stop seeing a "good" guy because of the wrong one?

[peace_pipe]

I started dating a girl and we were hot & heavy for a few weeks. I was actually very excited about her.

 

Yesterday she dropped the ex-bomb on me. She dumped him, because it "wasn't going anywhere". But she heard he was moving on and realized she still has feelings for him.

 

So she consciously decides to stop being romantic with me because of some guy it didn't work out with.

 

Seems like sabotage to me.

 

This is what I get from it:

 

"I don't want to pursue something that could be great, because I am still attached to something that wasn't."

 

Now I don't know about you, but ex or not - I know a great gal when I see one. What I am saying is that I don't care how heartbroken I am, I would never turn away a great gal because of an ex! It makes no sense to me at all.

 

So why would a woman want remove a potential great guy from her life? Do women not want a meaningful relationship? Isn't that what everyone wants regardless of past romances?

 

For me there is no better way to get over a bad romance than to find something better and new.

 

Freaking women..... go figure... delicate little flowers

[amaysngrace]

 

So why would a woman want remove a potential great guy from her life?

 

Freaking women..... go figure... delicate little flowers

 

 

No offense but a guy who views all women the same is not a potentially great guy.

 

She still has feelings for this guy. If you cared enough about her you'd respect her feelings and not make them out to be some dainty little thing.

 

Just because you feel rejected doesn't mean you should twist your feelings into her inadequacies.

 

Yeah it stinks to be rejected. But feel what you feel. Don't ignore your feelings or it just makes you bitter.

 

And it's pretty evident that that's just where you're at.

[peace_pipe]

No offense but a guy who views all women the same is not a potentially great guy.

 

She still has feelings for this guy. If you cared enough about her you'd respect her feelings and not make them out to be some dainty little thing.

 

I never said all women this... or all women that....

 

From my life experiences, this sort of thing happens frequently! So excuse me if I project a sentiment of stereotyping. But it's not about stereotyping, it's about reality. Reality has shown me this situation occurs probably more often than it should.

 

She still has feelings for this guy? She dumped him. She made a choice, now she needs to live with her choice and move forward.

 

Instead, she choses to sulk and waste her emotions on something negative.

 

I don't care what you say - I am a great person and I treated this girl well.

 

And most women are the same when it comes to be attracted to losers. I have seen it over and over again and it can be physically proven.

 

Women are not logical. Women should have the capacity to stop and think:

 

"I don't want to lose this new, great guy because I have my head so far up my own azz I can't breathe."

 

But I still want to be friends.... "I still want you to buy me dinner and I still want to come over and drink all of your liquor, then make out."

 

Sounds pretty damn selfish to me.

[Cobra_X30]

No offense but a guy who views all women the same is not a potentially great guy.

 

She still has feelings for this guy. If you cared enough about her you'd respect her feelings and not make them out to be some dainty little thing.

 

Just because you feel rejected doesn't mean you should twist your feelings into her inadequacies.

 

Yeah it stinks to be rejected. But feel what you feel. Don't ignore your feelings or it just makes you bitter.

 

And it's pretty evident that that's just where you're at.

 

If this wasnt Peace Pipe I would totally disagree with you! People who cant make up thier minds suck.

[a4a]

So she is dating you and likes you...... but still is deeply in love with her ex.

 

At least she was honest with you.

 

Sounds like your ego is hurt that she would choose an unavailable guy over the one in her face -you.

 

You can likely chalk it up to - she just wasn't that into you. She is not ready for a serious relationship.

 

You cannot expect people to force their feelings about you - or just pretend.

 

You'll eventually get over it.

 

And just because you bought her dinner or made out (teens make out don't they?) Doesn't mean she is in love with you nor should she be.

[peace_pipe]

So she is dating you and likes you...... but still is deeply in love with her ex.

 

And just because you bought her dinner or made out (teens make out don't they?) Doesn't mean she is in love with you nor should she be.

 

If she is so deeply in love with her ex then why isn't she trying to work it out with him?

