So I had enough :)

[CaliGuy]

I completely 100% agree with this, BUT he has no control over whether she knows what's going on in his life unless he changes his site's access. He said he really didn't want to do that. Well, if he doesn't then he'll have to accept that she can look any time she wants to.

 

I have control. I can block her IP address. I don't want to password protect it because it also serves as a way to promote my racing hobby (and find sponsors).

 

Me thinks he likes her looking. He gets off on it. I agree with some of the others. Of course he's not going to block it from her. Never.

 

No, I'm not getting off on it. It's annoying me, but not stopping my life from moving forward. She said it herself, she does this to everyone in her past. I'm nobody special.

 

Again, I don't have to justify why it bothers me. Unless someone has walked a mile in my shoes I don't think they'd understand how I feel about this. Yes, I can block her IP address and if the visits do not stop, I WILL block it. But I can't guarantee all of the IP addresses because she can use a proxy server to hide where she's surfing from. In that case to block her I'd have to password protect it which is not condusive to promoting my racing. Duh.

[Touche]

Look, CG she sounds selfish and despicable. No doubt about it. But I don't think you want to stop her from visiting your site or you would. Just do it. You say she's browsing for entertainment and you say "uh no." I say "uh YES" unless you do something about it.

 

You just don't want to.

 

If you did you would do something about it like take out the personal stuff and make the public stuff about your racing ONLY. Make the personal stuff password-protected. Is that so difficult for a smart man like yourself?

 

Are you going to do that? I mean let's face it, I'm not smarter than you are and if I REALLY wanted to stop an ex from seeing what's going on in my personal life I could. But I don't get the feeling like you really want to. Because if you did you could, right?

[CaliGuy]

For those of you who feel her behavior is just peachy, think about it for a second. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

 

You mean to tell me it wouldn't bother you in the slightest or you wouldn't confront her about it? I know some of you would let it slide and that's fine. I tried for a year to "let it go." I moved on with my life and said nothing hoping the visits would stop, but they did not. And every time I check where my site is linked from, I have to deal with knowing she's been on the site.

 

I put up with it for a year and have had enough. I took a stance and stood up for myself. I set a boundary.

 

I personally believe what I did was healthy for me. I wanted it to stop and I did something about it.

 

Whether you think it's fair to her or not, well, walk a mile in my shoes....

[CaliGuy]

Look, CG she sounds selfish and despicable. No doubt about it. But I don't think you want to stop her from visiting your site or you would. Just do it. You say she's browsing for entertainment and you say "uh no." I say "uh YES" unless you do something about it.

 

You just don't want to.

 

If you did you would do something about it like take out the personal stuff and make the public stuff about your racing ONLY. Make the personal stuff password-protected. Is that so difficult for a smart man like yourself?

 

Are you going to do that? I mean let's face it, I'm not smarter than you are and if I REALLY wanted to stop an ex from seeing what's going on in my personal life I could. But I don't get the feeling like you really want to. Because if you did you could, right?

 

It's the prinicple of the entire situation. I don't expect you to understand and no offense, I'm not looking for your approval of how I handled it. Yes, by posting I solicited opinions. That doesn't mean I have to agree with them, now does it? If so, I guess I better stop posting because I disagree with people all the time.

 

The difference is I don't try and play like I KNOW exactly how they feel, insinuate they have some kind of ulterior motive or insult them in the process.

 

Cheers.

[Touche]

Oh and I've never asked you to justify why it bothers you. I can understand that part. What I can't understand is why you say it bothers you but yet you do nothing about it other than contact her and tell her to stop, which in my view is the LEAST effective/productive thing you could have done.

[Izzy B]

Ok, it's been fun, but I'm over this topic. You're not over her. It's clear to us, it's clear to her. She's probably not over you completely either. But banning IP addresses is a bit childish. But whatever works. Ok this topic is now officially boring.

 

He has been posting about this topic since like....February/March. There is a thread which spans about 500 posts related to this topic. It was suggested way back then to make it a private website.

[Izzy B]

I don't know how to make a link to really, really old posts, from like...March. If you want to make the effort, you scroll back to Caliguy's old posts back to March, like I did.

 

Hmm, what's my ex up to?

I was just looking at the logs from my web site and noticed my ex had visited my site some 15 times in January and 20 times in February. Only 5 times so far this month so it appears to be slowing down (GOOD!)

 

I have no plans to contact her - I just think it's odd that she got engaged this past December and for the next two months she pretty much stalked me on my web site. I figure if she wanted to talk she would contact me.

 

The funny thing about the visits is several times she visited exactly 12 hours apart. She's just eccentric like that. I personally think she wanted me to know she was there.

 

The good part is I have maintained NC with her for about 6 months now. Life is good, and I am not bothered by this. Just curious more than anything else. My guess is she was having some doubts about her decision but now has come to peace with it.

