So I had enough :)

[CaliGuy]

I guess the problem we all have with this poster is that on one hand he says:

 

But obviously that's all BS. If he were to come out and say "I'm still not completely over her, and I don't like being reminded of her all the time" then that would at least be honest. He's being dishonest with himself, and in doing so preventing himself from fully getting past this.

 

Let me put it this way: The day that you're ok with her visiting your site will be the day you're really over her.

 

You seem hell bent on proving yourself right, completely ignorning what's truly going on.

 

My ex is stalking me and I don't like it.

[eric82]

Just out of curiosity, Eric, if faced with the same situation, what would you do?

 

well, i have been in the situation where she left me but continued to look at my myspace every few days for almost a year. and i like you, kept track of it and wondered why and what it could mean.

 

but really, eventually i came to terms with the fact that it got me no where, just as your keeping track is getting you no where. all it does is confuse you, keep her in your mind longer, and slow down your moving on.

 

not dealing with the issue also works against your subsequent relationships.

you have to put it behind you. you have to move on. keeping track isn't moving on, it's holding on.

 

the reason i even say anything to you is because like me, i think you're going to screw up your next relationship(s) and work against yourself by adding more confusion, self-resentment and regret to work through, until you accept the finality of the break up by no longer looking at the tracking logs.

 

 

Is my behavior by tracking her perfect? Nope. But it IS my web site and my information and I have every right to look at who is visiting AND to block someone's access if I so desire. Especially if it's someone I do not want visiting the site.

 

the point isn't whether you're entitled to keep track of her or anyone else, it's that you should be focusing on not looking anymore. yeah you have the right to look, but what i'm saying is it's not right for you, it's not helping you or your situation. it's only extending your emotional recovery. instead you should be forcing yourself to no longer look at it, to no longer worry or care about looking.

 

 

Again, I don't have to justify why I feel the way I do. I have repeated many times that it was her decision to share her life with someone else and as such, she rescinded her rights to my life.

 

what i said isn't meant as a personal attack or to ask you to justify yourself. i'm just saying that in order to completely move on, you're going to have to eventually let go of caring whether she visits your page.

 

 

Why should I allow her to have her cake and eat it too? Especially if it negatively impacts my life (and it does).

 

the only way she's having her cake is by you letting her still consume your thoughts and affect your emotions. the only way her visits can have a negative impact your life is if you let it, and by that i mean you're letting yourself obsess over it. that's what love does, because it's not logical. but you need to focus on getting over her.

[CaliGuy]

Disagree. If it is the case that to be over a painful memory means for it never to bother you when it comes to mind at all, then all of us are walking around with something we haven't moved on from. There is no MOVED on, there is MOVING on. I think Caliguy has been quite honest: that for the most part, his past doesn't bother him or impact his present, but when it does come up, he still feels some pain. That is natural.

 

Thanks. If definitely it is. She is a part of my past and I can never change that. And I think anyone who has been in my shoes before would understand that you just don't stop painful memories.

 

In my case, I am just trying to minimize them by asking her to stay away from my personal life.

[Cad Rake]

My ex is stalking me and I don't like it.

 

Sorry dude you're full of crap and I'm calling you on it, just as I will continue to do. Checking out your website a couple of times a week is not "stalking." Looking through your window with binoculars... THAT's stalking. Calling you 4 times a day. THAT's stalking. Going through your trash. THAT's stalking.

 

Reading your blog... that AIN'T stalking.

 

And those who say you "never" get over painful experiences are also wrong. I've been through aplenty, and after a period of months, sometimes years, you get over them. Completely over them. Or at least I do. I'd hate to be someone who didn't... you'd be the proverbial "walking wounded," carrying baggage around for the rest of your life. Yuk.

[CaliGuy]

Sorry dude you're full of crap and I'm calling you on it, just as I will continue to do. Checking out your website a couple of times a week is not "stalking." Looking through your window with binoculars... THAT's stalking.

 

Yes, it is. Anytime you are probing around for personal information on someone regularly, it's stalking. For all I know she could also be trying to find out my new address as well.

 

And those who say you "never" get over painful experiences are also wrong.

 

You get over them, you just never forget them.

