Stop me before I do something stupid

[a4a]

I am not hurting anybody. I vent on an internet message board so i don't see how I am being so harmful. I am not trying to have some pity party but I have been through way more than just my abusive mother and my ex. My life until recently has been an uphill battle and I pretty much raised myself my entire life. There is plenty of stuff I have not gotten around to mentioning.

 

Woggle....... do you want to compare our histories? Moose tells some good tales too.

 

What you have dealt with is not all that much. Many have suffered more and moved on to happy lives.... some may have suffered less. It is a choice to move on or not.

 

You need to get over it.

 

Get a positive outlook on life.

 

And your venting here can hurt people. Upsets, angers, and hurts them.

 

You have stated you don't care in a previous post. You want people to be empathetic about your life but you cannot give that same amount of empathy back.

 

I know I am riding your ass here, but not out of anger.

 

Anger and fear will not heal you. Lashing out at others will not heal you.

[whichwayisup]

That's the thing, Wogs, just like everyone else does, vents here so we don't take that sh.it home with us...

 

Having people listen and help, offer up advice is a good thing, so accusing someone of being a retard, a 12 year old boy really is silly. If you think his posts are bullcrap, then ignore them and move on to another thread where you can actually help someone and give them advice.

[Woggle]

Woggle....... do you want to compare our histories? Moose tells some good tales too.

 

What you have dealt with is not all that much. Many have suffered more and moved on to happy lives.... some may have suffered less. It is a choice to move on or not.

 

You need to get over it.

 

Get a positive outlook on life.

 

And your venting here can hurt people. Upsets, angers, and hurts them.

 

You have stated you don't care in a previous post. You want people to be empathetic about your life but you cannot give that same amount of empathy back.

 

I know I am riding your ass here, but not out of anger.

 

Anger and fear will not heal you. Lashing out at others will not heal you.

 

Do you really want to know what I have dealt with?

 

Horrific abuse at the hands of the one person I am supposed to trust

My ex betraying me and then attempting to kill me

Seeing my best friend get murdered

Growing up in a ghetto where I had to fight every day or get eaten alive

 

Again I am not trying to use this for some pity party but I have survived a lot.

[a4a]

If you spend all your time bitching about your leaking roof and blame everyone for that leaking roof and choose not to do anything about the leak but bitch about it...... I don't think that helps.

 

Woggle needs to get into therapy and really work on that leaky roof.

 

This is just a band aid and being on the net and looking at divorce.com, evilbiotchs.com, and getting his negative views validated over and over again is just like getting a friend to sit with you and bitch about that leaking roof.

 

The roof should have been fixed long ago. Woggle chooses to just keep bitching about it instead.

 

And if he was all over the place talking about black people, or asian people, or whatever people the way he does about women....... it would not be recieved by readers with such ease.

 

He shows signs of being abusive towards women, need/desire to hurt them, and everyone here sits around and strokes his hair and tells him it isn't his fault.

 

I will say..... yes it is his choice to take this action.

[a4a]

Do you really want to know what I have dealt with?

 

Horrific abuse at the hands of the one person I am supposed to trust

My ex betraying me and then attempting to kill me

Seeing my best friend get murdered

Growing up in a ghetto where I had to fight every day or get eaten alive

 

Again I am not trying to use this for some pity party but I have survived a lot.

 

I got that beat. And I would not change a thing about my past.

 

I learned so much and learned to appreciate the days when I can wake up.

[2sunny]

i actually think woggle has made some pretty great progress in the past few years! you go honey!

[JamesM]

Okay, first off..I am one who really thinks Woggle is for real. Or he is a 12 year old with an imaginative mind. Fact is a 12 year old couldn't make up much of what he has said.

 

Woggle, we all have experienced things in our background that we can blame for our present. But this will get us nowhere. Some of the harshest comments here (a4a and others) may be exactly what is needed to shake you lose. Your current situation is going so well...why try to screw it up?

 

My thought is that it IS going so well, that you are waiting for the next shoe to drop. You cannot believe that it is this good, so you assume something is being hidden from you.

 

I have a question that has always puzzled me.

 

You seem to think that women are out to get men, and you mention all of the trouble that women have caused you....yet you come to LS and ask the women for help and opinions. Why can you accept what these women tell you and yet you cannot trust the "real" women in your life?

 

Just curious.

[Mz. Pixie]

I got that beat. And I would not change a thing about my past.

 

I learned so much and learned to appreciate the days when I can wake up.

 

I can totally relate.

 

Wog, there are many of us here who had horrific childhoods.

 

Why not turn it around to a positive?? For instance, I consider it a good thing when I can use the stories of my childhood to help someone else. And that doesn't include me bashing all men because my stepfather was a pedophile. It doesn't include me bashing all mothers because my mother was the way she was.