 

I have bought her dinner, etc. It stops here and now. She can play some other fool. I am tired of women taking what they want with no regard for others.

 

Yeah, she was honest alright, after 2 - 3 weeks of her "facade".

 

But you are right - I am upset. The more I think about it, the more I want to call her a conniving beatch to her face

[Kamille]

I started dating a girl and we were hot & heavy for a few weeks. I was actually very excited about her.

 

Yesterday she dropped the ex-bomb on me. She dumped him, because it "wasn't going anywhere". But she heard he was moving on and realized she still has feelings for him.

 

So she consciously decides to stop being romantic with me because of some guy it didn't work out with.

 

Seems like sabotage to me.

 

This is what I get from it:

 

"I don't want to pursue something that could be great, because I am still attached to something that wasn't."

 

Now I don't know about you, but ex or not - I know a great gal when I see one. What I am saying is that I don't care how heartbroken I am, I would never turn away a great gal because of an ex! It makes no sense to me at all.

 

So why would a woman want remove a potential great guy from her life? Do women not want a meaningful relationship? Isn't that what everyone wants regardless of past romances?

 

For me there is no better way to get over a bad romance than to find something better and new.

 

Freaking women..... go figure... delicate little flowers

 

Didn't follow the whole thread, but just want to point out that this isn't a gendered thing. The 'ex bomb' has been dropped on me (a woman) twice in the last month.

 

I fully understand your frustration. I just don't think you are doing yourself a favor by assuming only women are capable of this behavior.

 

We're not a different specie. We're as human as you.

[peace_pipe]

We're not a different specie. We're as human as you.

 

I figured it out!

 

I must be from a different species because I would never, never turn away a potential great partner because of some woman in my past.

 

I mean, she should just condemn herself now and get it over with.

 

I understand what you are saying though, this is just my perception of the events.

 

I am sure men do this too, but I speak from experience and i don't have any experience dating men! LOL

[a4a]

If she is so deeply in love with her ex then why isn't she trying to work it out with him?

 

I have bought her dinner, etc. It stops here and now. She can play some other fool. I am tired of women taking what they want with no regard for others.

 

Yeah, she was honest alright, after 2 - 3 weeks of her "facade".

 

But you are right - I am upset. The more I think about it, the more I want to call her a conniving beatch to her face

 

2-3 weeks.... that is nothing. Maybe in that amount of time she just found that you are not the right fit.

And if you are so cheap that you don't want to buy dinner for anyone...... male or female, don't ever do it again.

 

Wow - in just 2-3 weeks time you got this riled up over someone telling you that your just not the right one for them. YIKES!

 

I am thinking she might be a liar too and used the EX as an excuse to EXIT.

[Kamille]

I figured it out!

 

I must be from a different species because I would never, never turn away a potential great partner because of some woman in my past.

 

I mean, she should just condemn herself now and get it over with.

 

I understand what you are saying though, this is just my perception of the events.

 

I am sure men do this too, but I speak from experience and i don't have any experience dating men! LOL

 

Good!

I also wanted to add that it has a lot more to do with one person being ready for a relationship and the other not. Hey, be thankful she was mature enough to tell you after just two weeks.

 

It's ok to feel a bit resentful for a little while, but what she did - and what my exes did to me - is typical of human behavior. One day you might find yourself in those shoes of meeting someone great and not feeling ready for them. A little compassion will help you forgive and forget.

[peace_pipe]

2-3 weeks.... that is nothing. Maybe in that amount of time she just found that you are not the right fit.

And if you are so cheap that you don't want to buy dinner for anyone...... male or female, don't ever do it again.

 

Wow - in just 2-3 weeks time you got this riled up over someone telling you that your just not the right one for them. YIKES!

 

I am thinking she might be a liar too and used the EX as an excuse to EXIT.

 

Exactly.

 

Just another reason I am upset. I feel like she is lying to me now about her reasoning. Is it that difficult for her just to come out and say we're not a good fit?