 

I've been through aplenty, and after a period of months, sometimes years, you get over them. Completely over them.

 

It hasn't quite been "years" for me.

 

Or at least I do. I'd hate to be someone who didn't... you'd be the proverbial "walking wounded," carrying baggage around for the rest of your life. Yuk.

 

If keeping her off my web site helps me "get over it" then why are you making such a big deal of this? That is the end goal of asking her to stop.

 

And I will never agree with you about my web site. I looked at the stats well before I met her (my site is 6 years old) and I will continue to do so. Not because I want to know if SHE is stalking me, but again, because I like to know where the hits are coming from.

[oppath]

It is natural when an old pain comes to mind, it feels a little painful. Sometimes that pain only lasts 60 seconds. Sometimes an hour. I get the sense that it impacts Caliguy for 60 seconds or so each time he witnesses it. Would that be enough for you to post about it? Perhaps not. But it doesn't mean he is full of BS.

[KittenMoon]

Poor Cali- always getting picked on.

 

I say block the IPs of her work. It's too bad you couldn't program it so her specific IPs redirect to porn sites. :lmao:

[CaliGuy]

Poor Cali- always getting picked on.

 

I'm being picked on? LOL. If so, they're not trying very hard

 

I say block the IPs of her work. It's too bad you couldn't program it so her specific IPs redirect to porn sites. :lmao:

 

Umm, I can but I won't. It's not worth the effort, really. I wanted to make a statement to her (leave me alone) and I did. As I said before I think the visits will stop from here on out.

 

And as I said before, I don't really think I need to justify why this needed to happen. Some are never going to understand. We all handle our personal situations differently and there is more than one way to skin a cat.

 

Cheers

[Izzy B]

No offense, but I think you are the one who needs help. If you have a website, she can visit it, and she has a right to visit it without judgment or contact from you.

You are the one who is hung up on her and can't let go. You can't demand someone stop visiting a public website that you put out there yourself.

A long time ago it was highly suggested you block her.

You lose, she now knows you are still hung up on her by contacting her. You are taking the time and effort to track her IP address, which says a lot more about you than her, just bored at work and doing some surfing bfd. So she was checking up on you. She was bored and curious, how is that bull hockey?

Sorry, you are whack, Caliguy and so transparent. You are still hung up on her.

[Izzy B]

Thanks.

 

I am still trying to discern why a happily engaged woman would feel the need to keep tabs on her ex boyfriend. In my opinion, once you make the decision to move on with someone else, you leave the ex behind.

 

A couple times a week to check up when one is simply bored is not obsessive.

I am still trying to discern why a happy, confident guy who is over his ex and is just living life and having fun would make the effort to track IP addresses of how many times his ex visits his public websites, then posts this on another website. Once you make the decision to move on with your life, you leave the ex behind.

'Ya know, if it's truly stalking, you can get the police involve. How come you haven't done that, LOL. because you don't want them to know how whack you are at how much you keep track of her IP address? LOLOLOL

[CaliGuy]

No offense, but I think you are the one who needs help. If you have a website, she can visit it, and she has a right to visit it without judgment or contact from you.

You are the one who is hung up on her and can't let go. You can't demand someone stop visiting a public website that you put out there yourself.

A long time ago it was highly suggested you block her.

You lose, she now knows you are still hung up on her by contacting her. You are taking the time and effort to track her IP address, which says a lot more about you than her, just bored at work and doing some surfing bfd. So she was checking up on you. She was bored and curious, how is that bull hockey?

Sorry, you are whack, Caliguy and so transparent. You are still hung up on her.

 

If you knew what I knew about her visits, you'd be eating your words. 19 visits in one month and 17 during another? She's the one who said I wasn't good enough. If that's the case, then she wouldn't have any need to be visiting my web site.

 

And you are 100% incorrect about it being a free, public domain. My site does not fall under the freedom of information act and I am free to determine who looks at it or not. All I have to do is put a password on there.

 

But the point is, I shouldn't have to. My site was never intended as a way for her to peer into my life.

 

And if anyone loses here, she does. She was caught red-handed. If I really wanted to screw with her or be vindictive, all I'd have to do is forward the logs to her fiance. But that isn't what this is about.

