whatever. And I know more men then women that have cheated. But I put it down to human nature, and get on with my life. Which is what you need to learn to do. You have the potential for a great life with your wife. Don't screw it up.

[Woggle]

I made it to work today without starting a fight but I really need to get rid of this baggage. I just keep looking for a catch somewhere. The idea that a woman can care about a man like this just seems so foreign to me and when I read some of the stuff I read on these boards I keep wondering what secrets my wife is hiding from me and how she really feels about me. It seems that many women smile in a man's face whole deep down resenting him and taking joy in hurting him. I don't even know why she married me. She stayed single all those years so how come I was the one that made her want to tie the knot? I just keep waiting for something to happen.

[amaysngrace]

Hey Wogs, you're not treating her so great when you project your bile on her. Kiss her completely or don't bother at all.

 

A half-ass kiss goodnight? That sucks for her.

 

I know it's been said to you before but if she's gonna turn evil, she's gonna turn evil. You can't control that.

 

What you can control is contributing to bringing out the worst in her. And half-ass kisses over time just may do that to her.

 

Treat her as you'd like to be treated. And if you have some deep-rooted insecurity by all means get help for it. Don't take it out on her.

[Lizzie60]

I have been on the women's infidelity site all day and I am fuming at women right now. I gave my wife a half hearted goodnight kiss because I couldn't even bare to look at a woman and I am feeling like telling her I want a divorce in the morning. I know if I act on impulse I will calm down and regret it so I am using this board to vent. Sometimes I truly feel that there are no good women and that my wife will eventually turn. It seems that all women hate men and are out to hurt all of us for what some men did to them. Are there are any women out there that truly are capable of loving a man and are able to appreciated a man who treats them right or will my wife just turn on me like so many women do with men? Some of the stuff I hear just makes me want to leave before I get really hurt.

 

My lordie jayzus...you need to take a break from LS or from the Infidelity Forum... you come to this site...and you're fuming BUT you also come here to vent???? WTF...

 

Take a break man!

[Lizzie60]

I made it to work today without starting a fight but I really need to get rid of this baggage. I just keep looking for a catch somewhere. The idea that a woman can care about a man like this just seems so foreign to me and when I read some of the stuff I read on these boards I keep wondering what secrets my wife is hiding from me and how she really feels about me. It seems that many women smile in a man's face whole deep down resenting him and taking joy in hurting him. I don't even know why she married me. She stayed single all those years so how come I was the one that made her want to tie the knot? I just keep waiting for something to happen.

 

From what I read, and your posts in general, I think you got real issues with women... you need to work these out or she WILL leave you for sure.

 

You need to take a break from these boards...

[Kasan]

I read these forums too, and it is depressing, but the good people who answer restore my faith in mankind a bit.

 

You know Woggle, marriage is a leap of faith. I know that you do have issues with women from your prior posts but has your wife done anything to destroy your trust?

 

If not, cut her a break. She probably is a "good one".

[2sunny]

wog -

 

don't read those posts if it upsets you this way!

 

i was married for 20 years and NEVER once considered cheating. he cheated - more than once - so i left.

 

i did love him dearly the whole time we were married.. so YES - it is possible to love completely and stay faithful.

 

you gotta get to the point where you have faith in your marriage and your wife.

[Kasan]

Oh yeah--by the way, I have been married 32 years and have never considered cheating!

[a4a]

Oh yeah--by the way, I have been married 32 years and have never considered cheating!

 

you must be a guy then.

[Cobra_X30]

I made it to work today without starting a fight but I really need to get rid of this baggage. I just keep looking for a catch somewhere. The idea that a woman can care about a man like this just seems so foreign to me and when I read some of the stuff I read on these boards I keep wondering what secrets my wife is hiding from me and how she really feels about me. It seems that many women smile in a man's face whole deep down resenting him and taking joy in hurting him. I don't even know why she married me. She stayed single all those years so how come I was the one that made her want to tie the knot? I just keep waiting for something to happen.

 

Wog, have you really sat down and thought about what made your 1st marriage fail or do you just blame it all on you wife? Did you really marry someone who was that twisted and evil?

 

You need to be honest in this regard. Your words and actions determine the course of the marriage just as much... if not more than your wife. So, pull yourself together and make this marriage happy!

[broknhearted]

I have been on the women's infidelity site all day and I am fuming at women right now. I gave my wife a half hearted goodnight kiss because I couldn't even bare to look at a woman and I am feeling like telling her I want a divorce in the morning. I know if I act on impulse I will calm down and regret it so I am using this board to vent. Sometimes I truly feel that there are no good women and that my wife will eventually turn. It seems that all women hate men and are out to hurt all of us for what some men did to them. Are there are any women out there that truly are capable of loving a man and are able to appreciated a man who treats them right or will my wife just turn on me like so many women do with men? Some of the stuff I hear just makes me want to leave before I get really hurt.

 

 

ok, first off.... in my opinion... there's always a reason why a married person will cheat (man or woman). I'm sorry but its true. with guys, it seems usually its because there is little or no sex, or they don't feel needed or they need an ego boost, maybe the wife isn't paying enough attention to him, who knows.... women, well... we are more emotional creatures and have needs that need to be met. some women cheat on their spouses because they are in a rotten marriage, maybe they're getting beat up emotionally or physically, maybe they are NOT getting the attention from their H and they feel unattractive. who the heck knows. Why would you not have the trust in your wife if she hasn't cheated yet? and as far as leaving before you get hurt? contemplating divorce? do you even love your wife? I would be really hurt and pissed off if my hubby treated me like that and i didn't even do anything. Have u cheated on her or a past woman? Is that why you fear her cheating on you? Maybe its just me but i don't understand where your coming from if your relationship with your wife is good. and i could turn your statement around back at you.... are there any men out there that are faithful to their wives? of course there is! i know many guys that have cheated on their unsuspecting wives, but do i generalize and say ALL men do or will. No, i don't, i know there are good men and women out there that don't cheat.

have u been burnt before? and if so, hows it fair to ur wife to punish her for it?