 

It all started when I got into a mood after I paid for her dinner Friday night. It's not that I am cheap, in fact I love to go all out for my girlfriends.

 

On the other hand, I don't care if it's one dollar or 50. I will not be used. Maybe this turned her off, tricked her into thinking I am some moody / or otherwise bad guy.

 

I would really like responses to this question:

 

Women:

 

If you met a guy you genuinely liked, would you turn him down simply because of someone you have been apart from for 3 months? Really???

[Cobra_X30]

I figured it out!

 

I must be from a different species because I would never, never turn away a potential great partner because of some woman in my past.

 

I mean, she should just condemn herself now and get it over with.

 

I understand what you are saying though, this is just my perception of the events.

 

I am sure men do this too, but I speak from experience and i don't have any experience dating men! LOL

 

PP (yes phallic inuendo intended),

 

Ever stop and just think to yourself... "Maybe I'm just not that much of a catch?"

[peace_pipe]

PP (yes phallic inuendo intended),

 

Ever stop and just think to yourself... "Maybe I'm just not that much of a catch?"

 

I am a great catch.

 

I am single by choice. I don't put up with CRAP from women which is why I will remain single.

 

It's just too bad women can't get their head out of their asses long enough to see it.

[a4a]

I am a great catch.

 

I am single by choice. I don't put up with CRAP from women which is why I will remain single.

 

It's just too bad women can't get their head out of their asses long enough to see it.

 

:lmao:

 

This is so funny......

 

Honey they don't have their heads up their asses.... they see you clearly for what you are.

 

If you are anything - remotely like what you are posting here - yes you will stay single by choice- or not.

[a4a]

Exactly.

 

Just another reason I am upset. I feel like she is lying to me now about her reasoning. Is it that difficult for her just to come out and say we're not a good fit?

 

It all started when I got into a mood after I paid for her dinner Friday night. It's not that I am cheap, in fact I love to go all out for my girlfriends.

 

On the other hand, I don't care if it's one dollar or 50. I will not be used. Maybe this turned her off, tricked her into thinking I am some moody / or otherwise bad guy.

 

I would really like responses to this question:

 

Women:

 

If you met a guy you genuinely liked, would you turn him down simply because of someone you have been apart from for 3 months? Really???

 

 

If I wasn't that into him..... sure I would walk away from him.

[Kamille]

I am a great catch.

 

I am single by choice. I don't put up with CRAP from women which is why I will remain single.

 

It's just too bad women can't get their head out of their asses long enough to see it.

 

 

What a winning approach PP! Seriously, it's a wonder women aren't hanging all over you.

 

Could you please show a little respect for my half of humanity?

 

Or don't you realise how insulting your sexists comments are?

 

Wait, let me try another approach.

 

I know that I am a great catch to, and that I have a lot to offer. Yet I don't understand why some men would constantly chose to resolve the issues with their exes instead of giving me a chance.

 

How can I explain it? I could, like you, blame all men. But clearly my analysis would be wrong since some men are capable of having healthy relationships. Hmmm. And since they are having these healthy relationships with women, THAT means that women are also capable of having healthy relationships.

 

You know how I explain it? Like you, I am quite happy being single. I would rather be single then be with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

 

Therefore, I don't think being single is a problem. I don't think all men are bad because two men chose their exes over me. I just think I haven't yet found that special someone. But that when I do - man! That will be a great time.

[Kamille]

Exactly.

 

Just another reason I am upset. I feel like she is lying to me now about her reasoning. Is it that difficult for her just to come out and say we're not a good fit?

 

It all started when I got into a mood after I paid for her dinner Friday night. It's not that I am cheap, in fact I love to go all out for my girlfriends.

 

On the other hand, I don't care if it's one dollar or 50. I will not be used. Maybe this turned her off, tricked her into thinking I am some moody / or otherwise bad guy.

 

I would really like responses to this question:

 

Women:

 

If you met a guy you genuinely liked, would you turn him down simply because of someone you have been apart from for 3 months? Really???