 

This is simply about someone who told me I wasn't good enough for them, for a year now, stalking me quite often. If she's bored she can find plenty of other things to do than to "waste her time" on my web site.

 

Whether you agree or not is inconsequential.

 

Cheers.

[CaliGuy]

A couple times a week to check up when one is simply bored is not obsessive.

 

Up until a few months ago, it was far more visits than a few a week.

 

I am still trying to discern why a happy, confident guy who is over his ex and is just living life and having fun would make the effort to track IP addresses of how many times his ex visits his public websites, then posts this on another website. Once you make the decision to move on with your life, you leave the ex behind.

 

Yes, I agree. SHE is the one who left me behind. The difference is I'm not farting around on the internet searching for information about her. I'm monitoring my own web site, as I have done for years before she knew about it.

 

'Ya know, if it's truly stalking, you can get the police involve. How come you haven't done that, LOL. because you don't want them to know how whack you are at how much you keep track of her IP address? LOLOLOL

 

Uhh yeah that's it.

 

How old are you, really? Because you're comments are very immature.

[dropdeadlegs]

Caliguy,

 

I thought about this and wonder if you can set up your website to make viewing it based on permission of the owner (you) somewhat like some yahoo! groups are. I recently joined a yahoo! group for my district cub scouts and I had to be "approved" for membership in the group. Of course I was accepted, but as I know very little about a personal website I thought it could be an option to you versus a password.

 

Just a thought. You don't have to reply. Looking for solutions that will work for you.

[Art_Critic]

Just a quick Javascript snipet and you could redirect her ip address(s) to any page on your website or any url period..

 

So you could create a leave me alone page that only she will get directed to or you could send her to some dating site..

Javascript based redirect based on ip address is easy.. or you could look up some free code thru google..

[CaliGuy]

Just a quick Javascript snipet and you could redirect her ip address(s) to any page on your website or any url period..

 

So you could create a leave me alone page that only she will get directed to or you could send her to some dating site..

Javascript based redirect based on ip address is easy.. or you could look up some free code thru google..

 

Yes, I could do that. I had thought about adding a "No ya don't!" page that would show up on her visits only. ROFL. That would be hilarious. Maybe I should do that. It would be pretty funny.

[Touche]

Great idea, AC!

 

I must say that I think it was a little out of line for you to contact her, CG. I mean she didn't contact you. She was just looking at your site. You actually now have let her know that she can still get to you. You should have let it be.

 

I mean what have you accomplished now? Not a thing. If she wants to she can still check your site unless you password protect it which you said you won't do.

 

As far as her checking your site and her fiance'..no offense but that's none of your business. I check on people from my past out of curiosity all of the time. My stepdaughter from my first marriage is an actress and I look up about her career and what movies she's in a few times a year. I don't call that stalking. Just curiosity. I even occasionally look up about my ex to see if he's still even alive.

 

You did the wrong thing contacting her in my opinion but if it made you feel better, well I guess that's all that matters then isn't it?

[Cad Rake]

Ok, it's been fun, but I'm over this topic. You're not over her. It's clear to us, it's clear to her. She's probably not over you completely either. But banning IP addresses is a bit childish. But whatever works. Ok this topic is now officially boring.

[whichwayisup]

So you could create a leave me alone page that only she will get directed to

Now you could have some fun with that eh?

 

-Get a life.

-You get one warning, and the next time you see this message on my site, I will tell your fiance what you are doing!

 

LOL Anyway, when you think about it, if there was no net, then she wouldn't be able to surf and peek in on you CG. 10-15 years ago, she'd be doing drive by's your house or asking people you know about you. Just with it being online, she can be sneakier and not so creepy about it...

-

[whichwayisup]

I think CG's point is, their relationship is over, has been for a long time, she's moved on, about to marry someone else and she shouldn't know what is going on in his life. He just doesn't want her knowing anything PERIOD.

 

To be honest, I think she's just curious and being snoopy (not the dog), I don't think it's 'I want him back, I MUST know what he is up to 24/7.' It is just pure curosity and being nosy.

[Touche]

Frankly, I don't see that what she's doing is wrong at all. I also don't see it as stalking. That's just ridiculous.

