So I had enough :)

[Replicant]

Just a quick Javascript snipet and you could redirect her ip address(s) to any page on your website or any url period..

 

So you could create a leave me alone page that only she will get directed to or you could send her to some dating site..

Javascript based redirect based on ip address is easy.. or you could look up some free code thru google..

 

True, but not entirely that easy. Unless her IP is static you'd have to forward entire domains. And that could send many other unknowing people to a page that says "Get out of my life!" or something to that extent.

 

She could also just visit some library or public place and be on an entirely different source, use proxies. There's many ways to circumvent that stuff.

 

I would say partially password protect the entire site, like pages that have to do with pictures or things you don't wish 'everyone' to see. But if you throw a password on the whole site that basically eliminates the whole random element visiting it and you wont need to track who goes there because you'll know everyone who does!

[johan]

I'm leaving this thread and I'm never coming back. It just disappoints me too much.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

She...tried to play it off as she was just curious about how I was doing.

 

maybe she is. is that really so hard to believe? just put a password on it or block her IP or something, for pete's sake. i cant believe you let this bother you for an entire year. you obviously know you have some options, so if you really wanted to do something about it, you would have done it by now.

[Trialbyfire]

I have no patience for people who cycle, especially ones that are so self-centered, they put nothing back into LS and are in denial.

 

I don't see this of Caliguy. He puts more into this community by helping people understand the practice of NC.

 

That someone who treated him poorly continues to invade his life with her stalker ways, taking credit for his personal development, makes it difficult to ignore her.

 

I know you're going to kill me Caliguy but I'm going to reference this anyways. I had the opportunity to read her response and it pissed me off too. If this is the way she deals with life in general, Caliguy is very, very lucky to have escaped her grasp.

[oppath]

Well put TBF!

[Trialbyfire]

Thanks oppath, although Caliguy is going to kill me...

[KittenMoon]

Wow- CG's thread always get so interesting.

 

Cali, I still vote you redirect her IP addresses to the most bizzare porn site you can find, preferably something that triggers a pornado. But then again, I'm evil like that. Muahaha.

 

Let me just say again I get your POV. It's annoying. Like I mentioned, my ex checks my blog daily, several times usually, so I'm gonna say I know what its like to be in your shoes. It's weird, a bit annoying- but it's a sort of passive revenge too- knowing you're still on their minds, obviously. Even if they're just doing because their bored, or whatever. But c'mon- I've googled old exes too, and we all know there's a difference between once or twice a year, and regular frequency.

 

You did what was right for you- gave her a rough equivalent of a "Fcvk Off"- so good for you. You're obviously pursuing it no further, which is good. You can be over someone- doesn't mean they still don't piss you off. And to be pissed off is perfectly human.

[Trialbyfire]

You can be over someone- doesn't mean they still don't piss you off. And to be pissed off is perfectly human.

So true, in so many ways...

[CaliGuy]

TBF, no I am not going to kill you

 

KittenMoon, I could -- but I just don't care that much.

 

Johan, if my threads bother you, much like my ex, you don't HAVE to come visit them

 

I guess not too many people on LS have been proposed to and had the proposal declined then found out later their ex had been digging for information on them. These aren't just visits where she peeks for 30 seconds and leaves. She digs into the pictures, she "reminsces" by looking at photos (like photos taken around the time we were dating). I could go into more detail but I don't feel it's necessary. What I know about HER as a person, her visits and the way she treated me is enough for me to feel that I needed to call her out on this.

 

People seem to think I get off on her visits and that's why I didn't block her to begin with. The immature thing to do would have been to block her. The immature thing to do would have been to password protect my site. What is so entirely wrong with a man standing up for himself and holding someone who turned their back to them accountable for their actions?

 

Most would agree, that is a mature and manly thing to do. I didn't scream at her, call her names or whine in my reply. I politely, but firmly told her I did not appreciate her poking around in my life and that it was no longer her responsibility to keep tabs on me.

 

This is the most I've talked about her in over a year and even this annoys me. So many people on LS want to tell me how I should feel. And all I can constantly repeat is "unless you've been in my shoes, you have absolutely no clue how I feel about this."

 

Unless you've had someone turn their nose to your proposal...and

Unless you have someone run around behind your back while living with you...and

Unless you've had your only parent die and within a few weeks have your S/O leave you...

 

...you really have no clue what I've gone through and can not say with absolute certainty how I feel and what is right in this instance. I wasn't looking for praise and I wasn't looking for criticsm. I just wanted to pass on that I did something about it.

