trust issue

[Triple]

Alright, so she has this gay friend who she used to make out with before we started dating, im friends with him now too.

 

Couple months into we go to a club, she gets drunk, ignores me the whole night and dances with him looking like she has way more fun with him than she does with me.

 

Then a few weeks later one of her friends (im friends with this person as well) starts telling me shes still making out with him. So i confront her, we argue, she says she hasn't since, blah blah everything is alright. But i still dont trust her completely because of the dancing night.

 

Then one night at a party one of her friends is hammered, tells us shes a virgin, never kissed a guy, so my gf asks "would you be mad if i made out with her?" i said yes, and then she disappeared for a bit. 5 months later she tells me she made out with that girl even after I told her i would not like it.

 

 

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at the gay guy or anything, but to this day I still feel worried something is going on when I'm not with them...

What should I do to overcome this fear?

Also, the only reason why she told me about the girl she made out with was because we did ecstasy... which makes you tell the truth quite a bit, and she told me then, otherwise I probably would not have known.

 

so... any advice, should I confront her about my issues or try to deal with them by myself?

 

Her last boyfriend cheated on her btw and my frame of thinking is "people abused are more likely to abuse others, so she was cheated on so she is more likely to cheat on me"

 

I was sexually abused as a child by someone very close to me so I guess trust is an issue with me

[Cobra_X30]

Well, I honestly think you have reason to be worried about her lieing to you.

 

That said the most pressing issue is to get some help for yourself. It sounds like your dealing with some childhood issues... some really big ones actualy, and that should take priority. Also... the drug use is kind of unsettling, if its a regular habit you may want to seek help for that also!

[on_my_way_out]

You need to try to talk to her about them in a calm fashion. They need to be dealt with. If she can't listen seriously to your concerns then you will have the answer. I have been there. Once lied to and once trust is lost, it takes so much to get it back. And it really never leaves you as you will have little tweaks of it all along.

Open honest communication.

If she does not want it or continues doing things that you are concerend with or hurts you then she does not love you for the long haul. Decide what you want and need out of this too.

[popey]

She asked you if you would be ok with her kissing the girl. You said no. she did it anyway. There are other issues intertwined here, but to me, this is the first one to focuse on. Kissing some girl was more important to her, then your feelings about wanting her to not. Are you ok with this? If not, is there some explanation that she will offer that will change your mind and you believe is sincere.

 

If this above can be resolved, then you have reason to work on the other issues with respect to the relationship. If not, IMO- theres nothing left to consider. Its not a good relationship and you should get out.

[Ocean-Blue]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like your SO does these things when she is drunk or high (I'm assuming she was under the influence of some substance when she kissed the girl).

 

What is she like when she is sober? Sometimes people do things when they are high or drunk that they normally wouldn't do (provides the perfect excuse).

 

You clearly don't trust her...and it will only get worse. You need to talk to her. And when you do, make sure you are both in a state of mind that is conducive to honest, clear communication.

 

Good luck to you!