[Kasan]

you must be a guy then.

 

Well you would be wrong!

[Deanster]

Dude! Get your head on straight.

 

Who posts on internet boards? People with problems.

 

Read any message board out there, and there's a surplus of people with issues. Whether it's a board for cars, computers, relationships or sex toys, the folks who post are disproportionately those with significant problems.

 

If you don't recognize this, and adjust for it, you can easily get the impression that every model of car is about to burst into flames, every model of computer is seconds away from eating your data, and that every relationship is going to end in mutual restraining orders.

 

Do people cheat? yes. Are some cars lemons? Yes. Do most people have to learn the hard way about backing up data? Yes.

 

Are any of these reasons to avoid relationships, walk everywhere, and use an abacus?

 

That's up to you.

[quankanne]

The idea that a woman can care about a man like this just seems so foreign to me

 

a couple of suggestions to help you through this stage of "all women are evil:

 

1. stay the hell away from boards or sites that revel in this crap. If that's the only thing you look at when you want "insight" on relationships, well, then all you're gonna FIND are warped relationships. And that's not good for your marriage.

 

2. find a marriage enrichment course you and the missus can invest in. I guarantee you'll get the tools you need to focus on what the two of YOU have (and see what it takes to create a healthy marriage)

 

3. when the need to dig up information about crappy relationships so you can reinforce your negative view of bad women causing bad relationships gets really really bad, go talk to older couples who have been married 25+ years and ask what the secret to a long-term, healthy relationship is. And learn from them. You will probably hear about some of struggles and challenges they face, and then they'll tell you why, despite this, they've chosen to stay together.

 

frankly, I think it has a lot to do with how they see each other, because I've seemed to notice that the folks that have got something good also treat each other with the same respect and consideration they do their good friends. And you know what they say about friends: We often are more successful at keeping friends than partners because we are more open and forgiving and considering when it comes to our friends. That we love and care for them despite their "bad" spots; whereas with our partners, we're more critical ...

 

wog, stop flaying yourself by trying to establish a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep looking at the bad and expecting the bad in a close interpersonal relationship like you've got from your wife, you will find it, even it you have to manufacture "events" so that your suspicions are justified. You deserve much, much better than that, and so does your wife.

[dropdeadlegs]

I wish I could stop you from continuing to look at those Infidelity boards. It seems so easy to me to just stop looking and easily solve this dilemma.

 

Why do you do the same thing over and over and expect a different result?

 

Infidelity forums are for those who are participating in infidelity and looking for answers and support (IMO) which is why I rarely look at those forums. They don't apply to me, nor you. It's not your job, nor mine, to be the moral police of a large group of strangers who don't have any impact on our own relationships. It would be an exhausting effort to change the minds of so many.

 

Do you regularly go to rehab facilities preaching the danger of substance abuse? I didn't think so. Neither do I. Maybe you would be happier and more balanced by simply avoiding the topic. it obviously has a negative personal affect on you and, therefore, your wife.

 

Keep it simple, woggle, it doesn't have to be so complicated.

[Mustang Sally]

Woggle,

I'm concerned about your inability to separate SOME women from ALL women.

 

Really.

 

How/why you managed to re-marry with so many unresolved issues boggles my mind.

 

And stop looking at 'fuel for your fire' of doubt and loathing.

[whichwayisup]

Wogs, if your marriage ends it won't be anything that your wife has or hasn't done - Sadly, it will be your doing.

 

When you get like this you seem to forget:

-Your wife loves you.

-She is married to you.

-She respects you, trusts you, values you as a husband, a friend and a lover. AND SHE IS NOT GOING TO CHEAT ON YOU - NOR DOES SHE HAVE ANY BAD SECRETS IN HER CLOSET!

 

I'm not shouting, I'm emphasizing my words so next time you start to mistrust her, you can snap out of it and remember all the good and positive things you have being married to your wife.

 

Stop going to women's infidelity boards.

Stop reading stories about people cheating.

If you DO read, remember that the women you read about are not your WIFE.

 

Your wife isn't your ex, nor is she your mom. Nor is she any other woman who may have screwed you over so please, stop punishing her for stuff that has NOTHING to do with her.

 

Woggle, I'm not sure if you are still going to therapy or not, but if you threw in towel and quit, I'm suggesting you go back and sort out your issues. You're going to ruin your marriage if you don't get this stuff under control. Your wife can be patient and understanding of your past issues, but if you punish her and are full of resentment, that's some nasty unloving energy you're giving off and she eventually WILL get fed up with it, and she's going to think that you hate her, mistrust her, don't love her, don't care for her. And, she'll leave. Again, it will be your doing, not hers.

 

Get back into therapy. Please.

[Trialbyfire]

There are millions, if not billions, of women who don't cheat. Same goes for men.

 

Why would such a small segment of no moral females, affect what you believe of the whole? I don't understand you woggle and probably never will.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I made it to work today without starting a fight but I really need to get rid of this baggage. I just keep looking for a catch somewhere. The idea that a woman can care about a man like this just seems so foreign to me and when I read some of the stuff I read on these boards I keep wondering what secrets my wife is hiding from me and how she really feels about me. It seems that many women smile in a man's face whole deep down resenting him and taking joy in hurting him. I don't even know why she married me. She stayed single all those years so how come I was the one that made her want to tie the knot? I just keep waiting for something to happen.

 

 

Don't create trouble where there is none.