Maybe some of you read my thread on the infidelity forum

[Treatment]

Now, I am wondering what else are you withholding. What don't you not want to answer? I thought you told us and her everything.

 

10 calls a night is a LOT. I don't blame her for being upset about the gift. A gift is a gift; it doens't matter if it's $12, $20, or $200.

 

When my wife asks questions it causes me to remember things I had forgotten or put out of my mind. It also causes me to think of and realize what actions of my wife bothered me. I do not want to cause my wife additional pain. I also do not want to face some of my own actions. I am being open with my wife.

 

I also do not blame her for being upset about the gift. I should not have done it. I think in some part of my brain I thought it was a "take this and get out of my life peacably" gift, but no. I should not have given it to her.

[whichwayisup]

It also causes me to think of and realize what actions of my wife bothered me.

What actions did your wife do that bothered you?

 

I think your wife sees how full of regret you are - That may not take away your pain, but it will definately help her see that you are very remorseful for your EA with that woman.

[BestAdvisor1]

I should not have done it. I think in some part of my brain I thought it was a "take this and get out of my life peacably" gift, but no. I should not have given it to her.

 

When did you give her that gift, when things were fine between you and the OW or was it recently when you've realize what you were doing was wrong.

 

By the way, when did you realize what you and this OW have was wrong....was it during the walk at the beach or even before that?

 

Now that you brought up the event about the gift, it's hard to imagine that, at the time, when you purchased the gift, you didn't have any motive behind your action, such as a hopeful, possible future favorite returned from the OW.

[Treatment]

What actions did your wife do that bothered you?

 

I think your wife sees how full of regret you are - That may not take away your pain, but it will definately help her see that you are very remorseful for your EA with that woman.

 

She put her job ahead of me. She treated me in many ways as if I was worth less. I saw (and heard) her talk to other men in what I considered to be an overly friendly manner. Her family (who do not like me) to often came ahead of me.

 

She hurt me often in many ways, but it wasn't because she was trying to hurt me. It was just her way. In large part the problem was mine for misunderstanding or mistaking what she was doing as coldness when I think now was just that she didn't understand how it was affecting me. We've been talking a lot and I can see some of the things she did was because she was angry, but other things were because she had poor social adjustment when she was young. What most people know about she doesn't. That's not her fault and not something it's OK with me to talk about here. That's her story to tell if she chooses.

 

She knows now that I felt that way. She didn't understand it at the time.

[whichwayisup]

Well, even though it hurts alot, for both of you, it's good to get that stuff out because it is resentment that made you feel the way you did and seek attention with anothe woman. Yes, she may have gained attention from men as well, but in a different way. Just more proof that you two were neglecting eachother as husband and wife, as friends and lovers. But, that all can be fixed and things WILL get better so you two CAN appreciate one another and show it too.

[Treatment]

When did you give her that gift, when things were fine between you and the OW or was it recently when you've realize what you were doing was wrong.

 

By the way, when did you realize what you and this OW have was wrong....was it during the walk at the beach or even before that?

 

Now that you brought up the event about the gift, it's hard to imagine that, at the time, when you purchased the gift, you didn't have any motive behind your action, such as a hopeful, possible future favorite returned from the OW.

 

I gave her the gift the last time I saw her which was a couple weeks before I ended it. As I said it was a "leave me alone peacefully gift" NO I DID NOT HAVE A POSSIBLE FUTURE FAVOR DESIRE FROM THE BITCH. I am getting really really tired of your attempts to change this from what it was into something else. And I'm also getting fairly fed up with the idea that I owe you anything. I don't. I'm writing here for MY good not yours. What I tell my wife is the truth. The fact is there are some things I do NOT want to tell her. They are embarassing to me and I know will hurt her. For example the gift that I idiotically gave the woman.

 

Also btw I always did know that what I was doing was wrong even though I convinced myself that it was just "friends". It's just that I really didn't give a damn. I was f*cking pissed off. AND I was pissed off for some really good reasons. I'm not saying how I handled my anger was OK. It was not. The anger though was not unjustified. I got in over my head but didn't even know it until I had almost drowned so give me some f*cking credit OK? I hurt my wife possibly beyond her endurance and I frankly do not know what I will do if she leaves me. Stop trying to tell me that I was doing something that I damn well know I was not. It's bad enough. Stop making it worse.