 

And I did it the way I felt was necessary given the circumstances.

 

Cheers.

[KittenMoon]

KittenMoon, I could -- but I just don't care that much.

 

Darnit, CG, can't you just be evil for evil's sake for once!

[CaliGuy]

Darnit, CG, can't you just be evil for evil's sake for once!

 

Haha. Yes, I could be but what would be the point? There's no reason for me to be bitter anymore. All I wanted to do was let her know that when she walked away, it meant she was walking away from ALL aspects of my life and simply to hold her accountable for her decision.

 

What she does with her fiance, what happens with their relationship, none of that matters to me. So if I were to interfere with their relationship it would bring me down to her level.

 

Not that I think I am better than other people, I just don't think I need to go there. It resolves nothing.

 

Getting her off the site does. I won't have that constant reminder of her and that's what I needed to get rid of.

[crazy_grl]

Hmm... I don't think I was said what I meant very well in my other post. I wasn't trying to say that her behavior shouldn't upset you or that you need a reason to be upset, but that it might be best for you if you got to a point where you didn't let it affect you so much.

 

Even if she stops visiting your site now, you can't control what she does. She could show up in your life again at any time, in any way. What if you're engaged to someone else and she shows up at your door or decides she wants to start visiting your site again? It's understandable that it'd make you upset, but would you let yourself dwell on it like this? Will you let her continue to affect you and your possible future relationships?

 

I don't know if I ever told you about my ex who broke up with me, moved out, told me he'd call me, and then I didn't hear from him until 3 months later when he wanted to get back together. No matter what I said to him, for about a year, he would do things to interfere with my life, make me feel guilty for not wanting him back, all kinds of things. It pissed me off, because who the hell was he to do all that when he dumped me and disappeared for 3 months. About 6 months ago or so, he sent me a friend request on myspace. I accepted the request, and if he wants to look at my page all day and night every day, he can go for it. I just decided not to care anymore. If he sent me another bizarre email like he used to, it might get an emotional reaction out of me, but then I'd have to ask myself "why does anything he says or does matter?" And the answer is that it doesn't.

 

(I know it's not exactly the same situation, but I'm just illustrating my point. Hopefully it actually made sense this time.)

 

Just a quick Javascript snipet and you could redirect her ip address(s) to any page on your website or any url period..

 

If your server lets you use HTACCESS, that's a better way to do it IMO.

[CaliGuy]

Hmm... I don't think I was said what I meant very well in my other post. I wasn't trying to say that her behavior shouldn't upset you or that you need a reason to be upset, but that it might be best for you if you got to a point where you didn't let it affect you so much.

 

Even if she stops visiting your site now, you can't control what she does. She could show up in your life again at any time, in any way. What if you're engaged to someone else and she shows up at your door or decides she wants to start visiting your site again? It's understandable that it'd make you upset, but would you let yourself dwell on it like this? Will you let her continue to affect you and your possible future relationships?

 

I don't know if I ever told you about my ex who broke up with me, moved out, told me he'd call me, and then I didn't hear from him until 3 months later when he wanted to get back together. No matter what I said to him, for about a year, he would do things to interfere with my life, make me feel guilty for not wanting him back, all kinds of things. It pissed me off, because who the hell was he to do all that when he dumped me. About 6 months ago or so, he sent me a friend request on myspace. I accepted the request, and if he wants to look at my page all day and night every day, he can go for it. I just decided not to care anymore. If he sent me another bizarre email like he used to, it might get an emotional reaction out of me, but then I'd have to ask myself "why does anything he says or does matter?" And the answer is that it doesn't.

 

(I know it's not exactly the same situation, but I'm just illustrating my point. Hopefully it actually made sense this time.)

 

I appreciate you passing this along. My situation is a tad different. This is someone I asked to marry me, not just someone I was dating. She turned her back to me and walked away when my mom died and at a point in my life when I needed her the most.

 

I do forgive her but I have not forgotten and given the circumstances, I don't think we can be friends. I just have a hard time allowing someone to root around in my life when they treated me that way.

 

 

If your server lets you use HTACCESS, that's a better way to do it IMO.

 

Yes it does and I had considered that

[crazy_grl]

I appreciate you passing this along. My situation is a tad different. This is someone I asked to marry me, not just someone I was dating.

 

Yes, it's different. And he was someone I was living with, not just someone I was dating. IIRC, you weren't living with her.

 

She turned her back to me and walked away when my mom died and at a point in my life when I needed her the most.

 

He left me when I had no other friends, the closest people I knew were 1700 miles away, and I no place to live. I couldn't afford a place on my own and had to live with random strangers from the internet. He didn't exactly leave when things were great for me.

 

There's also other stuff that happened that I won't talk about that would probably put me higher on scale of who should be bothered most by the presence of their ex.

 

But, yeah it's not exactly the same, but no situation ever is.

 

Anyhow, you have a right to be pissed off at her. She was a total selfish b!tch, but how long are you going to let it affect you? Have you considered the possibility that she still bothers you so much because you didn't get the chance to vent your anger to her before. I know you're over her in the sense that you'd never want her back, but maybe you're not over your anger at her. (Hoping that doesn't sound like nonsensical double talk.) Maybe that's not it at all, but the thought occurred to me, so I figured I'd suggest it to you.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

well, if you're not going to take the "immature" (wtf?) steps of blocking her, i guess you're just going to have to accept that people can look at anything they want on the internet, which includes your ex, and find a healthier way to deal with it rather than obsessing over it.

[Touche]

well, if you're not going to take the "immature" (wtf?) steps of blocking her, i guess you're just going to have to accept that people can look at anything they want on the internet, which includes your ex, and find a healthier way to deal with it rather than obsessing over it.

 

Exactly. I was trying to say the same thing. Telling her not to look doesn't mean she won't. She can do whatever she wants unless he restricts her in some way. I really don't get what was accomplished by telling her to not look but like I said, if it makes him feel better, great.

 

Also I wanted to say that we don't have to be in your EXACT shoes, CG to know what works and what doesn't always work. We can suggest things based on our similar experiences. Of course you are free to disagree and reject those suggestions.

 

I mean how many people on here who ask for advice expect that the people who respond will have been in the EXACT same situation? That's pretty much impossible if you think about it. So I'm not too sure where you were coming from with that angle.

 

Just because some of us have not been in your exact shoes doesn't mean that our advice isn't valid. I hope you understand that.

[MystifiedByMen]

Sounds to me by all this talk of her online, you have more of an obsession than she does. She merely looks at your site a couple times a week, she’s not on the internet writing pages and pages about YOUR actions, words, and life like you are about her.. Her checking up on you will dissipate over time, and is hardly stalking behavior. Perhaps she still cares for you as a person and wants to “check on you”. Big deal! I think you’re burned right now and venting about this because this is the only control of the lingering situation with her you may have.

 

In her defense as to why she’s checking your site is an inactive way to make sure someone she deeply cared about at one time is doing ok. This is not an attempt to cause problems. It’s completely a benign action. Just because you are angry and she is getting hitched to someone else, does not mean she’s heartless and could give a hoot about you. You two obviously meant a lot to each other at one point, which excuses her actions because what she is doing is natural. Yes, even after a year…

[Trialbyfire]

Okay, I must admit that the evil side of me (oh? something unusual ) comes out in this situation. It's a great game of bait. If she stops looking, he wins. If she continues to look, he can continue to tell her off. Win/win for Caliguy.

 

I know this isn't the reason why it bothers him but I thought I would share the thought.

[CaliGuy]

Yes, it's different. And he was someone I was living with, not just someone I was dating. IIRC, you weren't living with her.

 

We were living together. When my mom died and I went home for the funeral, she had the guy she is engaged to now picking her up from my house. Not cool.

 

He left me when I had no other friends, the closest people I knew were 1700 miles away, and I no place to live. I couldn't afford a place on my own and had to live with random strangers from the internet. He didn't exactly leave when things were great for me.

 

That sucks.

 

There's also other stuff that happened that I won't talk about that would probably put me higher on scale of who should be bothered most by the presence of their ex.

 

But, yeah it's not exactly the same, but no situation ever is.

 

Anyhow, you have a right to be pissed off at her. She was a total selfish b!tch, but how long are you going to let it affect you? Have you considered the possibility that she still bothers you so much because you didn't get the chance to vent your anger to her before.

 

Maybe that's why I felt the need to write the reply that I did. If you're interested, I will send you a copy of what she wrote and my reply.

 

I know you're over her in the sense that you'd never want her back, but maybe you're not over your anger at her. (Hoping that doesn't sound like nonsensical double talk.) Maybe that's not it at all, but the thought occurred to me, so I figured I'd suggest it to you.

 

I agree somewhat. I also believe getting the opportunity to tell her to "bugger off" made me feel better. I'm not angry per say. The visits just annoyed me due to the situation.

