spunk 30 Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 [font=courier new][/font][font=0][/font] Where to start? Well, two years ago I began my first relationship with another woman...she just happened to be my best friend. It was just one of those things that happened without too much thought...we kissed, then one thing led to another and we both realised that we had fallen for each other. Well, things developed and we carried on having a relationship in secret...given that we had been friends for 8 years, it was a daunting prospect to consider telling our families and friends. So, we kept it to ourselves. As you can imagine, it was difficult trying to hide our feelings for each other, and as time went by this became more and more of an issue considering how serious we both were about each other. Eventually though, it got the better of us and we decided to try and cool things off...this happened over a year ago. However, our feelings for each other had not dissipated and whenever we saw each other we generally ended up back in each other's arms etc etc...this went on for months. Not good! At the start of this year I made one last ditch effort to keep things strictly "friends", but how does one maintain that when so much has gone on? when you are still mad for each other? And, without completely ruining any sense of friendship? It has been difficult trying to put those barriers up as well as not feeling able to tell family and friends about the struggle. So, for a couple of months I was able to try and get my head around the whole thing, to feel like I could cope with being just friends. But, it's damn hard...she didn't like me being "distant", and I told her that we could not go back to being friends like we used to be...Anyway, a month ago, after much tension and discussion, we ended up back in bed together. In my head I didn't want it to happen as I knew it would only make things even more confusing, but my emotions got the better of me. She said she wanted to really try to make things work, to even consider telling people, that she was overwhelmed yadda yadda yadda. After declarations of love, I find out the following week (from her Mum of all people) that she had been talking to some guy on the net and was meeting up with him! (I was jealous as hell of course!) When I confronted her she didn't even have the courage or respect to tell me, and now they are seeing each other. I have tried to cut myself off from her in the last two weeks to give myself some healing time, but she keeps trying to call and to see me. I just want to get some closure but it's difficult when you've been involved with your best mate. I don't know if I can continue to have her in my life and I told her that...it seems so complicated because people want to know why we are not talking and not hanging out anymore, and I don't know what to say. How can I sort myself out when she's constantly in my face? By cutting her completely out of my life I'm not just dealing with the break-up from a lover, but also I'm losing my best friend. I don't know what to do!!! Any advice would be appreciated....help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted April 9, 2003 Share Posted April 9, 2003 I don't know why you couldn't tell your families. That alone tells me that this was probably not a good relationship anyway. You have to cut her out of your life completely if you want to get past this. Just tell your family and friends, if they ask, that it is personal and to trust your decision because you know you are doing the right thing. Get their support. Spend more time with other friends, date more, spend more time with your family. A loving, healthy relationship is something people want to share. You should want your family to know that you are happy and loved and that you love someone else. It shouldn't be a secret. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spunk 30 Posted April 10, 2003 Author Share Posted April 10, 2003 Cheers for your advice "Hokey"!! You're absolutely right! I guess I just needed to hear things outside of my head and to know that I'm not being unreasonable with how I want to handle this situation. I realise that this was not a healthy way to conduct a relationship, as well as finally realising that she actually doesn't "want" to be with me...And, I don't want to waste my time being with someone who doesn't adore me etc etc. Thanyk you for helping me to gain some clarity on this one, and for telling it how it is. Pays to keep things simple....as human beings we often do a pretty good job of making things more complicated than they actually are! And, I'm definitely enjoying having more time to spend with family and friends who I know adore me! Link to post Share on other sites
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