annabelle75 Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 Did you also notice that he minimalized his alcoholism for the first 7 or so years of their marriage? It's no small thing to live with an alcoholic, depending on how functional they are. And? What does that have to do with anything? Is he suppose to stay with her out of penance? Their realtionship is dead. They are still toegther because its comfortable and what they are use to. Believe it or not the W may be just as miserable as he is but doesn't see any other options. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 And? What does that have to do with anything? Is he suppose to stay with her out of penance? Their realtionship is dead. They are still toegther because its comfortable and what they are use to. Believe it or not the W may be just as miserable as he is but doesn't see any other options. As for him asking for a divorce, I agree with it, as long as they have equal joint custody of the kids or she gets everything, with him paying support and alimony. Here's my earlier response to corky. If she has sole responsibility of the kids, she needs the finances to raise 4 boys. If they have joint custody, they divide the assets. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 So, is this the "mid-life crisis?" Is this the "grass is always greener" thing? Am I totally out of my mind? Is this repair-able? While it might be a marriage that could be repaired, you need two willing partners to make that happen. And honestly, I don't know if I WANT to. I'm amazed at my own attitude. Sometimes I think if this new relationship were to be discovered, it really wouldn't bother me. Some days I feel like I've completely checked out. How messed up is that?What's messed up is that you're sitting around contemplating divorce and have not even mentioned that to your wife. Why not involve her in this decision? Why not come right out and tell her that you don't know if your marriage is irreparable and are seriously thinking about a divorce? What's messed up is that instead of facing your wife with the truth, you're carrying on an affair and adding to your marital problems. What's messed up is you have dragged another woman into your mess. What's messed up is you are making decisions concerning your marriage and how you will handle your divorce with the OW, but you are excluding your wife from the decision making process. You think if you say the word DIVORCE that she's going to ignore it? I guess it's like all the other decisions in your marriage, right? As you said, you do all the homework and research and planning and then present the conclusions to the other person. Time to man-up, as Gunny would say. Put on your big-boy pants and tell your wife you've already checked out of the marriage, and it's time to discuss divorce. It's long past time to indulge in conflict avoiding behavior, long past time to be passive-aggressive about your resentment of your wife (via affair). Deal with your issues straight up - this is your life you're talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
corky Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 Here you go corky. Sounds like you feel she deserves poor treatment. really? explain that because my quote shows no indication of that.. only predicting the obvious as she cant handle anything at the current point either. This is what I think: she'll find it surprising when it shouldn't be. SHE HAS BROUGHT IT ON HERSELF, whether deserving or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted September 14, 2007 Share Posted September 14, 2007 What's messed up is that instead of facing your wife with the truth, you're carrying on an affair and adding to your marital problems. What's messed up is you have dragged another woman into your mess. What's messed up is you are making decisions concerning your marriage and how you will handle your divorce with the OW, but you are excluding your wife from the decision making process. You think if you say the word DIVORCE that she's going to ignore it? Time to man-up, as Gunny would say. Put on your big-boy pants and tell your wife you've already checked out of the marriage, and it's time to discuss divorce. It's long past time to indulge in conflict avoiding behavior, long past time to be passive-aggressive about your resentment of your wife (via affair). Deal with your issues straight up - this is your life you're talking about. Best advice you've gotten in this whole thread. If you only tell the truth, very easy to remember (even after the fact) what you've said. Also remember, these aren't just your issues but also the woman you've been married to for 17 years AND your four kids. Everyone involved deserves a chance to make their own plans... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 And I can caution you that some BSs that have gone through the D processwill prob urge you to tell your W. Don't, it's a ploy to have your W take you to the cleaners (if you are outside Canada here infidelity does not affect a D) I agree with Tomcat. Before you tell your wife ANYTHING, talk to a lawyer first. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted September 15, 2007 Share Posted September 15, 2007 Lady Jane, I appreciate what you have written above, but keep this in mind: whenever the conversations have become serious, she bolts! So I wouldn't necessarily say I'm not telling her the truth, because I have not had a chance -- to say anything -- when she leaves and locks herself in the bedroom. So, of course things don't appear as serious to her. That's a communication issue. Which Way: I agree, she may be scared. And she has not been on her own before. This is going to sound very cruel: My home life has become another place of business...bring home the money so bills can be paid. Run errands, pick up, drop off, clean. We often avoid each other these days when we are both around. But this IS how I feel, and it's very sad. There is no affection, love or emotion. And yes, I understand and acknowledge I've played a significant role in making that/letting that happen. Your wife may know, or suspect your cheating! Somehow, "they" know! Link to post Share on other sites
rockerdude Posted October 2, 2007 Share Posted October 2, 2007 Dude, do you really think the other woman "loves you"? You are sadly mistaken. She IS a control freak, a Narcissist and YOU are her boy. She is already telling you the terms of what she will or won't do AND what you will or won't do to be able to have her. You mean nothing to her, really...it IS an illusion. Call ME crazy...but that is ok, I can take it.(smiles) Deception, fear, cowardice...you need a moral compass....or else you should do whatever is best for you. Christianity or Satanism, there are 2 options..!!!??? Or make up your own rules of life, most people do....and it is why we are all here. Truth is reality. Deception is the Illusion. If your feeling crazy ...which one do you think has happened to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Alexandra Posted October 3, 2007 Share Posted October 3, 2007 Hey all, I hope you've been well. I wasn't going to post but I just wanted to present the following hypothetical scenario to the OP: If you were one of us reading this thread and it occurred to you that LongWinded and corky are one and the same person with two different "voices" what would you think? Why would you say that would be happening? Link to post Share on other sites
checkingoutnow Posted October 6, 2007 Share Posted October 6, 2007 Your poor wife. Honestly, lets face the fact that she likely did all the work with the children. You knew the children were straining the relationship, but decided to have more and now it seems like you're blaming her for it. If you didn't think she deserved this terrible betrayal, you wouldn't be cheating on her. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts