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Making lists of what is wrong with your ex is healthy...

sunnysideup1

By sunnysideup1,
in Coping

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It's too late for me to take a walk, but I did take a shower instead. Beneficial in two ways: 1. It helped me clear my head a bit. 2. One less thing I have to do tomorrow morning.

 

Ay, Do you mean downhill as in a good thing or bad thing? Also, is this cheating NC? Earlier today I went on a different screen name that only my best friend and two other people know I have (he doesn't know about it). I saw his SN on-line but didn't look at his info nor talk to him. He doesn't know I was on-line 'cause he doesn't know about this screen name. Maybe this set me back a bit but I didn't contact him...bla. I hope that this gets easier!

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underpants

underpants

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It's too late for me to take a walk, but I did take a shower instead. Beneficial in two ways: 1. It helped me clear my head a bit. 2. One less thing I have to do tomorrow morning.

 

Ay, Do you mean downhill as in a good thing or bad thing? Also, is this cheating NC? Earlier today I went on a different screen name that only my best friend and two other people know I have (he doesn't know about it). I saw his SN on-line but didn't look at his info nor talk to him. He doesn't know I was on-line 'cause he doesn't know about this screen name. Maybe this set me back a bit but I didn't contact him...bla. I hope that this gets easier!

 

I meant it as a good thing.

 

IME, day 4 sucked enormous monkey balls...I was still sad but my apex was day 4. After that I did as I suggested. I made myself go out of town and indulged in some shopping and splurged on a hair cut. You know some stuff to make you feel a little better. Even an at home primp night can be comforting.

 

Yes, I would say that what you did was approaching the line. I would not suggest going there. You only remind yourself of his presence at a time you should be seeking distance.

 

Be strong. I think you have made huge strides toward recovery from this and I would hate to see you backtrack.

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Thanks! You're right...that was really verging on breaking NC. I think I'll consider tomorrow day 1. I really want to do this right without breaking little rules along the way. Thankfully, I didn't end up contacting him and I refuse to do so for the rest of the night. I have enough I've gotta' finish anyway. Thanks for reminding me of how much of a set back I could have made.

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Alright, I never ended up contacting him last night.

 

This morning I feel a bit more determined. I have so much I have to do today anyway that I probably wouldn't have time to contact him even if I wanted to, which I don't.

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Having a bad night...I don't know why, I just feel really down. I didn't go out tonight because I have to work early both Saturday and Sunday. I caved and went to his MySpace.. Well, not really. I just looked up his name but didn't click on his profile. I often do that with people whom I don't want to contact. Now I'm so depressed. What if he somehow finds out that I searched for his name? I don't think people can log searches, can they? I don't know why but this made me feel so sick. I just want to curl up in a ball...

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dropdeadlegs

dropdeadlegs

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Having a bad night...I don't know why, I just feel really down. I didn't go out tonight because I have to work early both Saturday and Sunday. I caved and went to his MySpace.. Well, not really. I just looked up his name but didn't click on his profile. I often do that with people whom I don't want to contact. Now I'm so depressed. What if he somehow finds out that I searched for his name? I don't think people can log searches, can they? I don't know why but this made me feel so sick. I just want to curl up in a ball...
No, search that wasn't truly initiated cannot be logged in any way on myspace.

 

Weekends are the hardest because they are social times that are often spent with a bf/gf. There is nothing wrong with curling up in a ball and it is actually self comfort if you ask me, almost a self hug, and what could be wrong with that?

 

Look at the list! Look at it every time you feel the desire to contact him, rekindle the relationship. Remind yourself of all the negativity!

 

You have made so many good strides this week and acknowledged that he is not good enough for someone as fabulous as you. That's right, you are FABULOUS!!! He is unworthy!!!!

 

Continue to keep the strength as hard as it is to do so. I PROMISE you that following the path you have begun will lead to wonderful pleasures and a man with your moral and ethical beliefs. That is hard to believe today, but it will get easier to believe, and your true prophesy will be fulfilled.

 

One day at a time, my friend, when necessary, one minute at a time.

 

The world can be yours. Happiness can be yours. I say this from experience.

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Do you mean initiated the search as in if I had clicked his MySpace name after my search came up? I didn't. I do that for certain people that I don't really want to contact sometimes but then decide that it's not in my best interest to see what they're doing in their lives, so I won't actually click on their profiles. I'm glad they cannot find out about these searches...right?

 

Well, today I feel a bit better about things. I haven't contacted him. He leaves me messages but I just delete them 'cause I know what they're gonna' say. Today I feel so light headed, anyway. I had to clean out all the bathrooms in the hotel with bleach and I feel sick from all these chemicals. I don't want to deal with his mess now anyway.

 

I feel like I've been keeping really busy so that's helping.