 

 

What do you mean "you got into a mood" after paying for dinner? What happened? Did you ask her if you could go dutch and she refused? Or did you begrudginly take the bill and then acted moody with her, leaving her to guess why you were suddenly having a mood swing?

[Cobra_X30]

I am a great catch.

 

I am single by choice. I don't put up with CRAP from women which is why I will remain single.

 

It's just too bad women can't get their head out of their asses long enough to see it.

 

Well, take a brief moment and explain why a woman would want you. There are enough women on the site that they may be able to give you a valid and neutral opinion regarding your virtues.

[peace_pipe]

What do you mean "you got into a mood" after paying for dinner? What happened? Did you ask her if you could go dutch and she refused? Or did you begrudginly take the bill and then acted moody with her, leaving her to guess why you were suddenly having a mood swing?

She has no job (recent injury) and was hungry. She also needed cigarettes. I had already eaten. I took her to get something to eat and smokes.

It just made me think about what I was getting out of this. Kind of felt like I was setting myself up to be used.

My "mood" consisted of not saying much.

[peace_pipe]

Well, take a brief moment and explain why a woman would want you. There are enough women on the site that they may be able to give you a valid and neutral opinion regarding your virtues.

 

1) I treat women I date with respect

2) I am funny

3) I am independant

4) I am educated

5) I am physically fit

6) I am a good kisser

[Lizzie60]

from what I've read so far ... I think the women you date get the same idea we, female LSers, get.... and I am not surprised you're single... and I don,t think it's by choice as you say...

[amaysngrace]

Well that's your problem. If you felt like you were going to be "used" then you may have resented everything you did for her.

 

You should do things for people because you want to, not because you feel obligated to.

 

If you do things that you feel you "have" to do then you aren't able to send or receive the good vibes. You should do things out of the goodness of your heart without expecting anything in return.

 

If you can do that you will be treated much better. If they appreciate your kindness, that is. But don't think all women want men for what they can give them. Sure there are plenty that do but there are many who are genuine givers and not just takers.

 

But when you automatically judge a person without giving them that chance to prove what they're about then you are just setting yourself up for failure.

 

You should do things because you want to. If you don't want to then don't. But don't give with stipulations. That's just wrong.

[Curmudgeon]

1) I treat women I date with respect

2) I am funny

3) I am independant

4) I am educated

5) I am physically fit

6) I am a good kisser

 

1) What I read is the fact that you lump women into a single category that you then denigrate without any allowance, whatsoever, for their individuality. To you they're just women and they're all the same.

2) I'm not laughing and your attitude seems patronizing and belittling, not humorous.

3) And likely to remain that way, as in alone.

4) Not about interpersonal relationships, you're not.

5) One point for you, but not the be-all and end-all.

6) Since you obviously don't like women, I guess that means smooching yourself when not otherwise engaged in patting yourself on the back.

[peace_pipe]

Well that's your problem. If you felt like you were going to be "used" then you may have resented everything you did for her.

 

You should do things for people because you want to, not because you feel obligated to.

 

If you do things that you feel you "have" to do then you aren't able to send or receive the good vibes. You should do things out of the goodness of your heart without expecting anything in return.

 

If you can do that you will be treated much better. If they appreciate your kindness, that is. But don't think all women want men for what they can give them. Sure there are plenty that do but there are many who are genuine givers and not just takers.

 

But when you automatically judge a person without giving them that chance to prove what they're about then you are just setting yourself up for failure.

 

You should do things because you want to. If you don't want to then don't. But don't give with stipulations. That's just wrong.

 

I did things for her because I wanted to. You have such a way of taking what I say an turning it all around. I did want to do nice things for her and that is why I did it. One can only give so much with nothing in return.

 

I really like how everyone attacks me - but not for one second do they question the woman's intent.

 

That must because women are delicate little flowers that never do anything wrong.

[peace_pipe]

Would anyone like to respond to this inquiry or do you just want to attack?

 

If you met a guy you genuinely liked, would you turn him down simply because of someone in your past? Really???