 

Instead of looking around and pointing out how many women are cheaters and such why not be thankful that you have a loving wife in your life finally and that you are successful?? Consider that you had to go through all of that to get here where you are now?

[norajane]

I have a question that has always puzzled me.

 

You seem to think that women are out to get men, and you mention all of the trouble that women have caused you....yet you come to LS and ask the women for help and opinions. Why can you accept what these women tell you and yet you cannot trust the "real" women in your life?

 

Just curious.

 

He doesn't accept what we tell him, James. He comes here to vent, and then he feels better after venting.

 

But he never believes us when we explain that women often file for divorce because of the crappy way their husbands have treated them, not just on a whim. He never believes us when we tell him that the actions of some women should not be cause to believe ALL women are evil and out to get men. He never believes that any woman is good, except for his wife, despite the fact that all these women on LS are constantly trying to help him.

 

He still holds the same beliefs he always did, and he still thinks that all women - including the ones on LS - are just waiting to screw some guy over when he least expects it.

[JamesM]

He doesn't accept what we tell him, James. He comes here to vent, and then he feels better after venting.

 

 

But why vent to a mostly womens forum? Why not choose a Board that is composed of more men who think women are out to get them?

 

And this is not meant to chase you out, Woggle. No way. I for one enjoy hearing your opinion.

[a4a]

Nora it is not venting it is a PA way of lashing out - fishing for the opposition so he can scream "see how women are"! Looking for a chance to bash women.

 

 

But whatever. If he wants to be miserable for the rest of his life, that is his choice.

 

But I won't sit back in silence and let someone bash a group of people simply because it makes him feel validated for that moment.

 

A tater is a tater, and when you see it you call it a tater.

 

He chooses to bash women here. So many people just coddle him because he pulls "the childhood card"...... well myself and others have a bigger and badder childhood card to pull. But we don't.

 

If he was talking about a race of people here and bashing them the way he does women, admitting how he likes to control them, wants to use them, actually be emotionally abusive to them.... it would not float so well.

 

I guess in this case the cycle of abuse will not be broken because he chooses not to break it.

 

He chooses to be full of hate for women.

[whichwayisup]

But why vent to a mostly womens forum? Why not choose a Board that is composed of more men who think women are out to get them?

 

Because it would only be one sided. Men going through the same thing, there wouldn't be people with objective outlooks, to help and offer up advice.

 

I have to have faith that eventually Wog will buckle down, get back into therapy and deal with his past issues that make him doubt and resent women in general. Once he realizes that most women aren't evil, that they're not out to screw him over, he will be able to enjoy life, enjoy what he is has in life and be the husband he CAN be to his wife.

[serial muse]

But why vent to a mostly womens forum? Why not choose a Board that is composed of more men who think women are out to get them?

 

And this is not meant to chase you out, Woggle. No way. I for one enjoy hearing your opinion.

 

I would like to believe that you're right, James - that he might be here to hear what we have to say. But if that's the case, it's well hidden. I agree with NJ. I think that perhaps the answer to your question is that he does come here to vent - to women. By unleashing it here (where he thinks it "doesn't hurt anyone" I suppose), he can simultaneously chastise anonymous women, who probably deserve it anyway, and demonstrate "manliness" to the men who are here.

 

That is why I don't buy the "it doesn't hurt anyone" argument. In the past he has said he hopes that men here on LS will take his words to heart. And I very much fear that, when vulnerable and suffering the pain of a broken heart, some might indeed absorb that bitterness and "learn" lessons that they would be better off rejecting in the long run.

 

I admit that I continue to respond to his threads, not because I think he cares what I have to say, or is paying much attention anyway, but because I hope that maybe others reading them will. All those people who never login.

 

You know, I don't hate Woggle. Not at all. (And I also believe he's real. ) I actually think he's a good person, at heart, and I find that I often agree with him on many non-gender-related issues. And I would like it very much if he would conquer his fears and approach gender issues more rationally. But, I don't think he's really interested in that - I think he just has rages, some of which he induces by choosing to focus on women who confirm his prejudices, and then he decides to get them out here rather than at home. Which is all well and good, but hardly helping him much. It's only a bandaid, and it won't solve any long-term problems. But what can you do?

[JamesM]

That is why I don't buy the "it doesn't hurt anyone" argument. In the past he has said he hopes that men here on LS will take his words to heart. And I very much fear that, when vulnerable and suffering the pain of a broken heart, some might indeed absorb that bitterness and "learn" lessons that they would be better off rejecting in the long run.

 

I admit that I continue to respond to his threads, not because I think he cares what I have to say, or is paying much attention anyway, but because I hope that maybe others reading them will. All those people who never login.

