Success will ruin a relationship?

[a4a]

Not true, unfortunately.....we own everything. (yes, I said unfortunately)...100% debt free with nice nests built up here and there. I prefer it this way, but it has it's drawbacks. There's absolutely nothing keeping her home save the kids right now.....and I'm just unavailable.....most of the time.....hence her depression.....

 

I don't know what it is about her that she can't understand.....sure....this was just going to be a little firm from the beginning. (sound familiar a4a?) Now it's grown into a very lucritive company that many depend on. I feel somewhat obligated to nurse it until I'm ready to retire......if she could just hang on another 10 years.....or so....

 

It's not the money anymore, and I feel somewhat shovinistic to say this, but we've got a good thing going, and I'd be a fool to walk away from it.

 

Still, it isn't worth losing her over it, but what is a guy going to do?? If she does, "walk" out.....who would be the one to blame??

 

Again Moose I think this boils down to one thing- you make all the decisions in that house that really matter. ????

 

Did you ask your wife if she would mind you being gone for a whole week?

 

Did you ask your wife about selling the boat?

 

Did you ask your wife how she feels about the business taking up so much of your time?

 

My H came home last night and we discussed a 2 day out of town trip he was offered for a contract......... I said no, not based on emotions but we have too much going on here right now to just pack up and leave for 2 days.

 

Always ask : what are your thoughts on this?

 

 

I just smell a bunch of resentment coming from her and see you having a real need to control things. You might think you ask, but I don't think you are really asking and discussing major decisions.

 

But you know your W is unhappy....... so what are you going to do about it?

[Moose]

moose, you're kidding about the missus being upset for you paying for jr. college? Or is it because the boat is gone, and therefore opportunities for y'all to do stuff as family?

Sorry Quank, been busy....the pontoon has been sitting in the same spot for 2 years. When we first got it, it took a miracle to get Mrs. Moose on the thing. And when she was.....she was white as a ghost. So the kids and I used it most of the time. Then I got busy with the business(s).

 

Mrs. Moose has been wanting, (key word here is, "wanting"), a newer vehicle, she doesn't like the one she has right now. It's only 2 years old for goodness sake......anyways, we talked about it and the wisest decision was to combine the proceeds from the boat, plane, and other items I've liquidated and invest in Jr's college.

 

Besides, I can always rent one if I could ever convince her to go again. On a side note, our 20th is coming up and I would love to take her on a cruise.....she won't have anything to do with it. She won't fly either, so no overseas trips.....it's quite the bum dealio....

is there any way to get Mrs. Moose involved at some level in the company?

Yep.....been there, done that. She used to go everywhere with me and watch me work. Anymore she doesn't want to be away from the kids or house. She's almost a recluse....it's depressing sometimes even.or,

is she at a crossroads right now, esp. with kids starting back to school and you seemingly gone all the time?

By her own admission, yes.

College would fulfill some of her needs

Funny that you'd mention that.....I've been checking out schools for criminal investigations. She absolutely can't get enough of that stuff! I'm looking for something online in that area, again, she's not a very social person at all....

you make all the decisions in that house that really matter.

 

Did you ask your wife if she would mind you being gone for a whole week?

 

Did you ask your wife about selling the boat?

 

Did you ask your wife how she feels about the business taking up so much of your time?

Of course we talk about all of these things. I don't just walk around there like a commando flying off the handle.......you make me look sooo bad.....

 

As far as the business(s) taking up too much of time, we've talked extensively about this on numerous occasions. I knew we were about to explode, and I approached her before hand about it. At that time, she was completely on board. Now it doesn't seem that way.

But you know your W is unhappy....... so what are you going to do about it?

Everything I can.....really I am.....I call her several times a day....I ask her constantly if there's anything I can do for her, if she wants to go out, if she needs the day spa again.....on and on and on......she always says she's fine...

 

I can only do so much, she is the one who seems a little shut out......

 

Her exact words, "You need this! You need to build this for yourself, you've taken responsibility for yourself, and it would completely change your life to make this happen."

 

I am presently seeking a, "mini-me" to take over some of my duties, and loosen my schedule up before December. By next year, I'm reducing my time away from home by a HUGE margin......

[Mr. Lucky]

Success has it's price......and I'm afraid it'll be too much to bare......

 

(Seems like I've heard that before).....

I think that the travel part is especially hard. I tip my hat to military families as I don't know if I could handle the long separations they endure. I quit a very lucrative job because I was on the road 100+ days a year and didn't like the sense of feeling like a guest or stranger when I walked into my own home.

 

Moose, I look at it this way. If you were lying on your death bed, would you look back and say "wish I had closed that Acme Corp deal"? Or "Wish I had accumulated more stuff"? I doubt it - I think most of our regrets would be about family and personal relationships...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Leikela]

If this helps at all, when I was growing up my Mom was a big wig in a huge software company. She was never home. It was basically my Dad raising us. This must have ate away at her because once she was offered a promotion that would take her overseas a lot of the time, she thought about things and asked us, her family, what we wanted.

 

I think I was about 10 at the time and I told her I wanted her to stay around because I missed her. My sister probably said the same thing. She made the decision to quit her job entirely and become a teacher.

 

This changed our lives considerably. It would have sucked growing up without a Mom. Kids need their parents. It's not about the money. It's about family. That should be #1. I would ask your kids Moose what they want too.

 

It sounds like your wife has other issues going on with herself that perhaps has nothing to do with you not being around lately.

[corky]

Do you smoke?I swear that is how I felt when I was a smoker. I had many racing thoughts and always kept myself completely consumed with whatever I was working on at the time.Since quitting, the motivation level has faltered. Strange.You sound like you've found something that excites you and keeps your mind busy. Seems like something most would envy. The work hours do seem quite excessive though. Do you have any time for your husband? I would try to squeeze an hour in here and there for him.. lol.

[norajane]

I have been starting work at 6 am and stopping around 9 pm..... and still working in my head until the moment I fall asleep. I like this...... but I know it is like a drug to me. I know it will become everything.

 

It already has.

 

I fear that our M which is going great since I took over all the business decisions is going to just become a work relationship.

 

It already has.

 

The M is secondary.... don't care about that.

 

If I recall correctly, you weren't exactly hot on getting married in the first place, and you haven't been particularly happy with being married to your H. Directing your energy toward work is better than an affair, I guess.

 

Your H was the one who wanted to get married, so he's going to be the one who will get tired of this new arrangement once he realizes he's not really getting the wife part of the marriage anymore. Is that what you want? Are you hoping that will be his wake up call to do more to meet your needs as a wife?

[a4a]

It already has.

 

 

 

It already has.

 

 

 

If I recall correctly, you weren't exactly hot on getting married in the first place, and you haven't been particularly happy with being married to your H. Directing your energy toward work is better than an affair, I guess.

 

Your H was the one who wanted to get married, so he's going to be the one who will get tired of this new arrangement once he realizes he's not really getting the wife part of the marriage anymore. Is that what you want? Are you hoping that will be his wake up call to do more to meet your needs as a wife?

 

 

I don't believe he wanted the W part.... which is fine because I am not the W type. I no longer have any expectations of him in the role of a H. I do not expect gifts, thoughtfulness, nor affection. If that is the role of the H in some ways....... nor do I expect him to "take care" of me.

 

We are now business partners.

 

However I am pissed because with his laid back attitude he gets gushed over. If it was not for me he would be living in a box at this moment. I make all the business contacts, I push for new contacts, and as usual they all gush over him....... which I guess is my reward because I have "groomed" him to win.

 

If you have ever hosted a party or rebuilt a home and people just gush over the results and tell only your H how wonderful he is and just look at you like you tagged along and maybe made him lunch one day while he did all this work ............... :rolleyes:

 

Sure he might be able to use a hammer drill better than you..... but nothing would have happened if it was not for you making it happen.

 

This has started to really piss me off! I am the engineer, the designer, and 50% of the labor....... yet, everybody loves the H because he is so talented. I make the decisions on details from start to finish.

 

New utility trailer in our front yard- who made that happen- ME.

2 new contracts on Saturday- who made it happen- ME.

Working on a huge contract- who made it happen- who tells the H what to say to land it- ME.

Two more contracts to work on this week because of ME.

 

What do I get in the form of any reconigition? Comments about how I likely don't enjoy this work, how shoe shopping is what women want to do... how great my H is..... my H had jack when we met. Not even a goal.

 

2 years of exhausting grooming and hard work to just get him off his ass and grow up......

 

sorry just venting.

 

I am hosting, designing, paying for, and executing a party for 300 people- just like our wedding the H will get "oh you did such a great job" - It is me that designed, executed, made it happen, and doing at least 50% of the physical labor involved.

 

I am going to grow a dick. Perhaps then I will hold value.

 

I am my H's agent, coach, and brains behind the operation.

 

And yes he knows this and we have discussed it and even his shrink told him that I should take over the business.

 

Sorry for the venting...... I was working until 9 pm last night, and working doesn't just involve having a power tool in your hand..... it also involves communication with a client and being sure that you produce a superior product and part of a superior product is making sure your clients expectations are met on all levels including feeding them any emotional cookies they may require.

 

It is exhausting and I am pissed because I get zero recognition and rarely a thank you from the H.

 

Now back to work .

[Kasan]

If you have ever hosted a party or rebuilt a home and people just gush over the results and tell only your H how wonderful he is and just look at you like you tagged along and maybe made him lunch one day while he did all this work ............... :rolleyes:

 

 

The only reason we were able to build our home was my business income--which was always conveniently overlooked. It was always about his income and his hard work building the house....never mind that I was right there along with him insulating the house.

 

It got old very quick about his working the long hours and building the house...meanwhile I had the business, parented the kids, (he was never home) and ran the house. Two sets of books, the business and the house...somehow this was all overlooked by everyone.

 

The only way I can feel remotely good about all this, is the knowledge that I can do anything! I could definitely be fine on my own and the kids are great! If he had been home more, he probably would have gotten in my way!:):)

 

But yes, it does sting.

[a4a]

No kids here - by choice.

 

But did get into a doggie parenting disagreement last night.

 

I don't care how many hours he works he would prefer to putz around on non- paying projects.

 

I am sittin' here on my fat ass poppin' bon bon's! :lmao:

[Art_Critic]

I am sittin' here on my fat ass poppin' bon bon's! :lmao:

 

 

No Dove Dark ?

[a4a]

No Dove Dark ?

 

NO!!

 

got a crappy designer 70% cocoa bar in the frig..... but it tastes like dirt.

 

 

Finally went to the grocery store yesterday..... forgot the chocolate..... no bon bon's either.

 

Fruck! :lmao: