scared

[marriedAndUnhappy]

I will try to make this as brief as possible, however, I don't know how well that will work.

 

All my life, I swore I would not get married. There was too much I wanted to do. Then my last semester of collage, I met this girl and we got along wonderful, became friends and then fell in love. We got married 8 months later. This Friday, we have known one another for two years. I love her with all my heart, and I am crying as I write this; forgive me if it sounds unorganized.

 

When I fell in love with her, I knew she was manic depressive. We got along wonderful until she moved in with me. She had just graduated from collage and moved down to New Orleans with me into an apartment. We began fighting all the time. We argue constantly.... every day.

 

She cannot handle being told anything she does that bothers me. No matter how I share my feelings with her, I get interrupted at least 2 times to be told I am talking to her mean. I have told her over and over, every time I try to share my feelings with her, she either interrupts me, turns around and says "Yeah, well you do this", or argues with me about how that didn't happen." If I say anything to her about how I feel, she takes it as me jumping her and interrupts me defensivly. Being manic depressive, she is EXTREMELY sensative and any little thing will hurt her feelings. This is why a fight isn't a little thing with her. If there is the slightest argument, it is turned into a 5 hour thing because her feelings are hurt. She asked the other day if I love her. The truth is, I do. However, as I explained with her, I am having to concentrate so much on not hurting her feelings that I can no longer feel anything at all. A person must be able to relax his mind to feel anything. I was a very sensative person; this is why she fell in love with me. However, now that I have to walk on glass to not hurt her feelings and hold my feelings to myself, I am not feeling any love towards her anymore..... every once in a while, my heart quivers when I look at her... this is why I feel I am still truly in love.

 

I will admit, I am not without fault. I have a problem about getting angry when she hurts me. I feel the only way I can speak to her without being interrupted is if I yell because she interrupts me every time I try to share my feelings. Every time I try to tell her how I feel, she gets offended by it and interrupts me. After she interrupts me about 3 times, I stop looking at her as a person and begin to talk to an inanimate object, loud, not looking at her, not shutting up. I try to stop doing this, but it is as if there is no way she will listen to me if I talk to her nice.

 

I just don't know what to do any more. I love this woman and really miss the things we use to do together. However, it seems that now, every day we fight. Every day, I try to share with her how I feel and she takes offence to it and interrupts me telling me I'm talking to her mean and we go from there... I end up listening to her feelings but she never hears mine unless I yell them at her. If I don't yell, she interrupts me. I know it sounds hopeless like I should just leave, but I only pray that there is some hope. Anything would be appreciated.

[R]

I'm sorry to tell you this but there is only one thing worse than being a manic depressant and that's being in a relationship with one. I've been there done that with 13 years of experience. Take care of yourself.

 

I will try to make this as brief as possible, however, I don't know how well that will work.

 

All my life, I swore I would not get married. There was too much I wanted to do. Then my last semester of collage, I met this girl and we got along wonderful, became friends and then fell in love. We got married 8 months later. This Friday, we have known one another for two years. I love her with all my heart, and I am crying as I write this; forgive me if it sounds unorganized. When I fell in love with her, I knew she was manic depressive. We got along wonderful until she moved in with me. She had just graduated from collage and moved down to New Orleans with me into an apartment. We began fighting all the time. We argue constantly.... every day. She cannot handle being told anything she does that bothers me. No matter how I share my feelings with her, I get interrupted at least 2 times to be told I am talking to her mean. I have told her over and over, every time I try to share my feelings with her, she either interrupts me, turns around and says "Yeah, well you do this", or argues with me about how that didn't happen." If I say anything to her about how I feel, she takes it as me jumping her and interrupts me defensivly. Being manic depressive, she is EXTREMELY sensative and any little thing will hurt her feelings. This is why a fight isn't a little thing with her. If there is the slightest argument, it is turned into a 5 hour thing because her feelings are hurt. She asked the other day if I love her. The truth is, I do. However, as I explained with her, I am having to concentrate so much on not hurting her feelings that I can no longer feel anything at all. A person must be able to relax his mind to feel anything. I was a very sensative person; this is why she fell in love with me. However, now that I have to walk on glass to not hurt her feelings and hold my feelings to myself, I am not feeling any love towards her anymore..... every once in a while, my heart quivers when I look at her... this is why I feel I am still truly in love. I will admit, I am not without fault. I have a problem about getting angry when she hurts me. I feel the only way I can speak to her without being interrupted is if I yell because she interrupts me every time I try to share my feelings. Every time I try to tell her how I feel, she gets offended by it and interrupts me. After she interrupts me about 3 times, I stop looking at her as a person and begin to talk to an inanimate object, loud, not looking at her, not shutting up. I try to stop doing this, but it is as if there is no way she will listen to me if I talk to her nice. I just don't know what to do any more. I love this woman and really miss the things we use to do together. However, it seems that now, every day we fight. Every day, I try to share with her how I feel and she takes offence to it and interrupts me telling me I'm talking to her mean and we go from there... I end up listening to her feelings but she never hears mine unless I yell them at her. If I don't yell, she interrupts me. I know it sounds hopeless like I should just leave, but I only pray that there is some hope. Anything would be appreciated.

[Cecilie]

You say that you swore you'd never get married. Do you think that part of your frustration might be unconscious desires manifesting themselves in obvious conflicts?

 

Wow, it must be difficult to be married to someone who refuses to learn constructive arguing techniques. I mean, especially for this long! I don't know what I can say other than you desperately need relationship counseling. Is your girlfriend receiving treatment for manic depression (Bipolar mood disorder)? I heard lithium is the standard prescrip. Is she bipolar I or II? If she's not receiving one on one counseling and drug therapy, she should, especially with a disporder like bipolar, which is usually biochemical and can cause severe repurcussions in both interpersonal and casual relationships.

 

Anyways, for those invovled with people who suffer from any mood disorders, it can be really difficult. Sometimes they get something called "caretaker's syndrome" which is really jsut a case-specific name from situational depression. This can also be a cause for fights. When the partner feels abused, unloved and unappreciated, they can become depressed and fall prey to learned helplessness (that is, you feel no matter what you do nothing will get better).

 

For a situation as complex as this, you need to seek couples therapy or indivudla counseling. If you don't feel comfortable seeing a mental healthcare professional, you can turn to close friends, family, or clergy. But an outside prespective always helps to make things clear because it is usually unbaised. Be careful to find a certified counselor and do research and interviews to find one who's right for you who espouses a philosophy that you find agreeable. Good luck, adn take care of yourself.