 

 

In defense of men..at least myself and those that I have observed here, I don't think that very many will take Woggle's words and consider them applicable in their own lives. I know I don't even come close. Would I if my wife cheated on me? No. She has not. Would I if she withheld sex and treated me like "just a friend?" No. She has. And I could go on with things that women have done to me or have not done to me. In my mind and in most minds of men here, Woggle has his life and his opinions.

 

But what will make a difference IS the responses he receives. That is where I agree with you 100%. Many times our posts are not just for the OP, they are also for everyone else here. I have noticed that the amount of views for a thread is about ten times the amount of posts. Mnay of these are because those that post keep coming back for another view, but there are many from people who never respond. So, it is good that people like you take time to respond to threads. You never know who will be helped.

 

Now let's hope that Woggle finds more here than a place to vent...for his sake AND his wife's.

[Woggle]

Even when I can admit that not all women are like what I say and that I am very lucky to have a good woman in my life I feel that there is a lot of truth to what I say. I have said that if my words don't apply to a woman then she should take offense and I mean that. I have nothing against any woman that is actually a decent person. You can't deny that many men are going through these issues with women and I try to help them out. There are men out there who are abusers and players and women should be warned about them. I have no issue with that and pointing these men out does not mean you are painting all men with the same brush. What I would have an issue with is encouraging women to become abusers and players themselves.

 

Not once have you ever read a post on here from me encouraing a man to harm or abuse a woman in anyway. I simply tell men not to stress themselves over women that turn on them and to let these women go so the men move on with their lives. I tell men to dump cheaters and not waste any effort on women who clearly don't love them. It is about self respect and something that anybody male or female should live by. I don't see what is so wrong with that. I know that many times men are encouraged to give up our dignity and self respect for a woman but any woman that is worth it won't make you give your dignity and self respect in the first place.

[a4a]

Even when I can admit that not all women are like what I say and that I am very lucky to have a good woman in my life I feel that there is a lot of truth to what I say. I have said that if my words don't apply to a woman then she should take offense and I mean that. I have nothing against any woman that is actually a decent person. You can't deny that many men are going through these issues with women and I try to help them out. There are men out there who are abusers and players and women should be warned about them. I have no issue with that and pointing these men out does not mean you are painting all men with the same brush. What I would have an issue with is encouraging women to become abusers and players themselves.

 

Not once have you ever read a post on here from me encouraing a man to harm or abuse a woman in anyway. I simply tell men not to stress themselves over women that turn on them and to let these women go so the men move on with their lives. I tell men to dump cheaters and not waste any effort on women who clearly don't love them. It is about self respect and something that anybody male or female should live by. I don't see what is so wrong with that. I know that many times men are encouraged to give up our dignity and self respect for a woman but any woman that is worth it won't make you give your dignity and self respect in the first place.

 

Woggle you have posted that you enjoy the power trip having strippers do your bidding for a buck.

 

You posted here that you would like to be the aggressor instead of the victim.

 

So perhaps that same message comes out in your posts to other men in a subtle way - you instruct them to do those things so you feel better in the moment.

 

I don't have time to look up all the statements you have made. But they are there.

 

You are still in denial...... and If I said most people that live in Jersey are lying, dirtbag, crack heads...... would you be offended or feel the need to stand up and say "not me" ?

[Woggle]

You are still in denial...... and If I said most people that live in Jersey are lying, dirtbag, crack heads...... would you be offended or feel the need to stand up and say "not me" ?

 

That is exactly the way I feel when some people say that men are nothing but babies, overgrown children lazy and violent. Sometimes that sort of thing makes me so mad that I decide to retaliate which I know is completely hypocritical. It might make me feel better for the moment but you can't fight hate with hate and ignorance with ignorance. Those statements I made about the power trips were during my less rational times and I will admit how stupid I sounded. I will admit that both genders get treated badly and there no good people from both sides but it seems to be men who have a harder time saying no more. We have all these messages telling women to repsect themselves and not put up with mistreatment which is a very good message but that message needs to be extended to men in bad relationships as well. For the most that is the message I try to convey to men on this board. You have never seen me supporting cheaters and abusers because I am 100% against that from either gender.

[babydoll6]

Outsiders POV...I don't think any of the OP's issues have anything to do with his wife..I think the OP needs some serious help with issue's he chose to bury and never deal with...I think the OP needs to get the "stereotypical" way of thinking out of his head...(instead of saying all women, or most women..say "this woman did this to me")....I would say the same thing to a woman regarding a man also.....

 

Once the steroetypes are out of the way and the OP realizes that his childhood is not an excuse, it is a learning tool, he might make some progress...I have read the thread for almost it's entirety and really agree with alot of what a4a has said..

