A rock and a hard place

[Guest]

Ok, it's a long drawn out story so I will try to make this as short, sweet and informative as possible. I have been married for a few years. Recently an old flame was introduced back into my life. The kind that meets the saying "The one that got away". It has been over ten years since I had seen them. As it was then still holds true today. Love at first site. Not just physical attraction but looking into each other's eyes and seeing your soul mate. So obviously my major problem is that I am married. I love my spouse and love the time we spend together but we will never reach that emotional pedestal. So in the end I will do what I do. However, I would like input from anyone. What is more important to you? Someone you know you get along with well or someone you haven't stopped thinking about for ten years? Would you go after what you want or stay with what's safe and secure? And if you would stay, would you regret not going for it. If you did go, how in the hell would you tell your spouse? And what would you tell them? How could you not feel guilty? Should you stay with them because it's the right thing to do or do what your heart tells you?

[PandorasBox]

Ok, it's a long drawn out story so I will try to make this as short, sweet and informative as possible. I have been married for a few years. Recently an old flame was introduced back into my life. The kind that meets the saying "The one that got away". It has been over ten years since I had seen them. As it was then still holds true today. Love at first site. Not just physical attraction but looking into each other's eyes and seeing your soul mate. So obviously my major problem is that I am married. I love my spouse and love the time we spend together but we will never reach that emotional pedestal. So in the end I will do what I do. However, I would like input from anyone. What is more important to you? Someone you know you get along with well or someone you haven't stopped thinking about for ten years? Would you go after what you want or stay with what's safe and secure? And if you would stay, would you regret not going for it. If you did go, how in the hell would you tell your spouse? And what would you tell them? How could you not feel guilty? Should you stay with them because it's the right thing to do or do what your heart tells you?

 

 

I really couldn't say what to do for sure. However, you are married. For you to even consider this other person who has come back into your life, says that maybe you are not happy in your currant situation? Maybe there are some questions you need to ask yourself about your marrriage, that might be a little more important, than questions about what to do about the other person.

 

For example, if you are not happy in your marriage, do you know why? Do you feel your spouse is happy? If you're both not, have you gone to marriage counseling to try and make things work? Do you feel you want to even try to make the marriage work etc. Is the marriage a really bad one, such as abuse or do you just have some differences here and there but over all its a pretty good marriage etc..

 

You could also bring up some of these same questions you asked us, to your spouse. Ask them what they would do in a situation like that. Just make it a hypothetical situation for your spouse and ask. See what they tell you they would or wouldn't do.

[NatoPMT]

with respect, if you were thinking about this other person while you were getting married, you shouldnt have got married. However, you did, and maybe the reason you never reached the emotional pedestal with your spouse is because theres not room for 2 up there.

 

You have something concrete with your spouse, you know you fit well if not perfectly

 

id agree with PB, get some couples counselling to help you decide if your marriage is worth saving - id advise you to clear this up before you consider the old flame. You dont want to repeat patterns, you went into your marriage without clearing up the last mess and you might do exactly the same here and regret your decision if the old flame doesnt turn out to be someone you could have the same compatibility with - and get the counselling for your spouses sake too

[Trialbyfire]

The grass will always be greener in your neighbor's yard. It's easy to fixate on someone new, especially someone you've harbored feelings for, for a decade.

 

If you need this thrill and have no kids to consider, I recommend you give your wife a chance to find her own soulmate before indulging in this type of behaviour. Your wife deserves better.