 

Listen, I don't know what your story is as you have conveniently not written it down here. You write like a woman so I've assumed that. You write both like you are a woman who has been betrayed as well as an "other" woman so which are you or are you both? What particular knife is in your drawer that you are sharpening on me?

[Treatment]

Well, even though it hurts alot, for both of you, it's good to get that stuff out because it is resentment that made you feel the way you did and seek attention with anothe woman. Yes, she may have gained attention from men as well, but in a different way. Just more proof that you two were neglecting eachother as husband and wife, as friends and lovers. But, that all can be fixed and things WILL get better so you two CAN appreciate one another and show it too.

 

I honestly do believe that if she doesn't leave me we will be better than we ever were. I have had a kick in the head that surpasses all possible kicks. We were neglecting each other. We both got too caught up in our own **** and weren't paying enough attention to each other. I love her and I do know that she loves me. I do not yet know if the love that she has for me will get her past the pain that I gave her. Now I need to go. Thank-you whichway for being a very kind person. Whoever you are with is a lucky man.

[BubblesKittyShed]

I honestly do believe that if she doesn't leave me we will be better than we ever were. I have had a kick in the head that surpasses all possible kicks. We were neglecting each other. We both got too caught up in our own **** and weren't paying enough attention to each other. I love her and I do know that she loves me. I do not yet know if the love that she has for me will get her past the pain that I gave her. Now I need to go. Thank-you whichway for being a very kind person. Whoever you are with is a lucky man.

 

Dude! you slept with another woman. Did your wife sleep with another man? Neglect is not squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom up.

 

You will be divorced.

[BubblesKittyShed]

Hellllooooooooooooooo

 

Do you not read? Seriously!

 

My sharp mind has become stagnate in the drama here!

I popped in for a time and now after dealing with mindless, none logical children that I have dealt with on this forum today, I CHOOSE to leave.

 

Its a waste of my breath. Precious energy that I can use in the work that I do. People who are serious about getting real with their lives and don't come to a place to vent their misserable, bitter lives.

 

I CHOOSE positive driven people who are completely fed up with living their lives with negativity, jealousy and resentments.

 

I will not respond to another post! Not now! Not ever!

 

I will seek you and find you and crack your sharp mind my darling.

[BestAdvisor1]

As I said it was a "leave me alone peacefully gift" NO I DID NOT HAVE A POSSIBLE FUTURE FAVOR DESIRE FROM THE BITCH.

 

I've mentioned this before, I'm going to say it again. Among all the cheaters who have posted here, I think you're one of the most sincere, if not the most sincere.

 

I never said that I don't believe you, I just said that it's "hard to imagine." Your mis-interpretation of my wording is beyond my control.

 

I'm writing here for MY good not yours. What I tell my wife is the truth.

 

You're writing this sentence in anticipation of your wife possibly visiting this board someday, if she has not already done so. Am I right? Again, I am not accusing you of making a false statement, but just merely a question, or at most, a simple observation.

 

 

The fact is there are some things I do NOT want to tell her. They are embarassing to me and I know will hurt her. For example the gift that I idiotically gave the woman.

 

I believe you.

 

Also btw I always did know that what I was doing was wrong even though I convinced myself that it was just "friends". It's just that I really didn't give a damn. I was f*cking pissed off. AND I was pissed off for some really good reasons. I'm not saying how I handled my anger was OK. It was not. The anger though was not unjustified. I got in over my head but didn't even know it until I had almost drowned so give me some f*cking credit OK?

 

This is a new side of you (from what you've shown so far); you're opening up, this is good. You may elaborate if you like, but, you're probably not ready, at least not here.

 

I hurt my wife possibly beyond her endurance and I frankly do not know what I will do if she leaves me. Stop trying to tell me that I was doing something that I damn well know I was not. It's bad enough. Stop making it worse.

 

That's not my intention. I've said this before, I think you were (and are) a genuine good man and someone who's now 100% devoted to his wife.

 

Listen, I don't know what your story is as you have conveniently not written it down here. You write like a woman so I've assumed that. You write both like you are a woman who has been betrayed as well as an "other" woman so which are you or are you both? What particular knife is in your drawer that you are sharpening on me?

 

I'm more sophisticated than that, and you probably already know that. To answer your questions, ALL your assumptions are wrong, truthfully.

