understanding Posted April 10, 2003 Share Posted April 10, 2003 Good Morning, I need advice badly. I am about to go into something a bit different for me. I have like to best friends. One is a female, the other is a male. The male and me live in the same city but have not seen each other because he has a controlling girlfriend. He has been through hell with girl. From being threaten everytime he does not agree with her (she threatens to move out), to degrading him and even hitting him. He, like I are not from this city but at one time I use to live in the city he is from. Well, he moved here like a little more of a year ago. I have been here 3 years. He left his hometown to come here to be with her because he said that he loved her. Lately, all they did was fight and argue over small things that she has had issues with. She even told him that since she has been with him he has brought her down instead of helping her move forward. Recently, her threat to move out came true. She moved out but in the same apartment complex across the walk from him. He says they are still together but live apart. Recently, he lost his job. He has been good on the search of a new and has said if things don't pan out he would head back home. I am proud of him, he is making an effort when some won't. Of course, the girlfriend took it as a sign to bring him down even more. I have always, tried to give him advice in the begining. When I begin to see that he had to do things on his on because he says he loved the girl. I stop giving my opinion and advice. We communicate mainlt thru emails when he was at work. One night, when I did not hear from him in a week he emailed me and told me what was going on with his job and the reason I have not heard from him. He started talking about the girl and what she has been saying to him recently. I felt bad and tried to make him happy. We laughed and talked for hours. I have always had a small crush on him and recently that crush has grown. Here is my problem. We have been talking every night for almost hours. Out of the blue he asked me to go dancing with him tomorrow night. I agreed. I am thinking just to friends hanging out. Well, he brought up the girl again the next night and I told him I did not think it was such a good idea if we go dancing. He wanted to know why. I told him I have the crush and I was scared I might do or say something to mess it between us as friends. He said he felt the same why but he still wanted to see me and if not Friday night he wanted to know if we could meet for lunch on Saturday. I told him I would go Friday night. Teh other night, I asked him were we going to meet. He said we were and he was excited. I told him I was meaning meeting at the dance club we were going too. He said no he was coming to get me. I became even more confussed because I was thinking that if we met there it would be more like 2 friends meeting. But if he came to pick me up, which is out of the way, it would seem like a date. My female best friend can't stand the girlfriend and says forget her, try to get him for myself. I don't know what to do. I would like to be with him. And I would like to know what he is thinking and does it seem like a date as well. So, if anyone can please give some advice and some insite. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 10, 2003 Share Posted April 10, 2003 whoa, nelly! Stop thinking so hard about what everything means and just enjoy the time that you and he will have together. There will be time enough during your "date" to figure out where this is going, so don't drive yourself nuts worrying or wondering what it all means. You don't have to figure it all out ahead of time, but just enjoy being with him. And you'll catch the cue when it's a good time to bring up the issue of y'all dating, so just let things unfold naturally. You don't want to scare off a prospective boyfriend by jumping the gun and demanding what his intentions are the minute he calls you up and arranges a date! your main worry is the kind of hold his ex-girlfriend has over him, but the good news is, because the two of you have already developed such a good friendship, he might see pursuing a broadened relationship with his friend (you) much, much more appealing than being with a harpy like her. so, have fun going dancing and enjoy being in his presence, but don't think this potential relationship to death. It'll happen when it happens, and until then, just enjoy being with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author understanding Posted April 10, 2003 Author Share Posted April 10, 2003 Thank you for your reply. I know I have a problem with worrying to much. Thanks alot! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 10, 2003 Share Posted April 10, 2003 I think we all tend to do that, especially when it's something we want so badly ... on the bright side, you have already built up a strong relationship (friendship) with this guy, so the hard part has mostly been done. now go have some fun! quank, "shake-shake-shake shake-shake-shake shake your booty, shake your booty!" aaaahh, love that KC and the Sunshine band Link to post Share on other sites
Author understanding Posted April 10, 2003 Author Share Posted April 10, 2003 I am going to stop being worried about tomorrow night. I think things will be fine. And I am going to have fun. I have not been dancing lately so I do plan on shaking my booty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author understanding Posted April 16, 2003 Author Share Posted April 16, 2003 Hello Everyone, Last week I posted to get some advice for a date with my male bestfriend. It turned out great. We were both feeling the same way and we are trying to see how things will go between us but slowly. Thanks for the advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 16, 2003 Share Posted April 16, 2003 It's great so know things come out nicely. Romance with somebody who was once a best friend is always the sweetest and usually lasts the longest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author understanding Posted April 16, 2003 Author Share Posted April 16, 2003 And it can be so fun. I mean we know what each other like and what we can joke about. All we do is laugh. It's so fun. I feel much better in telling him how I felt. Because in the end he was feeling the same way. Just like me was confused on what to do with the feelings. I am very happy things are going great! Link to post Share on other sites
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