best friend has a boyfriend

[CrazyPanda]

I've recently left a long term relationship. It ended pretty peacefully overall but now my feelings for my past crush has return. My past crush is one of my closest friend. I've had feelings for her since the 7th grade and now we're 2nd years in college.

 

I went up to visit her at her college for four days and it was great, we were pretty much inseperable and when she was in class she would call me to ask if i was alright and when she would be coming back to the apartment. I was debating with myself if I should tell her how I feel about her except I'm afriad of a lot of things happening.

 

One problem is that she has a boyfriend for the past 2 years. I tried to see how her relationship is doing and i got the idea she was very happy and there wasn't much turmoil. The other problem is that our friendship might get a little akward if I told her how I felt about her and I don't want lose her as a good friend.

 

I'm torn. I want to tell her because I'm afraid I might let someone 'perfect" in my eyes get away and if I don't tell her then I won't be able to know if I had a chance. Another part of me doesn't want to tell her because it might effect our friendship and also I don't want myself to start trouble in a seemly good relationship. I don't want to be the problem of a good relationship.

 

My question is, should I tell her now? or wait it out? What should I do?

[matwithonet]

I'm in almost the same situation. Had a crush, got in a 6 year relationship, then broke up and got those feelings back. The only real difference is, that the girl I like doesn't really seem happy at all in her relationship. So basically what it seems to me like you need to do is, really look at your situation and decide if she is going to be happier if you told her or if you kept it to yourself, because all in all you just want her to be happy right?

[monkey00]

I think you're going to have to make a sacrifice either way. Determine which is more important to you, friendship or more. And usually the only way for a guy to have more with a girl is to walk away from the friendship without looking back...it really does change things. It helps people see things more clearly as it unblurs the fog.

[LoveLace]

If she's happy with her current relationship, telling her could probably only result in a couple ways: it might create awkwardness in the friendship, which ultimiately can ruin it....OR it won't be awkward but she'll make it clear that she only wants to be friends because of she is with someone. So if you tell her, you should prepare for one of the 2 outcomes. In the case that she might not be happy with her BF, exchanging feelings might be music to her ears, but from what you've said this is not the case.

 

From what I'm gathering, the chances seem to lean towards the direction in which you will probably not get what you desire from this, weather you tell her or not. I know its hard but I think it'd be better if you hold off on spilling the beans for as long as possible and just remain friends and cherish it. If breaking up with her BF or any other circumstances arise, then you might have an opportunity to get closer to her; but you also don't want to wait around for this only to be disappointed later. So in the mean time you should get out there and I'm sure you'd find other women that interest you.

[CrazyPanda]

At the moment I think I should hold it off also. I just have a feeling that if I don't tell her that I would believe I never had a chance, but then again I had plently of chances before the boyfriend came along. I was just a shy guy back then and didn't have the guts to tell her. Now though, I'm not so shy and I thank my ex for that. I think I have a lot more confidents in me to tell her how i feel. I'll take your advice, Lovelace and look for other women at the moment. but I will secretly await for the opportunity to arise.