 

It's obvious that she once cared about you and likes to see how you're doing but wants no contact with you. You can care about someone but not want contact with them you know. I know that's a weird concept maybe but it's the truth.

[Art_Critic]

I think CG's point is, their relationship is over, has been for a long time, she's moved on, about to marry someone else and she shouldn't know what is going on in his life. He just doesn't want her knowing anything PERIOD.

 

To be honest, I think she's just curious and being snoopy (not the dog), I don't think it's 'I want him back, I MUST know what he is up to 24/7.' It is just pure curosity and being nosy.

 

Frankly, I don't see that what she's doing is wrong at all. I also don't see it as stalking. That's just ridiculous.

 

It's obvious that she once cared about you and likes to see how you're doing but wants no contact with you. You can care about someone but not want contact with them you know. I know that's a weird concept maybe but it's the truth.

I agree with both of you chickees..

[Touche]

I think CG's point is, their relationship is over, has been for a long time, she's moved on, about to marry someone else and she shouldn't know what is going on in his life. He just doesn't want her knowing anything PERIOD.

 

To be honest, I think she's just curious and being snoopy (not the dog), I don't think it's 'I want him back, I MUST know what he is up to 24/7.' It is just pure curosity and being nosy.

 

I completely 100% agree with this, BUT he has no control over whether she knows what's going on in his life unless he changes his site's access. He said he really didn't want to do that. Well, if he doesn't then he'll have to accept that she can look any time she wants to.

 

Me thinks he likes her looking. He gets off on it. I agree with some of the others. Of course he's not going to block it from her. Never.

[CaliGuy]

Frankly, I don't see that what she's doing is wrong at all. I also don't see it as stalking. That's just ridiculous.

 

If you were in my shoes, it'd be a lot easier to understand. And she herself said she was "stalking" me. Whether she was kidding or not, it does not matter. My life is no longer open to her and if it comes to me taking the site down to stop it, I will. I can easily go back to email updates for my friends and family.

 

It's obvious that she once cared about you and likes to see how you're doing but wants no contact with you.

 

She left me less than two weeks after my mom died. She has never really "cared" about me. Her reply email was full of self-pride. She talked about her influence on my life. She talked about how she nonchanlantly keeps tabs on everyone from her past, as to insinuate I am no one special. She talked about how bored she was, so my site was simply a way for her to cure her boredom. It made my skin crawl to her how she pumped herself up.

 

You can care about someone but not want contact with them you know. I know that's a weird concept maybe but it's the truth.

 

I'm sorry, but I don't really care what she thinks or if she cares anymore. When she walked away she gave up any rights she had to my life and my well being. She has another man in her life now and is either married already or getting ready to be married.

 

The whole email was insulting to me. I'm not looking for her approval of my life nor am I happy to know she's using my life to fill the boredom in hers. There are plenty of productive things she can be doing besides "keeping tabs" on me. That's none of her business anymore.

[CaliGuy]

Now you could have some fun with that eh?

 

-Get a life.

-You get one warning, and the next time you see this message on my site, I will tell your fiance what you are doing!

 

LOL Anyway, when you think about it, if there was no net, then she wouldn't be able to surf and peek in on you CG. 10-15 years ago, she'd be doing drive by's your house or asking people you know about you. Just with it being online, she can be sneakier and not so creepy about it...

-

 

As my friend once told me "Dude, these visits are equal to her sitting outside your house in her car peeking in your window." I tend to agree.

 

The point is I am not poking around in her life. I don't care anymore. She made this bed, she can lay in it. It's selfish of her to turn her back to me, especially given the circumstances she did it in, then expect to have free rein on my personal life.

[CaliGuy]

I think CG's point is, their relationship is over, has been for a long time, she's moved on, about to marry someone else and she shouldn't know what is going on in his life. He just doesn't want her knowing anything PERIOD.

 

To be honest, I think she's just curious and being snoopy (not the dog), I don't think it's 'I want him back, I MUST know what he is up to 24/7.' It is just pure curosity and being nosy.

 

That's what she basically said. "I've got nothing better to do so I browse your web site for entertainment."

 

Uhhh.....no.