 

Unlike many other marriages here, yours is definately worth saving based on what you've written.

[BlueEyedGirl]

You seem incredibly angry at OW. It just seem to me that it's much easier to blame her and hate her than to hate yourself. After all you are the one who have brought her into your life. You said numerous times that you led her on to beleive that things with your W are bad, used her for ego boost etc. You have used her as colleteral damage of your marital problems; you deserve everything you are getting. I'm happy to hear that the OW isn't going away quietly.

[BestAdvisor1]

You seem incredibly angry at OW. It just seem to me that it's much easier to blame her and hate her than to hate yourself. After all you are the one who have brought her into your life. You said numerous times that you led her on to beleive that things with your W are bad, used her for ego boost etc. You have used her as colleteral damage of your marital problems; you deserve everything you are getting. I'm happy to hear that the OW isn't going away quietly.

 

Even with the assumption that you're right, there is a third, innocent party involved, his wife. The OW not going away quitely is causing this innocent party even more pain and a constant reminder of what had happened. She doesn't deserve getting these weird calls 10-30 times a day after find out what happened.

 

I also think you sympathize a little too much with this OW. She knowingly get herself involved with a married man. Her behavior was immoral, unacceptable and low, and eventually losing respect from Treatment shouldn't be a surprise on her part.

[chimuffin]

Change your number..make it private. Block her emails. If she still keeps it up you should be worried and should contact the phone company and then the police. Safety should come before being embarrassed.

[silktricks]

Dude! you slept with another woman. Did your wife sleep with another man? Neglect is not squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom up.

 

You will be divorced.

 

You don't read well, either, do you? If you bothered to read Treatment's thread you'd know that he didn't sleep with another woman.

[whichwayisup]

I honestly do believe that if she doesn't leave me we will be better than we ever were. I have had a kick in the head that surpasses all possible kicks. We were neglecting each other. We both got too caught up in our own **** and weren't paying enough attention to each other. I love her and I do know that she loves me. I do not yet know if the love that she has for me will get her past the pain that I gave her. Now I need to go. Thank-you whichway for being a very kind person. Whoever you are with is a lucky man.

 

Thanks for the compliment T. I'm sure once you and your wife sort through things, your marriage WILL be better than ever.

 

Dude! you slept with another woman. Did your wife sleep with another man? Neglect is not squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom up.

 

You will be divorced.

 

Go back and read ALL his threads instead of assuming.

 

You seem incredibly angry at OW. It just seem to me that it's much easier to blame her and hate her than to hate yourself. After all you are the one who have brought her into your life. You said numerous times that you led her on to beleive that things with your W are bad, used her for ego boost etc. You have used her as colleteral damage of your marital problems; you deserve everything you are getting. I'm happy to hear that the OW isn't going away quietly.

 

Nice helpful advice there. Maybe you need to go back and read all Treatment's threads as well.

[woe_is_me]

As I said it was a "leave me alone peacefully gift" NO I DID NOT HAVE A POSSIBLE FUTURE FAVOR DESIRE FROM THE BITCH.

 

I've only read this far..and you disgust me .. you're the BITCH

 

You don't give 'leave me alone peacefully gifts'..that's just plain idiotic

 

In your original post you couldn't even put a name to what you 'had' with this woman.. yet you adorn her with gifts?

If you met this woman personally and screwed her ..then screwed her over that's not just an 'email whatever you call it' .. you made your bed and you must lie in it.. why wasn't the brain below your belt more selective.. hmm??

 

I'd probably have caused more trouble for the mm i was involved with but i value my life tyvm...

[IWALH]

Hmm...

 

This is just a personal opinion, so i could be completely off-base. I am also a little jaded in my ways of thinking because of how my xmm was.

 

I think your wife knows about this website and looks at your posts and maybe even writes them with you. I think you have probably left out some details about everything that went down and are downplaying your involvement in everything. Basically, I think you are making a lot of things up to appease your wife. And I think there is a lot more to the story than you are letting on. At least, that sounds like something my xmm would have done and did do. He would admit to some things and then deny others so as to make himself look like he was really coming clean when he wasn't.

 

Then again, as aforementioned, I could be completely wrong. Just going from a personal assumption based on what I know about men like you. No offense.