 

I believe that the OP is a scared person due to the fact that he buried emotion instead of facing them..He is scared of all the things that can/could happen instead of focusing on what really is happening...He needs find resolve within himself before he ruins the rest of the good things in his life...JMHO...

[a4a]

But Woggle are you preaching to make yourself feel better or to really help?

 

Do you realize you do hurt people with your comments?

 

Those that might have lack of self esteem read your words and they feel their value as a person lessened because of the message you keep throwing out there.

 

 

Every Mexican in my life has been lazy and has stolen from me. I finally found one that is not like the others. They are all nice to your face then they turn around and stab you in the back. All people I know with Mexicans in their life have had this happen to them.

 

If you let a Mexican take advantage of you - you are a pussy!

 

(note the above is not how I really feel, I got some great Mexican buddies)

 

But do you see how I could have hurt some Mexicans that may read that and spread the word of hatred towards Mexicans in that statement?

 

Perhaps the old cliche "if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all" might work for you until you get over this.

 

And Woggle I am actually trying to help you. Why I don't know.

[Woggle]

I am not saying these things to be cruel or hurtful. I say them because it is truly how I feel and I feel I am giving genuinely good advice. My friend right now who is going through the divorce told me I am a lifesaver and I hav ehad other people tell me that. I am a person that would rather just get to the point instead of trying to polite and tip toe around people's feelings. What some women don't get is that most of the time I am speaking about societal trends instead of any indvidual woman. If you treat me with respect I will give it back no matter what gender, race or anything you are. I don't believe in singling out any woman just because she is a woman but the overall trends in male/female relationships can't be ignored and that is what I tell men to look out for.

[a4a]

Woggle you are not getting it.

 

You are hurting people.

 

The trends you see are the ones you want to see. You look on "cheaters boards"....... do you go to men cheater boards... maybe you should.

 

You are only professing on one side of it.

 

and I have read quotes from you telling a female OP - maybe you nagged him too much, that is why he left..... I am too lazy to find that quote but you have blamed women for the break up of a M...... too demanding, won't allow guy time at the stripper bar, blah blah blah.

 

Go to your therapist and make this statement so the therapist can help you -

 

"I am angry and afraid of women because of my experiences with them. Please help me learn how not to generalize and lash out, blame all women for my bad experiences with a handful of them"

[Woggle]

Maybe she did nag him too much. If it is the truth why beat around the bush and dance around the issue? You also missed the post where I told a cheating man that karma is a bitch and he has no right to complain that his wife is still angry at him. I call it like I see it and if somebody posts here trying to figure out what went wrong I tell them what went wrong.

[a4a]

You're being defensive.... so I am aware that you won't get the message.

 

Did you wonder if you really hurt that person that you told "nagged too much"?

 

I like to watch my male workers do my bidding for minimum wage.

 

Does that hurt you in some form? Does that upset you and make you feel like because you are male you hold less value?

 

Woggle you need to get back into therapy so you can let your past go.

[babydoll6]

Maybe she did nag him too much. If it is the truth why beat around the bush and dance around the issue? You also missed the post where I told a cheating man that karma is a bitch and he has no right to complain that his wife is still angry at him. I call it like I see it and if somebody posts here trying to figure out what went wrong I tell them what went wrong.

 

First that is YOUR version of the truth, how do you know that is the truth..Your version of what went wrong. And just because this is an annonymous forum does not mean your words do not effect others. One thing I truely despise is stereotyping of men and women and allowing social trends to rule their life and marriage...

 

I read your posts about people and I see control..I see you trying to control your surroundings because you have no control over your own emotions and metal awareness..

 

I really honestly think you need to get yourself back into counseling so you can let go of the past, move forward and be happy..and allow your marriage to prosper without your wife having to worry about walking on eggshells...Maybe I am wrong, I know I am new but this is what I get from reading hthis thread is all...

[katiebour]

I am gonna stick up for Woggle here- he seems to be trying and I hate to read post after post repeating ad nauseum "get therapy, your words hurt people and your generalizing is untrue and unfair." I think that point has been made and whether Woggle chooses to heed that advice or not, it has been given.

 

Let's not beat a dead horse here.

 

And Wog I do agree with you that there are many messages out there on how women need to be authoritative, stand up for themselves, "empower themselves" (whatever that REALLY means) and so on, but that the same messages are not given to men. I agree that many good men try very hard (and some, too hard) to please the women in their lives, worthy or not.

 

I'm glad for you that you are trying and learning not to tar your wife with the same brush as the evil women you have known in the past. I wish you much luck in continuing your self-improvement and in overcoming these knee-jerk reactions.