Fixing social awkwardness at work and female coworker?

[Mydish1]

Generally speaking, outside of work I have no problem conversating with friends, acquantances, or new people I meet. I dont know what it is but for having been at my job for over a couple of weeks, most often I'm still pretty socially awkward with my co-workers...I guess I'm having a little difficulty fitting in. Sometimes I just have a hard time expressing myself or thinking of something to say or conversation starters. Slowly, I'm getting there as I'm growing more comfortable with my work and my environment..I honestly dont know why its so hard for me while others seem to adapt so easily socially (the other new hires).

 

When I started my job there was this girl in my workspace that would make prolonged EC and smile at me for the first few days. I wanted to stay professional, and since I was new there I didnt wanted to start off bad. So I just pretty much ignored her...and again as the cause of my social awkwardness. tonight I had to stay late at the office, she was there with a couple other people. She sits behind me, and she was telling my workmate that her dad was trying to set her up with a guy (Cheers, she is single!).

Tonight I did talk a little with her, but I had to leave cause work was done...

 

I would like to get to know her better and maybe even ask her out to coffee, but there are some obstacles in my way...I'm already socially awkward at work, I dont want to wind up saying something stupid. She's the shy/quiet type...so she keeps to herself quite a bit, so generally she waits for people to talk to her first. We sit in a very open office space so we wouldnt get any privacy if we spoke...so I figure the only bet I have is late office hours when most people are gone, or perhaps wait for the next social event. And the final obstacle is her dad and the guy he's trying to hook her up with...if i dont move quick enough, she could wind up being taken!

 

How do I get over my social awkwardness, so I can fit in better at work?

How do I talk to the girl and maybe even ask her out to coffee?

[Geoffrey]

1) Relax! It's going to be all right. Make this your mantra!

 

2) Don't worry about what others may be thinking - that alone can cause genuine anxiety. Run your own race!

 

3) Be yourself - exude confidence in who you are - carry yourself well - try to be gracious in all circumstances, good and bad.

 

4) Play a little "hard to get."

 

5) Do your job so well that when the time comes for you to leave and get a better job, they'll have to hire TWO PEOPLE just to replace you.

 

It sounds like you need a little more time in all this. Whatever the outcome, I think you're going to be just fine.

[Mydish1]

1) Relax! It's going to be all right. Make this your mantra!

 

2) Don't worry about what others may be thinking - that alone can cause genuine anxiety. Run your own race!

 

I dont worry about what others think, i dont suffer from anxiety/nervousness/fear. But what I do suffer from is not being able to connect my thoughts coherently into a proper sentence sometimes...which I wind up mumbling or saying lines of a few words. And sometimes I cant think of anything to say which is just as bad. If anything people will start to think I'm socially inept.

 

3) Be yourself - exude confidence in who you are - carry yourself well - try to be gracious in all circumstances, good and bad.

I do carry myself well, greet people when I see them, wave to them and smile and make eye contact. I think the problem may be im just not socially confident in that kind of atmosphere. Honestly it's easier for me to focus my attention or a conversation on a few people (and have things in common) rather than multiple people making small talk...and worst of all my short term memory isnt that great.

 

4) Play a little "hard to get."

huh???

 

5) Do your job so well that when the time comes for you to leave and get a better job, they'll have to hire TWO PEOPLE just to replace you.

So far I'm taking a liking to my job..which i admit is kind of turning me into a workaholic.

 

I think one of the major causes for my social awkwardness at work is because of downtime. Technically Im not supposed to be surfing the web..so either I'll pretend like I'm working or go in the storage room and relax..people are busy so no point in me bugging them. I think at that point my mind just caves in on me. In the morning when I come in I'm myself, at the end of the day I'm slightly socially inept.

 

Honestly I've never had this happen to me at other jobs. There was always someone I could talk to or worked with that required a lot of talking.

[ftheunion]

I got the perfect thing. Just causally out of the blue ask her "So how bout this fine weather we're havin?" or something. If you are friendly and smile a little, it should get a good response. Or ask her "so, you doin anything this weekend" then after she responds, say "thats good". I've used it to start random conversations. Even if it dies from there. It gets you two aquainted a little. Just talk calm and slow, like when ur talkin with the guys.

 

It'll work. Also try just lookin over and listening when she's chatting with someone else. If they just openly talk, then they shouldn't mind if you overhear them, unless its personal business. Girls like attention, so if you pay attention to when she and her fellow women coworkers are talkin about places or random stuff, then just turn in your chair and listen or look over from time to time while doin ur work.

 

If they pause and look at you, and it seems they are inturrupted by this, just apologize and turn back and tune them out. It is the only way I can think of.

 

It'll work good though.

[norajane]

Why don't you just ask her to lunch one day. "Hey, you want to go downstairs and grab a sandwich?"

 

Maybe if you're not in the workplace, you'll relax a little.