[frannie]

I always did know that what I was doing was wrong even though I convinced myself that it was just "friends". It's just that I really didn't give a damn. I was f*cking pissed off. AND I was pissed off for some really good reasons.

 

I honestly do believe that if she doesn't leave me we will be better than we ever were. I have had a kick in the head that surpasses all possible kicks. We were neglecting each other. We both got too caught up in our own **** and weren't paying enough attention to each other.

 

So your wife was neglecting you, she got caught up in her own **** and wasn't paying you enough attention, you were f*cking pissed off for some 'really good reasons' (like she was talking to other men inappropriately according to you)...

 

... so you went and involved another woman in the mix.

 

Messed around with this woman, gave her a birthday present that she was supposed to understand was a 'F*CK OFF YOU BITCH' present (only presumably you didn't put it in those terms) and now you're asking how long it will be before all this drama you've bought on your own head (and that of your wife) will possibly last?

 

:lmao:

 

And just so you don't have to do any guessing games, yes I'm a woman, and I don't have any axes to grind, just amused that you think we're all going to feel sorry for you.

[StaringContest]

In your original post you couldn't even put a name to what you 'had' with this woman.. yet you adorn her with gifts?

 

With only the one gift, she's not very well "adorned" is she? Maybe that's why she keeps calling. She wants more adornments.

 

(Sorry, Treatment. I couldn't help myself.)

 

Messed around with this woman, gave her a birthday present that she was supposed to understand was a 'F*CK OFF YOU BITCH' present (only presumably you didn't put it in those terms) and now you're asking how long it will be before all this drama you've bought on your own head (and that of your wife) will possibly last?

 

It doesn't matter how many presents you give somebody or what meaning you associate with them, when you tell them it's over, they should get the point that it's over. I can "adorn" my gf with as many gifts as I want, and if she makes 10+ hangup calls to me in one day after I dump her, she's a crazy-*ss stalker b*tch. That doesn't change just because she plotted to snare herself a MM instead of a single one. (And if you read Treatment's other thread, you'll see she did plot.)

[upto_here]

I gave her the gift the last time I saw her which was a couple weeks before I ended it. As I said it was a "leave me alone peacefully gift" NO I DID NOT HAVE A POSSIBLE FUTURE FAVOR DESIRE FROM THE BITCH. I am getting really really tired of your attempts to change this from what it was into something else. And I'm also getting fairly fed up with the idea that I owe you anything. I don't. I'm writing here for MY good not yours. What I tell my wife is the truth. The fact is there are some things I do NOT want to tell her. They are embarassing to me and I know will hurt her. For example the gift that I idiotically gave the woman.

 

Also btw I always did know that what I was doing was wrong even though I convinced myself that it was just "friends". It's just that I really didn't give a damn. I was f*cking pissed off. AND I was pissed off for some really good reasons. I'm not saying how I handled my anger was OK. It was not. The anger though was not unjustified. I got in over my head but didn't even know it until I had almost drowned so give me some f*cking credit OK? I hurt my wife possibly beyond her endurance and I frankly do not know what I will do if she leaves me. Stop trying to tell me that I was doing something that I damn well know I was not. It's bad enough. Stop making it worse.

 

Listen, I don't know what your story is as you have conveniently not written it down here. You write like a woman so I've assumed that. You write both like you are a woman who has been betrayed as well as an "other" woman so which are you or are you both? What particular knife is in your drawer that you are sharpening on me?

 

:oOH MY GOD!!! what else can we say more ...we all entitle to our opinion here..what is your point in putting your treat in this side ...? pampered? i did not say you were completly in the wrong here... but..you are the one who was in the A ..when its not end like you wanted it to be you will be angry right? well...so does she< the ow> !!! you ended it on the phone? thats the worse path, don't you think she deserved more as a human being? you lured her in to believe in you and then you blamed her for everything she done? with the phone thing i think its wrong of her to do that BUT.. YOU TOLD HER YOUR M IS NOT GOOD ...SHE BELIEVED YOU....

...MAN!!!! you became angry a your own OW ...and called her B*TCH ,,,what kind of a man you are apart from the coward one...(sorry if you don't like this) ...what i try to say is TREATMENT! ,,,tell her in person...you may hate her gut but you must face her...tell her that you are sorry ..the sorry thing will help a lot ...tell her that you wanted to work everything out in you M and told her that you have told your W everything(if thats is the truth) if she not believe you suggest that you ,your w ,and her meet ..and that will be the end of everything..there no more reason she will do some silly things...but you have to prepare for it if she said yes...you 3 meet ,,you must prepare for the things you did not really told your w..HONEST with the W ,the OW and YOURSELF...respect them ...the end of the day you are the one who start it in the first place....

