tbonvillain Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 What does it mean when my boyfriend tells me that he has never been happier, we have a great relationship but he is panicing. He says that relationships always end up with heart ache and we need to take a break?? Should I be hopeful that things will work out?? I really want them to but I am ot sure what I should do... Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 If he is scared of what the future holds its kind of iffy. Sometimes people just need to "miss" the other person for a while. They have to see what life is like without the S.O. in their life. Only then will they see if they really want to be with you. Other times, the person may have issues that affected them in the past that holds them back from making big decisions like committing to a relationship Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 so any advice?? should I leave him alone or try to spend time together?? He told me that he wants a break... Meaning that he wants to see me 2-3 times a week for a couple hours. ( these are his words)Kinda go back to how it was before we spent every min. together. I am fine with that.... Should I wait until he calls or call him???? Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 It will be hard. But let him call you. 2-3 times a week is not a break. A break is to go days/weeks/months without seeing each other. He needs to figure why he is feeling this way. Give it a couple days of NC then the two of you go out, have a lot of fun, then come home and sit down at a table or something and talk to each other. Let him do the talking. Try to be understanding and he will be more apt to open up to you and maybe you can figure out what his deal is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 Did I mention we have a 12 year age gap??( i am 37 and he is 25) I am a business owner that is very successful and very busy. In addition I am working on my nursing degree and buying a new house and fixing it up!! he on the other hand doesnt have much going on. Recently I got very stressed out and that is when he seemed to back off. We used to go for walks,and bike rides, meet for dinner or just hang out at the bar. Things changed about 7 weeks ago and we started spending a lot of time together. I felt smothered and he did too..... I I really think this can be worked out but I am not sure how to go about it... I was thinking about asking him if he wants to go for a walk tonight. Should I or let him come to me??? I told him I needed about a week to clear my head. But now I just want to see him.... Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 If he agreed to take a week to clear his head too, then I would put it off for a little while. After a few days text or call him to see if he does want to meet up for a walk. He may contact you before that too. Then set a date to meet up and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 Thanks! I think I am going to have to hide my phone! I am missing him so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Krytellan Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 It means he doesn't want to commit to you and he's too much of a little boy to just say so. But that's just my read. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 Niceguy27 what do you think?? Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 7 months...Well, it is still kind of new. I would go back to spending a little less time with each other for a little bit. He may be feeling a little more pressure now that things are progressing more and more. So just slow it down a bit and try to go back to just hanging out a few times a week. Take a little pressure off to let him cool off. Then re visit it when you guys get some alone time and tell him how you feel and that you dont want to rush anything (if this is what you want) with him. Just tell him to not worry. None of us can predict what tommorrow brings. Just enjoy each day as it comes. Because of the age difference, that may be how he needs to handle it. You on the other hand, already know what you want from life. If you two can work past that difference then there is a good chance of working through it. Only if BOTH of you try to find a compromise. I hope this helped a little bit. Sometimes I get to rambling on and on and cant stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 You have helped alot.... I am going to give him the weekend to be with his friends and then call and see if he wants to go for a walk. My classes start again nest week so my time is going to be very limitied which is good! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 13, 2007 Author Share Posted September 13, 2007 nice guy... give me your thoughts on this... I had to drop some things off at my exes house.Oh my gosh!! He looks like hell! i guess that he isnt really doing anything! What does that mean?? Our conversation was nice but his body language was weird.... he really warmed up after a while. Ugh. I know that I want to stay away but it is so hard! I am not doing very good at this! Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 nice guy... give me your thoughts on this... I had to drop some things off at my exes house.Oh my gosh!! He looks like hell! i guess that he isnt really doing anything! What does that mean?? Our conversation was nice but his body language was weird.... he really warmed up after a while. Ugh. I know that I want to stay away but it is so hard! I am not doing very good at this! Help!!! God, I remember this feeling so well and it was three months ago... Seriously, give him space. It's hard, VERY hard but its something you got to do. Smothering him will just reinforce his desire to break it off... Let him come to you... Keep your eye on the prize and not the current pain. Remember your goal (to get him back) and KNOW that giving him space is what you have to do to meet that goal! Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 13, 2007 Author Share Posted September 13, 2007 Travis so how has it worked out for you?? I am going to stay away for a while but I dont want to do NC. I want to make sure tha my ex know that I still care. I feel that if I do NC he will think I dont care anymore. My thoughs are to let him be until about next tues or wed and then if he has not called me I am going to call him and ask if he wants to walk the dogs. what do you think?? Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Travis so how has it worked out for you?? I am going to stay away for a while but I dont want to do NC. I want to make sure tha my ex know that I still care. I feel that if I do NC he will think I dont care anymore. My thoughs are to let him be until about next tues or wed and then if he has not called me I am going to call him and ask if he wants to walk the dogs. what do you think?? Well, the final result has yet to be determined. However, every relationship is different (obviously) and everyone is different (obviously). NC means not only not contacting them but also refusing their contact. This isn't a means of getting your lover back though...it's more to heal once you know that is over (for now or for the foreseeable future). I am still in the wait and see mode... I have moved on in some ways (dating others, etc...) and not moved on in others (I still think about her everyday and hope that someday we will become lovers again). Granted, during the first two weeks of break up I sent her flowers and hung out with her every other day...BAD MOVE ON MY PART! I wish I would have found this website earlier in the breakup. Anyway, we spend time together do friendly stuff while we are both seeing other people... TRUST ME, your lover KNOWS that you still care... It would be different if you left him...then he would have reason to believe that you don't still care. I don't see a problem with contacting him every other week....I wouldn't suggest you bring up meeting on the first contact though... Just give him a friendly call just seeing how he is doing. ACT HAPPY...not depressed!!! Maybe there is a piece of business you can call him about (mail or something) to give you a reason to call... It's REALLY hard to hear this and internalize it, but you have to be very patient!!! Think before you call him...is calling him going to help your cause or are you doing it for your selfish desire for attention... Give him what he has asked for: SPACE! The more, the better (in my opinion).... There are a lot of threads in the Second chances area pertaining to this stuff.. Study, read, look at the longer threads and see what has worked and what hasn't.. Instead of wishing and thinking about him, put your mind to some use and read about how to have a GOOD relationship... Learn your mistakes. This time not only gives him space but it forces you to learn how to be a better partner... This breakup may or may not be your fault (usually both are at fault in some way) but you won't know until you take the time to read up and analyze what you have done... Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I completely agree. Take it slowly and keep that goal in mind. If after some time away from each other and you feel hes had time to think about it, then you make your decision. Until then, just be normal, cool down a bit, and just talk to him once a week or so and keep it light. Only then, will he really see if he misses your company. When my ex comes over to get whatever, you can visibly tell she is nervous by her body language. Only after she is there a bit will she calm down a little (and she ended it with me). The best thing to do is just act yourself. It makes it a lot easier on both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 13, 2007 Author Share Posted September 13, 2007 We hang out at the same bar and last weekend was a disaater! So is your advice to not go to that bar this weekend? I am thinking if he doesnt see me this weekend there it may make him wonder what i am doing.... Any thoughts?? I am going to call him on Tues if he doesnt call me before that.So I am looking at being out of his face for 5 days.... Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Thats a tough call. If you go, the whole time your gonna be distracted and wondering what he is doing and if you should talk to him thus making your night stressful. Maybe get some of your friends to go to a different bar this weekend. I avoid the places my ex hangs out just because the feelings are too fresh. Others may tell you to screw it and go anyway but to ignore him. That is easier said than done. Down the road...Yes you should be able to go whenever you want with no worry about him. But for now, if it was me, I would go somewhere else this weekend. And good for not calling him till Tues. Give him the weekend hanging out without you to ponder what its like not having you there. Link to post Share on other sites
Travis L Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Maybe get some of your friends to go to a different bar this weekend. I avoid the places my ex hangs out just because the feelings are too fresh. Exactly! tbon, avoid the the places that you two frequented while together... Not only would it be awkward to run into him but he will think you are TRYING to run into him. You will not be having fun as you will be concerned with him. I went to a bar without knowing that my ex was going to be there.. She flipped me off (in a kidding way) then came up to me and asked who I had been dating (keep in mind that SHE left ME)...I told her (I knew this girl while I was with the ex) and she flipped out... Body checked me and followed me out of the bar... She caused a HUGE scene and said I should have known she would be at this bar (I had no idea). Stay away for your sake... Link to post Share on other sites
Author tbonvillain Posted September 14, 2007 Author Share Posted September 14, 2007 Well, I made it through one whole day with out talking to ex. It wasnt as hard a I thought it would be. Dont get me wrong it was he** but I know it is going to get easier.... The big test is going to be this weekend. We both love to watch the buckeyes at a neighborhood bar... But I am going to work on my house and watch it at home. I am going to a football game tonight with my kids so that will fill up time but usually I go out afterwards with a group for a drink... I am not going to do either one tonight. I think he is expecting me to show up. I did last weekend. I know he needs space and I also think him wondering what I am doing will be good too. Do you still think it is a good idea to call on tues or is that too soon?? Link to post Share on other sites
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