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dropdeadlegs

dropdeadlegs

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Some myspace profiles have "trackers" on them that will show the profile avatar of other myspace users if you look at their profile while you are signed in.

 

You are safe.

 

Be careful when using bleach. Have good ventilation or take frequent breaks.

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I feel so depressed today. =( I really can't stop crying. I've tried to make myself feel better but I'm just so stressed out with work and school. And I just feel like everything is hopeless. What's my problem? I keep thinking that no matter what these things will keep happening, so I might as well just continue down this path. I don't know how to express how I feel right now. Sadness is too kind of a word.

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Curious139

Curious139

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Keep posting you know it helps. I have bad days too. I guess distraction is best but it is a matter of finding the right thing. I recently attended my brother-in-law's funeral and you know - all I could think about was her...... it felt disrespectful but my mind couldn't go elsewhere. It was a sad occasion so my personal sadness overwhelmed everything else.

 

Be strong and know you are not alone.

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Thanks Curious. I appreciate it. Does anyone have any advice or encouraging words? I could really use them right now...=(

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dropdeadlegs

dropdeadlegs

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Gee, I really hope that a new day is bringing a renewal in your strength!

 

I echo underpants - DO NOT CONTACT THAT MAN!

 

You're going to have some bad days, but I promise it will get easier soon. Keep busy, but don't over tax yourself, either. Stress is evil!

 

Read the first post of this thread every time you log on, and whenever you feel weakness.

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I want to post here instead of contacting my ex:

 

Well, now you have been trying to call me. I told you to stop. I don't want to talk to you again. Even if you ever straightened your life out, seeing your face only reminds me of the horrible person you have shown me and I'll never forget how I felt during our whole relationship; you treated me like a second-class citizen. As if I was lucky enough to be graced by your presence. Now I see I'm lucky to be out of your life...

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dropdeadlegs

dropdeadlegs

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I want to post here instead of contacting my ex:

 

Well, now you have been trying to call me. I told you to stop. I don't want to talk to you again. Even if you ever straightened your life out, seeing your face only reminds me of the horrible person you have shown me and I'll never forget how I felt during our whole relationship; you treated me like a second-class citizen. As if I was lucky enough to be graced by your presence. Now I see I'm lucky to be out of your life...

There you go!

 

It made me feel better, hope it is working for you! :)

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coco_milkshake

coco_milkshake

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My ex:

 

1. He lied about the most stupidest things and made up horrid stuff about his friends to get me onside but I have noticed he still sucks upto them.

2. He used the sympathy card and he got me hook line and sinker.

3. He played mind games with me after the split, sending me text messages which were "accidental" and each one had a girl's name in it.

4. He degraded me at my former work and said we had sex when we didnt. I am still a virgin.

 

The list is endless...what did I see in him? :(

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wwjd

wwjd

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i can empathize with B2B in that i've been all over the map, concerning my feelings. some days i miss him direly, other days i hate him entirely.

 

i guess the problem is that i'll never really hate him, regardless of it all. reading posts here on LS, i wonder if that makes me ridiculous, and i often think it does. according to that i read, i should never want to see him again and think nothing but the worst of him, but i know that i never will, regardless of whether time assuages my love for him or not.

 

that's slightly off-topic, sorry.

 

i guess what i wanted to say was that, like B2B, some days i can't stop crying and other days i want to tell him to never contact me in any way ever again. i'm not trying to bring her down or anything, but i don't think it's good to dote on the early feelings of "i hate him and i never want to see him again!" because they are usually not heartfelt.

 

consequently, i also don't think she should dote on the feelings of sadness and loneliness because while they may be more heartfelt, they are not helpful. i think it's best to try to find a middle ground that will eventually lead to indifference, if you truly want to healthily move on.

 

also, i've never understood the benefit of list-making. i have tried a couple of times, but even at the end of it all, i feel like i love him still, regardless. again, that makes me feel like an oddball amongst the LS universe.

 

maybe i am.

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carrotgirl

carrotgirl

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B2B, I'm having that kind of day too.

 

And all I can think of for negative traits on my ex is that when we went grocery shopping if something was on sale 6 for a dollar or 3 and you get a dollar off - he had a personal rule of buying all 6 of what was on sale even if we only needed 2.

 

Carrot

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Spinderella

Spinderella

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try believing that everything that is happening is happening for the best. it is anyway. this break up is for a good reason, and his contacting you is only to make you feel better when you dont respond. its all happening for your good like a great present. everytime you get sad, stop yourself and think, "i am happy that i am going through this to get over this bad relationship" it might sound like a lie at first but if you keep saying it, you will start to realise it is true.

look at your list also to confirm that fact, and when you read each thing, thank god that you dont have to put up with that any longer.

think to yourself "this terrible relationship is moving away so that i can have the fantastic relationship with the loving man that is waiting just for me".

just keep telling yourself these positive things. it really will work.

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