Stop me before I do something stupid

[Impudent Oyster]

I have a feeling I know what boards you've been reading Woggle, and you can be sure that the creatures who inhabit those boards are not women. They're a sort of subspecies, much like the men who inhabit the philandering boards.

 

They are truly despicable human beings, absolute selfish filth with no morals, no souls and no consciences and in no way represent most of society.

 

So, if you understand that, it makes it so much easier to go there and take pity on their pathetic lives.

[Woggle]

All you people here are judgung me but can you not deny that many women are quick to just turn on a man and want a divorce with the man not even knowing what hit him? JUst look at some of the threads on this board by women and men. I never want to find myself in that situation and with all my plans for next I want to be able to concentrate on that without worrying about trying to save a marriage or going through a divorce. I bet there are many many men who had wives just like mine in the begining only to have the divorce bomb dropped on them a few years later. Women change for the worst after marriage for the most part and I feel it is only a matter of time before she does. It is very hard for a woman to understand where I am coming from because they don't have loving spouses turn on them overnight in ways that men do.

[whichwayisup]

What you said can be reversed and men can do the exact same thing.

 

Bottomline - You and your wife work together to make sure that your fears don't come true.

 

The woman you are married to isn't one of those types of women who are going to turn on you...If you felt this way you honestly shouldn't have gotten married.

 

Sorry that I came down hard on you in my previous post, but the path you're going down is awfully scary and negative...I am trying to open your eyes and make you see that if you don't stop what you're doing, you WILL lose everything and it will be your own doing, NOT your wonderful and loving wife's doing.

[Woggle]

What you said can be reversed and men can do the exact same thing.

 

Bottomline - You and your wife work together to make sure that your fears don't come true.

 

The woman you are married to isn't one of those types of women who are going to turn on you...If you felt this way you honestly shouldn't have gotten married.

 

Sorry that I came down hard on you in my previous post, but the path you're going down is awfully scary and negative...I am trying to open your eyes and make you see that if you don't stop what you're doing, you WILL lose everything and it will be your own doing, NOT your wonderful and loving wife's doing.

 

 

Women file over 75% of divorce and men don't do this nearly as much. My wife is not one of those women right now but who knows what new woman will emerge. Women are always changing into new people. A friend of mine recently had his wife drop the bomb on him and she has so much anger and resntment against him. He has no idea where it came from because he did everything in his power to make her happy and when I first moved to this neighborhood they seemed like such a loving couple. I just don't wnat to end up like these men. I also have fears of my wife resenting me for putting so much into building the business and the music thing.

[whichwayisup]

Then talk to your wife about all this Woggle. You are telling us all that you're scared of, why aren't you telling your wife? Let her know you're worried that she will resent you one day...See, from where I sit, you're thinking and assuming the worst of your own wife.

That's really not fair...

 

Plus, you sit and get upset, pissed off and worried - But what are YOU doing to meet your wifes needs too? Who's to say that YOU won't cheat on her? Maybe you'll be the one to give into the heat of the moment because you could be in one of your moods and you feel you NEED to make a point to a woman, any woman, and screw her over...What then? Everything that you think your wife 'could' be capable of, well, you 'could' be capable of as well. You tell her you'd never cheat on her. How does she really know that?

 

Promise me one thing...Until you are more grounded again, put the baby talk on hold. Seriously...That isn't a way of fixing your trust issues, it will just add to it and make it worse.

[Kasan]

Woggle, you cannot live your life in fear. Maybe your wife will leave you maybe not, maybe you will get hit by a truck tomorrow at 10:00, maybe not. I could go on, but I think that you get the point.

 

You don't have to worry about the stress of your wife leaving you, you are creating the stress right now. It must not feel very good.

 

How about taking a break from these forums and finding a forum that focuses on happily married people.

 

If I were you, I would get down on my hands and knees and thank "whomever" for letting my find this wonderful women, who loves me through my insecurities.

 

If you stop worrying about tomorrow and focus on today, tomorrow will take care of itself.

[Woggle]

I do agree that the baby talk should be put on hold. I think that some of the stuff going on around me has me in panic mode.

[whichwayisup]

Yes...Fully agreeing with you there.

 

Wogs, buy a bottle of wine, grab some flowers and give them to your wife. Cuddle up with her on the couch, kiss her and tell her how much you love her. Then, open up and share with her what is going on inside your head. I'm sure she knows that you've got stuff on your mind, so let her help you...Let her make you feel better, feel more secure and more loved to calm your nerves.

 

Okay?

[Mustang Sally]

(which is probably about as much as it cost - nothing! )

 

I think you are wrong about this "Walk-Away Wife" thing that you keep quoting.

 

For example, I know that my own marriage issues did NOT happen overnight, and, if you have read the threads, hopefully you would see that, also. Also, I am not planning on flippantly throwing my M out with the trash, on a crazy whim, and nor are any of those who have responded that they feel/have felt the same as I do. Most spouses spend much time agonizing over their relationships and what to do about them, I expect. There is much water under the bridge in most failed marriages that I doubt anyone except the H and W themselves truly knows or understands.

 

Probably, this is even true of your friend's M that is now going to divorce.

I mean, can you honestly say that you know all the intimate details of what happened between the spouses involved?

 

I thought not.

 

You can't let others' situations cause issues for you and your W, where no issues should or did exist.

 

And the ONLY people who ever truly know what happens between 2 people are the 2 people themselves.

[Mr. Lucky]

This walkaway wife thing is an epidemic these days and I am scared to death of it happening to me.

Wow, here I am not even 100% prepared for the coming bird flu epidemic and the "walkaway wife" epidemic is already on top of us !