 

Either way, NC from me. Life's going to good right now to mess it up by going backwards.

 

How's everyone doing, BTW!?

[Touche]

It's the prinicple of the entire situation. I don't expect you to understand and no offense, I'm not looking for your approval of how I handled it. Yes, by posting I solicited opinions. That doesn't mean I have to agree with them, now does it? If so, I guess I better stop posting because I disagree with people all the time.

 

The difference is I don't try and play like I KNOW exactly how they feel, insinuate they have some kind of ulterior motive or insult them in the process.

 

Cheers.

 

Ok, I just saw this after I posted. I don't act like I KNOW how you feel. I'm only going by what you say. You say it bothers you. But if it really bothered you then you would do something about it instead of contacting her and just complaining about it. You'd DO something about it. That's what real men do. They take ACTION to correct the problem.

 

And no..you don't have to agree with me at all. I'm just trying to show you how men that I know, who are happy and get what they want, act. It's that simple.

 

If you feel you have to stop posting because you don't agree with the advice, well do what you must. You probably can guess what I think about that, can't you?

 

Have a wonderful night, CG. I only tried to help.

[Art_Critic]

What would you do if you were in my shoes?

 

Since you asked...

 

I would have done nothing..

I would have reveled in the idea that she was hitting my page..

I would not have contacted her because that was breaking NC..

 

If it bothered me (which it wouldn't ) I would have done a redirect to a webpage ..

That is about it..

 

 

I'm sure I have ex's that hit my company webpage.. but it doesn't really matter..

I don't scrub the logs and only do region reports on the logs and don't break them down to ip as the reports would be unreadable with too much data..

 

By the way Caliguy... you have done nothing wrong..

and neither has she.. i have hit ex's pages before.. it can be fun sometimes...

 

You contacting her was okay.. albeit it does let her know that you still care about her somewhat..

 

See what happens from here on out.. hopefully she will stop and find another ex's page to hit..

[Izzy B]

The difference is I don't try and play like I KNOW exactly how they feel, insinuate they have some kind of ulterior motive or insult them in the process.

 

Cheers.

You do try and play like you know how they feel, hon. Your ex explained to you that she was simply bored and was surfing your website about...ummm, racing....oooooh, so personal.

You said that this was "bullhockey." So you are allowing yourself to assume that 1. she is unhappy with her fiance and 2. she is hung up on you. So you do insinuate an ulterior motive and by emailing her, you did insult her in the process, or more yourself, by making yourself look like an obsessed idiot who checks IP addresses constantly because he's obsessed.

[Izzy B]

I think you need to take this to heart, CG.

Since you asked...

 

I would have done nothing..

I would have reveled in the idea that she was hitting my page..

I would not have contacted her because that was breaking NC..

 

If it bothered me (which it wouldn't ) I would have done a redirect to a webpage ..

That is about it..

 

 

I'm sure I have ex's that hit my company webpage.. but it doesn't really matter..

I don't scrub the logs and only do region reports on the logs and don't break them down to ip as the reports would be unreadable with too much data..

 

By the way Caliguy... you have done nothing wrong..

and neither has she.. i have hit ex's pages before.. it can be fun sometimes...

 

You contacting her was okay.. albeit it does let her know that you still care about her somewhat..

 

See what happens from here on out.. hopefully she will stop and find another ex's page to hit..

[Touche]

I don't know how to make a link to really, really old posts, from like...March. If you want to make the effort, you scroll back to Caliguy's old posts back to March, like I did.

 

Hmm, what's my ex up to?

I was just looking at the logs from my web site and noticed my ex had visited my site some 15 times in January and 20 times in February. Only 5 times so far this month so it appears to be slowing down (GOOD!)

 

I have no plans to contact her - I just think it's odd that she got engaged this past December and for the next two months she pretty much stalked me on my web site. I figure if she wanted to talk she would contact me.

 

You had no plans to contact her? Yet you did. And you were right to say that if she wanted to contact you she would have. She didn't. You did.

 

The funny thing about the visits is several times she visited exactly 12 hours apart. She's just eccentric like that. I personally think she wanted me to know she was there.

 

If that's what you think so be it. I don't think so. This is denial.

 

The good part is I have maintained NC with her for about 6 months now. Life is good, and I am not bothered by this. Just curious more than anything else. My guess is she was having some doubts about her decision but now has come to peace with it.

 

I don't think so. Denial again. If she had doubts she would have contacted you.

 

Either way, NC from me. Life's going to good right now to mess it up by going backwards.

 

You're in danger of going backwards again if you don't get a grip on this and do something to make sure she has no access to your site since you can't help but monitor her actions on said site.

[Touche]

Yep, excellent post AC. THAT'S how a real man acts. Exactly. Great advice.

[whichwayisup]

I would've just changed it, put a password so then the next time she tried to do a peeky poo, she'd get a NO access to page allowed.

[Touche]

I would've just changed it, put a password so then the next time she tried to do a peeky poo, she'd get a NO access to page allowed.

 

He already said he wouldn't put a password because of his racing promotions (or something along those lines.) My suggestion was to separate the racing from the personal. Either that or ignore her. I mean those are the only options here.

[johan]

I think worrying about who is hitting your website is a waste of your time. What do you care whether she's checking it out? Her or anyone else, for that matter. How is that an intrusion in any way into your life? What difference does it make what she knows about you? What is she going to do with this information that puts your life goals at risk? Is she going to take your house or your car or get you fired or make all your friends abandon you or make your mom hate you? Or what? What's the problem? If there is no tangible consequence, then what exactly is your motivation?

 

You claim you're over her, but all she has to do is click her mouse and you're posting reams on LS. Block her or don't block her. But quit worrying about it. I think you contradict yourself with all this, and to be honest it looks weak to get wound up over something so minor from someone who you're supposed to be over.

 

I personally think you're indulging yourself with all this. And arguing with people about it just makes it look worse to me. If you're over her, then act like it.

[CaliGuy]

I had no intention of contacting her, but after a year of those reminders, I had enough.

 

There were many opinions on how to deal with this, from ignoring her to blocking her, to redirecting her to password protecting the site, to telling her off, to forwarding the hits to her fiance and on and on.

 

Bottom line is I realize not everyone is going to be satisified with how I handled this but I did what I felt was necessary to shoo her out of my life.

 

Whether everyone agrees with me or not, it doesn't matter in the end. I'm the one who has to live with the decision

 

Cheers.

[johan]

You've posted more about this than Woggle ever thought of posting about his ex who (from what I recall) threw a brick through his window and threatened him physically and went to prison. I'll bet he WISHES all she had done was click his link.

[CaliGuy]

You've posted more about this than Woggle ever thought of posting about his ex who (from what I recall) threw a brick through his window and threatened him physically and went to prison. I'll bet he WISHES all she had done was click his link.

 

I'm apparently a hot topic on LS, Johan, didn't you know that? ROFL. Sometimes it is entertaining to be the LS whipping boy. Nothing like being insulted and over-analyzed by many (not all) wanna-be psychotherapist

 

If I do nothing, I'm reveling it it.

If I do something, I'm obsessed with it.

If I do nothing, I'm a push over.

If I do something, I'm stuck on her.

 

That's the way LS rolls. No matter what course of action you take, someone is going to disagree.

 

I stand firm on the actions I have taken and have been sleeping just fine at night

[Touche]

I had no intention of contacting her, but after a year of those reminders, I had enough.

 

There were many opinions on how to deal with this, from ignoring her to blocking her, to redirecting her to password protecting the site, to telling her off, to forwarding the hits to her fiance and on and on.

 

Bottom line is I realize not everyone is going to be satisified with how I handled this but I did what I felt was necessary to shoo her out of my life.

 

Whether everyone agrees with me or not, it doesn't matter in the end. I'm the one who has to live with the decision

 

Cheers.

The bolded part above is all I want to comment on. This isn't a matter of whether "we're" satisfied with how you handle this, CG. It's a matter of whether YOU will ever be satisfied that this is a closed chapter in your life. It's clear that we all have different ideas as to how you can achieve that closure. It's also clear that you're the one who has to decide in the end how to achieve that peace and that closure for yourself.

 

I just ask you to consider that maybe, just maybe, you're not going about things in the best way for yourself. I mean of course only YOU can know that for sure.

 

But you know what? Some of us have actually been where you are. Some of us have actually made the same mistakes we see you making. Some of us wish we'd done things differently. Some of us have wished we'd listened to others who have traveled a similar path. We might have not suffered the pain for as long as we did.

 

And some of us just have to make our mistakes and learn on our own. (And I plead guilty on that one!)

 

I just hate to see you or anyone I think is a really decent person suffer the same fate, that's all.

[johan]

If I do nothing, I'm reveling it it.

If I do something, I'm obsessed with it.

If I do nothing, I'm a push over.

If I do something, I'm stuck on her.

 

If you ignore her, there's no problem at all. None of the above is actually the issue, as far as I'm concerned. The problem is that you even think twice about any of this.

 

I stand firm on the actions I have taken and have been sleeping just fine at night

 

That's good. Now what is there to discuss or argue about? What difference does it make what people here think? You made your decision. Who knows better than you whether it was the right one?

[Touche]

I'm apparently a hot topic on LS, Johan, didn't you know that? ROFL. Sometimes it is entertaining to be the LS whipping boy. Nothing like being insulted and over-analyzed by many (not all) wanna-be psychotherapist

 

If I do nothing, I'm reveling it it.

If I do something, I'm obsessed with it.

If I do nothing, I'm a push over.

If I do something, I'm stuck on her.

 

That's the way LS rolls. No matter what course of action you take, someone is going to disagree.

 

I stand firm on the actions I have taken and have been sleeping just fine at night

 

I can really understand how a person of average intelligence would be confused here. But in your heart of hearts if you dig down and are really honest with yourself, CG I think you know what the REAL truth is here. You're smarter than that. I don't buy the above for one minute. And I know you don't care whether I buy it or not. But I'm still going to call you on it. You know what you have to do, don't you?

 

Didn't you write some "manual" or something a while back? I'm not too sure of the details now, but maybe a review of it is in order?

[CaliGuy]

I don't know Caliguy. But I don't fault him for not being totally at ease with his past. What his ex is doing is annoying.

 

Yep, totally.

 

I personally don't agree with ignoring people when they annoy you or violate boundaries.

 

It's not like I couldn't have lived without saying something. It's not like I couldn't have blocked her. I thought it would go away. I thought if I waited it out, she'd get bored and stop. Instead, especially over the past month, the hits came back in full force (every few days).

 

I had a boundary and decided I had enough of her crossing it. When a bug is "pestering" you, smash it. That's what I did.

 

And I shouldn't have to make major changes to my site simply because she's bored.

 

How he handled this isn't the best way for everyone, but his boundaries were being violated.

 

In every way.

 

Sure, she may have the right to check a public website,

 

I'll use LS as an example. Do the moderators have the right to ban anyone they want for whatever reason they want? Sure they do. They don't have to give you a reason when they ban you. In much the same way, I own my web site and I have complete control over who I allow to view it or not. Just because it's easily accessible does not mean someone has automatic "rights" to view it whenever they want. That is the webmasters call and in my case, I had a "pesky" bug that wouldn't go away, so I squashed it.

 

but that doesn't mean his boundaries weren't being violated, his boundaries being "you dumped me. I don't want you in my life. Stay out."

 

Exactly. The wimpy way out would have been to change the site and say nothing. I just didn't feel like that was the best way for me to handle it. I wanted her to know I wasn't happy with her visiting the site and that she was not welcome and it was well within my rights as the site owner to do so.

 

If you dispute those boundaries, cool, but I support them. He handled it just fine. There is no perfect way to handle a problem with no solution. And that is what we have here, a problem, with no exact and perfect solution.

 

Exactly. And like I said, no matter how I handled it, some will criticize it, some will praise it. All we have are opinions on how to handle it but no one can say with 100% accuracy what the best way to handle it was except for me. Because in the end, I am the one being annoyed by her visits and I am the one who wanted the situation resolved.

 

It's my site, I can do what I darn well please with it, up to and including controlling who can or can not visit it.

 

Cheers

[Nanachu]

I don't get this......

 

Someone asks your opinion, you care about the person's wellness, you give an advice and opinion, a true sincere advice and opinion. Coming to love decision, many people are asking opinion from others while they are simply looking for confirmation on what they actually have made a firm decision secretly in their heart... So, often your advice is ignored. They often even fight back to defend their deicison "thank you for your advice, but..." You give your advice since you care about their wellness, not winning over the debate to feel happy for yourself. It is up to them to take or not.

 

Additionally, you don't push the person to admit something you think what is really going on. No matter how much you could be right, it will never been taken well to the person who was puched to admit.

 

Some people here are just having fun to attack others, or prove how smart and insightful they are, I know. But, also, some are trying to help others since most of us went through a similar pain and we can relate.

 

Some people above who have been just pointing what CG is actually feeling and making him admit something, what's the point of this? Do you just want to see CG to say "I am sorry, I admit I am obsessed with my ex"? Are you guys happy doing this for yourself while claiming this is for CG? ADMIT IT!

[Replicant]

 

Let me put it this way: The day that you're ok with her visiting your site will be the day you're really over her.

 

I think that it is you interpreting this whole thing incorrectly. If this woman rejected his marriage proposal and plainly wanted not to have anything to do with him, how does her lurking around at any time after the fact hold any merit to her original statements?? It doesn't, there is absolutely no rational reason it should be going on if she had made such choices.

 

The way i see it is her rights were forfeited the day she threw it all away. There is a difference between a friend or family member 'keeping tabs' and an ex. Ex's have no right to be, they should be getting on with their own lives regardless of who initiated the breakup and the factors involved. It's the principle behind all this.

 

Sure you can have a complacent attitude toward such actions. But i'm afraid you'll likely be in the minority, as most people as i can see would not like it going on.