 

My hat is off to you though. It took me this long to forgive and let go, but I still harbored a tad of resentment.

[CaliGuy]

Sounds to me by all this talk of her online, you have more of an obsession than she does. She merely looks at your site a couple times a week, she’s not on the internet writing pages and pages about YOUR actions, words, and life like you are about her.. Her checking up on you will dissipate over time, and is hardly stalking behavior. Perhaps she still cares for you as a person and wants to “check on you”. Big deal! I think you’re burned right now and venting about this because this is the only control of the lingering situation with her you may have.

 

This is what you don't understand. It wasn't always just 2 times a week. A couple of months it was nearly 20 hits a month. Think about that. I don't mean page views, I mean separate visits. I know my friends have told me she has talked to them about me as well.

 

As for her visits going away over time, it's been over a year now (I checked, she's been looking it at steadily since April 2006).

 

In her defense as to why she’s checking your site is an inactive way to make sure someone she deeply cared about at one time is doing ok.

 

I disagree. If you really want to know how someone is doing whom you care about, you write them an email or call. And if you read her reply, you'd see that it smacked of self-gratification.

 

This is not an attempt to cause problems. It’s completely a benign action.

 

To her it may be innocent. To me, it serves as a constant reminder of my past. A past I'd rather soon forget.

 

Again, I did what I felt I needed to do.

 

Just because you are angry and she is getting hitched to someone else, does not mean she’s heartless and could give a hoot about you.

 

I never said that. I just think if you thumb your nose at someone who asks you to marry them, especially given the circumstances she did it in, I think poking around in their business is classless.

 

You two obviously meant a lot to each other at one point, which excuses her actions because what she is doing is natural. Yes, even after a year…

 

I'm not concerned with whether it's natural or not. I don't want her poking around in my business. Period. She does not deserve that right.

[CaliGuy]

Okay, I must admit that the evil side of me (oh? something unusual ) comes out in this situation. It's a great game of bait. If she stops looking, he wins. If she continues to look, he can continue to tell her off. Win/win for Caliguy.

 

I know this isn't the reason why it bothers him but I thought I would share the thought.

 

Heh, but the point is, I want and expect it to stop.

 

I know her well enough, I know my reply carried just enough sting, that she will stop.

[CaliGuy]

well, if you're not going to take the "immature" (wtf?) steps of blocking her, i guess you're just going to have to accept that people can look at anything they want on the internet, which includes your ex, and find a healthier way to deal with it rather than obsessing over it.

 

Nope. My site is owned by me and I am free to determine who can or can not view it.

 

What part of that don't you understand?

 

And I DID take care of it in a healthy way. I enforced a boundary.

[Touche]

Okay, I must admit that the evil side of me (oh? something unusual ) comes out in this situation. It's a great game of bait. If she stops looking, he wins. If she continues to look, he can continue to tell her off. Win/win for Caliguy.

 

I know this isn't the reason why it bothers him but I thought I would share the thought.

 

I couldn't disagree with this more, TBF. If she continues to look and he continues to tell her off SHE wins. She gets her ego stroked. That fact that he still even cares will not escape her.

 

If she stops looking, well I'm not so sure that he'll really think that he's won. I have my doubts about that, as I've mentioned.

 

The best thing to do is to NOT look and check whether she's looking and checking. It's the only way to go. But that's just my opinion and clearly, CG doesn't agree.

[Touche]

Nope. My site is owned by me and I am free to determine who can or can not view it.

 

What part of that don't you understand?

 

And I DID take care of it in a healthy way. I enforced a boundary.

 

No you didn't enforce anything. Just because you TOLD her to stop doesn't mean she has to or WILL stop. If you really meant it, you'd deny her access. I'm still confused as to why you won't do that, or why you won't just ignore it.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Nope. My site is owned by me and I am free to determine who can or can not view it.

 

What part of that don't you understand?

 

And I DID take care of it in a healthy way. I enforced a boundary.

 

only if you take the actions to stop her from looking. unless you physically block her, you cannot force her to stop looking at your page any more than i can stop my neighbour from looking at my car. it doesn't matter if i own it or not.

 

sure, you can ask her to stop, you can demand that she stop. but you can't stop her. once you step away from this issue for a while, i think you'll see it's about a whole lot more than not wanting her to see your page. you obviously like the attention A LOT or you would have done whatever you could have to keep her from it.

 

what do you not understand about the fact that you are so not over her, or at least not over the anger, nor are you letting any of it go.