 

Anyone reading your posts knows that this isn't about your wife. I haven't found ONE SINGLE post where you've listed something she's done that would be cause for alarm. Over-spend your money? No. Flirt with another man? No. Be unsupportive or disloyal to you? No.

 

So far her biggest sin seems to be having ovaries instead of testicles. Out of curiousity, do you share these fears and concerns with her?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Woggle]

No she has not done anything to give me doubt but many women don't at the start of a marriage either. I am just very confused right now.

[Mr. Lucky]

No she has not done anything to give me doubt but many women don't at the start of a marriage either. I am just very confused right now.

If you're willing to answer, what I asked was whether you had shared these fears and concerns with her? Does she know the extent of your conflict over this?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Woggle]

No she doesn't know the extent of my conflict because if I do decide to trust her I don't want her thinking that at one point I had one foot out the door.

[Mustang Sally]

Good Night!

Woggle!

You seem to have become the very thing that you fear most!

[Woggle]

Maybe I have but sometimes that is the only way to survive.

[underpants]

Maybe I have but sometimes that is the only way to survive.

 

Huh?

 

Acquiring behaviors that you dislike in others. To basically give up and become a version of what it is that you rage against does not seem like surviving to me. More like giving up.

 

Maybe you should speak with your therapist again. Also, if you can find a way to discuss this stuff (nicely) with your partner it could bring you two much closer.

 

I understand about reaching a goal and then backsliding. The point is that you are recognizing this and can do something about it.

 

You don't need to go teach other silly women a lesson. It will only hurt you more. Take that energy and fight for your marriagae and love your lady....let her love you.

 

Even if it does fail Woggs, at least you will know in your heart that you did try and do your very best.

 

Good luck to you tough guy.

[serial muse]

All you people here are judgung me but can you not deny that many women are quick to just turn on a man and want a divorce with the man not even knowing what hit him? JUst look at some of the threads on this board by women and men. I never want to find myself in that situation and with all my plans for next I want to be able to concentrate on that without worrying about trying to save a marriage or going through a divorce. I bet there are many many men who had wives just like mine in the begining only to have the divorce bomb dropped on them a few years later. Women change for the worst after marriage for the most part and I feel it is only a matter of time before she does. It is very hard for a woman to understand where I am coming from because they don't have loving spouses turn on them overnight in ways that men do.

 

Absolute bu!!***** from beginning to end. It hasn't happened to you or your female friends (if there are any) and thus, you don't think it happens. It's complete hogwash. Many of us right here on these here boards have been through it. So good luck with that AGGRAVATING nonsense.

[Mustang Sally]

No, honey.

That is not survival.

 

That is letting all the people who have been bad to you in your past (your ex-W and mom, as I understand it) WIN because they have succeeded in poisoning your mind! Look how they - even to this very day! - have such influence and control over you!

 

Now, I'm not saying I don't understand you having issues because of the crap that you've been through in the past. I do. But, like everyone else is saying to you - you have got to CRAP or GET OFF THE POT with this suspicious nature that you have. You are really going to make a self-fulfilling prophecy out of yourself.

 

And you deserve much, MUCH better than that. As does your wife.

It's OK to let it be OK. You know?

[serial muse]

No she doesn't know the extent of my conflict because if I do decide to trust her I don't want her thinking that at one point I had one foot out the door.

 

And this is exactly what will make you a "walkaway" husband. Your wife won't even know what hit her.

[serial muse]

Maybe I have but sometimes that is the only way to survive.

 

Like I said - it's not much of a life, is it? This is the sort of statement you use here a lot, and it's exactly what I said earlier - bitter, panicky fear.

 

Grow some balls, and face your relationship with courage and honesty for a damn change. Don't you want to be out of your mother's "household," and her clutches? Then why don't you leave????

[IpAncA]

No she doesn't know the extent of my conflict because if I do decide to trust her I don't want her thinking that at one point I had one foot out the door.

 

If you decide? That's heartbreaking to hear Woggle.

 

Maybe I have but sometimes that is the only way to survive.

 

Now your REALLY over-reacting.

[directx]

Woggle,

If anyone knows my depressing/pathetic history with women (and maybe one person on here does), just know it hasn't changed my perspective on the fact that women can be some of the most beautiful people in the world.

 

I think you are silly to make such a generalization.

[climbergirl]

Woggle,

 

I understand why you would be leery of women, but your wife has done nothing but prove the opposite of your previous perceptions.

 

This is bordering on a self-fullfilling prophesy. You better be careful here...

 

Don't create what isn't there.

[Woggle]

Absolute bu!!***** from beginning to end. It hasn't happened to you or your female friends (if there are any) and thus, you don't think it happens. It's complete hogwash. Many of us right here on these here boards have been through it. So good luck with that AGGRAVATING nonsense.

 

I have yet to hear of a woman being blindsided by a husband that was happily married one day and the next day wanted out at the drop of a hat.

 

As for becoming like what I fear right now there is a cold war between men and women in our society and I am getting on my side. Most women have some level of hatred against men so if I am trying to make peace with people who think I am scum because of how I was born I will be the loser. In order to beat the feminazis a man has to become like them.

[climbergirl]

I have yet to hear of a woman being blindsided by a husband that was happily married one day and the next day wanted out at the drop of a hat.

 

As for becoming like what I fear right now there is a cold war between men and women in our society and I am getting on my side. Most women have some level of hatred against men so if I am trying to make peace with people who think I am scum because of how I was born I will be the loser. In order to beat the feminazis a man has to become like them.

 

But you're wrong.

 

I have a level of animostity towards some people, but on a whole, I love men.

 

And I thought your wife was an anti-feminazi.