Treatment Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I don't want to rehash everything here. I do have a question to ask of OW and would like as honest an answer as possible. I had an email something I can't call it friendship as it went beyond those bounds and I can't call it relationship because it never felt like that to me. I terminated it a few months ago. The woman lives a long way from me. She has now appeared at a restaurant I frequent and we (my wife and I) have been receiving anonymous hangup phone calls for a little over a month. The people on the other board recommended that I tell my wife. I did so last night. She is taking it better than I expected but I don't know yet what will happen long term. My question now is how long can I expect these phone calls and possible surprise visits to go on? I thought when I ended the whatever you call it that it would be over. Now it seems like it will never be over. I don't want to involve the police if possible as that would be embarassing for me and my wife. I'd just like to have some little idea of what to expect and thought that possibly I might get some answers here. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I have never had the impulse or desire to chase anyone, so I am not able to answer your question as to the "how long" does it last. I would believe that varies from person to person and their level of acceptance to rejection. I have made comment and I remain in the opinion that whether it is a BS following an OW, or an OW following a MM and his W, the behavior should be shut down and reported. Whatever is available to you and how you and your wife choose to deal with it is up to the two of you. Its a shame to hear this! Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
CAT100 Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I have never felt the need to engage in that sort of behaviour either. To me, its kinda desperate..I mean if I got dumped by my MM I dont think that stalking him would make him change his mind! He'd probably think I was a total nutter & he was well shot of me! Anyway, I dont know how long she will do this for, very difficult to say as we know nothing of her character etc. She may only do it for a short while & then get tired of it as its not achieving anything. Is she busy- like does she work etc? If so then I doubt she'd have the time to keep it up for long. What did she do at the restuarant? Did she speak to you or your wife? What was her mood like? Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 I didn't read your other thread, but I'm just wondering - did this other woman know that you were married when you had the email relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2007 Share Posted September 12, 2007 did this other woman know that you were married when you had the email relationship? Yes, she did. Go read his thread in the infidelity section. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Treatment Posted September 12, 2007 Author Share Posted September 12, 2007 OK. I was just hoping for some kind of idea. I realize that it sounds a little daft to ask a group of people about the possible behavior of someone they have never met. I apologize. Yes she knew I was married. She has a job in another state where she lives. That is part of why I was concerned. There was no reason that I know of for her to be in this town at all and especially not to go to that restaurant at the time I usually go. She spoke to me my wife was not there. I was polite. This is a restaurant that I go to regularly for lunch. My wife does not go as she works quite some ways away. The woman knew this. Thank you for your responses. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I think she is trying to intimidate you... If she knows that your wife knows...she will have no reason to intimidate you... you should either tell her, when your wife is present... I can almost guarantee you that she will disappear. She's just trying to scare the ***** out of you... that's all. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Well, his wife knows, he told her everything and now together they're not going to let this OW bother them. The focus in now on them and working on their marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Well, his wife knows, he told her everything and now together they're not going to let this OW bother them. The focus in now on them and working on their marriage. I know he told everything to his wife...but the OW probably doesn't know that... He should tell the OW, when his W is present... then my bet is that the OW would disappear... she'd have no reason to intimidate anymore (blackmail him by her presence). Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I think she is trying to intimidate you... If she knows that your wife knows...she will have no reason to intimidate you... you should either tell her, when your wife is present... I can almost guarantee you that she will disappear. She's just trying to scare the ***** out of you... that's all. Why would she want to do that? Is it the "Hell hath no fury" thing?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Why would she want to do that? Is it the "Hell hath no fury" thing?? because she wants to scare him... She probably doesn't know that his W knows...so it's a kind of emotional blackmail to show up or to call and hang up. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 He should tell the OW, when his W is present... then my bet is that the OW would disappear... she'd have no reason to intimidate anymore (blackmail him by her presence). I agree. She'd have no reason to keep doing it unless she's obsessed with him or something crazy. I would bet she doesn't know his W knows. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I agree. She'd have no reason to keep doing it unless she's obsessed with him or something crazy. Oh, I think we're already there. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 because she wants to scare him... She probably doesn't know that his W knows...so it's a kind of emotional blackmail to show up or to call and hang up. But what's the point of scaring him? What does she hope to get out of it? Does she want to destroy him? Sorry I'm being a bit thick here. I just don't get why she is going to all the trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Oh, I think we're already there. She knows he's married...but she (OW) doesn't know that he has told his wife... Did I miss something? Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 But what's the point of scaring him? What does she hope to get out of it? Does she want to destroy him? Sorry I'm being a bit thick here. I just don't get why she is going to all the trouble. Scare him into thinking that she'll tell his wife if the chance. Like I mentioned and others did I bet she doesn't know he told his W. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 But what's the point of scaring him? What does she hope to get out of it? Does she want to destroy him? Sorry I'm being a bit thick here. I just don't get why she is going to all the trouble. Geezz... it is a kind of intimidation... that's all... she doesn't know that his W knows...so she only wants to scare him... that's what I think she's doing that for. She is probably obsessed with him and just want to show up to intimidate him... the thing is SHE THINKS HIS W DOESN'T KNOW... *wink* *wink*... I don't know how I can explain this...but this is just what I think it is... SOMEONE HELP ME!!!! maybe it's my communication skill I don't know how I can explain this any better... Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Scare him into thinking that she'll tell his wife if the chance. Like I mentioned and others did I bet she doesn't know he told his W. BUT WHAT'S THE POINT???!??!!? What does she hope to get out of that? Does she want to split up their marriage so he will be free to be with her? Or is she simply out to destroy him? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 BUT WHAT'S THE POINT???!??!!? What does she hope to get out of that? Does she want to split up their marriage so he will be free to be with her? Or is she simply out to destroy him? Could be revenge... blackmail... to get him back... to destroy his marriage... only SHE knows... But my guess is 'revenge'. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 There's no need to yell OpenBook. I have no idea what OW's intentions are but If that was me, I'd do it as payback and for the fun of it. Would be kind of fun scaring MM into thinking that his secret could come out if I wanted it to. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 There's no need to yell OpenBook. OK THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP!!! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 There's no need to yell OpenBook. I have no idea what OW's intentions are but If that was me, I'd do it as payback and for the fun of it. Would be kind of fun scaring MM into thinking that his secret could come out if I wanted it to. exactly what I think...some kind of 'evil fun' mouahhahahaha Link to post Share on other sites
mourningMM Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 Or maybe she hopes that if she sees him and he sees her he will change his mind and re-start. Or what if she is just looking for closure? How about she just was hoping for a fairytale ending to her own fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 OK THANKS FOR THE HEADS-UP!!! :D No problem. But yeah all we can do is guess what the OW's intentions are that's why it's best to bite it in the butt before it gets out of hand. Link to post Share on other sites
RealityCheck Posted September 13, 2007 Share Posted September 13, 2007 I think she is trying to intimidate you... If she knows that your wife knows...she will have no reason to intimidate you... you should either tell her, when your wife is present... I can almost guarantee you that she will disappear. She's just trying to scare the ***** out of you... that's all. I don't agree. The OP openly told his W. Period. Why would he want to choose to bring more drama into the situation. If the OW is lurking around by intimidation, or whatever her fuc*ked up reason is, shut her down! As far as I'm concerned if the H brought her into his life, he should be Man enough to shut it down by telling her to fu*ck-off! If that doesn't help, then take other measures available to the married couple! At this point the wife knows because the H told her! Why bring the OW to the Wifes face and rub salt into the wound! That's just nuts! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts