So I had enough :)

[Trialbyfire]

I couldn't disagree with this more, TBF. If she continues to look and he continues to tell her off SHE wins. She gets her ego stroked. That fact that he still even cares will not escape her.

 

If she stops looking, well I'm not so sure that he'll really think that he's won. I have my doubts about that, as I've mentioned.

 

The best thing to do is to NOT look and check whether she's looking and checking. It's the only way to go. But that's just my opinion and clearly, CG doesn't agree.

Not really. If he needs a place to vent, who better to vent on than the object of your disaffection. BTDT.

[CaliGuy]

No you didn't enforce anything. Just because you TOLD her to stop doesn't mean she has to or WILL stop. If you really meant it, you'd deny her access. I'm still confused as to why you won't do that, or why you won't just ignore it.

 

You misunderstand what enforcing a boundary means.

[CaliGuy]

only if you take the actions to stop her from looking. unless you physically block her, you cannot force her to stop looking at your page any more than i can stop my neighbour from looking at my car. it doesn't matter if i own it or not.

 

sure, you can ask her to stop, you can demand that she stop. but you can't stop her. once you step away from this issue for a while, i think you'll see it's about a whole lot more than not wanting her to see your page. you obviously like the attention A LOT or you would have done whatever you could have to keep her from it.

 

what do you not understand about the fact that you are so not over her, or at least not over the anger, nor are you letting any of it go.

 

Not really. I'm venting here, not at her. And the reason this is being hashed so much is many people are TELLING me how I feel about this.

 

Who truly knows how I feel about all this?

 

I know who does.

 

Me.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Not really. I'm venting here, not at her. And the reason this is being hashed so much is many people are TELLING me how I feel about this.

 

Who truly knows how I feel about all this?

 

I know who does.

 

Me.

 

okay, well sorry. but your words and your actions do not match, which is quite a telling sign to the keen observer.

[Trialbyfire]

Heh, but the point is, I want and expect it to stop.

 

I know her well enough, I know my reply carried just enough sting, that she will stop.

That is all.

[CaliGuy]

okay, well sorry. but your words and your actions do not match, which is quite a telling sign to the keen observer.

 

I'm much more annoyed at people telling me how I should feel and how I DO feel than I am about her visiting the site

[KenzieAbsolutely]

maybe you can try demanding that those particular people stop reading your threads. see if it works.

[Touche]

You misunderstand what enforcing a boundary means.

 

Do I? Enlighten me then.

 

Not really. If he needs a place to vent, who better to vent on than the object of your disaffection. BTDT.

 

I just don't think that's always the best way. It's just not always the healthiest way in my opinion. I believe this to be a step backwards in his healing.

[niceguy27]

133 posts and counting on this one thread...My thought...if it bothers you that much, just block her. If you can't, then oh well. Its the Internet.

[Touche]

maybe you can try demanding that those particular people stop reading your threads. see if it works.

 

:laugh: Priceless!

 

And he already did that...see above.

[MystifiedByMen]

So what is the website address? Now I'm curious!

[CaliGuy]

maybe you can try demanding that those particular people stop reading your threads. see if it works.

 

I don't own this site...but we do have an ignore feature. Have you found it yet? I have

[KenzieAbsolutely]

I don't own this site...but we do have an ignore feature. Have you found it it? I have

 

 

i have. also, using the ignore feature is a great example of taking measures to solve a problem, rather than just pretending you want the problem to stop and doing very little to stop it.

 

but...i still don't get it...wouldn't using the ignore button be just as "immature" as blocking someone from a website? wouldn't you rather skip the ignore button for a year, and just wish that people do what you want?

[Trialbyfire]

i have. also, using the ignore feature is a great example of taking measures to solve a problem, rather than just pretending you want the problem to stop and doing very little to stop it.

Each situation is different. Not every situation can be resolved in a passive-aggressive manner. In order to understand best how to address a situation, you need to understand the two players involved in the situation. My money's on Caliguy's understanding and years of exposure to his ex.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Each situation is different..

 

it sure is. that i'll agree with.

 

but caliguy is not over this girl, not by a long shot.

[CaliGuy]

i have. also, using the ignore feature is a great example of taking measures to solve a problem, rather than just pretending you want the problem to stop and doing very little to stop it.

 

but...i still don't get it...wouldn't using the ignore button be just as "immature" as blocking someone from a website? wouldn't you rather skip the ignore button for a year, and just wish that people do what you want?

 

Apparently the joke was lost in the translation. (hence the wink, ya know ).

[CaliGuy]

it sure is. that i'll agree with.

 

but caliguy is not over this girl, not by a long shot.

 

Thank you for continuining to tell me how I feel. Appreciate it.

[CaliGuy]

Each situation is different. Not every situation can be resolved in a passive-aggressive manner. In order to understand best how to address a situation, you need to understand the two players involved in the situation. My money's on Caliguy's understanding and years of exposure to his ex.

 

Finally! Someone who gets it!!!!

[Trialbyfire]

it sure is. that i'll agree with.

 

but caliguy is not over this girl, not by a long shot.

Whether he is or isn't, isn't the point. How he chooses to deal with it, is his right.

 

Imagine if your ex were to phone you twice a week, just letting the phone ring once, for a year, and you could see his number each time on call display. Also, you were aware that he was digging around in your life, taking credit for your personal development. Would you continue to ignore it, hoping it will go away or would you tell him to stop?

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Finally! Someone who gets it!!!!

 

i don't not get it. i know some things shouldn't or can't be handled in a passive-aggressive way. your issue with this ex is not one of them. if you were really so desperate to rid your life of her, you know you could have.

 

instead, you don't take the path that will get you what you want, and then you wonder why everyone questions what's really in your head.

 

 

and it wasn't a wink. it was a smile.

[Trialbyfire]

Finally! Someone who gets it!!!!

Yes, I do get it although it took some explaining.

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Whether he is or isn't, isn't the point. How he chooses to deal with it, is his right.

 

Imagine if your ex were to phone you twice a week, just letting the phone ring once, for a year, and you could see his number each time on call display. Also, you were aware that he was digging around in your life, taking credit for your personal development. Would you continue to ignore it, hoping it will go away or would you tell him to stop?

 

sure it is his right. but if he doesn't want to see what other people think about it, it shouldn't be made open for discussion.

 

 

as for an ex, i would tell him to stop. and if he didn't, i would get a block on his number, if that didn't work, i would get a new number.

 

that is, if i was serious about wanting him to stop calling. if i wasn't so serious, i would pretend i hated it, whine and bitch about it, and then do absolutely nothing to stop it.

[Trialbyfire]

i would tell him to stop. and if he didn't, i would get a block on his number, if that didn't work, i would get a new number.

 

that is, if i was serious about wanting him to stop calling. if i wasn't so serious, i would pretend i hated it, whine and bitch about it, and then do absolutely nothing to stop it.

Exactly. This is where Caliguy is at. If she doesn't stop, he will do whatever he needs to do to stop it.

[Trialbyfire]

Looks like I quoted you before your change in post...

[KenzieAbsolutely]

Exactly. This is where Caliguy is at. If she doesn't stop, he will do whatever he needs to do to stop it.

 

hmm...judging from his words in his posts, i doubt that. it took him a year just to say stop it, and he feels other actions that WILL work aren't appropriate, so i don't see how this will ever be solved.

 

i liked talking about the cure better.