[frannie]

It doesn't matter how many presents you give somebody or what meaning you associate with them, when you tell them it's over, they should get the point that it's over. I can "adorn" my gf with as many gifts as I want, and if she makes 10+ hangup calls to me in one day after I dump her, she's a crazy-*ss stalker b*tch. That doesn't change just because she plotted to snare herself a MM instead of a single one. (And if you read Treatment's other thread, you'll see she did plot.)

 

Oh poor him, the victim of some crazy-ass stalker b*tch who plotted so 'snare' him. I do feel so sorry for his predicament.

 

I'm not condoning anyone's behaviour in this. Just watching it all unfold. And his protestations that he inadvertently got all tangled up with someone who has turned out to be not as easy to manipulate as he thought. How my heart bleeds. Maybe next time he'll try a prostitute. Mind you that would cost more than $20 ... might have been worth it in the long-run though. Phone numbers to change, restaurants to avoid, damnably inconvenient

[frannie]

i did not say you were completly in the wrong here... but..you are the one who was in the A ..when its not end like you wanted it to be you will be angry right? well...so does she< the ow> !!! you ended it on the phone? thats the worse path, don't you think she deserved more as a human being?

 

Err no... she was just a convenient outlet for his passive-aggresive anger towards his W, and now that she's no longer needed she's getting in the way with her inconvenient nuisance phonecalls. Personally I think it's hilarious.

[Treatment]

I've mentioned this before, I'm going to say it again. Among all the cheaters who have posted here, I think you're one of the most sincere, if not the most sincere.

 

I never said that I don't believe you, I just said that it's "hard to imagine." Your mis-interpretation of my wording is beyond my control.

 

I am sincere and if I misinterpreted I apologize.

 

 

You're writing this sentence in anticipation of your wife possibly visiting this board someday, if she has not already done so. Am I right? Again, I am not accusing you of making a false statement, but just merely a question, or at most, a simple observation.

When I wrote the post I had forgotten that I told my wife about this site. However, whether she visits it or not I do not care. I have not said anything that isn't true either here or to her. I certainly do not care what a bunch of anonymous people think and have no reason to lie. When I began posting here I never planned to tell my wife anything and was hoping she would never know what I had done. Unfortunately that plan became impossible.

 

 

 

 

I believe you.

 

This is a new side of you (from what you've shown so far); you're opening up, this is good. You may elaborate if you like, but, you're probably not ready, at least not here.

 

That's not my intention. I've said this before, I think you were (and are) a genuine good man and someone who's now 100% devoted to his wife.

 

I'm more sophisticated than that, and you probably already know that. To answer your questions, ALL your assumptions are wrong, truthfully.

 

Unlike many other marriages here, yours is definately worth saving based on what you've written.

To me my marriage is worth saving. I am hoping that it is to my wife as well. Right now the indications are good.

[whichwayisup]

You know what I love - The past few replies are what EXACTLY SO MANY OW complain about when they come here for advice. Each of you have been harsh, rude and angry towards Treatment and hey - He isn't YOUR MM, yet some of you are taking out your own frustrations and hurt on him. Now THAT is what I call double standard. You expect BS's to treat you well, and tell them "I am not your husband's OW, so don't vent your anger at me", yet many replies here can't show this guy the same respect that you all expect from BS's.

[Treatment]

You don't give 'leave me alone peacefully gifts'..that's just plain idiotic

Before I married, anytime I broke up with a woman I gave her a gift. So nice to know that I've been idiotic my whole life.

 

In your original post you couldn't even put a name to what you 'had' with this woman.. yet you adorn her with gifts?

adorn??????

If you met this woman personally and screwed her ..then screwed her over that's not just an 'email whatever you call it' .. you made your bed and you must lie in it.. why wasn't the brain below your belt more selective.. hmm??

I never even kissed her but she tried to kiss me. I didn't let her. I didn't screw her.

 

I'd probably have caused more trouble for the mm i was involved with but i value my life tyvm...

Why would you have caused him trouble?