curious on woman's perspective

[travelingwilbury]

I will try and keep short. I am a 43 and currently separated since April of this year.

 

There is this woman I had a brief fling with 3 years ago. We remained friends. She would occasionally show interest on my situation. I always "liked" her but due to situation and fact that I enjoyed her company we would occasionally go to lunch and remained friends.

 

Anyway....I have grown little tired of being the one to initiate contact all the time. Figuring that she must feel awkward and would rather not be friends. I am the type, if she said she wasnt interested in keeping friendship, I would be gone. I have occasionally questioned this and get excuses.....low time in her life.....busy, etc. In october 2006 i got frustrated in trying to get a lunch with her.......I would ask, she would say she would check her schedule, and month or so goes by, and i ask again....I finally told her to give my spot to someone else.......and I was not planning on contacting again.......xmas comes, she emails, saying she was thinking of me, etc.......maybe catch up with drink.

 

Well....from xmas on to now, back to being a pain in ass as far as scheduling a lunch or whatever. I initiate all contact basically. And understand, two months can go by before I call or email , I am not pestering her. So, I recently wrote her this email last week.......

Now, the frustrating part is that I try to communicate.....just tell me what you think.......and she doesnt ever tell me. I think she probably wont answer this.

 

So my question.....from a womans' perspective.........why would you not answer. Seems kinda mean. It is the not knowing part that drives me crazy. And please, not looking for questions on my separation etc......this is my only question.

 

In fact....here is email I sent.

 

I could ask you a lot of specific questions on why this or why that. But it really boils down to this.

 

First, I would have rather had a real discussion with you in person. And, not sure if writing this at this time is the right way to go. But as much as you are probably tired of me trying……..I am getting tired, I'm just not good at one way friendships. There is nothing in it for me. I can not expect emails, or lunch invites, or phone calls………..I call, and get five minutes on an egg timer and this can be after not talking with you for two or three months. If I happen to run into you on the mall, you don’t stop to chat. Hell, just had my birthday, and did not hear anything from you. When I invite you to lunch or to catch up with a drink, it takes, as you say, Bloody Hell, to ever set it up. It just doesn’t seem like you are interested. I guess it is awkward for you. Maybe women can not be friends once you cross the line.

 

I have always liked you. Never really changed from when I first met you. I was ok with settling for friendship because I enjoyed your company and because I was married. I have developed a mental list over the years of what I like in a woman……..smartass, intelligent, good looking, etc. I have concluded that is why I like you as much as I do. You have many qualitities of what I am looking for in a woman.

 

I attempted to clarify on several occasions…………tell me your not interested and I will go away. I may be a pain in the ass regarding not giving up ……..but if you told me you’re not interested, I would not bother you again.

 

I am smart enough to realize some of the probable reasons for you avoiding me . Why waste/invest time with someone still married? That it is too awkward for you. Or then again, maybe you just really don’t enjoy me anymore and don’t want to hurt my feelings. Or maybe I have bad breath. Maybe your involved with someone else. Anything is possible. I have enough common sense to understand these reasons. But…….they are just educated guesses. If I were at Vegas, I would definitely bet something is up other then you being busy or on edge or at a low time in your life, etc.

 

So……why the hell am I telling you all this? Well, I thought I would try some actual real communication. No more guessing and reading things from how we interact. No more guessing what you are thinking. I do not just want to get pissed off and leave. Even if I do not hear what I want.......at least I know! I am on my own now as I told you. My marriage was heading in this direction for a lot longer then I knew you. You once mentioned in an email……that you can not see staying in a marriage without passion. Well…….that is the main reason I left(not you telling me but from me already knowing there was little passion on my side). I realize that in these last 10 years or so, that feeling has been growing inside me. And my logical side tells me it may be a myth that there is a passionate match out there that can last. But I guess I will take that chance. I guess, in the back of my mind, I had you pegged as someone I would be very interested in exploring a relationship down the road. Would you at all be interested in exploring too?

 

Anyway..........as much as I am the type to be upfront , I know it goes against your nature to lay your cards on the table. But I would pay money just to know!! Hell.......I am taking the chance of making myself look silly......again!

 

And look at the bright side............if your not interested..........you can put an end to me bothering you! If you are interested, maybe towards end of year I can buy you a drink